Met with my ex yesterday: not sure if I made things worse between us

[ItsAllOver]

I actually met up with my ex yesterday to show her some travel pictures. We actually tried to meet up a couple of weeks ago. But she was busy. This time, she agreed to go out for coffee and see the pictures. She did, however, seem rather 'iffy' in the sense that she took a while to return my texts. But she never said 'no', 'I don't know', 'maybe', or anything like that - even if it took her a while to text me back, the answer was always 'yes'. When we got there, she seemed pretty distant. For instance, she didn't want to sit next to me, but eventually did (because it would be hard to show pictures otherwise). And she rarely looked me straight in the face (except out of the corners of her eyes from time to time). On the other hand, she did seem to like the pictures. And she would even chuckle a little if she saw one of me (it seemed positive, but I'm not sure). Also, despite everything, she didn't seem to be in a huge hurry to get away - we ended up catching up for a while. And despite the fact that she seemed offish and cool, she never sighed or got 'snappy'. She even seemed to brighten up on a few occasions. In total, we probably spent maybe an hour and a half total talking. But as we left, she seemed to go pretty quickly to her car as if to avoid having me hug her. She did say that she had a nice time, but seemed somewhat hurried saying it. All of this has me wondering if I made a HUGE mistake in asking her to meet up with me. I'm not sure if I just pushed her away ALOT by doing so. On the other hand, she could have just said 'no' when I asked or not texted me back, and that would have been the end of it. What do you think?

Edited September 19, 2012 by ItsAllOver

[Am313]

No, you didn't make things worse. And you're right, she could have said no. But she didn't.

 

Will you two get back together? I have no idea. Neither do you, and neither does she.

 

Your best bet? Don't talk to her, don't see her, don't do anything at all until she does. You might be waiting a long time, but any contact you have is going to make her feel pushed or rushed.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sounds similar to my experience last week. Saw my ex (a girl I didn't date long but I developed big-time feelings for) for the first time in nearly two months after our break. She is my best friend's sister-in-law, so her, her sister, my buddy and myself all went to two baseball games over the course of the weekend.

 

I talked to her briefly the week before we hung out over text and it seemed to go well (she even offered me a ticket to a sporting event that I couldn't go to) but she acted almost exactly how your ex acted the first night we hung out. She was distant, aloof, didn't hug me hello or goodbye, would talk around me a lot, kept her space from me, acted annoyed at times and made a few snide comments but occasionally would break cover (laugh at something I'd say or smile at me when I called her by the nickname I gave her), though she'd look away and go back to her act once I would see her reacting positively. I kept my cool and didn't react to it (the seats she got us were so good that she could have stabbed me in the thigh with a knife and I would have been fine), but at the end of the night I had the same thoughts as you, wondering if I had made things worse and if I really wanted to spend time hanging out with this alien version of her. Only thing that was positive (besides her breaking cover to laugh or smile at me for brief seconds) was that she didn't freak out when I gave her a quick shoulder rub on her way out. She was relaxed and didn't tense up or bolt. But yeah, I was like "the hell with this", but I knew I had one more day with her.

 

On a good note potentially for you (if our cases are similar at all), she was a lot friendlier the second day, albeit after a rocky start where she textbombed my phone making completely illogical plans for my friend and I to meet up with her and her sister (but then again, I guess she could have textbombed his phone, so whatever). She wasn't flirty at all really, but she was engaging me in one-on-one conversation, not trying to distance herself from me (even sat next to me willingly in the back seat of the car), and was overall just a lot more normal and pleasant to deal with. At the end of the day, she gave me a hug and said "I'm sure I'll see you soon." Most likely a throwaway comment that means nothing, but still a lot more positive that the vibe she gave out Friday. Since then she's tagged me in a funny photo on Facebook which I commented on, but that's about it. Her birthday is tomorrow so I'll text her happy birthday and see if that leads to anything, be it a drink or dinner or even a cameo at whatever birthday party she's having assuming she's having one.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't go out of your way to badger her and I'd let her come to you, but her weird behavior might have been her defense mechanism while she was working out issues with you in her head. I bet the next time you see her she's warmer and friendlier and closer to the girl you dated. Would that mean she's on the verge of taking you back? Who knows, I wouldn't assume that would happen until if and when it does happen. But as long as you played it cool and didn't react to her weirdness, I bet you'll have a better, more productive second meeting with her.

[ItsAllOver]

Well, just today (one day later), she made a post on facebook which I think was directly influenced by our meeting yesterday. I think that, in a way, she is implicitly telling me EXACTLY what she wants of me. But when I think of everything that happened between us, I don't know that it speaks very well of her as a person, though (it also explains why she wouldn't tell me straight to my face why she dumped me). If nothing else, it might help me to move on. The BEST would be actually doing what she wants (which is something I know I NEED to do), watching her do a complete 180, and rejecting HER!

Edited September 20, 2012 by ItsAllOver