Justinkar Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I am new to this site,and need some advice. I hope I can find it here. Brief history.. MW had an affair with SM. It didn't last long, but I still feel impact at times. The reasons you all have heard, and those I have conquered, or evaluated. During the time of the A, he called it quits several times, the longest for 5 months. During the 5 months he has sinced moved. Out of the blue,he called, and we began texting and talking. I would be the one to contact him, to a point, then I stopped. He never texted or called me, unless he needed something. He has come into town saying how much he wanted to see me, etc...and then calls at the last minute, or calls when he has drama in his life, and needs to vent. I guess my thought process is, he started the NC rule, and I stuck to it. He broke it, and yet, when I have tried to text him something simple, he doesn't respond. I am confused on his behavior, other than he knows that I will be there when it is important to him. My friends say he is a user, and stay away from him. I feel sad to think my thought process was so muddled at at time of the A, that I would let this man seep into my head so deep. I believe he has a good soul somewhere, otherwise, why would I want to be with him. I sent him a general text last week, and as always no contact from him. I suppose he is back to NC. The Question I guess I have, is, "has this happened to others"? Does the OSM have that much control, or I have so little.?
woinlove Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Does the OSM have that much control, or I have so little.? When you have a lot of other options or a lot of other things going on in your life that interest you, and you are not strongly emotionally invested, then it is simple to have control. You typically lose control when you are strongly emotionally invested, which doesn't necessarily mean love. It could be the OSM is filling some hole in your life that could otherwise be filled with more intimacy with your H, with friends and/or family, with activities you are passionate about, or with a better understanding of yourself through therapy or self-reflection. If OSM had a hole in his life that he didn't know how to fill except through you, then he would not have much control either. The answer lies within yourself.
underwater2010 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 The simple answer is you have very little self control. You need to quit talking to him and find something else to invest yourself in.
Owl Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Change your focus. The A is over...focus on rebuilding/repairing/ending your current, existing relationship...your marriage. 2
GLDheart Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 He sounds like one of those bastards that prey on easy married women looking for a little validation that they are still hot and that also want a temporary escape from thier boring marriage. Don't worry, your other man will call you when it suits him. Just hang in there and wait patiently for him to need something from you. Oh, That other guy... the one you married... don't worry, I'm sure he'll stick around forever for you too.
Later82012 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 You are the one running after him, so obviously he has more control.
BetrayedH Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Both. He has all the control and you have none. You are emotionally invested to the point where you have thrown away your marriage, all so he can get laid at his convenience. Good grief. What are you going to do?
Author Justinkar Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 He sounds like one of those bastards that prey on easy married women looking for a little validation that they are still hot and that also want a temporary escape from thier boring marriage. Don't worry, your other man will call you when it suits him. Just hang in there and wait patiently for him to need something from you. Oh, That other guy... the one you married... don't worry, I'm sure he'll stick around forever for you too. Yeah I stuck with him with two of his affairs, two drunk drivings, and numerous other mishaps. I kept the faith that "things" would get better. Perhaps more emotion and physical intimacy, since he can "perform" with his OW, but not show me any affection. I put a stop to A, and said he is lucky I was still with him.
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