me and my ex still act like a couple

[johnc342345]

Hey everyone please any help with this matter would be greatly appreciated. I've talked to this girl for 7 months straight we were like best friends i kept all my feelings in check though and never told her how i felt about her. Well she persued me for 7 months and we always hung out had such a blast together but she would always get mad at me cause i never told her i loved her . I honestly didnt know what i had, well the during the 6th month i started to really have feelings for this girl, then the 7th month we argue cause she texted me saying you love me dont you and all i said was maybe well we dont text for 2-3 days keep in mind i had the'' i dont care attitude'' going on.

Well she deleted me from facebook then her friend tells me shes in a relationship it broke my heart and i freak out and my world falls apart i texted her telling her finally how i really felt for a couple days then she starts responding with positive things well i ask her to come over and she does we pick up right where we left off with fun laughter and i tell her i do love her and want to be with her well she drops the other guy and we get together and shes always honest she told me he gave her the attention i didnt and she was honest and told me she did have sex with him that kinda hurt but i tried to get over it but its always in the back of my head.

Well ever since that happened ive been in panic mode with her like i was too clingy and showed i cared too much was checking up on her too much because i felt that i could lose her again if i didnt show her enough emotion. I didnt trust her the way i should have, considering she wont even lie to her boss about why shes late for work but she started being more distant towards me her friends basically always came first and i was always last on her list she started acting like she didnt care action wise, but her words always were that she loved me to death and never wanted to lose me.

 

So we talked about everything and she kept wanting to take breaks not break up but breaks from seeing each other so much cause i was smothering her that made me worry even more well i started to back off id give her, her space and basically did everything she wanted me to do. She says i always bitch if she cant see me and that i was too clingy so i did everything to back off and put my own insecurities aside she has even told friends that i did back off a lot the last 2 weeks we were together.

I told her that if you acted like you cared more then we would be a lot better and it would ease a lot of my worrying also . well she saw that i changed and backed off well one day i get a text from her saying she cant do this anymore she doesnt want to be together anymore but she knows she doesnt want me out of her life forever and that she wants us to just take things slow and get back together one day . So i agree,I do freak at first but I got my act together within like 2 mins after freaking out i played it cool and said ok.

Well its been up and down ever since one day she'll text me all day long and act like shes totally in love with me then if i ask her the slighest question about if shes ok cause i sense shes in a bad mood she gets mad. Well the other day we start talking about kids cause her sister just had a baby and she texts me saying ''its crazy how much im gonna love our kids,'' and actually wants to try and get pregnant with me. At this point I'm super confused so I ask her how is it you know that you want to have a kid with me but you dont know if you want to be back with me just yet she just said she doesnt know and we will see how it goes so i bite my lip and just say ok cause i really dont want to lose her .

So i play it cool the next couple of days and she texts me telling me how much she loves and misses me and talking about the future together , how she wants us to go to all these haunted houses and that shes gonna buy me all kinds of clothes for christmas and says were going to see some new movie when it comes out the 21st of this month and she wants to see me her next day off. So I see her and everything is great and we do have sex and it was unprotected cause she wanted to try and have a baby with me yeah i know stupid on my part. Well the next two days pass and everything is great i try to be the strong confident funny guy she fell in love with and it works she responded to it like she was crazy about me again and texted me saying ''I freaking love you'' and shes never said it like that before.

So she texts me while I'm at work this past Friday and i wait about 30 min to text back and she texts again saying ''baby?'' then calls me. so i text her back and i said whats wrong she said she just misses me and that made my day she says hurry up and get off so i get off work and she says i'll be ready in a minute were gonna go for a walk through the park and its around 4 pm. She never used to see me that early so i was like wow she does actually care. So we get together and I'm in a good mood happy ,joking and she says i feel like your gonna be super annoying today. She snatches the hat off my head cause she hates it and i joke back saying i feel like your gonna be super annoying about my hat today and she laughs and smiles, but then she says I'd break up with you over that hat i said you already did joking and she said she knows. She jokes about my clothes saying you dont live up to your potential looks wise I said im not gonna dress up nice just to go for a walk in the park and that i ran out of hair gel or else i would have fixed my hair. Then she in a joking way mentions other things that hurts and i asked are you being serious or joking and she said my god baby im joking see i cant even joke with you anymore you take everything serious now. Maybe i am sensitive about stuff now cause she hurt me but i said yeah that was before you ripped my heart out.

So we go in the bank and were joking still and she says something else joking around well i say jokingly ''then just be done with me forever'' and she jokes and says ''I tried but you wouldnt let me.'' Now that even though she says she was joking it ripped my heart out cause I dont know if she was honestly joking or really meant that . So on the way home i try to relax again and joke and i ask her whats wrong she got mad so i shut up and the she said ''I dont know why but you stress me out so bad i dont know what it is .'' I said you dont think im stressed out by you? I'm stressed out all the time with the way you treat me but i love you enough to suck it up and endure. She just smiled.

Well we get back to her house and we cook a pizza and she keeps saying shes tired and says shes gonna probably try and lay down after we eat and that i should go. That kinda hurt and i gave her a dirty look but in a joking way and she goes see this is what i mean you bitch about everything i said no I'm just joking babe well her mood is ruined basically the rest of the day. So i end up staying there with her till about 9 at night we have sex 2 times unprotected again ( i know its stupid on my part.) but afterwards she says are you leaving now. i said well it would be nice to lay with you a bit and saw that she was getting mad so i did end up leaving but she never ever wanted me to leave that early before so i worried a bit she said we saw each other all day so i said ok im gonna go i love you she said i love you too .

Well I leave and we text some and she says she gonna go to bed. I say ok we say our I love yous and goodnight. Well I cant sleep cause i feel like i ruined it again with her and i see her up and on facebook till 4 am. Well i dont say anything to her about it. She texts the next day saying ''hi baby'' like she had been doing but her mood was different towards me she wasnt all mushy i love you and miss you stuff . well later that night she tells me shes going to bed again super early, which is not like her cause shes a night owl. So I respect her wishes again and let her go we say our i love you's and thats that. Well through out the night again shes up on facebook at 4 am i text her saying ''though you were going to bed'' (which i shouldnt have) she ignored the text and added me to her restricted list on facebook to where i cant see anything shes doing now let alone her profile.

Well she doesnt text me anymore so i texted her yesterday saying hey are you ok you quit talking to me again. She doesnt reply, then texted her saying '' babe?'' no reply again then i got mad and said ''why arent you talking tell me something damn!'' she finally texted saying ''hey,'' I said ''hi is everything ok with us babe'' she said'' i guess,'' ''i said you still love me right?'' and she says ''yeah'' so i think everything is ok and i asked if what i said the other night made her mad and she said it did irritate her and i said sorry i didnt mean for it to sound the way it did. I was only worried about her cause she has problems sometimes breathing at night cause she has real bad anxiety and she understood. So I said ''but you didnt have to go and make your facebook totally private lol'' all she texted back was ''lol with a smiley face'' and i asked if she was working she said yeah and i said do i need to let you go she said yeah ttyl love you i said love you too.

So a couple hours pass and I sent her a song on facebook through a message and texted her telling her about it, and no reply to anything. She didnt text me any last night when she got off work, or today before work. Now I'm really worried i may have messed it up for good but she has done this before and after cooling off she usually texts me and misses me . Now I've been great to her and always treated her well and have been there when she needed me, but she hasnt always treated me the best and i have been a doormat at times . What do i do? I mean I'm miserable without her and want her to come back to me and it seemed like she was going to the other day but then the smallest concern i show for her or if i dont watch what i say she does this . She hasnt made any contact with me today at all and just a week ago, we actually got back to where she was texting me on her break at work again just cause she missed me but today she was on break and sat on facebook messenger for 10 plus minutes. Which now has me worried she may be talking to another guy now.

Anyone please help me out do i tell her i cant do this anymore, that I'm done with her and break all contact with her in hopes that she'll snap out of whatever shes going through and come back? i dont want to lose her forever but i cant do this much more with her not knowing what she wants . I'd do anything in the world for this girl and I think she knows it but shes immature about a lot of stuff. She basically loves me one day then hates me the next and she never used to be like this with her. She says she loves me but has a hard time showing it. She says she loves me but the smallest thing i do and she doesnt talk to me or doesnt want to be back with me. She does have a mild case of depression and major anxiety that she wont take medicine for. I NEVER text her first except for yesterday unless she texts me first and when she does text first we get along great and i try to be confident and not needy or clingy with her and try to play it cool but I'm at my breaking point especially since she basically blocked me from facebook without unfriending me and now i cant see what shes doing on there at all. Any help with this situation would be greatly appreciated sorry for the long post i just wanted to give you as much information i can so you can have a better understanding of the situation

[Am313]

Ok, I didn't read all of that....but here's my advice.

 

You love this girl and want her back? Well, you could do that very easily. However, unless you curb your neediness and insecurities, she'll dump you again, probably for someone else.

 

I know this because I was in your position a long time ago. I got her back, but 5 months later I was dumped again.

 

She keeps you around because it will make her slowly stop losing feelings for you. You should honestly just stop talking to her. She wants to hang out? Tell her you're busy. She calls? Ignore it. Give it some time, and she'll be running back to you.

 

But remember, she'll dump you again if you don't work out your own problems.

[johnc342345]

Thanks so much for the help! I'm actually not texting her at all she texts me then i text back its been like that since the break up well i havent heard anything from her since monday and im a little worried but im sticking with it and trying my best not to text her. i did come off as needy and clingy when we were together but i did back off with that a lot while we were still together. She is very easily aggravated like the other night she told me she was going to bed early but stayed up on face book till 4 am but i texted her and said thought you were going to bed? she ignored it because i think it came across as me checking on her and she did say it irritated her when we talked i asked if everything was ok with us and she said she guesses i said well you still love me right and she said yeah so i havent texted her since and trying to give her some space to miss me and forget about the bad times. Thanks again for the advice it means a lot

[johnc342345]

One more thing I was never ever needy or clingy with her those 7 months we talked and hung out a lot. Until she dropped me for another guy and had sex with him but i dont blame her i never showed her attention, i took my sweet time and didnt rush into anything with her and kinda strung her a long which was bad on my part she got tired of waiting i mean the whole 7 months we kissed maybe 3 times . well after she dropped me i went into panic mode and it took a hit on my confidence with her and my insecurities started to show a lot with her. I was always scared that if i didnt show i cared she'd drop me again so i might have over did it a bit but i did show her i was backing off and changing but she still left so i dont know

[johnc342345]

when you say she keeps me around so it will slowly make her stop losing feelings for me. Do you mean she keeps me around so she wont lose feelings for me? Or so she can slowly break away from me? cause just last week she wanted me to get her pregnant and have a baby. It doesnt make any sense. She knows she wants me to father her kids one day but doesnt know if she wants to be back with me just yet

[Mike_d]

I'm actually not texting her at all

 

garbage - when you text her back then you are texting her. stop making excuses. now you are the poster child for needy and clingy. wake up.

 

when you say she keeps me around so it will slowly make her stop losing feelings for me. Do you mean she keeps me around so she wont lose feelings for me? Or so she can slowly break away from me? cause just last week she wanted me to get her pregnant and have a baby. It doesnt make any sense. She knows she wants me to father her kids one day but doesnt know if she wants to be back with me just yet

 

what do you think it means??!? actions actions actions. do the words line up with the actions?? no. so then the words have no meanings, ignore them. the actions tell you what you need to know. you knock this girl up and you'll be paying for it for the rest of your life, you need to be real real real careful here

[johnc342345]

Thanks mike your right and ive even told her before sure you say it all the time but start showing it . Her words were always much louder then her actions it should have been the other way around. Now shes still on my facebook friends list but she basically made her profile private and i cant see anything shes doing should i delete her from my facebook and ignore all contact ? I dont want to do something that will lose her forever id just like her to wake the fk up lol i just dont understand her ex boyfriend before me would cheat on her treat her like **** and she was crazy about him she struggled with her weight but now shes in the gym all the time and has lost a lot and looks great but her ex's last words to her was do 50 pushups about 30,000 situp and lose 20 pounds then come talk to him so i dont know if shes damaged goods or if she has some kind of emotional problem that needs professional help or what. I on the other hand loved her for her personality i was there for her when she needed me even when she was still losing the weight and was by her side through thick and thin. I'm not ugly at all and have no problem getting attention from ladies and she knows this but i think the neediness and clingyness i exhibited towards her made her too sure of me

[geegirl]

like her to wake the fk up

 

She's awake. You're the one that needs waking up.

[johnc342345]

Ok wake up do what? ive totally backed off i dont text her and i'll ignore her text i dont show her clingyness or neediness anymore what do i wake up about?

[geegirl]

Ok wake up do what? ive totally backed off i dont text her and i'll ignore her text i dont show her clingyness or neediness anymore what do i wake up about?

 

Dude, the woman is an emotional wreck. You said one day she loves and the next day she hates you. Wake up. This is what your relationship is going to be like. Unprotected sex when you don't even have a stable relationship? Wake up. You want to father a child with a woman that loves you one day and hates you the next. Where is your brain? Love is for sure, not the only damn thing that makes a relationship. This is not about clingyness or neediness. This about two emotionally immature people playing mind games.

 

You don't want to block her from FB because you don't want to lose her? You're just losing her on FB. In real life, she isn't with you.

 

You're analyzing her behaviors about clinging to a toxic ex-boyfriend. You acknowledge she is damaged goods. What do you think will happen to you if you continue with this push and pull, hot and cold, up and down?

 

Block the FB. Step outside of yourself emotionally and ask yourself if her actions are of someone who wants to be in relationship. No.

 

What I can't fathom is the unprotected sex? This is not some fantasy land where a baby will create a happy family. If anything you will be bringing a child into a life of uncertainty and instability. Grow up.

[johnc342345]

I understand what your saying. Here's the thing with her, and it is my fault for putting up with it, but if i delete her from facebook she will flip out the smallest things i do piss her off to no end. I mean i can ask her whats wrong, ask her if shes joking or being serious, and were either over, she needs a break, or she cant do this anymore. She says I stress her out when in all honesty all I do is show concern for her well being. See she never had a guy truly care about her im not trying to justify her actions by any means cause her actions are unacceptable. Yeah unprotected sex was stupid on my part i acknowledged that plenty of times trust me i was dumb and listened to her words again she was talking about the future and leading me on to think were gonna be back together and i fell for it again. But I'm starting to think if i really want her back now cause if I'm gonna get left just for asking 1 small question then I deserve better

[johnc342345]

Just as an example of how moody she gets towards me . The other day she tells me shes going to bed early well i say ok have a good night i love you she says she loves me blah blah well shes up till 4 am on facebook i text her saying thought you were going to bed i was only concerned that she couldnt sleep cause of her breathing problem that seems to be all in her head. Well she was pissed over that i talked to her about it and she said it irritated her so thats what im up against i constantly have to watch everything I say I have to think before I speak all the time. The sad thing is she never used to be this way at all.

[geegirl]

I understand what your saying. Here's the thing with her, and it is my fault for putting up with it, but if i delete her from facebook she will flip out the smallest things i do piss her off to no end. I mean i can ask her whats wrong, ask her if shes joking or being serious, and were either over, she needs a break, or she cant do this anymore. She says I stress her out when in all honesty all I do is show concern for her well being. See she never had a guy truly care about her im not trying to justify her actions by any means cause her actions are unacceptable. Yeah unprotected sex was stupid on my part i acknowledged that plenty of times trust me i was dumb and listened to her words again she was talking about the future and leading me on to think were gonna be back together and i fell for it again. But I'm starting to think if i really want her back now cause if I'm gonna get left just for asking 1 small question then I deserve better

 

You deserve better. Truly, who wants to be in a relationship with someone that loves you one day and hates you the next. If your sister, brother or friend came to you with this, what would you say? The thing is she is always going to be this way. If everything you do annoys her, how will you both ever co-exist together in a happy and productive way? So how do you see this working?

[geegirl]

Just as an example of how moody she gets towards me . The other day she tells me shes going to bed early well i say ok have a good night i love you she says she loves me blah blah well shes up till 4 am on facebook i text her saying thought you were going to bed i was only concerned that she couldnt sleep cause of her breathing problem that seems to be all in her head. Well she was pissed over that i talked to her about it and she said it irritated her so thats what im up against i constantly have to watch everything I say I have to think before I speak all the time. The sad thing is she never used to be this way at all.

 

No, you checked up on her. It had nothing to do with her need for sleep.

 

Her reactions read that she's just tolerating you at this point or she's just an emotional wreck.

[johnc342345]

Yeah I'd tell my sister not to put up with their ways and tell her she deserves better. See she never used to be like this with me till i started smothering her checking up on her and wanting to spend every day with her. I may be dumb for this but I hold on to the hope that if i can back off a bit and change my ways for the better that she will see it and things can go back to the way they used to be i mean things were awesome for a week straight as long as i didnt do certain things i know thats messed up if i have to watch my every move with her. I just cant seem to just give up and walk away especially if she is bipolar or has a mental condition.

[geegirl]

I just cant seem to just give up and walk away especially if she is bipolar or has a mental condition.

 

Even more reason for you to walk away. Are you even reading what you're saying and asking yourself if it's rational?

 

I don't think advice here can help you. The only thing I can say based on what you feel and are adamant about, is to step back and work on your own issues.

 

The thing is, if a partner provided stability in a relationship, expressed love and care, communicated and expressed themselves in a positive manner, you'd probably be secure in the relationship. Smothering wouldn't be an issue. Maybe the relationship is making you self-destruct. I can't tell if you are clingy or needy but the make of your relationship certainly doesn't provide any sort of anything to keep anyone from reacting negatively.

[Mike_d]

I really need to just give up and walk away especially if she is bipolar or has a mental condition.

 

fixed that for you, her feelings and her **** are not your responsibility. why in the world would you want to be hooked to that?? you-cannot-fix-her, repeat - you-cannot-fix-her

 

this girl is already gone and is using you for an emotional crutch. your role now is to protect yourself. block all social media, don't answer her texts, don't answer her phone calls. you'll get some serious breadcrumbs

 

And mix in some paragraphs, commas, and Mixed Case in your posts - reads like a wall of text.

 

What has happened in the past has 0/zero/no bearing on what is going on *now*. You need to get out of the past and deal with what is in front of you, what you see is in no way normal, nor is it the actions of someone who wants to be with you. You have someone in front of you that is interested in consuming, and doesn't appear at all healthly, stable, or balanced. Tthe more distance the better.

 

You need to stop living in the fantasy world you have made up in your head that allows you to cope with the things you actually see but don't want to accept. All of your questions here are asking us what you should do - what you should do is strap a big pair on, and do what you already know you need to do. we don't provide validation here, just advice. how this plays out is all up to you

[johnc342345]

One more thing this happened after i left her house and everything was great happy go lucky got along great all day i send one text and boom its the end of the world again I think she is just an emotional wreck right now and needs to do her own thing for a while if she loves me she wont let me walk away that easy and she wouldnt let things bother her so much . We've had this conversation before and i told her theres a lot of stuff you do to me that i could easily leave you for but i dont cause i truly love you for you and your flaws but as soon as one of my flaws show its the end of the world I'm 28 and shes 22 so that could be a major role in it

[johnc342345]

I guess that goes to show how unstable her emotions are right now

[Mike_d]

you can't talk or think your way out of this....

[johnc342345]

Your right again Mike. Thanks for the advice

[Mike_d]

Are you even reading what you're saying and asking yourself if it's rational?

 

this is all you need to consider ^ this this this

[johnc342345]

Yeah I know. I think the reason i hang on too much to her is because i dont have any friends where i live and not a lot of opportunities to meet new women. I'm originally from chicago, I spent the last 2 summers there and had no problem meeting friends and having drop dead gorgeous women chasing me thats a major confidence boost . Well i live in a small town now in tennessee hardly any attractive women here and they arent too fond of northerners lol. So in other words she wasnt only my girlfriend, she was my only real friend here.

[Mike_d]

Yeah I know. I think the reason i hang on too much to her is because i dont have any friends where i live and not a lot of opportunities to meet new women. I'm originally from chicago, I spent the last 2 summers there and had no problem meeting friends and having drop dead gorgeous women chasing me thats a major confidence boost . Well i live in a small town now in tennessee hardly any attractive women here and they arent too fond of northerners lol. So in other words she wasnt only my girlfriend, she was my only real friend here.

 

seems you are using that weakass explanation as a rationale to justify staying with her....

 

so... since you are totally incapable of ever meeting another human soul for the rest of your life then it only become logical that you must then stay with this mentally unbalanced person

 

at some point we need to get brutally honest here... ball in your court

[geegirl]

Yeah I know. I think the reason i hang on too much to her is because i dont have any friends where i live and not a lot of opportunities to meet new women. I'm originally from chicago, I spent the last 2 summers there and had no problem meeting friends and having drop dead gorgeous women chasing me thats a major confidence boost . Well i live in a small town now in tennessee hardly any attractive women here and they arent too fond of northerners lol. So in other words she wasnt only my girlfriend, she was my only real friend here.

 

So, essentially you are settling? Being with someone that damages your emotional and mental make is much better than being on your own and having your peace and sanity. I see.

 

I'd find it hard to hold on to a friend that treats me this way. But if being hated on one day and loved the next day is your definition of how a friend should treat you, then you should settle.

 

Again, I hope you read this thread and try to digest where it is you find rationale in your thinking. Step outside of yourself for a moment and think.