alvarehe Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 OK, So I know I'm not the first chick to have a guy pull the "he's just not that into you" routine. But then again I'm not ENTIRELY sure that is the case. I met a guy (we are both 34) several months ago while visiting family (I lived in another state but was preparing to move there). We hit it off, exchanged numbers, and began texting and talking on the phone fairly regularly. One day.. POOF... gone. after a few failed attempts at contact, I let it go. I moved and was there for a bit. I never removed his number from my phone and his name is close enough in the first few letters to my sis-in-law that during a quick text about my kids birthday party, I sent it to him (this is about 2 months after we last spoke). When he asked who it was I felt so embarrassed... I simply said it was me and that I was sorry and wouldn't bug him again. He replied back that "his head was clear now" and proceeded to ask me out for dinner. He later explained that he had gotten worried he was getting to close to me and with him not being certain I was actually coming, he backed off. I understood that and I never held it against him. He then kissed me... and well... (hangs head in shame) we ended up sleeping together. It was amazing. He said he wanted to see me again. We texted a few times back and forth and when I mentioned possibly seeing him again he'd say "For sure. I'd love to see you soon". But then wouldn't make any plans with me. I'm not the kind to text all of the time so A week would go by and I would say something casual (hope you're well, etc...) and he'd give me the "we'll talk soon" response. I even told him that I would Love to cook dinner for him sometime when he wasn't busy and he said he'd like that (again no date set). I told him that I was fine not pushing anything and just having fun with this (didn't need to label anything just wanted to get to know him better and be around grown ups). I knew he had a busy job and was a single dad but after 6 weeks of this I finally asked him if he even WANTED to see me again. he said this: "I totally think you are so cool Someday would like to catch up again. I am just super busy fathering and work. Don't want to lead you on either. In saying that let's keep in touch though. Have a great weekend".... OUCH! I replied that I felt a sexual chemistry and enjoyed being around him and that I thought he had enjoyed it too. He responded (after a long pause) with "Of course I had that chemistry with you. I really hope we can see each other again as well. I enjoyed your company".... So is this a legit KISS OF DEATH or is there more sincerity in that than I think? I left the door open after that with a "well you have my number" response but haven't sent anything since. I'm leaving the ball in his court and am seeing other people but I can't help but wonder if he is serious or just trying to let me down easy. I guess him sending that final "of course I felt chemistry" response left me feeling confused. Whats your take?
FitChick Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 It sounds like he has other priorities and doesn't have the time or energy to date you. If he lives locally you should be able to find out if he is dating other women. Move on. He knows where to find you.
oldskl Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 You were bang for buck when it suited him. Pump n dump. Don't do that again! Next!
todreaminblue Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 OK, So I know I'm not the first chick to have a guy pull the "he's just not that into you" routine. But then again I'm not ENTIRELY sure that is the case. I met a guy (we are both 34) several months ago while visiting family (I lived in another state but was preparing to move there). We hit it off, exchanged numbers, and began texting and talking on the phone fairly regularly. One day.. POOF... gone. after a few failed attempts at contact, I let it go. I moved and was there for a bit. I never removed his number from my phone and his name is close enough in the first few letters to my sis-in-law that during a quick text about my kids birthday party, I sent it to him (this is about 2 months after we last spoke). When he asked who it was I felt so embarrassed... I simply said it was me and that I was sorry and wouldn't bug him again. He replied back that "his head was clear now" and proceeded to ask me out for dinner. He later explained that he had gotten worried he was getting to close to me and with him not being certain I was actually coming, he backed off. I understood that and I never held it against him. He then kissed me... and well... (hangs head in shame) we ended up sleeping together. It was amazing. He said he wanted to see me again. We texted a few times back and forth and when I mentioned possibly seeing him again he'd say "For sure. I'd love to see you soon". But then wouldn't make any plans with me. I'm not the kind to text all of the time so A week would go by and I would say something casual (hope you're well, etc...) and he'd give me the "we'll talk soon" response. I even told him that I would Love to cook dinner for him sometime when he wasn't busy and he said he'd like that (again no date set). I told him that I was fine not pushing anything and just having fun with this (didn't need to label anything just wanted to get to know him better and be around grown ups). I knew he had a busy job and was a single dad but after 6 weeks of this I finally asked him if he even WANTED to see me again. he said this: "I totally think you are so cool Someday would like to catch up again. I am just super busy fathering and work. Don't want to lead you on either. In saying that let's keep in touch though. Have a great weekend".... OUCH! I replied that I felt a sexual chemistry and enjoyed being around him and that I thought he had enjoyed it too. He responded (after a long pause) with "Of course I had that chemistry with you. I really hope we can see each other again as well. I enjoyed your company".... So is this a legit KISS OF DEATH or is there more sincerity in that than I think? I left the door open after that with a "well you have my number" response but haven't sent anything since. I'm leaving the ball in his court and am seeing other people but I can't help but wonder if he is serious or just trying to let me down easy. I guess him sending that final "of course I felt chemistry" response left me feeling confused. Whats your take? death knell before the kiss of death i feel for you the positive thing i can say is you can move on and find someone not only that you have a sexual attraction to but who might become a more caring and thoughtful person who actually set dates with you keeps them with an added you both have a blast outside of silken sheets......bed time is fine but no one wants to stay in bed for ever...sexual chemistry is only part of the full package...good luck.....hope you find someone special......deb
ascendotum Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 So is this a legit KISS OF DEATH or is there more sincerity in that than I think? I left the door open He's still interested, but not just right now, but soon. Send him another text in a month to prompt him. I felt you really should not have given him a 2nd chance when he left you in the lurch the first time, but I get it you liked him. IMO, you are right when you said...he's just not that into you.
Later82012 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I think he just wants to sleep with you whenever it is convenient for him.
Author alvarehe Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Thanks everyone... I am dating other people and I have a feeling he'll show back up. I havent told EVERY detail so Im sure certain elements might change how this situation is viewed, Thing is... I'm OK with not having a serious relationship right now. So its fine if he wasn't "there" yet. I was just curious as to what he was really thinking. No crying in my beer over here.
2sure Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I think you both had chemistry, but it turned out to be not quite enough for him to pursue it. And that's fine! It doesn't mean that you weren't wonderful, it just means you didn't quite fit. Let it go. Don't look back. Don't go out with him again if he calls between dating others, only because the outcome will be the same.
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