shakalakababy Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Hey everyone, I really need some advice here. Ok, I'm on this dating site and it's my first time trying it. I've been on there for about a month and there's not many guys I'm into. (There were two guys I was emailing back and forth with but they ended up being weirdos.) I'm not being conceited but I get a lot of views, messages and high ratings BUT not from guys I want to talk to. Anyway, I was browsing one day and saw this guy who caught my eye, good looking and decent profile and match percentage. So a little while later he rates my profile "high". So I'm thinking, "Hmmm... maybe I'll send this guy a message." I VERY rarely message a guy first, but I did it (I think it looks desperate but oh well). At this point it's only been 4 days but I'm trying to gauge if he's interested, shy, or maybe has issues. He generally takes a day to answer my email (when he's been online and probably seen it), and so far I've had to initiate questions. Also, I told him I only resond to guys I'm interested in and what about him... I was trying to see if he's just emailing me just because or if he's interested in getting to know me. He responded that he wants to get to know me better, but then he asks me what do I want to do?! At this point I'm like wtf, why can't HE tell ME what he wants to do, why can't he initiate questions and really conversation. From his profile I get that he may be a little shy and mellow, but I don't know. Also, we are two different races so I'm thinking maybe he's acting funny because of that? I don't know... should I just leave it alone and not message back or ask him what HE wants to do?? I'm used to the guys on this site being a little more "proactive" and he's not that. But then again if he wasn't interested, why even bother with me?
turt Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 He sounds like he is on the fence (only partially interested). Maybe you should try to set up a time when you can meet.
Author shakalakababy Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 He sounds like he is on the fence (only partially interested). Maybe you should try to set up a time when you can meet. I messaged him saying he should let me know what he wants to do. Surprisingly he got right back to me asking when I was free and what I want to do. I still don't know how to take this.
carhill Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Well, he's on a dating site putting himself out there as single and available, ostensibly, so it's up to him to shyte or get off the pot with regards to growing a connection, shy or not. He's not so shy that he hung all his 'stuff' out there, so I'd discount that. If his style doesn't match up with yours, it's a miss. If you want a man to suggest a specific plan for a date, then that's what you want. If he doesn't measure up, then next. As an example, when I was separated and doing OLD, a lady contacted me. We e-mailed back and forth a couple of times and I suggested that we meet and suggested a sushi place I always went to. She suggested another one which I hadn't tried yet and I agreed and we had a nice lunch date and a few more after that. Even though we didn't work out, our styles matched up regarding the process. I'm not hearing that from you. He got back to you right away. A guy who was disinterested would not have done that, IMO. Of course, nowadays with people surgically attached to their cell phones and everything conducted via text, perhaps my opinion is irrelevant. If you haven't yet responded to that text, merely respond and text 'call me at xxx time'. If he does, that's an answer; if not, that. There's no reason to not actually experience someone's voice. Trust me, there's plenty of time after you're married to loathe the sound of it
Author shakalakababy Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Thanks for your response Carhill. From what has happened so far, do you think I'm coming across as desperate? I'm very sensitive to being perceived that way by men because of an awful relationship I was in in my early 20's... a lot of craziness went on and I allowed it and I said never again after that. So by me even contacting him first I think that may make me look bad...?
somewhat_ENTP Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 What about his profile interested you specifically? Perhaps you communicated in a way to where he can be less proactive.
carhill Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 If he hasn't actually suggested a set activity, date and time for a date within a week of first contact, even if you negotiate something different, I'd move on. A dating site is to meet people and date, so laggards get left behind. Since he asked you "when I was free and what I want to do", then text him back to call you to discuss it. Unless he's mute, he can do that. It's not hard. Heck, you're asking him to, so he sees you want him to call you. Wow, that's tough. If he doesn't, erase him. Your part is making an effort to answer his call. It's easy: say hello. If you're not able to talk right then, offer to call him back. Talking is good. There's a lot of it in relationships. Better to start now, IMO.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I'm on OLD myself and only one girl has initiated contact with me, the rest i've had to do. I don't think it's desperate, if you're interested don't just wait for them to do it, do it yourself. I agree though, I always find myself asking all the questions and keeping the conversation going. I mean they answer my questions and ask them back to me, but never any new questions. At least they aren't one worded and give good answers but still.
Author shakalakababy Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 What about his profile interested you specifically? Perhaps you communicated in a way to where he can be less proactive. I like that he seems down to earth and we have the same views on a lot of things. He didn't say anything douchey or try to be a comedian like so many on the site. I'm also very attracted to him. No, I haven't said too much or anything crazy... I just asked are you from the city. It's only been 4 days and like a message or two a day.
Author shakalakababy Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 If he hasn't actually suggested a set activity, date and time for a date within a week of first contact, even if you negotiate something different, I'd move on. A dating site is to meet people and date, so laggards get left behind. Since he asked you "when I was free and what I want to do", then text him back to call you to discuss it. Unless he's mute, he can do that. It's not hard. Heck, you're asking him to, so he sees you want him to call you. Wow, that's tough. If he doesn't, erase him. Your part is making an effort to answer his call. It's easy: say hello. If you're not able to talk right then, offer to call him back. Talking is good. There's a lot of it in relationships. Better to start now, IMO. We're using the site's emailing system, we haven't exchanged numbers or private emails.
Author shakalakababy Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 I'm on OLD myself and only one girl has initiated contact with me, the rest i've had to do. I don't think it's desperate, if you're interested don't just wait for them to do it, do it yourself. I agree though, I always find myself asking all the questions and keeping the conversation going. I mean they answer my questions and ask them back to me, but never any new questions. At least they aren't one worded and give good answers but still. I only contacted him first because I thought him rating me high was a way of reaching out... I have a low response rate on this site so I thought it makes me unapproachable. Idk.
backonthemarket Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Just meet the guy! You cannot ascertain the level of interest or attraction until you've met the person in the flesh. After that, you might find him to be extremely proactive. Meeting changes everything!! Try to be easygoing about it, arrange to meet somewhere neutral, and see what happens.
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