spacjaam Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 In short, I got dumped by my first girlfriend of nearly two years seven months ago. My story can be found under the coping section in a thread started by Blah Toolz. She called me a month and a half later and said she cared and that she had been going out with the guy trying to get her with as soon as we broke up. I have been going through months of suffering now and have tried to move on as much as possible. She called again about a month and a half ago and left a message saying she wanted to see how I was (it was friendly sounding nothing more) and then called me at like one in the morning a little over two weeks ago. I didn't answer any of these but wanted to. I just couldn't bare talking to her as a friend when she's still going out with him, or someone else. The thing is, I just don't know about her, I feel like getting back together would be mistake, and since there's really no chance of it, I shouldn't hurt. I'm twenty years old, and sometimes I even think I might be able to find someone else attractive in all the ways I did her. The problem is I feel like physically I am kind of hurting (looks) and that I might never be able to let myself go or let her go because I'm so self conscious. Looks are not the only thing keeping me paralyzed (Iget down on myself about many personality things too)b but the main thing is that I've been losing my hair at a pretty alarming rate and it has slowly destroyed me. I know this is terribly vain, but to be honest I don't think I'm terrible looking with hair, just really not the kind of person who looks good without hair. I have come a long way in forgetting about and have even been using medication for it. I think it might even be getting a little better, but largely it has made me feel older and unattractive at school and elsewhere. I have been wearing a hat becauase of this (if I took it off it might not even really noticeable) but knowing that by 22 I'll probably have to shave my head is depressing. Also the guy she was with last time I knew happened to have long blonde hair (she likes long hair). I know for a fact she did not leave me because of this, I don't even think she was really into him when we broke up (we had alot of problems), but she was always so understanding about the hair thing, would discourage me from caring as much. I feel like once I get close to someone and they find out, it will be too painful to be rejected for it. I also feel like I want to know if I see my ex ever again I will have atleast mantained her attraxction to me, I don't know. It sucks, but it's really on my mind alot. If I ever talk to a girl (which hasn't happened much) I feel it's only because she doesn't know, that a girl would have to know me and love me to deal with my freakishly bad looking hair loss. Any feedback would be appreciated, but I guess I was just trying to get it out my system. I don't want temporary vain things like this to keep me in a miserable place like I am for the next couple of years, but its a hard battle.
unluckylady Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 Oh my God, you have got to get a grip and some confidence. It's not the hair that she's doesn't like (assuming she doesn't like something about you), it's your insecurity. It's like fuller-figured women...sure, some men don't find them attractive, but plenty do, and it's the women that are confident that are found sexy. Show that you don't give a damn - shave it off. Bald men are incredibly sexy so long as they aren't hung up in the fact that excess testosterone is causing them some hair loss and being whining weenies about it.
doppelganger Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 spacjaam, let me just say this and hope it hits home... Patrick Stewart or Richard Simmons? Who's the man? Exactly. Hair (or lack of) doesn't make the man (contrary to what those hair loss commercials say). The man makes the man. Its all about the attitude. Suck it up and deal with it. No girl worth your time will give a damn about your hair. Remember that. If they do, then sorry, she's not worth it. Next girl please! end of story.
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