SeanitaKim Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Hello, Seanita here. This is actually my first time posting on a forum for help. Somehow I mustered up my courage to seek help on the Internet. I should probably start this by explaining a bit about myself.* I had a rough time growing up. Domestic violence, manic depression, trouble with my school teachers and whatnot. For most of my life I had a mental wall built up around me, I just found it so hard to trust other people. I had some good friends who were there for me most of the time, but other than them I was alone.* My biological father left me when I was two, and my stepfather didn't treat me kindly. I think this is why I was perpetually scared of men, and even boys my age. I could never imagine trusting, let alone dating, a man (or a woman, for that matter). My mother even had me checked if I was asexual, which was thankfully not the case. Still, somehow, I grew up as a tomboy, always the one to be in the middle of a football match or a video game. In my country, this trait of mine reduced my chances of getting into a relationship even bleaker.* So that's enough about me.* A few weeks ago I visited Bangkok for some affair or other, and I met a guy while tending to my errands. He was from Dubai, and two years my junior. We hit it off pretty well, exchanging jokes and enthusing about the same rock bands.* I don't know why I didn't feel the usual distrust towards him; corny as it may sound, I instinctively thought of him as a trustworthy person and a good friend. And he acted that part too, always bubbly and courteous around me and literally showering me with attention.* The first few days of knowing him flew by without much drama, but by my last day in Bangkok it was pretty sure that we were hooked on each other. He'd switch seats before conferences so that we would be sitting together. He'd shoo his friends away just to have some private time with me. He'd accompany me around town, saying that "Bangkok could be dangerous at night for a girl to walk around alone," and buy me little trinkets that I fancied. Surprisingly I broke out of my shell, truly grateful to him for being so kind and caring to me for the last few days. He hugged me before I had to leave for the airport, and it was the first time I ever hugged someone besides my mother. I almost didn't want to come back to my country. We promised to contact through Facebook, and I left. He returned to Dubai a few days later.* We messaged each other like crazy for the first few days. I wasn't sure if I really loved him or not, so I was careful to call him my "best friend" and all that. Weeks passed, and after about a month we decided that we were "meant to be." He sent me a long, emotional letter about how he loved me, and how he would keep me happy for the rest of my life if I would consider being his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes.* The 5-hour time difference between his country and mine was a problem, but we soon got used to it. We'd IM every single minute, and we would Skype every two days or so. On days when Skype wasn't an option, we would send each other voice recordings through email. He was always do sincere, so kind and caring and understanding and romantic. He was my first sweetheart, but I still doubt that I'll ever find someone who will fill his shoes. It wasn't long before he began the process of what he called "re-socializing" me, which involved him trying to get me to get over my rather traumatic childhood and open up to other people as well. He toiled on it for months, and miraculously it worked. I could list a hundred other things that man did for me, but this is already too long.* Months passed. We were still as madly in love with each other as we had been in the beginning of the relationship. Then suddenly, abruptly, it stopped. One moment we were gushing on Skype about our lives, how we loved each other, our future, and the very next day he called, no, texted me that it was over. There was no fight, no signs of boredom in the relationship. Just "We should get a small bungalow in Norway when we get married" in one moment, "I'm breaking up with you" in the next. I was in full panic. Why was he doing this to me? I asked him to at least tell me the reason, but he just kept repeating that he loved me but he had to leave me for my own good.* I felt betrayed. After all that, he just had to break my trust like that? It was even more ironic because we had a "thing" where every night he would promise that he'd never leave me or hurt me in any way. Needless to say, I set up my walls against people again and sank into depression for the next week.* A month later I went to the hospital to check up on my chronic stomach pains, and found out that I had stomach cancer. My first thought was that life was f*@#ing with me, which it probably was. The funny thing is, it turns out my now ex-boyfriend had been checking up on me via a few mutual friends and got to knew about my condition. He'd text me daily, regardless of me ignoring most of them, sending me reassuring words and hopeful songs and blonde jokes (my personal favorite ). He kept saying that he loved me in his texts, and that he wanted me to know that before it was too late. He even started bringing up our old relationship again, calling me by the pet-name he used to call me and mentioning all the good times we had. Somehow I survived the operation to get rid of the tumor, and as soon as the news reached him my ex stopped all the text messaging.* This has been a month ago. I've unfriended him on Facebook-- it was just too painful to see his name on my newsfeed every day. It's been a week since I did that, and it's absolutely killing me even more.* I know I'm young, and I have plenty of opportunities if I just moved on, but somehow I can't. He's the one who healed all the mental scars in my head, and it just doesn't feel right to think that I'll be in a relationship with some other man. And why would he keep emphasizing that he loves me? Some mutual friends told me he says he broke up with me because "he wasn't good enough for me." Huh.* Is there a way of convincing him that he is, in fact, good enough for me? I tried telling him before I cut off contact, but he only repeated "I'm no good for you." It's driving me absolutely crazy, and the only option I have is to hold on to the little things he bought me when we were in Bangkok and cry my eyes out. I've heard that you should pull yourself together after a few months, but somehow I just can't move on. I'd really, really appreciate any advice from anyone. On how to get him back, how to move on, anything! Oh, and sorry for the long post.
Rave Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 This is the oldest line in the book. He doesn't want to be with you. He is just making up excuses with the "Im not good enough for you" ****. You have only had one relationship ive had countless. Ive broken up with guys using the same lines. He got back in contact with you when you were sick because he felt guilty. As soon as you were better the guilt went away. Honestly.... he either got tired of waiting or found someone else. That what happens with LDR bc you cant see the physical signs that men usually give out. For example, I know my bf is pulling away from me right now because he made a promise to me and the deadline for that is coming up. He doesn't want to break his promise but he doesn't know what to do so he is preparing for the inevitable break up. I know this because I can see the tragedy in his face and the urgency in his love making. You were blindsided because ou didnt see your bf physically. I understand you had a traumatic life. This is hurting your love life. You need to go to some counseling girl! shrinks have done wonders for me in my life. They listen to your problems and offer good solutions. Most people on the internet wont be able to sit and truly delve into your problems!
Author SeanitaKim Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Gah, I guess you're right. I guess the truth is just hard for me to face. :/ What really bugs me, though, is that he still allegedly mopes around whining about how miserable he was to have left me and all that. I mean, you'd expect him to be having a good life after months of dumping me, at least. I don't understand what's going on in his mind at all. I've tried counseling, it's helped me a lot. But in this case I just needed a lot of various opinions from people around the world. Thanks, though.
Recommended Posts