magicallydelicious Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I've been chatting with this guy I met online for a few weeks now. he would text me pretty regularly, until about a week ago, when I texted him and he told me he was not doing well, so I told him to let me know if he needed anything. the next day his dog died and he posted it on Facebook, so I texted, telling him I was sorry, and he kept the chat going for a little while saying how hard it was for him, and I was supportive. the next few days he texted me and we chatted a bit, but he was still depressed and apologized for being really distant. On Friday, he told me "if things were better, I'd be hanging out with you now or soon" (he lives a few hours away). so I told him I understood. the next day I sent a picture (we usually send pictures back and forth) and he didn't respond, and I later (drunkenly- I was at a wedding) texted him some song lyrics...still no response. Sunday night he texted, asking if I had a fun night, and we chatted back and forth, when he told me he was hanging out with his family. I asked if his mom and dad lived by him, and he informed me his mom passed away about 5 years ago. I felt horrible, and apologized and we chatted a little more. yesterday, I didn't hear from him, so I texted him last night, and no response. he's been active on the dating website, and last night he played me in an online game we've been playing for a little while, but he still hasn't said anything to me. what do you guys think? should I just let it go
backonthemarket Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Unfortunately, I don't think you can expect much from someone you've never actually met in person. It also sounds like this man is not in the position to be dating seriously right now (even though he might be on a dating website). It sounds more like he needs a shoulder to cry on. Of course you could continue to talk with him, but his is a rather volatile stock.
KatZee Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I'm going to tell you something that I wish someone would have told me when I was dealing with my ex. (FYI my exes mother passed away about 3 years prior to me dating him.) It doesn't matter what he's been through. People grieve every single day. There's nothing wrong with that. HOWEVER, this does not give one the excuse to treat others poorly. A lot of women get caught up in the "nurture" cycle. Where they meet a guy and something's going on with him. And because he gives a "sob story" the woman automatically starts to say, "OMG he's hurting. He wouldn't REALLY being doing X, Y, or Z if he hadn't gone through what he did." Don't make excuses for poor behavior. If he's not contacting you, falling off the radar, being hot and cold--- He's UNAVAILABLE. I wouldn't so much classify this as, "He's not contacting me b/c he's grieving..." and call it as it is. "He's not contacting me because he's not as interested as he was. He may have someone else in the picture." You've never met him in person either. He could absolutely have someone else in his life and that's why you're suddenly getting a cold shoulder. Were you planning on meeting him in person at all? If anything I'd say, "Hey you seem a lot quieter lately, is something bothering you that you want to talk about? I understand that you're upset but it hurts me when you pull away and I don't hear from you." He's gotta know this upsets you. If behavior doesn't change, it won't. My exes behavior didn't change, it actually got progressively worse. (Ignoring texts, going into hiding, etc.)
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