coffeeloverx Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Alright, I need some advice. My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. Things were hard at first, but they have gotten a lot easier. I'm feeling much better. I do still miss him at times, but it's not as bad as it was. I haven't cried in about a month and you know, I'm moving on. However, I have 2 questions. 1) Where do I go about meeting new people? When I met my boyfriend I really didn't have many friends and the ones I did have weren't that good of friends, so I clung to him. He was my best friend for 3 or so years. In that time I pushed my friends away (stupid, I know.) I stayed friends with one of them, but she lives in Connecticut and we skype an the like, but I have nobody here. I hangout with my coworkers every now and again, but where do I go to meet people? I'm only 19, so I can't just go out to a bar and meet people there. Any ideas? 2) What do I do with the love letters, poems, etc? All the things he actually wrote me? I've kept a few small things so that one day I can look back, and I've put them away where I wont' think of them, but what about these letters? To be quite frank, I don't want them. I want to burn them and rid myself of them. However, people keep cautioning me against that, since I might want them when I'm older or something like that. Which I don't think I will. Do I burn them? Do I keep them? What? Thanks guys!
eleve82 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 a) Meeting people after a long term r/s is always hard. I've tried social clubs, which really take alot of guts to get out there and talk to strangers. The best thing you could do is just start reconnecting with friends and going to social outings - birthday parties, housewarmings, that sort of thing. Go take a course in stuff you like to do, you'll meet likeminded people. b) Toss them. You'll never really want to look at them, because by then you'll have found someone who loves you and really wants to be with you!!
Calico Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 2) What do I do with the love letters, poems, etc? All the things he actually wrote me? Don't read them for now, but put them in a box and keep them. I still have some letters, cassette tapes (with voice recordings) and little gifts from partners that I loved over twenty years ago, and I cherish those memories. Right now, the letters are sources of pain for you. In a few years, they'll be a source of nostalgic fondness.
geegirl Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 1) Where do I go about meeting new people? When I met my boyfriend I really didn't have many friends and the ones I did have weren't that good of friends, so I clung to him. He was my best friend for 3 or so years. In that time I pushed my friends away (stupid, I know.) I stayed friends with one of them, but she lives in Connecticut and we skype an the like, but I have nobody here. I hangout with my coworkers every now and again, but where do I go to meet people? I'm only 19, so I can't just go out to a bar and meet people there. Any ideas? I met my current boyfriend through volunteer work and have made friends through those circles. Find a cause you love and get involved. I joined a site called www.meetup.com where you can find groups who share your interests, hobbies, etc. Great way to meet new people. For instance, if you like hiking, type in your zip code and you'll find a slew of groups conducting activities, excursions, etc. Sign up for a class you like. I've made two new friends from my knitting class! 2) What do I do with the love letters, poems, etc? All the things he actually wrote me? I've kept a few small things so that one day I can look back, and I've put them away where I wont' think of them, but what about these letters? To be quite frank, I don't want them. I want to burn them and rid myself of them. However, people keep cautioning me against that, since I might want them when I'm older or something like that. Which I don't think I will. Do I burn them? Do I keep them? What? I personally believe that the best time to deal with those things are when you are at a point of total indifference. Your view of these letters may be totally different when you're detached. I would gather them, put them in a box, seal it and store it away. Have a friend or family member hold on to it. When you have moved on, you will be able to toss out or keep without feeling any uncertainty.
WesternWoman Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 1) What activities are you into? Try finding community that does those things. I have found great success with sports teams, community organizations/ clubs, the website meetup.com and simply reaching out to people I meet in coffee shops, etc. Making friends can feel daunting but you have interests that others sahre and the friends will come. 2) If you don't know what to do with them then just gather them up, put them in a box in your closet and open it when you are ready. If you get mad one day and need to burn them okay. If you feel sad one day and need to read them and reminisce over that that's okay too. If you need to remove all reminders of him then go dump them in the trash. There is no right way here, you'll come up with a solution when your timing is right. Keep loving yourself and good people will come into your life!
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