Partner disses fat chicks

[Els]

Because its not always a stranger. Sometimes is a family member you see eating their way into an early grave. Its tough when you want to help someone you care about. Food can become an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. Its frustrating to see them moan and whine about being fat, and all the issues it causes...but then see them suck down a billion calories from McDonalds.

 

If you're happy being fat, then great. More power to you. But if you're NOT, then do something about it instead of coming up with every excuse as to why you can't change it.

 

You do realize there are worlds of difference between encouraging someone close to you to lose weight, and dissing a total stranger when one is not even attempting to bother to help them? I have yet to see any fat bashers here talk about how they have genuinely attempted to help the person they are bashing lose weight. On the other hand, many of the more level-headed, kind-spoken posters here (tman, etc) are also the ones giving the most and best advice in the Health and Fitness forums. Coincidence? I think not.

[Pompom]

Over-reacting much? No-one is talking about bullying. The original post is about a poster and her boyfriend talking about a third party who can't hear them. People have opinions and they voice them, can't believe this is news to anyone.

It's not news but it's still not right. You are also allowed to call someone a worthless chunk of trash. The question is whether you have to or if you could just keep your inexplicable hatred to your tiny-minded self.

[Leigh 87]

Bare in mind that even people who work out at the gym 5 days a week and do everything correctly; some people will always be large in size. Just a fit version of a large person.

Some people gain weight very easily, and have to work out very hard, and eat the minimum they can, just to be " normal". It may not be a hardship to the extent of getting your legs blown off in the war, but it IS still hard to deal with, being called fat if your genuinely fit and trying your best.

[Leigh 87]

Else - it is just my bf I am referring to. After everything I have been through with him I have taken a step back though..... He even told me he wanted to marry me badly and be with me for life and how happy that makes him... Yet after the hooker debarcle I just want to take a step back and take each day at a time.. Hence my laid back way of mentioning him.

 

And Kung Fu Jo - he does not think bright pink with playboy is the ideal.. he just correlates that with a hot girl driving it. He gets more turned on by a hot chick in a nice car... YOu know, a girl who is into cars and is a good driver, and in turn, has saved up to buy herself a good car with a v8 turbo or whatever it is you boys thinks is cool lol.

 

In regards to his character, I am not sure how his attitude makes him a bad person in general. He has bad traits as you ALL know by now from my threads and posts, but the way he treats me in his daily life is wonderful hence why I am with him.

He always tell sme he appreciates me and my body. Ironically, he has told me that he loves the fact I am into working out and being slim and fit, yet he wants me to know he would stay with me if I gained weight too.

Yes have a snigger and don't take his word for it, I am sure most people wont since of the hooker incident, but I think he meant what he said.

 

I do try to get him to change some his thought processes a little; I try to show him that it is better to be kind and you get more our of life if you keep quiet if you have not got anything nice to say.

I think I get through to him a little, as he does say one of the things that he loves about me is the fact I TRY to be the nicest person I can be.

[Els]

Else - it is just my bf I am referring to. After everything I have been through with him I have taken a step back though..... He even told me he wanted to marry me badly and be with me for life and how happy that makes him... Yet after the hooker debarcle I just want to take a step back and take each day at a time.. Hence my laid back way of mentioning him.

 

And Kung Fu Jo - he does not think bright pink with playboy is the ideal.. he just correlates that with a hot girl driving it. He gets more turned on by a hot chick in a nice car... YOu know, a girl who is into cars and is a good driver, and in turn, has saved up to buy herself a good car with a v8 turbo or whatever it is you boys thinks is cool lol.

 

In regards to his character, I am not sure how his attitude makes him a bad person in general. He has bad traits as you ALL know by now from my threads and posts, but the way he treats me in his daily life is wonderful hence why I am with him.

He always tell sme he appreciates me and my body. Ironically, he has told me that he loves the fact I am into working out and being slim and fit, yet he wants me to know he would stay with me if I gained weight too.

Yes have a snigger and don't take his word for it, I am sure most people wont since of the hooker incident, but I think he meant what he said.

 

I do try to get him to change some his thought processes a little; I try to show him that it is better to be kind and you get more our of life if you keep quiet if you have not got anything nice to say.

I think I get through to him a little, as he does say one of the things that he loves about me is the fact I TRY to be the nicest person I can be.

 

Honest to god, Leigh, the more I read about your bf, the more I cease to wonder why you were entrenched in body image issues for so long. I'm not saying this to be mean; I genuinely believe there is causation - and most likely a vicious cycle of causation. Your poor self esteem is leading you to choose a man like this (I'm not saying that he is absolutely a horrible bf or even a horrible person in general, just that this is one of his flaws), and being with him seems to hold you back from completely curing yourself of your body image issues. I genuinely wonder whether or not having a bf who isn't so completely wrapped up in superficialities (being so engrossed in whether girls have an 'innie' or 'outie' vagina, or the fact that unattractive women shouldn't own nice cars, or all the other things you mentioned) might help you shed this lingering issue. Yes, I know you have improved, but it is obvious to many of us that you still have a ways to go. I say this with all kindness.

[Pompom]

Bare in mind that even people who work out at the gym 5 days a week and do everything correctly; some people will always be large in size. Just a fit version of a large person.

Some people gain weight very easily, and have to work out very hard, and eat the minimum they can, just to be " normal". It may not be a hardship to the extent of getting your legs blown off in the war, but it IS still hard to deal with, being called fat if your genuinely fit and trying your best.

 

This may be a bit longer, but just for the info of those who do care about why someone isn't conforming to other peoples' preferences, now that you mention the doing everything correctly:

 

Actually I worked out hours under the thumb of a rather cruel coach and came in every other day (would have come daily, but the pain of the workout was too severe the next day), for months. With the specific request to make me fit for Israeli military combat. She worked me hard, and when she wasn't there, I spent 2 to 3 hours on my own running, cycling, weightlifting, pulling **** (don't know how they are called in English, you just grab an elastic rope that is really hard to pull and walk away from the post it's attached to - or collapse trying), etcetera. Whatever I was told works, I did.

In the meantime, I held high protein fat burner diets and before that, I went on a pro-ana regime and before and after that, I had surgery (band and bypass respectively).

Nothing helped. When I do lose weight, there is no logical explanation because whenever I do, I happened to have been snacking on Bambah, chocolate etc. (usually I snack on fruit, how lame is that). When I eat healthy, my weight stagnates. My current weight gain/loss is a mystery which is why my next stop is Wingate. Seriously, it's as if chewing snacks burns the most calories in my case while only eating chicken, veggies and fruit, does nothing.

I walk a lot, also uphill and carrying stuff the weight of my skinny friend, but while it feels like a brutal workout, it doesn't contribute. I do squats, crunches and push-ups almost every day.

 

Whatever I do, my body gets startled briefly, sheds a pound or two, and then returns to stagnating. Something else unrelated to diet may be the cause because when I scratch my thighs, I get sprinkle bruises and I heard that's connected to obesity.

So how am I being self-neglecting? How am I shovelling food at McDonald's, the last taste of which I've had a month ago when I returned from a long flight and everything else was closed? My fridge content is a mix of anorexic and athlete. Canned food? Tuna, baby carrots. A rare chocolate bar or bag of chips changes nothing. I am not one of those fat people who carry a Snickers bar around "just in case". "Just in case" I buy a salad, usually without cheese.

People - brutally honest people - tell me I lost weight every week or two, yet the scale says otherwise (gained or stagnated).

I don't pant after running to catch a bus. I lug groceries any sane person would take a cab for. I run faster than some of my normal friends some of which have served in combat. I spend hours every day walking the dog, cleaning the house, running back and forth shopping, I walk all distances under 5 kilometers if I know the way and feel alright and I eat several small healthy meals per day, chewing 40 times per bite, finishing an hour after my friends, the way most dietitians (sp?) recommend, including gastric bypass surgeons. There was a time when I purged 10 times per meal in addition to a gastric band, to no avail.

 

So how is it my own damn fault and why would I deserve mockery? I have more stamina than most of my skinny to normal girl friends.

And FYI, I "got to this point" as an epileptic child on heavy medication and a whole vicious circle of side effects, bullying, depressions, and addictions is involved here none of which was anybody's fault.

 

I may be fat and flabby, but I live healthier than many skinnies, and I am not a burden on the tax payer. I am a more respectable member of society than many "normal" people. And I manage without dissing others for how they look.

[Axee]

Its okay u neednt take it so seriously, ur guy once he talks to her ( if he gets a chance) will surely start respecting her.....

[Pompom]

Sadly people are rarely willing or man enough to open their tiny minds enough to approach and (respectfully) talk to the person they dissed.

[JamesM]

With this population in this country (USA) getting more and more overweight and obese, then we "thin" people will soon be the ones abused and discriminated against.

 

Honestly, I have thought it many times but not as your BF said. I am more sad and appalled how so many people are unconcerned about staying healthy and within the "normal" body range. I know all too well how hard it can be to keep weight off. I know how hard it is to lose it.

 

But as was said, by far the majority of people don't because it is easier to eat what you want and worry about your health tomorrow.

 

SO, yes, my wife and I may make comments about someone's weight, but being that she has a tough time with weight herself, she certainly doesn't do it uncaring. We do comment about the large number of overweight people we see at the mall or on the streets.

 

As for stereotyping who drives what car, yes, we have done that as well. Think a minute...who will you most likely see driving a Corvette? Who will be driving a PT Cruiser? Who will be driving a Cadillac sedan? Who will be driving a 1964 Mustang? And on and on....

 

The point is....while we don't all voice it, we do have a stereotype. So while we are appalled when someone voices what he thinks, truth is...many of us do it and if we don't we think it.

 

Perhaps it is better to have someone who will honestly voice his thoughts than to have someone who sugarcoats everything to impress you...until after you are married. I don't say his comment is nice, but I don't think that it is a reason to drop him.

[Leigh 87]

Honest to god, Leigh, the more I read about your bf, the more I cease to wonder why you were entrenched in body image issues for so long. I'm not saying this to be mean; I genuinely believe there is causation - and most likely a vicious cycle of causation. Your poor self esteem is leading you to choose a man like this (I'm not saying that he is absolutely a horrible bf or even a horrible person in general, just that this is one of his flaws), and being with him seems to hold you back from completely curing yourself of your body image issues. I genuinely wonder whether or not having a bf who isn't so completely wrapped up in superficialities (being so engrossed in whether girls have an 'innie' or 'outie' vagina, or the fact that unattractive women shouldn't own nice cars, or all the other things you mentioned) might help you shed this lingering issue. Yes, I know you have improved, but it is obvious to many of us that you still have a ways to go. I say this with all kindness.

 

 

 

This is a important point I need to take into consideration for my own wellbeing, so thanks for getting me to consider this. Andrew himself would HATE to hurt me or inflict any ill will on me.

 

I hear you, but for all the bad things about him, he has helped me recover from a life threatening eating disorder. I honestly LOVE my body now even though it is a normal and healthy weight. I wanted to get better but he REALLY helped me feel sexy at any weight.

I am not the 110 lbs thin girl he met, and he has been extremely positive and encouraging of my new body. He is so happy that I eat normal food now. He tells me almost daily how sexy my body looks!

I cannot stress how much he has helped me gain weight and accept the fact that I am not a skinny chick.

 

I am into fitness for me. Honestly. I would not date a guy who liked chubby or unfit chicks, because fitness is a aprt of who I am. It makes me a more positive and confident person, I am more kind to people when my body is functioning well.

And I prefer to look good in clothes too - I love fashion and expressing myself through my outfits, and it is SO FUN to pou rmyself into sexy clothes!

 

Now, his remarks about " vulvas" (from my threads way back where some members like Elswyth know about) it was about his lack of maturity with women, and rather not a reflection that he now judges my own vulva harshely.

He was extremely stupid and immature in some regards with women, but I was not perfect either, and I chose to give him a chance to change, which he said he would. He is very much about self improvement.

[Leigh 87]

This may be a bit longer, but just for the info of those who do care about why someone isn't conforming to other peoples' preferences, now that you mention the doing everything correctly:

 

Actually I worked out hours under the thumb of a rather cruel coach and came in every other day (would have come daily, but the pain of the workout was too severe the next day), for months. With the specific request to make me fit for Israeli military combat. She worked me hard, and when she wasn't there, I spent 2 to 3 hours on my own running, cycling, weightlifting, pulling **** (don't know how they are called in English, you just grab an elastic rope that is really hard to pull and walk away from the post it's attached to - or collapse trying), etcetera. Whatever I was told works, I did.

In the meantime, I held high protein fat burner diets and before that, I went on a pro-ana regime and before and after that, I had surgery (band and bypass respectively).

Nothing helped. When I do lose weight, there is no logical explanation because whenever I do, I happened to have been snacking on Bambah, chocolate etc. (usually I snack on fruit, how lame is that). When I eat healthy, my weight stagnates. My current weight gain/loss is a mystery which is why my next stop is Wingate. Seriously, it's as if chewing snacks burns the most calories in my case while only eating chicken, veggies and fruit, does nothing.

I walk a lot, also uphill and carrying stuff the weight of my skinny friend, but while it feels like a brutal workout, it doesn't contribute. I do squats, crunches and push-ups almost every day.

 

Whatever I do, my body gets startled briefly, sheds a pound or two, and then returns to stagnating. Something else unrelated to diet may be the cause because when I scratch my thighs, I get sprinkle bruises and I heard that's connected to obesity.

So how am I being self-neglecting? How am I shovelling food at McDonald's, the last taste of which I've had a month ago when I returned from a long flight and everything else was closed? My fridge content is a mix of anorexic and athlete. Canned food? Tuna, baby carrots. A rare chocolate bar or bag of chips changes nothing. I am not one of those fat people who carry a Snickers bar around "just in case". "Just in case" I buy a salad, usually without cheese.

People - brutally honest people - tell me I lost weight every week or two, yet the scale says otherwise (gained or stagnated).

I don't pant after running to catch a bus. I lug groceries any sane person would take a cab for. I run faster than some of my normal friends some of which have served in combat. I spend hours every day walking the dog, cleaning the house, running back and forth shopping, I walk all distances under 5 kilometers if I know the way and feel alright and I eat several small healthy meals per day, chewing 40 times per bite, finishing an hour after my friends, the way most dietitians (sp?) recommend, including gastric bypass surgeons. There was a time when I purged 10 times per meal in addition to a gastric band, to no avail.

 

So how is it my own damn fault and why would I deserve mockery? I have more stamina than most of my skinny to normal girl friends.

And FYI, I "got to this point" as an epileptic child on heavy medication and a whole vicious circle of side effects, bullying, depressions, and addictions is involved here none of which was anybody's fault.

 

I may be fat and flabby, but I live healthier than many skinnies, and I am not a burden on the tax payer. I am a more respectable member of society than many "normal" people. And I manage without dissing others for how they look.

 

 

I am totally agreeing with you?

 

I regularly tell people that they have unrealistic goals, and that a lot of women will never be remotely thin. And in fact a lot of women will be thick or larger than average in size despite the fact they work out incessantly, and eat the perfect diet.

 

I admire you for chosing to be fit and healthy, rather than throwing the towel in and giving up like a lot of women do in your predicament; women who cannot get thin tend to think " oh, well what is the point in all this exercise, I surely have no reason to bother".

[Pompom]

I am totally agreeing with you?

 

I regularly tell people that they have unrealistic goals, and that a lot of women will never be remotely thin. And in fact a lot of women will be thick or larger than average in size despite the fact they work out incessantly, and eat the perfect diet.

 

I admire you for chosing to be fit and healthy, rather than throwing the towel in and giving up like a lot of women do in your predicament; women who cannot get thin tend to think " oh, well what is the point in all this exercise, I surely have no reason to bother".

 

It wasn't aimed at you so much as picking up on what you said

[irin]

certain attitudes are simply repelling, ew

[Els]

Just putting in a view from another side of the coin - I did encounter a situation today where I felt it was at least semi-justified to insult an overweight person. I was walking through a very narrow hallway when this woman burst out of the door at the other end of the hallway and sauntered through it - even though she took up like 80% of the hallway, she didn't bother to avoid anyone! She slammed past me quite painfully without even bothering to turn around and apologize, and then did the same thing to the next guy behind me, who cussed at the '****ing fatass'. Sorry, but in that situation, I think she totally deserved it, though I wouldn't do it myself.

[Pompom]

She did, but the same goes for groups of people who insist on walking side by side/hand in hand and expecting of everyone else to move aside.

[Els]

She did, but the same goes for groups of people who insist on walking side by side/hand in hand and expecting of everyone else to move aside.

 

Oh, most definitely, but that isn't the topic we're discussing here.

[Imported]

Being fat, for most people WITHOUT a valid medical excuse....is a sign of laziness. I know fat men and women who complain about being overweight, but they make every excuse in the world as to why they can't work out when I offer to train them in the gym.

 

Yes....it disgusts me. I'm not Adonis by any means. But I care enough about myself to bust my ass in the gym. I've got zero tolerance for people who whine about their weight, but have no excuse as to why they can't do something about it. If that makes me cruel, then so be it.

 

Get your mind right, your body will follow. If you have no excuse then don't make excuses.

 

Leave them alone, they're too busy watching tv! Not enough time to work out as well.

 

They have TV's in front of and even individual TVs on each treadmill and similar cardio machines you say?

 

Well, uhmm...err....too exhausted after working extremely hard to go to the gym, yeah, thats it.

 

Just don't eat as much food and not even workout?

 

Well, they probably got this rare desease where their body makes stuff out of nothing. They can eat nothing and still get bigger, it's like magic....no, no...you don't have to go to a doctor to know that you have it, you just know....

[MonsterMash]

Leave them alone, they're too busy watching tv! Not enough time to work out as well.

 

They have TV's in front of and even individual TVs on each treadmill and similar cardio machines you say?

 

Well, uhmm...err....too exhausted after working extremely hard to go to the gym, yeah, thats it.

 

Just don't eat as much food and not even workout?

 

Well, they probably got this rare desease where their body makes stuff out of nothing. They can eat nothing and still get bigger, it's like magic....no, no...you don't have to go to a doctor to know that you have it, you just know....

 

No, no! You have it ALL wrong! Drinking diet Coke really does offset the calories in those 14 Big Macs.

[Emilia]

Bare in mind that even people who work out at the gym 5 days a week and do everything correctly; some people will always be large in size. Just a fit version of a large person.

Some people gain weight very easily, and have to work out very hard, and eat the minimum they can, just to be " normal". It may not be a hardship to the extent of getting your legs blown off in the war, but it IS still hard to deal with, being called fat if your genuinely fit and trying your best.

 

She wasn't called fat to her face though, was she? Your boyfriend commented to you in another car.

 

You don't know the first thing about her, maybe she likes being fat, some women do (despite the threat of diabetes).

 

It's all a big hu ha about nothing

[prettylittlethings]

Everyone disses everyone in the whole wide world. Perhaps it's time to grow a thicker skin about it

 

Over-reacting much? No-one is talking about bullying. The original post is about a poster and her boyfriend talking about a third party who can't hear them. People have opinions and they voice them, can't believe this is news to anyone.

 

 

Sure, but who wants to live being so negative? You can learn to control your thoughts and emotions, you can choose not to let negative thoughts manifest and you can definitely choose not to vocalise them. Negativity and criticism of others serves no purpose. Typical example of seeing the speck in someone else's eye and not seeing the log in your own. I know you're not saying that it's a good thing but I get the impression that you believe thinking critical thoughts of others is inevitable and it's well, not.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Honest to god, Leigh, the more I read about your bf, the more I cease to wonder why you were entrenched in body image issues for so long. I'm not saying this to be mean; I genuinely believe there is causation - and most likely a vicious cycle of causation. Your poor self esteem is leading you to choose a man like this (I'm not saying that he is absolutely a horrible bf or even a horrible person in general, just that this is one of his flaws), and being with him seems to hold you back from completely curing yourself of your body image issues. I genuinely wonder whether or not having a bf who isn't so completely wrapped up in superficialities (being so engrossed in whether girls have an 'innie' or 'outie' vagina, or the fact that unattractive women shouldn't own nice cars, or all the other things you mentioned) might help you shed this lingering issue. Yes, I know you have improved, but it is obvious to many of us that you still have a ways to go. I say this with all kindness.

 

Frankly, I have my doubts that Andrew even gives a shyte about "slim and fit" (how many times do you think this phrase has been posted, word for word?) or an "innie or outie vagina." I can just imagine Leigh extrapolating about the reason he wasn't muff diving (the obsession with labia was well in place before this guy came on the scene) and he probably just views some girls as "hot" and some as "fat" like most guys do. I think that most of this is projected upon him by Leigh.

 

Leigh, excuse me for speaking of you in the 3rd person, I know you're here!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Bare in mind that even people who work out at the gym 5 days a week and do everything correctly; some people will always be large in size. Just a fit version of a large person.

Some people gain weight very easily, and have to work out very hard, and eat the minimum they can, just to be " normal". It may not be a hardship to the extent of getting your legs blown off in the war, but it IS still hard to deal with, being called fat if your genuinely fit and trying your best.

 

Leigh, I think it's obnoxious and boorish for people to make commentary about other peoples fatness like your boyfriend did, and I would tell him so if I were there.

 

I also think that you are way off base the way you apply your own thought processes regarding working out, bodies, and eating and how people feel about all that stuff to others. I assure you that you are pretty unique in your thinking about those things.

[Negative Nancy]

He said to me " gee, unnattractive girls should not drive those sort of cars, only hot chicks should. They are sexy and therefore should have a sexy car....

 

is this really surprising, coming from your jackass of a boyfriend?

 

only tall and rich men with chiseled faces should be allowed to step outside the doors, seriously so judging from your picture, tell your bf he needs to stay locked inside the house too

[Axee]

Even girls say these things.. Not just guys.. But yes.. It speaks of a class.. I would rate a guy who doesnt say these things and neither thinks ,as a classy , sensitive guy....

[Leigh 87]

Frankly, I have my doubts that Andrew even gives a shyte about "slim and fit" (how many times do you think this phrase has been posted, word for word?) or an "innie or outie vagina." I can just imagine Leigh extrapolating about the reason he wasn't muff diving (the obsession with labia was well in place before this guy came on the scene) and he probably just views some girls as "hot" and some as "fat" like most guys do. I think that most of this is projected upon him by Leigh.

 

Leigh, excuse me for speaking of you in the 3rd person, I know you're here!

 

 

 

 

Andrew is fine with that stuff now, but before me, he had very immature ideals as to what a vulva should look like in order to be " perfect". He has never gone down on girls besides one, and her vagina happened to set some sick bench mark for what he considered to be "perfect".

 

I have told him the truth of the matter, and he can see that he was incredibly immature. Matter closed. He loves going down on me now, so that is all that matters. I am not remootely self conscious about my " vulva" now.