aanderson088 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 My girlfriend and I are trying to work things out after we broke up due to my lies and cheating. I have been attending church and counseling, I deleted ALL of my social network accounts, I stopped drinking (unless she is around and wants to), I also told a bunch of female friends (and ex-lovers, and potentials) that I would no longer speak to them because I don't want anything fishy to even APPEAR to be happening. No women have texted or called me in weeks, except when they express anger for me abandoning their friendship or whatever. I tell her about them every time they happen and I offer to show her what I say when it happens. She was kind of seeing someone during our time off... She hasn't severed communication with this guy yet. She told me last Friday that she was just going to go home after work. I looked in her phone without her knowing... I just had a suspicion... and I found text messages to this guy that were dated for Friday, they were talking about hanging out after she got off work. The texts dated back a few weeks to before we got back together to WHILE we were back together... She did not end up hanging out with that guy on Friday. I know that for a fact because she ended up coming over to my house anyway. Now, I know that I cannot REALLY hold this against her. I cheated and lied a LOT and she has given me tons of chances. Recently I've been through a lot of personal improvements and I know for a fact that I want to be with her. I know it. I'm bothered by her actions though. I want to trust her, but that thought of them together just looms. The possibility that she almost saw him after lying to me just stays in my head. It's effected our sex, and our time together in general. She doesn't understand why I'm so insecure... She's never done anything like that or lied about anything like that... She said she didn't see him because she didn't want to do anything behind my back and she felt bad for almost doing it. I've asked her if she even wants to be with me and she says yes... but when I say something about how she might miss him or if she thinks of him or if she still has feelings for him, she doesn't argue it or tell me she loves me or says that she doesn't feel or think any of those things... I want her to say those words and mean it. It's tough because I don't want to press this issue for fear of making her mad and thus leaving me. But I don't want to be played at the same time...
Drseussgrrl Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Oh gosh. You snooped through her phone?? This relationship is doomed. Neither of you trust the other. What have you got if you don't have that? I'll tell you what. A lot of snooping, suspicion, mistrust, accusations, control and obsession with what the other person is or isn't doing when you're not around. How can you relax with all of that turmoil? This isn't love. Sometimes threads like this make me so glad I'm single.
Author aanderson088 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 I know this sounds bad... I'm not angry and I do trust her. I'm just afraid. I don't want to lose her... I did it again last night and we kind of fought about it. We never accuse each other of anything... I guess the act of snooping is kind of accusing... I don't know. It just sucks. I appreciate your advice. I'm just going to work through it.
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