Today? I'm out...

[AnotherRound]

Well, apparently the roller coaster isn't over. *sigh* I sure wish it would be, as I'm not much of a fan of it at this point.

 

Some of you have read my other post about the 180 switch I had recently. Then, I went back... almost right back to where I started, but not quite. Today... nothing triggered it, nothing happened, nothing new... just woke up feeling like I do not want anything to do with exMM.

 

I guess my issue is, not understanding it all. I have a huge need to understand EVERYTHING. I don't have to agree, I don't have to get others to agree... I just have to understand it. And that's pretty difficult with emotions sometimes, as we are all aware.

 

I had been off the roller coaster for a year solid (year and a half total, but some back and forth in the first 6 months). An entire solid year. It was good. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was NOT confusing.

 

Now, I feel like I'm back on it. Struggling with myself, back and forth. Trying to understand, analyze, figure it out... and make good decisions.

 

What says the rest of you? Roller coasters of emotions and feelings and thoughts and decisions? I know that life is never static, and I'm appreciative of that, but how do the rest of you handle the roller coasters of life? What coping skills do you utilize? How do you take care of you so that the roller coaster doesn't debilitate you?

[eleanorrigby]

What do you still feel you need to understand exactly?

[AnotherRound]

What do you still feel you need to understand exactly?

 

I guess, the "why". It's a curse really, that I have this intense need to always understand everything and why everything is as it is.

 

In this situation? Probably mostly the why of it all. Why me (not in self pity, but why did he pick me?)... why did he stay? Why did his stbxw stay? Why did we last so long? Why did I end it exactly (my understanding of this is still pretty minimal, as I can't pinpoint anything specific other than a general feeling of malaise about it all?). Why did he marry her, and her him, in the first place? Why did they ever think that they would work when they are so incompatible? Why am I still even worrying about it? Why did I feel so much love for him? Why do I miss him? Why am I questioning whether or not I should give him a chance with me? Why is he even considering that at this point? What if he's not serious? What if he IS just looking for a soft place to land? What if he's not? What if he's sincere? What if his love for me really is legit? What if I make the wrong decision? How will I handle that if I do? Will I always regret it if I don't?

 

It just goes on and on. Like I said, it's a curse to me sometimes that I have to churn things over and over in my head. I'm always trying to see things from so many sides, sides that I don't always understand... then I'm off trying to understand that. And in the end, it's usually a waste of energy, bc the why isn't really all that important in some cases. Or, even if it is, it doesn't really matter, bc even if I understand it, I have no power regarding it anyway.

 

Just thinking a lot, and feeling a lot... and always trying to understand. It can get exhausting, and I was just wondering if anyone feels this too, and how they handle it when they do. I can usually cope with it pretty well, as it's pretty normal for me, but the last few days have been pretty emotionally trying for me just from churning it (overanalyzing it).

 

Too much thinking, bc realistically, there is no action I can take right now. Well, unless I wanted to interfere with them and muddle up their divorce proceedings, or try to work it in my "favor". Although, at this point, I don't even know what "my favor" would be? Me and him together? I don't even know if I want that at all...

 

Sorry, I know it's incoherent some... my brain just works in such a rapid and chaotic way sometimes.

[eleanorrigby]

Jettison all your questions about their marriage. You will never fully and truly understand any other marriage but your own.

 

You have a lot of questions though.

 

I think your first job is working on the questions that need to be answered right now.

[whichwayisup]

After so much progess, you really need to focus on not caring. yes I do understand the frame of mind of wanting to know the why's and how's, but don't make this complicated. The bottomline is, the A is over and you need to go on with your life and close this chapter of your life. Forever.

 

You may never find out the answers to your questions, things you'd like to know. And even if he were to answer all your questions, you'd probably question his answers and wonder if he was telling you what you wanted to hear etc..

 

I could be totally wrong here and if I am, ignore this part..But, I just see this as a way for you to maybe hang onto him, like you're not totally ready to let go, get him completely out of your heart/head, like a bad habit. Or a security blanket. Even though it's over and you're still letting it get to you and going on that rollercoaster ride.

[AnotherRound]

Jettison all your questions about their marriage. You will never fully and truly understand any other marriage but your own.

 

You have a lot of questions though.

 

I think your first job is working on the questions that need to be answered right now.

 

 

You're right. I think that's why I get frustrated with it, bc I KNOW that I can't know those things definitely, so I can't understand them. But I feel like I need to understand them in order to make any good decisions regarding him in the future, if that becomes necessary.

 

I do have lots... lol. Some of that is my OCD, compulsive thoughts. It's been that way since I was a kid. My Mom used to say that I wore her out as a kid asking her question after question... that I questioned EVERYTHING. lol Poor Mom. It has never left me, that need to understand everything and everyone, where they are coming from, why they do what they do. Probably EXACTLY why I do the work I do, lol. Considering that it is all about helping people figure these things out for themselves... problem is, I don't have anyone to help me figure out my own stuff! lol Well, except my best friend, who is in the same line of work. Thank the universe for her, and her patience!

[whichwayisup]

But I feel like I need to understand them in order to make any good decisions regarding him in the future, if that becomes necessary.

 

And this is why you're on the rollercoaster. you still have hope for the future.

 

You need to get rid of that last bit of hope so you can truly grieve the loss and let go completely..Not care at all.

 

The OCD and the thoughts - KEEP busy! That's the only way to not let this get to you so much. Be proactive in fighting the thoughts. Being in your head too much is what also is messing you up.

[sleepie]

AR:

 

I understand. I have degrees in psych, and though I never practiced, I, like you, feel the need to understand. To analyze. To ask why, why, why. To ruminate.

 

Some of it is in our nature--human nature, I think--to seek answers.

 

Some of it is in our emotions. Our desire to find some sort of balance. Some sort of understanding. Some way to put our feelings (and his) into a neat emotional box.

 

Some of it is a way of hanging on. Maybe not to HIM, exactly, but a way of hanging on to love, to the feelings, to the attachment.

 

It's natural, during a mix of emotions, to dwell on it. To turn it over and over in your mind. To look at it from all angles, like it's a Rubik's Cube.

 

The only thing that worked for me was complete detachment. In other posts you seem detached to a certain extent, but I sense that maybe you aren't completely. Something still lingers. Love, perhaps, which makes it so much harder for us to see things objectively.

 

You have to detach yourself from him--his marriage, his divorce, his life--completely to achieve the clarity that comes with a true objective viewpoint.

 

This doesn't mean you should stop analyzing your own motives, your own feelings, your own behaviors. I am still analyzing mine, as I think learning about myself is the only way to truly move forward, as self-involved as that sounds. But as far as he goes... well... the questions your asking yourself about him and his marriage will never be answered. Not really. And they aren't the important questions anyway.

[AnotherRound]

After so much progess, you really need to focus on not caring. yes I do understand the frame of mind of wanting to know the why's and how's, but don't make this complicated. The bottomline is, the A is over and you need to go on with your life and close this chapter of your life. Forever.

 

You may never find out the answers to your questions, things you'd like to know. And even if he were to answer all your questions, you'd probably question his answers and wonder if he was telling you what you wanted to hear etc..

 

I could be totally wrong here and if I am, ignore this part..But, I just see this as a way for you to maybe hang onto him, like you're not totally ready to let go, get him completely out of your heart/head, like a bad habit. Or a security blanket. Even though it's over and you're still letting it get to you and going on that rollercoaster ride.

 

That's the thing... I don't even think it's about "caring" about it. As much as it is just this compulsive thinking pattern that I give in to sometimes. I do have OCD, and part of that is the thinking - just having tons of thoughts and questions tumbling around in my head. I am used to it, and usually handle it pretty well. But for the past few days, I've been struggling to sleep, to eat right, etc. So, I know it's pretty bad right now, in that it's affecting my life more than I usually allow it to.

 

This is also a bad time of year for me anyway, so that's not helping. I think I just have a lot going on, and that whole issue is just one more thing on my plate when my plate was already full. And it just has so many corridors, that I feel the need to explore, even if the only result is that I understand - no action needed.

 

And you could be right on that, the habit thing. Because it does kind of feel like that. Like, I don't want to be with him, and I don't really have a lot of "feelings" about it all, as much as I'm having thoughts about it. As in, I'm not hoping that he ends up with me, I honestly don't care at this point. But I can't stop thinking about, what if he does? Then what? And that starts it all.

 

It's also part of my need to be prepared. To be ready for whatever may come my way so that I don't have to make an uninformed decision. It's totally overanalyzing, I'm aware of that. I just don't know why it's been so bad lately, or why it's affecting me so much recently.

 

I will think about the security blanket thing, as you may be on to something there. I also think that I'm worried that he WILL stick with his decision to not reconcile and want to be with me. I almost just don't want to have to make any decisions about it, and hope that they reconcile and live happily ever after. Because then, I won't have to make a decision, or deal with any of it.

[sleepie]

I hate that this forum doesn't let us edit spelling/grammar errors.

 

In my previous post, it should've read:

 

...the questions you're asking yourself...

 

Damn. I'm anal.

[AnotherRound]

AR:

 

I understand. I have degrees in psych, and though I never practiced, I, like you, feel the need to understand. To analyze. To ask why, why, why. To ruminate.

 

Some of it is in our nature--human nature, I think--to seek answers.

 

Some of it is in our emotions. Our desire to find some sort of balance. Some sort of understanding. Some way to put our feelings (and his) into a neat emotional box.

 

Some of it is a way of hanging on. Maybe not to HIM, exactly, but a way of hanging on to love, to the feelings, to the attachment.

 

It's natural, during a mix of emotions, to dwell on it. To turn it over and over in your mind. To look at it from all angles, like it's a Rubik's Cube.

 

The only thing that worked for me was complete detachment. In other posts you seem detached to a certain extent, but I sense that maybe you aren't completely. Something still lingers. Love, perhaps, which makes it so much harder for us to see things objectively.

 

You have to detach yourself from him--his marriage, his divorce, his life--completely to achieve the clarity that comes with a true objective viewpoint.

 

This doesn't mean you should stop analyzing your own motives, your own feelings, your own behaviors. I am still analyzing mine, as I think learning about myself is the only way to truly move forward, as self-involved as that sounds. But as far as he goes... well... the questions your asking yourself about him and his marriage will never be answered. Not really. And they aren't the important questions anyway.

 

Exactly! So you get it?

 

Ruminate. Great word, as that is exactly what I'm doing.

 

I do feel detached, in so many ways. I never stopped loving him, and maybe that's it. But I think that the fact that I allowed myself to have those 3 convos with him, about his divorce and issues and such, has set me WAY back. In that, it brought me smack back into the drama again. And it was so PEACEFUL not being there.

 

Not to mention, how healthy can it be for me to be providing support to him regarding his marriage/divorce? I mean, as neutral as I was able to be, I can't ever be totally neutral bc I love him.

 

I have cut that off. I simply told him that it wasn't healthy, nor helpful, and that he would need to work through this deal on his own. He was understanding and appreciative of the support that I had provided (and its neutrality, which I really was proud of), but agreed to not "drag me in" to it all.

 

We haven't spoken since. It wasn't that long ago, last week sometime? But I think those 3 convos (about 12 hours of talking all together) was enough. More than enough to get me completely embroiled in it all again. Man, I really did enjoy not having to think about them and their problems!!!!

 

So, hopefully, I can get back to that detachment again fairly quickly. Hopefully, it's just a minor setback. And I did get some good rest last night, FINALLY, after about 4 days of hardly any rest at all. And plan on getting some good rest tonight, and focusing on eating better again (I've lost 10 more pounds, and am needing to stop losing weight, bc it's not healthy losing, but stress/not eating losing).

 

Thanks for the responses everyone... good insight.

[AnotherRound]

I hate that this forum doesn't let us edit spelling/grammar errors.

 

In my previous post, it should've read:

 

...the questions you're asking yourself...

 

Damn. I'm anal.

 

 

Lol. I KNOW!!!!! I'm the same. Again with my OCD... lol.

[sleepie]

I do feel detached, in so many ways. I never stopped loving him, and maybe that's it. But I think that the fact that I allowed myself to have those 3 convos with him, about his divorce and issues and such, has set me WAY back. In that, it brought me smack back into the drama again. And it was so PEACEFUL not being there.

 

We are in very similar spots, I think.

 

Although the times xMOM has broken NC haven't sent me back to Square 1, thank God, they have been setbacks. It brings him back to the forefront of my mind, when I had been (as you say) at peace with having let him go.

 

Honestly? I think some MM purposely manipulate our emotions that way. Not sure if yours is that type, as I don't know him personally. I actually think it goes one of four ways:

 

- He's manipulating you--consciously or unconsciously--because he wants you there, whether as a safety net or an ego boost.

- He does have real feelings for you, but is too self-involved to realize or care that his contact with you is negatively affecting you and your ability to move on.

- He does have real feelings for you, and he wants to express them and live them even though he hasn't worked out the s*** in his own life yet.

- A combination of the 3

 

A week or so is not a long time to go without talking. Not in my world. xMOM has contacted me after more than a month. And while it doesn't affect me the way it used to (because I have another focus now), it still does rattle me a bit. I read a TON about NC when I first discovered these forums. And I thought it would never work, as xMOM went through the break-up-and-make-up thing over and over and over again. (God, a hundred times or more.) But truly, NC is the way to go if you want to move on.

 

I understand that, if his D should go through and you and he can be happy together, that you want to leave an avenue of communication open. Many people here would say cut your losses, roll out, delete, blacklist, block, and ban. They may be right. But in the meantime, until that D is final and he's knocking on your door, you may want to reinstate NC and stick with it. As much as you love him and want to help him, holding his hand through his D will only add confusion for both you and him.

[Saba]

You're right. I think that's why I get frustrated with it, bc I KNOW that I can't know those things definitely, so I can't understand them. But I feel like I need to understand them in order to make any good decisions regarding him in the future, if that becomes necessary.

 

My bf runs all the scenarios he can think of in some situations so he can "prepare" for any possible outcome. It drives me mental as he is perfectly capable of making decisions dynamically as things unfold (as I'm sure you are). You need to trust yourself more. I am sure you can make good decisions without knowing every detail. You know yourself and that is the important part.

[AnotherRound]

My bf runs all the scenarios he can think of in some situations so he can "prepare" for any possible outcome. It drives me mental as he is perfectly capable of making decisions dynamically as things unfold (as I'm sure you are). You need to trust yourself more. I am sure you can make good decisions without knowing every detail. You know yourself and that is the important part.

 

 

Lol... yes, it will drive others mental... along with myself!

 

Yes, I am very good at handling crisis. I can stay calm and make very good decisions... when that crisis doesn't involve me, lol.

 

It's true, I'm just obsessing about "what ifs" and I need to stop. I'm working on it.

 

My best friend laughs at me for this all the time - in a nice way, lol. She is also a mental health professional, so she knows how to handle me when I get like this, and brings me back down to earth. We were recently visiting with some of her family out of state, and a male cousin of hers who is my age and I were chatting. We were discussing PTSD, and I was relating my experiences with it personally and professionally. He asked me at one point, why would you have PTSD? And I simply said, really rough childhood. At that point, he asked, "so you're always planning things out in your head?"... and my friend piped in and said, "She probably already has 150 ways to get out of this house and to safety if you go loony for any reason bc she doesn't know you very well, so, doesn't trust you yet... and even if she trusted you, she would have at least 75 ways to get out and get to safety - with the entire scenario already planned out in her head and how she would defend herself". He looked at me then, and I simply said, "yeah, I do"... and we all laughed...

 

It's not really funny, but it IS how I work. I know that I can't control everything, or plan for everything... but it's this compulsive need to be as prepared as humanly possible for ANYTHING at any time. My best friend and I can joke about it, but in reality, it can be exhausting... and even debilitating at times if I don't keep it in check (which I have learned pretty well how to do).

 

I hope that your boyfriend can learn to cope with it too. Some of us are just wired differently I guess, but since this has served me well in the past, it's difficult to let it go - bc it has LITERALLY saved my life a more times than once...

[ThatJustHappened]

We are in very similar spots, I think.

 

Although the times xMOM has broken NC haven't sent me back to Square 1, thank God, they have been setbacks. It brings him back to the forefront of my mind, when I had been (as you say) at peace with having let him go.

 

Honestly? I think some MM purposely manipulate our emotions that way. Not sure if yours is that type, as I don't know him personally. I actually think it goes one of four ways:

 

- He's manipulating you--consciously or unconsciously--because he wants you there, whether as a safety net or an ego boost.

- He does have real feelings for you, but is too self-involved to realize or care that his contact with you is negatively affecting you and your ability to move on.

- He does have real feelings for you, and he wants to express them and live them even though he hasn't worked out the s*** in his own life yet.

- A combination of the 3

 

A week or so is not a long time to go without talking. Not in my world. xMOM has contacted me after more than a month. And while it doesn't affect me the way it used to (because I have another focus now), it still does rattle me a bit. I read a TON about NC when I first discovered these forums. And I thought it would never work, as xMOM went through the break-up-and-make-up thing over and over and over again. (God, a hundred times or more.) But truly, NC is the way to go if you want to move on.

 

I understand that, if his D should go through and you and he can be happy together, that you want to leave an avenue of communication open. Many people here would say cut your losses, roll out, delete, blacklist, block, and ban. They may be right. But in the meantime, until that D is final and he's knocking on your door, you may want to reinstate NC and stick with it. As much as you love him and want to help him, holding his hand through his D will only add confusion for both you and him.

 

Bolded- how do you figure out which one it is? For relationships in general I mean.

[AnotherRound]

We are in very similar spots, I think.

 

Although the times xMOM has broken NC haven't sent me back to Square 1, thank God, they have been setbacks. It brings him back to the forefront of my mind, when I had been (as you say) at peace with having let him go.

 

Honestly? I think some MM purposely manipulate our emotions that way. Not sure if yours is that type, as I don't know him personally. I actually think it goes one of four ways:

 

- He's manipulating you--consciously or unconsciously--because he wants you there, whether as a safety net or an ego boost.

- He does have real feelings for you, but is too self-involved to realize or care that his contact with you is negatively affecting you and your ability to move on.

- He does have real feelings for you, and he wants to express them and live them even though he hasn't worked out the s*** in his own life yet.

- A combination of the 3

 

A week or so is not a long time to go without talking. Not in my world. xMOM has contacted me after more than a month. And while it doesn't affect me the way it used to (because I have another focus now), it still does rattle me a bit. I read a TON about NC when I first discovered these forums. And I thought it would never work, as xMOM went through the break-up-and-make-up thing over and over and over again. (God, a hundred times or more.) But truly, NC is the way to go if you want to move on.

 

I understand that, if his D should go through and you and he can be happy together, that you want to leave an avenue of communication open. Many people here would say cut your losses, roll out, delete, blacklist, block, and ban. They may be right. But in the meantime, until that D is final and he's knocking on your door, you may want to reinstate NC and stick with it. As much as you love him and want to help him, holding his hand through his D will only add confusion for both you and him.

 

No, a week is not a long time, I know. He JUST came back into my life about 3 weeks ago (maybe only two?) and we were in touch 3 times by phone, and then last week I asked that he not involve me in the divorce process. On the last convo, I just felt like I was spinning my wheels with him anyway in that he is JUST like me with the thinking. He was going round and round and round, and I was so dizzy by the end of it, I just said, I can't do this with you, I'm sorry.

 

I do feel bad that I'm not "there" for him. That has always been something that I have been for him... his support, his emotional outlet. I do feel sort of bad denying him that, especially since I do have a profession that allows me to have "skills" in that area that are very helpful for him. But he is seeing a therapist, so he doesn't need me. I think he wants to talk to me about it for a few reasons. One, I am a professional, so he values my input on things. Two, I do know him really well, so my feedback on him is very intimate as I have a lot of knowledge regarding what makes him tick. and Three, he thinks bc I have been intimate with him in a relationship that I can explain to him how or why his stbxw is reacting or behaving (which I obvs cannot, as I'm not her).

 

As for this...

- He's manipulating you--consciously or unconsciously--because he wants you there, whether as a safety net or an ego boost.

- He does have real feelings for you, but is too self-involved to realize or care that his contact with you is negatively affecting you and your ability to move on.

- He does have real feelings for you, and he wants to express them and live them even though he hasn't worked out the s*** in his own life yet.

- A combination of the 3d

 

I'm going to go with the third. But, of course, that is just my guess. He does realize that the contact was starting to affect me negatively, bc I told him. And when I asked for space, he thanked me for the support I have given him and agreed to leave me out of this step. And he just constantly keeps saying that he is overwhelmed with trying to disentangle himself from his marriage - all the emotions, and fears, and resentments, and such. That his head is "effed up" and that he is confused and feels like he is on a roller coaster (lol, same!).

 

So... I think that NC is best, and that is what I spoke with him about last week. So, we are NC right now, even though it hasn't been for very long. I know that they were going to court yesterday for a possible settlement so that they could dissolve the marriage without a trial, but he didn't contact me and I didn't contact him - due to the NC. As I asked him to contact me only if they were going to fully reconcile (just so I could know, not for any other reason), or if they had signed the final divorce papers (which may have happened yesterday, but I have no idea yet).

 

So, that's where I am. I will have to read your story. Esp if it seems similar, in that I find that this is a little bit different situation than many of the posters here have. So, it is nice to connect with people in more similar situations to gain some insight.

[Decorative]

If you truly have OCD with obsessive thought features, CBT can change your life, for the better.

 

I have been diagnosed as OCD since I was 11- the tools I learned through therapy have honestly been the best thing I have ever done for myself.

 

If you find yourself stuck in that pattern, therapy can be awesome.

 

 

If you mean you actually have diagnosed OCD. A lot of people say they have it to describe a more neurotic behavior set, but do not actually have it.

 

[sleepie]

Bolded- how do you figure out which one it is? For relationships in general I mean.

 

I honestly don't know if you can ever know for certain. Only the person in question knows the real truth, and even then their emotions may be so mixed (or their heads so fracked up) that THEY don't even know the real truth. Some people--especially those who are personality disordered--believe the lies they tell themselves.

 

Honestly, I haven't even figured it out in my former A. I have thought about it a good deal, and to this day I am unsure what xMOM really wanted from me and what he really felt for me. It doesn't matter anymore--I'm in another place and have other goals. And, for OW/OM who are trying to move on, I think that's an important place to reach. We'll never know what MM/MW really thought and felt. So we have to reach a point where it doesn't matter, simply because the MM/MW has ceased to be important in our lives.

[BetrayedH]

I don't have a solution for the obsessive thinking but I can tell you that you are not alone in trying to understand it all. As a BS, I guess I'm just trying to say it's the same in another corner of the triangle. I am 18 months removed from Dday and basically just signed divorce papers. So what's left that is relevant to understand, right? Nothing really. Yet here I am every day for a year and a half trying to somehow piece it all together. I have similar feelings that somehow "understanding" it will give me closure or something. I don't think that's going to happen. Like you have questions about their marriage, I have questions about my wife's affair. They're not going to get answered and reaching acceptance of that is an eventual goal. Reaching indifference is another. I'm not quite there yet. What I see in your situation is that renewed involvement has set you back. Their drama is not over and now you have sleepless nights, unable to eat, etc.. Put a stop to that. Maybe you have a future with this man but my recommendation is that it won't be healthy until he is no longer "effed up." Otherwise you will feel like a rebound and a soft place to land. Get back to that peaceful detachment and if it ever looks like you are both healthy and stable (and single) and interested again like a year after his divorce, I think you'll find yourself questioning the relationship much less. Until then, I think firm NC (again) is best for all three of you. Changing that did you no good.

[AnotherRound]

If you truly have OCD with obsessive thought features, CBT can change your life, for the better.

 

I have been diagnosed as OCD since I was 11- the tools I learned through therapy have honestly been the best thing I have ever done for myself.

 

If you find yourself stuck in that pattern, therapy can be awesome.

 

 

If you mean you actually have diagnosed OCD. A lot of people say they have it to describe a more neurotic behavior set, but do not actually have it.

 

 

Yes, dx'd with OCD as a child, and it remains a dx. I have had CBT and even participated in DBT for the PTSD, and all have been very effective. ) I have gotten pretty good at using effective coping skills with the thinking patterns, just a little off tracj right now. Like I said, this time of year is tough every year as it is the anniversary (coming up) of my mother being murdered when she was 37 years old. I tend to struggle a little more during the fall, and exMM throwing me for a loop just exacerbated it all I think.

 

I am glad that you have found counseling helpful. I think everyone can benefit from it. )

[Decorative]

I don't think everyone needs CBT. LOL So I will disagree with you that everyone can benefit from it.

 

I am glad that you have had it- so you have the tools in place to handle the upheaval and get back on track, and not be distracted by your MM's nonsense. And it really is nonsense. You deserve better than to be someone's just in case.

[eleanorrigby]

I don't think everyone needs CBT. LOL So I will disagree with you that everyone can benefit from it.

 

I am glad that you have had it- so you have the tools in place to handle the upheaval and get back on track, and not be distracted by your MM's nonsense. And it really is nonsense. You deserve better than to be someone's just in case.

 

What is CBT in this context? (I'm totally thinking of the other acronym for CBT, but sure that is not what you are talking about here lol)

[BetrayedH]

What is CBT in this context? (I'm totally thinking of the other acronym for CBT, but sure that is not what you are talking about here lol)

 

I assume it's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

[todreaminblue]

Well, apparently the roller coaster isn't over. *sigh* I sure wish it would be, as I'm not much of a fan of it at this point.

 

Some of you have read my other post about the 180 switch I had recently. Then, I went back... almost right back to where I started, but not quite. Today... nothing triggered it, nothing happened, nothing new... just woke up feeling like I do not want anything to do with exMM.

 

I guess my issue is, not understanding it all. I have a huge need to understand EVERYTHING. I don't have to agree, I don't have to get others to agree... I just have to understand it. And that's pretty difficult with emotions sometimes, as we are all aware.

 

I had been off the roller coaster for a year solid (year and a half total, but some back and forth in the first 6 months). An entire solid year. It was good. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was NOT confusing.

 

Now, I feel like I'm back on it. Struggling with myself, back and forth. Trying to understand, analyze, figure it out... and make good decisions.

 

What says the rest of you? Roller coasters of emotions and feelings and thoughts and decisions? I know that life is never static, and I'm appreciative of that, but how do the rest of you handle the roller coasters of life? What coping skills do you utilize? How do you take care of you so that the roller coaster doesn't debilitate you?

 

 

you sound like me i always want to understand everything some things i have let go lately as far as getting off the rollercoaster......

 

 

 

 

you cant get off and stand to the side, you sit at the front you put your hands up in the air and you ride it.Good or bad.........good luck ill save you a seat......deb