LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 One thing my sister told me today. You don't NEED anyone.. you should be able to meet your own goals yourself. You don't need someone to support you or give you support. You should be able to stand on your own 2 feet and if you fall, should be able to stand back up yourself! The fact is so many single people are doing well in their life. They don't NEED anyone, so why can't we do the same. We can move on and know that it was great to have someone in our life, BUT we do NOT NEED them in our life. We can still go on with life with ourselves.
Svet74 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 He is with someone else wants to keep you on the side as back up take your power back, NC and ignore him completely.
Author Berna Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Thank you all for your replies. I will certainly give a thought on what you all have said. He is with someone else wants to keep you on the side as back up take your power back, NC and ignore him completely. I can't ignore him completely and go NC. You probably missed the fact that we work together, so what you are saying is impossible. It doesn't matter if he is with someone else or not (apart from the fact that we can't know as we are neither Sherlock Holmses nor God), but obviously he doesn't want to be with me. And obviously I don't want to continue the relationship as it was, since I need more than that.
leoc1973 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Are you sure this guy isn't married already? or in a serious relationship?
Author Berna Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 I am sure he isn't married I can't be sure whether he is in a relationship. But as I said before, that's currently irrelevant, since he doesn't want to be with me.
Author Berna Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 It's been 10 days and I am fluctuating somewhere between denial and acceptance that it's over. When I am denying and hoping I don't feel good, and when I am accepting it I don't feel good either. Sometimes I wish we could go NC completely, because when we talk I feel bad afterwards. Mornings and evenings are the worst, and I often wake up in the middle of the night feeling sad because I see him in my dreams. I can't even imagine how I will feel when I actually see him. He has been away for two months. Ah well.. On the positive side, I am feeling okay and functioning normal during the day.
Author Berna Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 It's been three weeks now, and I am doing okay. By doing okay, I mean, I work, I go for walks, I eat and sleep normally, I am positive about the future. He tried to toss me some breadcrumbs last week, and I told him not to do that anymore. So right now we communicate only for work. Trouble is, he announced that he is coming here in November. I am not sure I'll be able to face him in November. It's in 3 weeks! I can't lie, I still love him. The distance makes the breakup easier though. But when I see him? Any advice from you guys, I'd really appreciate. I want to be prepared mentally to face him. I don't want to break down in front of him. I want to be strong and normal.
geegirl Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) "He who cares the least, controls the relationship." And he knows this. He has control. And when he comes in November, he will either entice you or he will leave you alone. How long will he be working in your office? What can you do and how can you control this? Boundaries. Enforce them like your life depends on it. Keep your interactions to a minimum. Discuss work, and only work. Avoid places where you know there's a possibility that you may be alone with him. If he starts sweet talking, bringing up the past -- end it by saying that you would like for him to respect your need to keep communication strictly professional. Politely walk away. You don't want him sensing hostility because then he knows you're affected. And when he knows you're affected, he knows you're attached. Fake it till you make it. If you feel like dying inside, get to the restroom and let it out. Try to compose yourself. Straighten up and gain control and keep your focus on work. If he's a douchebag, and knowing that he has power, he will entice you. No, no, no. Don't have sex with him no matter what he tells you. Sex will be your deathtrap. And seeing that he is in the area alone, he will want to take you to dinner, want your company, etc. It's going to be difficult Berna. You'll look at his hair, face, body, smile and it will stab you inside. It'll kill you even more if he tries to communicate with you. You must not give in. All these are superficial, surface level enticements. And when you feel that way, go somewhere and focus and get your thoughts together. Self-talk. What are the realities of him? How did he treat you? How many times did he reject you? Remind yourself of fact, truth and reality. Remind. Remind. Remind. If you have to write it all down and keep it by your side, do it. When you feel like crumbling, read it all and counter those bad feelings. You do whatever it takes to show him that you are in control, even when you are dying inside. If you feel weak, come here and post or call a friend and talk it out before you react. No reacting. You have three weeks. You sound like you have been doing great, in that you are focused on wanting to get to a better place, breadcrumbs or not. When he is here, he will do the same, except it will be in person. Nothing changes. Remember that. Edited October 11, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author Berna Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Thanks geegirl for the reply. I'll do my best to follow your advice. It's for the best. He usually stays for 4-5 days. Trouble is, I am also a translator (he is Greek), so I go with him on meetings and spend much less time in the office than I usually do. We are practically together all the time.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Thanks geegirl for the reply. I'll do my best to follow your advice. It's for the best. He usually stays for 4-5 days. Trouble is, I am also a translator (he is Greek), so I go with him on meetings and spend much less time in the office than I usually do. We are practically together all the time. Can you drive in separate cars to your meetings? That only allows you to interact when it's necessary.
Author Berna Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Not really. And it would be weird.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Not really. And it would be weird. Which would you rather -- weird or smart? You do that smart thing to protect yourself. When faced with these type of situations, you do what is in your best interest and not worry about what looks weird.
Author Berna Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Well, I don't have a car myself, and it's usually our colleagues and distributors that drive us, sometimes we go to other cities.. So yep, weird and practically impossible
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well, I don't have a car myself, and it's usually our colleagues and distributors that drive us, sometimes we go to other cities.. So yep, weird and practically impossible I see. At least you won't be in the car alone with him. Best you can do is keep it professional at all times.
Drseussgrrl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 This is exactly where the phrase "don't sh*t where you eat" comes from.
Author Berna Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 This is exactly where the phrase "don't sh*t where you eat" comes from. Thank you very much. The last thing I need right now is someone who is playing it smart.
Author Berna Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 It's been a month. We are really LC now and talking only about work. I haven't heard from him in 3 days, and I can't say I miss him. I like it better that way. I've also decided to take my life in my own hands, finally. I'm moving out from my parents' house on November 1st. I am really looking forward. My friend and I are going to rent a house, which is near the river, and I hold my hopes high that life will get better. I'll have a blast with my dog
geegirl Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's been a month. We are really LC now and talking only about work. I haven't heard from him in 3 days, and I can't say I miss him. I like it better that way. I've also decided to take my life in my own hands, finally. I'm moving out from my parents' house on November 1st. I am really looking forward. My friend and I are going to rent a house, which is near the river, and I hold my hopes high that life will get better. I'll have a blast with my dog Good for you, Berna! Go back and read you past threads and see the progress you have made. It's a great boost to your self-esteem when you see how far you've come and realize how much strength you really do have within to make those changes in your life. You'll want to keep going further. Your doggie is adorable! Keep making great choices for yourself and you'll see that it's all going to get better. 1
Author Berna Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks The puppy in the avatar is not mine. I have a Lab. He has also helped me a lot when I was sad and desperate. I love him to bits. This is him: http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/576902_10152175139390300_617976917_n.jpg (forgive me for the OT )
geegirl Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks The puppy in the avatar is not mine. I have a Lab. He has also helped me a lot when I was sad and desperate. I love him to bits. This is him: http://sphotos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/576902_10152175139390300_617976917_n.jpg (forgive me for the OT ) Oh! What a cutie pie! I love yellow labs. They have perpetual smiles on their faces! What's his name?
Author Berna Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Yes, he looks like he's always smiling He is such a positive little being. His name is Cookie, I have more pictures of him here (yep, photography is my hobby) Flickr: BernaPhotography's Photostream
geegirl Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Yes, he looks like he's always smiling He is such a positive little being. His name is Cookie, I have more pictures of him here (yep, photography is my hobby) Flickr: BernaPhotography's Photostream Who needs a sily man, Berna! This little guy is all you need to feel loved and cherished! Love the pictures. He's adorable!
Author Berna Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Who needs a sily man, Berna! This little guy is all you need to feel loved and cherished! Love the pictures. He's adorable! LOL, true
Author Berna Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 I think this title should change to "I AM SO STUPID!!!" I don't know what got me today, but I did it. There is a girl I have suspected he was with in the first months of our relationship. He admitted she was his girlfriend for 5 years, but told me it was over with her, because "she got fat". LOL. Well, as she lived in another town, I quickly forgot about her. He claimed she was just his friend. Well, today, I checked her Facebook. I found out they were living together! I don't know for how long, maybe not from the beginning of our relationship, but they were living together for a while, certainly. It all makes sense now!! HOW STUPID I AM!! I called him, he said he was busy and will call me in the afternoon, I didn't tell him anything yet but he will not run away with this!! UGH, SO STUPID... :mad:
geegirl Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I think this title should change to "I AM SO STUPID!!!" I don't know what got me today, but I did it. There is a girl I have suspected he was with in the first months of our relationship. He admitted she was his girlfriend for 5 years, but told me it was over with her, because "she got fat". LOL. Well, as she lived in another town, I quickly forgot about her. He claimed she was just his friend. Well, today, I checked her Facebook. I found out they were living together! I don't know for how long, maybe not from the beginning of our relationship, but they were living together for a while, certainly. It all makes sense now!! HOW STUPID I AM!! I called him, he said he was busy and will call me in the afternoon, I didn't tell him anything yet but he will not run away with this!! UGH, SO STUPID... :mad: It would have been best for you to not contact him. Now he knows you are still attached and as usual will lie again about the whole thing. At least you know what you're dealing with. I hope you get the answers you need to move on from this and accept that this situation was never good for you.
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