Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 You're actively seeking that dysfunctional environment. This is no different than agitating for it, like you do on LS. I guess so. Believe it or not I actually go on misandrist boards sometimes expecting a different reaction and when I see the same hatred I just get so worked up.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I guess so. Believe it or not I actually go on misandrist boards sometimes expecting a different reaction and when I see the same hatred I just get so worked up.Do you notice the charge it gives you? Makes you feel strong and good to get worked up, right? That's the mental pat on the back your brain is giving you for defying your mother/women. But none of that is real since the majority of men and women don't abuse each other. So somehow, you're going to have to learn to consistently think in different ways, changing how you view women. Instead of viewing them as the enemy, a faceless group/your mother that you have to defend against, break women down to individuals where how they treat you as a generality on an individual basis, will impact on your view of them as individuals.
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Do you notice the charge it gives you? Makes you feel strong and good to get worked up, right? That's the mental pat on the back your brain is giving you for defying your mother/women. But none of that is real since the majority of men and women don't abuse each other. So somehow, you're going to have to learn to consistently think in different ways, changing how you view women. Instead of viewing them as the enemy, a faceless group/your mother that you have to defend against, break women down to individuals where how they treat you as a generality on an individual basis, will impact on your view of them as individuals. That is easier said than done.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 That is easier said than done.Do you realize you've been a member of LS for over 7 years?
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Do you realize you've been a member of LS for over 7 years? Yes I do and after seven years I still can't keep myself from being reactionary. That shows you how hard it is.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Yes I do and after seven years I still can't keep myself from being reactionary. That shows you how hard it is.Wouldn't doubt it's difficult but that doesn't change the 7 wasted years. How many more are you willing to waste?
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Wouldn't doubt it's difficult but that doesn't change the 7 wasted years. How many more are you willing to waste? It hasn't been all wasted. Even you have to admit I am better than I was 7 years ago.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 It hasn't been all wasted. Even you have to admit I am better than I was 7 years ago.What I've noticed since joining which wasn't 7 years ago, was that you downslid badly for quite a number of years and have only started to improve in the last year or so. But with each episode of improvement, you take two steps back. Until you're honestly willing to release the misogynistic security blanket which includes not listening to the fear mongering that misogynists love to feed you or seeking out men hating sites to reinforce the irrational world view, improvement isn't going to happen. This is a conscious choice that you will have to make and stick to. You're an adult now so each time you backslide into misogyny, expect to be called out on it.
BS76 Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Misogynists are not born, they're made. I'd wager most are from bad experiences similar to the sort of things highlighted by Nora's experience.
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 What I've noticed since joining which wasn't 7 years ago, was that you downslid badly for quite a number of years and have only started to improve in the last year or so. But with each episode of improvement, you take two steps back. Until you're honestly willing to release the misogynistic security blanket which includes not listening to the fear mongering that misogynists love to feed you or seeking out men hating sites to reinforce the irrational world view, improvement isn't going to happen. This is a conscious choice that you will have to make and stick to. You're an adult now so each time you backslide into misogyny, expect to be called out on it. Because being defenseless scares me. I know it is not a healthy defense but is one I hide behind.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Because being defenseless scares me. I know it is not a healthy defense but is one I hide behind.Do you recall my own little hell after discovering the ex-husband's infidelity? This shook my world view like nothing else. It shook my belief in my own ability to judge. For two years or so afterwards, I got involved with a number of guys who kept triggering my wall to slam down, at least to the level of not wanting to further what we had. Within each of these guys, particularly one, he had some serious demons of his own to battle which he's still working on now. Uncertain if he'll ever break through but time will tell. But when I met my husband, everything changed. It was bloody magical, in that I finally let go of my wall. Everything about him was trustworthy. Everything he did reinforced this. But as well, what I learned from the ex and others, was that I can stand on my own. I am strong and resilient. This is what I anchor to, to me and if he should ever cheat, which I doubt, I can and will survive if only for the benefit of my two little boys who need me. Live it, learn it. You can be strong and resilient without needing to adopt unhealthy defense mechanisms. It's time to let things go and move on. 1
Woggle Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I remember that and I am really glad you were able to move on. You also say you had a great relationship with your father and the relationship with the opposite sex parent really does leave lasting impressions on a person. Another thing is that sometimes in threads like this I attempt to explain what fuels a lot of the MRA stuff and where this bitterness comes from and people take as me promoting those kinds of views. I think hatred towards any group of people is never a good thing but people don't just wake up one day and decide to become bitter towards half the population.
threebyfate Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 I remember that and I am really glad you were able to move on. You also say you had a great relationship with your father and the relationship with the opposite sex parent really does leave lasting impressions on a person. Another thing is that sometimes in threads like this I attempt to explain what fuels a lot of the MRA stuff and where this bitterness comes from and people take as me promoting those kinds of views. I think hatred towards any group of people is never a good thing but people don't just wake up one day and decide to become bitter towards half the population.The bolded is like a recording being replayed. It's validation for gender myopia. As far as my relationship with my father, he's always been and will always be my hero. My husband too. Even you can admit that what you're feeling is based on erroneous perception that began with how you were raised by your mother. But what never ceases to amaze me is how you blanket the entire female gender as enemy/mother, knowing full well that the entire female gender isn't like your mother and most importantly, your wife who's like night and day to your mother. It sincerely appalls me how you know better and yet, are determined to hold onto your hatred. Once again, you're never going to move on without letting it go. Burn the piece of crap called misogyny and come back to the real world. 1
Anela Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) I remember that and I am really glad you were able to move on. You also say you had a great relationship with your father and the relationship with the opposite sex parent really does leave lasting impressions on a person. Another thing is that sometimes in threads like this I attempt to explain what fuels a lot of the MRA stuff and where this bitterness comes from and people take as me promoting those kinds of views. I think hatred towards any group of people is never a good thing but people don't just wake up one day and decide to become bitter towards half the population. i have a great relationship with my father - always have (except for when we were adjusting to living together again). It was the men my mother was involved with during the years they were apart, who were responsible for my wariness. I was fine with the opposite sex, and fine with myself, before those guys were in my life and worked their own twisted brand of "magic". Bullies at school, too. I became bitter after having an extremely bitter, insecure guy in my life between a certain number of years. I thought it was going to be a healthy thing at first, but it wasn't, and he had such a horrible effect on me, at the worst possible time he could have chosen in my life in the past ten years. Him, I loathe. Do I get to blame men for everything bad in my life? No, I don't. a lot of what I feel is anger at myself, as well as people like that dickhead. And fear - he, and other things, wiped out my happiness at the time, and I've been struggling to get back to who I am. The whole situation was so weird - but I know my lack of confidence in certain ways, had him as an ongoing influence in my life, rather than my contacting people who might have been better for me. I was hoping to meet someone, but wasn't as proactive as a I could have been, because of my situation, and anxiety. So, no, they do NOT get to blame women. They get to suck it up, just like the rest of us, and see where they're making mistakes. I do believe that you need positive experiences to boost your confidence - I know that I do - so it might not be *all* their fault, but they are not blameless. Edited September 30, 2012 by Anela 2
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