lastresort Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 my GF of 14 months broke up with me on Sunday.I am devistated. The story, i'll try and keep it short. we have been together for 14 months knwn each other for 10+ years. we have been fighting over stuff lately, mostly me. She just restarted school and i totally support her for that. She has a 5 year old son who is in school as well. I pick him up from school so that she can go to school, i work from my home and have the ability and his school is 3 minutes from my home. Since school started for her she has not given me any attention, she has tons of homework, nursing school, i understand that. Her son takes up a lot of time as well, i understand that. But i felt and told her that i thought i was giving out way too much for what i was getting in return, i know that sounds selfish. We went back and forth about it and she said she just doesn't have the mental capacity right now to deal with school, her kid, finding work and me. So she decided to get rid of me. I think i am hurt cause we used to spend every free minute together with our kids, i have 2 she has one none together. I just got used to always being there with her. I like to think i am a nice guy. Knowing this just happened and she would still need someone to pick up her son I told her i would still do it until she found someone that could. The problem is he has funny hours at school and i dont see her finding anyone to do it, especially since i know she can't afford to pay soomeone to do it. Which sucks because i cannot go NC on her since we have to communicate the times she is picking him up from me. do i tell her just too bad i'm not doing, I know she is going to school to help better her life and her sons life.
flitzanu Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 yep. she dumped you, her kids are her responsibility and not yours.
Chi townD Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Look, I know that this is low for me to say and I'm probably going to get blasted for this, but it's not your problem anymore. Look, you were dating. But, let's look at your relationship as a job. She fired you from your position as boyfriend. SHe told you that your services were no longer required. Therefore, if you were fired from a job, would you continue to work there until they find a replacement for you with no pay? Nope! You's move on and find another job. Look, I know her kid is the innocent one here. But, when push comes to shove, you're not responsible to that child. Her kid is her responsibly, not yours. In my opinion, I think she should make other plans, she chose to have you out of her life, then you need to do just that. Sorry to be blunt. 2
Author lastresort Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Not being blunt just honest. I have been friends with her for so long our friendship means more to me than dating her at this point, all though our relationship would be nice. I have been friends with her sisters and her parents longer than i've actually known her, she is 10 years younger so growing up with them she was always that little terd sister that was around, BTW i never had a relationship with any of her other sisters just friends. I know she is trying to better her life with the schooling and make her sons life better and i dont want her to have to drop school just because no one is there to watch her son. Her parents and sisters all work normal jobs and have no way of helping her. I know i am just making excuses but it is how i honestly feel about the situation.
Chi townD Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Well, this is an advice forum and not the law. You're going to do what you want. I just rather not see you getting taken advanage of. You're probably going to have to alter your life a little to take care of her kid. Because, the truth is, you're going to help her out and she's going to finish school. She'll set herself up and then probably kick you to the curb (lets face it, you served your purpose). Then, she'll get involved with another man and he'll reap the benefits of the time and effort that you put into helping her out. She'll be out of school, set up with a decent job, can now afford a sitter and have more time to spend with him. How is that fair to you? 1
Author lastresort Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Thanks for the advice, and i totally see what you are saying. As i just walked in the door from picking him up, call me p***y but i guess i will have suck this one up for the team today and let her know when she picks him up that that is it. Thats the way i feel too. Just hard to let the kid go to, i like kids even coached his baseball team, my son was on team too... Any ways thanks for advice and i know what i need to do. See if i have the balls to do it. in my eyes was hoping it would bring us back together...
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 As a single parent myself, I would expect that she would be responsible enough to obtain other care for her child aside from you, at least for the time being. You are not responsible for her child, in fact you never were, anymore so than any other adult who spends time with her children. I would definitely advise her that she needs to find care immediately, otherwise you will go through hell having to see her everyday. On top of that, this child will feel the tension when you are together with Mom and that really is torture to a young child.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Thanks for the advice, and i totally see what you are saying. As i just walked in the door from picking him up, call me p***y but i guess i will have suck this one up for the team today and let her know when she picks him up that that is it. Thats the way i feel too. Just hard to let the kid go to, i like kids even coached his baseball team, my son was on team too... Any ways thanks for advice and i know what i need to do. See if i have the balls to do it. in my eyes was hoping it would bring us back together... I feel for you. I have 3 children, 2 sons and a daughter. My sons not only experienced my split with their own Dad, but then I met a new man and we became a blended family which bore my daughter (he had a son that I raised for 3 yrs as my own). My sons never got too close to him, thank goodness, he wasn't very nice to them. The relationship ended disastrously. I felt that I lost a child when it ended (he went to jail for severely assaulting me but retained rights to his children). I have seen his child 2-3 times in passing over the last 3 yrs, but really, it's like losing your very own. I learned my lesson about getting too involved with other single parents and won't enter into another serious relationship which involves children. Imo, it hurts far more to have to walk away from the innocent little ones than the ex. 1
Author lastresort Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 I am realizing that now, getting involved with single moms. It's funny cause her son is a very hard kid. Dad is a druggy and I am the most stable male figure in his life. He acts out and talks back to everyone in his life. He is a perfect kid when I am with him. I have laid down the law on him and he actually listens. As soon as his mom gets back in picture he goes back to the bad kid that talks back. That's why she still wants me to be involved I am sure. Crazy thing is I ran into one of my old clients about 2 weeks ago and she heard I was divorced and wanted me to take her daughter out. Her daughter was there and she is beautiful and was willing to go out with me. I didn't contact her cause I was in a relationship. I emailed her today. Will see what happens. Will be fun to go out with someone new. Thanks again for all the advice!!
g450 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Face it, you got emotionally attached to her kid and maybe the kid to you. But your relationship is gone. It is NOT healthy to continue this. Sever all ties now. Better to rip that bandage off fast and all at once. You however are sitting there picking at the scab. Dont do that! You are not doing her child a favor by doing this. Her kid is her reponsibility, not yours. Leave her and her kid alone. Tell her to find a babysitter and then block her phone number.
Recommended Posts