catalyst1 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) Hello, December of last year I discovered my wife was sexting another man she met through some friends. After two weeks of back and forth I decided I couldn't take it anymore and had her leave, she took our 2 kids with. Throughout January I saw her sometimes and I took the kids full-time in FEB. She would come over to see them a lot and we even had intimate contact for awhile. I eventually met another woman and moved on. We share the kids 50/50 since April and sometimes see them on each others off week. In May we did four sessions of marriage counseling and made some headway on our issues but she was insistent on never getting back together. The therapist thought that she was still thinking about it but needed to forgive me for taking the kids in February. She calls me every few weeks usually on the Monday she takes the kids crying saying she is sorry and feels like she is having a meltdown. I try to listen to her and comfort her over the phone but it usually only goes that far and she goes back to being distant again soon after. Recently we met for some time together on my sons bday walking around the mall. She stated that i was a great father and reached out and touched my side. She also was very flirty grabbing some of my food and apologizing saying she was too used to how it used to be. We went shopping for shoes for our son and she tried to insist that she pick our new shoes for me stating that just because we aren't together doesn't mean she won't keep that habit. She frequently asks about our marriage friends and if they hate her. She is constantly asking for little favors here and there and I try to help but I am not sure if she is looking to reconcile and just isn't there yet or just being strung along. Our divorce is still pending and can be nasty with the lawyers back and forth. She is also still with the man she cheated on me with but I sense it doesn't go very well and she doesn't seem him as much especially on the weeks she has the kids. I am currently living with someone as well which seems to make her super jealous because when she found out she called crying asking if I could help her find a place. My major question is how should I continue onward? I feel like maybe she wants to reconcile and might bring it up soon but everyone tells me she is just using me and stringing me along. Today I am meeting her at the doctor for my daughters appointment and she asked yesterday if we could do lunch after which is just one of 100 examples of her initiating extra contact as well as hanging on the phone with simple conversation but when I ask to do something it gets shot down. She also just called as I was typing this post to see if I had left yet to meet for the doctors appointment because she was at the park. Edited September 19, 2012 by catalyst1
ace5950 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 It almost seems like she may want to try again with you but is too embarrassed/scared to tell you. Either that or her current relationship is not working out so she is clinging on to you for security.
PoopHappens Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Depending on the probability of the the other relationship working out she will either keep "pinging" you or cut you loose. Right now I'd say she doesn't think it's that likely.
karnak Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 She frequently asks about our marriage friends and if they hate her. She is constantly asking for little favors here and there and I try to help but I am not sure if she is looking to reconcile and just isn't there yet or just being strung along. Our divorce is still pending and can be nasty with the lawyers back and forth. She is also still with the man she cheated on me with but I sense it doesn't go very well and she doesn't seem him as much especially on the weeks she has the kids. I am currently living with someone as well which seems to make her super jealous because when she found out she called crying asking if I could help her find a place. Sorry, mate. She's just using you. And probably also trying to sabotage your relationship. You can bet that as soon as your relationship with your new woman collapsed she'd dump you in a second. She only wants to feel that you're being dominated by her. Just that. Scary, isn't it? But some women are really perverted in such a way. Move along, buddy. Your marriage is over. Focus your attention and love on your daughters and your new girl.
Yasuandio Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 You are with someone else - not so available. She sees now that you are desirable, some other attractive woman has taken her Mercedes out of the garage for a ride - and she doesn't like it. That's why she is becoming more needy, and clingy - people tend to want what they cannot have. Do you remember ever feeling that way? You must continue doing what you are doing. She made her choice. If there is to be a future once again between the two of you, a new relationship would have to be created. You would have to begin to date her, learn about her again - so you could BELIEVE in her and TRUST her again. These things do not come back quickly, if at all. It would take months and months - for you to really trust her heart - and to KNOW if this is the right move. Letting her back in right away is the recipe for disaster, she'll turn on you - all the research points to this conclusion. Trying to help. Yas 1
Author catalyst1 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Sorry, mate. She's just using you. And probably also trying to sabotage your relationship. You can bet that as soon as your relationship with your new woman collapsed she'd dump you in a second. She only wants to feel that you're being dominated by her. Just that. Scary, isn't it? But some women are really perverted in such a way. Move along, buddy. Your marriage is over. Focus your attention and love on your daughters and your new girl. This isn't the first GF I've had since we separated and she didn't act like this with the last one. Today when I met her for the doctors appointment she was friendly as usual and while waiting for the doctor I read a story to my other kid. He got up and looked at her and asked why she was so sad I did glance over and saw her face was red and eyes wet.
sad puppy Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 You're already living with someone, you have children, and you're not divorced yet? Wow. Is that a great situation for your kids, are they confused? Seems very impulsive and ridiculous to move in with a gf so soon.
riverratt Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 You're already living with someone, you have children, and you're not divorced yet? Wow. Is that a great situation for your kids, are they confused? Seems very impulsive and ridiculous to move in with a gf so soon. I thought that too. you aren't playing games with her head for your own satisfaction are you? That is a dangerous slope
Owl Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 The question REALLY is...do you want to/intend to reconcile if it's possible? Answer that question first...honestly. Then decide if her desires in this actually matter at this point. If they do...there are a lot of changes that you need to see made before it becomes any kind of possibility.
theniceguyy Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Sorry, mate. She's just using you. And probably also trying to sabotage your relationship. You can bet that as soon as your relationship with your new woman collapsed she'd dump you in a second. She only wants to feel that you're being dominated by her. Just that. Scary, isn't it? But some women are really perverted in such a way. Move along, buddy. Your marriage is over. Focus your attention and love on your daughters and your new girl. I agree. This is what happend to me. I meet someone else. THEN my Ex wants to work things out. So I break off the new girl, try to work on things with my EX. Things went back to being dysfunctional, her keeping secrets, and distant about 2 months into it. I wish i never said yes to trying again...
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