Leigh 87 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 :mad:Today when driving int he car with the guy I have been seeing, he saw a car that was hot pink and had playboy stickers on it. A decent car too. He was dismayed to see there was a fat chick driving it. He said to me " gee, unnattractive girls should not drive those sort of cars, only hot chicks should. They are sexy and therefore should have a sexy car.... ...I was appalled...I mean, why can't an unnattractive girl drive whichever car she chooses? I am TRYING to get through to him, and show him to be more kind. He IS kind in other ways or I would not bother with him. This guy is a product of his unbringing and environment... So he is not some well educated, articulate gentleman to begin with, but has plenty of other good traits to compensate. *sigh* does anyone else have any horror stories where their lover/partner/orwhatever has embarrassed them or said off things about other people? 1
Robert Z Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 :mad:Today when driving int he car with the guy I have been seeing, he saw a car that was hot pink and had playboy stickers on it. A decent car too. He was dismayed to see there was a fat chick driving it. He said to me " gee, unnattractive girls should not drive those sort of cars, only hot chicks should. They are sexy and therefore should have a sexy car.... ...I was appalled...I mean, why can't an unnattractive girl drive whichever car she chooses? I am TRYING to get through to him, and show him to be more kind. He IS kind in other ways or I would not bother with him. This guy is a product of his unbringing and environment... So he is not some well educated, articulate gentleman to begin with, but has plenty of other good traits to compensate. *sigh* does anyone else have any horror stories where their lover/partner/orwhatever has embarrassed them or said off things about other people? I've known quite a few guys who expressed attitudes similar to this at one time or another. It always bothered me to hear things like this and I don't see how some men can be so cold. But there has always been a clique in the world of men in which it is cool to diss fat chicks. You may even recall the bumper stickers - No fat chicks. I wonder how many of those old buddies now have huge beer guts and and double chins. And I wonder if they still diss fat chicks. I reached a point where I stopped taking my wife anywhere because she would inevitably embarrass me. It was as if she lost her social filter as she got older... as if she simply lost the ability to act dignified in public. Off color jokes in the wrong crowd, comments about our personal life that are not for public consumption, cheap shots at me that weren't even true, inappropriate language for the setting, simply put, no couth! She wasn't always like that. I have no idea what happened.
Els Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Um, you're seeing someone else now, Leigh? Or is this guy the LT bf that you have been writing about? If it's someone new, definitely something to be appalled and seriously reconsider the guy about. Preferences for non-overweight women is one thing... dissing overweight women is another. It reveals a lot of unsavoury mentality going on behind the remark, IMO. If it is your LT bf and he said it in a joking/tongue-in-cheek way and has otherwise displayed no other problems of the sort, I'd just take it in good humor. 2
Emilia Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Everyone disses everyone in the whole wide world. Perhaps it's time to grow a thicker skin about it
todreaminblue Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) :mad:Today when driving int he car with the guy I have been seeing, he saw a car that was hot pink and had playboy stickers on it. A decent car too. He was dismayed to see there was a fat chick driving it. He said to me " gee, unnattractive girls should not drive those sort of cars, only hot chicks should. They are sexy and therefore should have a sexy car.... ...I was appalled...I mean, why can't an unnattractive girl drive whichever car she chooses? I am TRYING to get through to him, and show him to be more kind. He IS kind in other ways or I would not bother with him. This guy is a product of his unbringing and environment... So he is not some well educated, articulate gentleman to begin with, but has plenty of other good traits to compensate. *sigh* does anyone else have any horror stories where their lover/partner/orwhatever has embarrassed them or said off things about other people? When you area bigger girl you get the fat taunts.....from most lesser men.... an example i have is this total stranger walked into my house with a carton of beer just walked straight in my house is identical to my next door neighbours...... it was my neighbours brother......i didnt know that at the time......i knew there was a party next door so figured out pretty quickly that is where he wanted to be......when he dumped the carton on the kitchen bench i said hi nice to meet you but you are in the wrong house you are looking for next door he said oh and went next door.......now i babysit her children i help he rout when i can adn what i heard when i went to do my laundry is him retelling abotu th efright he got when he met this huge chick next door....my neighbour is tiny i am big but not a mammoth....more a teletubbie with curves it hurt hearing laughter and his take on me.....my son seen my face when i came in went a bit white......so he kept pestering me till i told him what was wrong and then i knew what would happen he want next door and made the guy apologise.....my son bugs me the majority of the time teases me good naturedly, but that, what he did, him doing that for me.....defending my honour brings tears to my eyes still i didnt want him too but he did it anyway so yeah some people are cruel and some men and some women are about equal in those stakes...i keep holding my head up though the guy never knew how it upset me my son even made out he heard it so i wouldn't lose the abilty to hold my head up....im looking at blue skies with my head up.....not now...lol....its stars right now...the glory of night..plus i have faith in good men....not perfect men but good hearted men who respect women....deb Edited September 19, 2012 by todreaminblue
todreaminblue Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Everyone disses everyone in the whole wide world. Perhaps it's time to grow a thicker skin about it yes you are so right.....teach kids to be bullied and grow thicker skin......unfortunately that would mean changing your personality and not your skin there is no cosmetic enhancement for hurt feelings.......but guess what i think there is a procedure that can be undertaken to pu tth ehsoe on the other foot.....wear a fat suit for day........one day out of your life.....then you tell me do you want to keep that fat suit on.......and grow a thicker skin......deb
KungFuJoe Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I think the worst part is your bf thinks a pink car with playboy stickers is sexy. 19
Emilia Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 yes you are so right.....teach kids to be bullied and grow thicker skin......unfortunately that would mean changing your personality and not your skin there is no cosmetic enhancement for hurt feelings....... well no because no-one could hear the OP's boyfriend therefore no-one got offended but guess what i think there is a procedure that can be undertaken to pu tth ehsoe on the other foot.....wear a fat suit for day........one day out of your life.....then you tell me do you want to keep that fat suit on.......and grow a thicker skin......deb Or not get fat in the first place - which is my option. If someone doesn't want to be fat they can go on a diet. It's not like they lost a leg in Afghanistan or whatever other real problems that cannot be fixed. 2
MonsterMash Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Being fat, for most people WITHOUT a valid medical excuse....is a sign of laziness. I know fat men and women who complain about being overweight, but they make every excuse in the world as to why they can't work out when I offer to train them in the gym. Yes....it disgusts me. I'm not Adonis by any means. But I care enough about myself to bust my ass in the gym. I've got zero tolerance for people who whine about their weight, but have no excuse as to why they can't do something about it. If that makes me cruel, then so be it. Get your mind right, your body will follow. If you have no excuse then don't make excuses. 1
SmileFace Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I think the worst part is your bf thinks a pink car with playboy stickers is sexy. I was thinking the same time. That is totally break up worthy. 3
Robert Z Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Everyone disses everyone in the whole wide world. Perhaps it's time to grow a thicker skin about it They do? Hmmm, guess I'm a nobody.
Emilia Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 They do? Hmmm, guess I'm a nobody. I'm yet to meet a person who hasn't criticised a complete stranger randomly about the way they look or what they wear or how they talk or how they carry themselves. You have never ever made a comment about anyone? Nothing negative ever? In that case you are a miracle indeed.
Robert Z Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Being fat, for most people WITHOUT a valid medical excuse....is a sign of laziness. I know fat men and women who complain about being overweight, but they make every excuse in the world as to why they can't work out when I offer to train them in the gym. Yes....it disgusts me. I'm not Adonis by any means. But I care enough about myself to bust my ass in the gym. I've got zero tolerance for people who whine about their weight, but have no excuse as to why they can't do something about it. If that makes me cruel, then so be it. Get your mind right, your body will follow. If you have no excuse then don't make excuses. As much as I want to object, I can't. I understand why it is so hard for people to get their act together but ultimately it is a personal choice. I think part of the problem is that people don't believe they can change. It seems like too big of a mountain to climb. They also need motivation. Some of those fat people of which you speak are full of self loathing because of their weight. The self esteem goes down the tubes and that makes it even harder to break the cycle.
Robert Z Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I'm yet to meet a person who hasn't criticised a complete stranger randomly about the way they look or what they wear or how they talk or how they carry themselves. You have never ever made a comment about anyone? Nothing negative ever? In that case you are a miracle indeed. Never? I don't know if I can say never. But as a matter of practice and intent, no, I don't diss people because they are fat, or how they look, or what they wear, or how they carry themselves, as I think that would be extremely petty. I do diss people who are petty, mean, or uncaring. I diss people who have no ethics or scruples. I diss backstabbers, manipulators, con artists, and users. I don't diss people for being fat, or for having an addiction, or for other basic human weaknesses. We all have our failings and weaknesses. When I see an extremely obsese person, my first thought is generally along the lines of sympathy and "there but for the grace of God go I". I have my own demons but luckily obesity isn't one of them. I have stuggled with my weight at times but am quite fit now. 1
MonsterMash Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 As much as I want to object, I can't. I understand why it is so hard for people to get their act together but ultimately it is a personal choice. I think part of the problem is that people don't believe they can change. It seems like too big of a mountain to climb. They also need motivation. Some of those fat people of which you speak are full of self loathing because of their weight. The self esteem goes down the tubes and that makes it even harder to break the cycle. Agreed. Weight issues are indicative of self esteem issues. One of the biggest excuses I hear from the female side is "I don't want to do it because I'm embarrassed because everyone will see me." For me, and a lot of others though....it doesn't matter what you look like. What matters is you're there. That gets respect from me. I also make it a point to smile and offer encouragement where and when I can to everyone I run across. I know how tough it is to make the decision to get in shape. I also know what it felt like when I started working out and had people who helped me. Your thoughts control your actions. If you think you can't, then you can't. But if you believe you can..days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. And soon enough, you will be who you want to be.
Pompom Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I can't believe some here act like the target of disrespect should break a sweat to avoid being treated like a lesser human being. It doesn't matter why one is fat, skinny, short, hairy or black - the one dissing them, is a disrespectful twat. Why is it a problem for others how a complete stranger looks? Being fat is as much a valid excuse to be bullied as being Jewish is an excuse to be gassed. Just leave them alone. 9
MonsterMash Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I can't believe some here act like the target of disrespect should break a sweat to avoid being treated like a lesser human being. It doesn't matter why one is fat, skinny, short, hairy or black - the one dissing them, is a disrespectful twat. Why is it a problem for others how a complete stranger looks? Being fat is as much a valid excuse to be bullied as being Jewish is an excuse to be gassed. Just leave them alone. Because its not always a stranger. Sometimes is a family member you see eating their way into an early grave. Its tough when you want to help someone you care about. Food can become an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. Its frustrating to see them moan and whine about being fat, and all the issues it causes...but then see them suck down a billion calories from McDonalds. If you're happy being fat, then great. More power to you. But if you're NOT, then do something about it instead of coming up with every excuse as to why you can't change it.
Pompom Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Because its not always a stranger. Sometimes is a family member you see eating their way into an early grave. Its tough when you want to help someone you care about. Food can become an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. Its frustrating to see them moan and whine about being fat, and all the issues it causes...but then see them suck down a billion calories from McDonalds. All the more reason not to be a disrespectful, hurtful, mean and abusive jerk about it, don't you think? 1
MonsterMash Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 All the more reason not to be a disrespectful, hurtful, mean and abusive jerk about it, don't you think? Well...if being nice doesn't work, whats left?
Pompom Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 If it's a stranger, it's none of your concern what they do with their lives. If it's a loved one, motivation and education are the way to go, not being hateful.
MonsterMash Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 If it's a stranger, it's none of your concern what they do with their lives. If it's a loved one, motivation and education are the way to go, not being hateful. You're missing the point. If its someone I don't know, I'm certainly not going to yell out "Hey fatty! Drop the chalupa and back away!" I was raised better than that. I just think it really loud. As far as family, if you can't be honest with them, who can you be honest with?
pink_sugar Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 When my dad was with his exW, he made a comment saying "if you gained 50lbs, you think I'd still be with you?" I wasn't shocked considering he considers anyone over 110lbs overweight, but I was shocked he actually told her that. You have to consider, would this guy be with you and treat you right if you did gain weight, have a baby with him and baby fat to work off?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 You're missing the point. If its someone I don't know, I'm certainly not going to yell out "Hey fatty! Drop the chalupa and back away!" I was raised better than that. I just think it really loud. Did anyone else find this statement entertaining and a bit ironic? As far as family, if you can't be honest with them, who can you be honest with? There is "honesty" and then there is "brutal honesty". If you are really concerned about someone's health and try to help them out, great. But if you are under the misguided notion that you need to use "brutal honesty", then your brutal honesty has become less about them and more about you and your own ego. I think people that put other people down for rather inconsequential things feel really crappy about themselves. They feel insecure about something within themselves. Maybe it's not their weight, maybe it's some other type of feeling tied to an inadequecy or weakness they believe they have so they take it out on others and look for ways to pick on other people so they can feel superior about themselves and their own inferiorities. Because I think when you truly like yourself and feel proud of who you are, you have absoluetely NO need, none what-so-ever, to put other people down for things that have nothing to do with their real character or heart. When someone is comfortable with themselves and their own skin, they don't need to lay judgements on others and pick apart their imperfections. Those people are using it either as means to distract from their own impertions as a means to ignore their own weaknesses, or they are doing it because they simply feel like crap about themselves and it makes them feel better to rip other people apart. F*ckers. But if you call people out on this stuff, they usually don't know what to do. They either end up stumbling over their own words, or they become more beligerent, or they actually begin to see the other person as an actual person and not someone there that is meant to take their critisism. OP, your "partner" gave you a glimpse into a facet of his personality and how he views certain women and how he could potenially view you. You think his comments and attitudes are going to just be reserved for over weight women? I doubt it. Although this facet of his personality seeped through in regards to the over weight ladies in the pink car, you can bet your bottom dollar then this attitude of his will seep into other attitudes and aspects of his life and how he probably views women differently then he views men or himself. This does not bode well for you. 3
Emilia Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Never? I don't know if I can say never. But as a matter of practice and intent, no, I don't diss people because they are fat, or how they look, or what they wear, or how they carry themselves, as I think that would be extremely petty. I do diss people who are petty, mean, or uncaring. I diss people who have no ethics or scruples. I diss backstabbers, manipulators, con artists, and users. I don't diss people for being fat, or for having an addiction, or for other basic human weaknesses. We all have our failings and weaknesses. When I see an extremely obsese person, my first thought is generally along the lines of sympathy and "there but for the grace of God go I". I have my own demons but luckily obesity isn't one of them. I have stuggled with my weight at times but am quite fit now. So you don't diss people for the way they look but you diss them for their personality. How you can make that distinction and think that's a better thing to do I will never know. There is no human being on this earth - I'm sorry if you say it otherwise I think you are lying - who hasn't looked at someone and thought they had no dress sense or were too skinny or fat or whatever else about their appearance. Many will say it to the person they are with. I've overheard comments about myself as well from men or women. It happens every single day on planet Earth. Get over it.
Emilia Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I can't believe some here act like the target of disrespect should break a sweat to avoid being treated like a lesser human being. It doesn't matter why one is fat, skinny, short, hairy or black - the one dissing them, is a disrespectful twat. Why is it a problem for others how a complete stranger looks? Being fat is as much a valid excuse to be bullied as being Jewish is an excuse to be gassed. Just leave them alone. Over-reacting much? No-one is talking about bullying. The original post is about a poster and her boyfriend talking about a third party who can't hear them. People have opinions and they voice them, can't believe this is news to anyone.
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