Sameold Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Carrying on from a more recent thread to concentrate specifically on the power pictures. I blocked me ex on fb and we dnt have many mutual friends. However, now I am in great shape and may soon be in a rs with a hot girl. let's not focus on why I want her to see these things as we all know I want her to regret ruining the last 4 years. My question is does seeing pictures of your improved ex and their new life make the dumper stew? X 1
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Look dude, your ex is with someone else right? if so she would have been slammed in the sack countless times by now. She dumped you and so right now maybe her life is happier how it is now., truth is you won't ever know. Unless you straight up asked her but even then she would lie or make it seem like it is. far as I know your ex did the dirty on you and so she wasn't the girl u thought she was regardless of looks. you have no mutual friends you are blocked and deleted on one another's Facebook so unless that changed then no she won't see anything to do with you. You could argue that you made it easier for her, or you could see it as making it easier on yourself. I'm sure the only time your ex would look back would be if something ****s up with the new bf she has. Again you won't know of this and so thinking about her seeing a photo is gonna do nothing More to the point everyone on fb wants the world or virtual reality world to see they are the happiest muva ****er on the planet. Everyone has demons and hard times. as calico said let it go 2
Freshstart637 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I agree with dblock and calico. I've been hitting the gym also and at first was improving myself for the ex. Then I thought about, it's supposed to be for me and for the single women out there. Can't think like that. Improve for yourself, enjoy the endorphin during your workout. Feel good about yourself. Try not to care what the ex thinks. I know, easier said than done, but just try to let it go. Focus on the negative issues with your ex. For example, my ex had a kid, she's petite and cute. Well when I started to care about her 4 years later, she started looking cute to me. I always needed validation from coworkers and friends. So, I knew I never really was attracted to her in the first place, just got attached. There are more stuff I didn't like, no one is perfect, but it's stuff I did not like. I just try to remember these things when I get sad or miss her. She was really naive/dumb. No joke, she knew nothing, couldn't cheer me up and had no emotions.
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 She was really naive/dumb. No joke, she knew nothing, couldn't cheer me up and had no emotions. lool amazing. what do you mean she had a kid that you thought was cute?
todreaminblue Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Carrying on from a more recent thread to concentrate specifically on the power pictures. I blocked me ex on fb and we dnt have many mutual friends. However, now I am in great shape and may soon be in a rs with a hot girl. let's not focus on why I want her to see these things as we all know I want her to regret ruining the last 4 years. My question is does seeing pictures of your improved ex and their new life make the dumper stew? X if you want to serve stew for someone you first have to taste it yourself and you are tasting it by visiting this chain of thought.....be in your new relationship forget stew go for the slow roasted chicken with lemon....or the hot pot that makes you want that hot thing tomorrow and the day after that and after that and after that ....are we there yet? think freshly cooked not four years old stew a bit whiffy by now dont cha think...salmonella city or botulism nasty..deb
stillafool Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 My question is does seeing pictures of your improved ex and their new life make the dumper stew? X No. When I saw pictures of my exH and how much weight he lost I just felt happy for him that he was getting in shape. I was happy that he wouldn't have a problem finding someone new. It actually relieved guilt.
yessy21 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Carrying on from a more recent thread to concentrate specifically on the power pictures. I blocked me ex on fb and we dnt have many mutual friends. However, now I am in great shape and may soon be in a rs with a hot girl. let's not focus on why I want her to see these things as we all know I want her to regret ruining the last 4 years. My question is does seeing pictures of your improved ex and their new life make the dumper stew? X this is a Great question! In my opinion: when i saw an ex of mine with a pretty girl ... happy and doing well... ill admit i was a bit jealous. but happy for him. but still i think that it does stir some emotions up. AND that doesnt mean your not over it, it just means that you havent forgiven them for what they have done.
Author Sameold Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 I totally get that the ex will be trying to get on with her new r/s and also I don't know what is going on inside her head. I know she will be having sex, sex is sex...I went on holiday and shagged a 20 year old on a balcony, meant nothing. Have been all over a girl I'm dating and am enjoying it, doesn't mean all my feelings/hurt/disgust for the ex have left. 4 years is a long time though and it was a good 4 years that involved living together so to say she thinks nothing of it I personally can not accept. It is reasonable to expect I care about how the aftermath of the relationship plays out. DBlock this isn't about getting her back or waiting, I used the exact same sex crap on you as you know but that was because you seemed to be waiting for someone that was never as emotionally as engaged as you. Sounds like you are making good progress now though. I think the best way to look strong and carry on is probably to do nothing but that, no unblocking, no messages, nothing. Continue my NC and stick to the sentiment of my final messages which I sent her that basically stated how disgusted I was (I still am). I am now at nearly 12 weeks NC and close to 4 months post BU so I have "let it go" in many ways but we all get set-backs and I just come here to make sure I sense check my feelings....thanks all.
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 sensible reply! sex is sex, very true. only means more if you really like the person though. i too bounce back on a fair few girls but didnt think of them in anymore light than the sex. glad you understood i wasnt being an a hole to you thats right 4 years is long, she will think about it. on some levels. i understand its not about getting her back for sure! and i didnt know you had already said what you thought of her, that is enough! she will stew on that forever even if its only a small amount, it will always be there. 4 years takes a lot of time to get over. And yeah you are right i was waiting but realised that isn't right anymore. if she comes back its because she wants to, who knows if that will ever happen. but i cant sit around and wait. i am letting her go. only trouble i'm having is trying to decide to delete her off fb. i dont really want to but there is a lot of logic behind it i guess, but i think i'll have the will power now to just stay strong. i'm a big boy and have lots going for me and things to look forward to. i just hope things do happen for a reason. and your last paragraph is spot on, and 100% correct. funny how doing nothing often is the best course of action or (inaction lol)
Author Sameold Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Technically speaking I think I did handle the BU well. I tried to get her back for a month which despite some people saying I shouldn't I think it was admirable, I loved her for a long time, maybe still do? But it is done. Then I drew a line literally at her doorstep when she pushed me away. I knew it was a last chance saloon that was destined to fail but now I look back and I'm proud. It is far better to go down in a blaze of passion then a wimper. It's good that I havn't contacted her since, blocking helps so much but for me it was essential as I knew she would get with this guy from work if not for convienience than anything else (some people feel insecure out of a r/s) so they make sure there is something to go to. Did I make it easier for her by blocking? I dunno, I guess there's some mystery to not knowing what someone is up to out there. D-Block, I'm not sure, I don't think this girl REALLY knows what you felt so blocking her would look a bit pyscho potentially. For now probably best to just try and stay off facebook. At some point if the feelings don't go you need to just tell her exactly how you feel and then deal with the consequences by either deleting or blocking, better out than in at that point.
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 i agree, you did the best thing, at least you tried. i always think its worth saying something than not. and you did love her for a long time so its natural. I guess that is what you have to deal with if you block them, the not knowing. on the other hand having them unblocked but not looking is kind of the same thing lol. the trick is not to keep trying or it will just make you look utterly desperate. not an image you would want to be left with in the ex's mind. thats why the end of a relationship imo is just as important as the start. hmm i think she knew how much i wanted the relationship, i went to see her, explained this before she set a sail. but she was set on being single for the experience and having no worries.. even when i met her this last time, we spoke and she expressed she was glad to have done it single as her "friends" whom she was with at the time some remained in relationships and had problems. and maybe she was right, but i know i would have tried. you could argue i shouldn't care what she thinks, and if i were to delete her maybe a message would be needed. I have stayed off face book for 5 weeks now. her updates etc are all turned off and as are her friends that are on my fb. its just her photo that gets to me, as a photo can speak a thousand words as the saying once went. i think she has made it pretty clear it was over a long time ago for her, based on the words, its been over a year.. and that she doesnt want to make plans incase they dont work out. she isnt even in the same country as me now. all seems a bit pointless sadly, you know what i mean. the only way we would ever meet again would be in the future if she is still single as am i. ive got my own hopes and dreams and i aim to satisfy them all with or without her. but then only confusing part is when we met she said she had feelings and cares.. so yeah who the hell knows what to think. all i know is letting it go is the only realistic option based on facts that i have. I could hang on and just keep it cool but life is unexpected so trying to shape anything really isn't going to work. There really isnt any harm in chatting to her, but being as it would stir up emotions and jealousy, right now just isnt worth it thats why i say i hope everything happens for a reason. sorry for thread jack
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