heartvsmind Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Hi, I am in desperate need of some advice! My husband and I have been dealing with some issues for about a year now. We have been married for over 5 years. We get along fine. Most of our issues are sexual in nature. I don't like things that he wants to do and there is little room for negotiation. It seems to be an all or nothing thing for him. To make it more complicated, I am unsure about my sexuality. I am not attracted to any man and I think this is making matters worse. A few days ago, it was decided that we would separate for awhile. This was actually a relief for me. I am so exhausted from trying for so long. I just want to find happiness and move on with life. But, now my husband says we need to try harder to make it work. I don't know if it's worth my energy. We have tried many things this past year and we always end up back with the same issues. I have been going to individual therapy for about 5 months now which has helped me come to terms with my feelings. I have asked him to also go but he has yet to meet with anyone. He promises that he will go to therapy and try hard to make things work. We also have a young child. I know that it would be best for us to stay together for the child but I also know that our child needs to grow up in a healthy relationship. Staying together isn't always the best option. I want to keep things as consistent as possible for the child. Which is partly why I am leaning towards ending the marriage now. I feel like the back and forth of trying to make it work is worse than just ending it and letting things settle down. Sorry! This is becoming a novel. My question is, when do you just decide that enough is enough?
riverratt Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 There isn't an answer to when enough is enough. It is up to the person.. It sounds like you need to figure you out. Not knocking you or saying this is your fault by any means. You mentioned your H going to counseling. What is it that you him to do? Is sex the main issue? Is he a good father and husband? As far as sex goes is there things you like he won't do? What I am asking, do you see away that this issue can be worked on or is he, or both of you, not willing to give?
Author heartvsmind Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 I absolutely agree. I do need to figure myself out. That is the main reason I have been going to counseling. My husband has not done any counseling so far. I feel like I am not able to really figure myself out because he won't give me the space to do it. I feel constantly manipulated by him. He cries when I try to discuss things with him which makes me stop. I had made the decision on my end to try to make things work. I left my job that I loved and made good money at so we could move towards family for support. As soon as I gave up my job, he tells me we should separate. Since we were already moving it seemed like a good idea to separate now. So now, I have a crappy job. Living with my parents with my child. Husband has a decent job and is renting a house. Part of me feels like he wanted to put me in this situation so that I would feel helpless and stay with him. I do feel helpless but I am not letting that push me back towards him. The other thing is that I cannot trust him! As far as I know he has never cheated. But, I started a journal when I started counseling. He felt it was his right to read my private journal as well as go through my computer history and phone. I did nothing wrong. But I felt very violated and I cannot trust him. Sex is really the main issue. He is a good father. As a husband, I feel neglected and used. He requires extensive sexual activities that I just cannot make myself ok with. And he has said a number of times that if he doesnt get his "activities" a certain amount of times then he wont be happy and we should divorce. I would be fine with having sex but he has specific things that he requires.
riverratt Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Sounds like he doesn't trust you. I know that guys can get pretty weird during a time like this and will look back and say that they were idiots. I know..personally.. If he did pull a fast one on you then I would leave him quick. That is wrong and you will never be able to trust him and if the relationship is all about sex then let it go. Just my opinion...
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