TiredSpinster1 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I will be turning 25 in 2 months and I didnt date until I turned 23. (I had a "boyfriend" when I was a sophomore in highschool for 3 months but I dont really count that- I wasnt in love and we never did more than kiss). Thats because from around ages 19-22.5 I was very ill with leukemia. I was in and out of the hospital for 2 years and the other 2 years I was at home but was super ill. When I wasnt in the hospital, I was focused on getting my education. I got an associates degree while ill and finished college a year and a half ago because I doubled up on credits. Right now, I am in an intensive year and half graduate program that ends this coming spring. While ill I didnt really think too much about getting a boyfriend, other than a guy friend I had a brief crush on. However, within the past year or so I started dating. I have dated probably around 6 guys, each lasting around 1-3 months and it never progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend. I have no issues doing everything but sex outside of a relationship so Im not a prude-I have given probably about 8 guys head and have had them touched me. However, I want to save the actual intercourse for a boyfriend or at least someone who I think could turn into one. The last guy I dated I really liked and was the first I wanted to be committed to, but he was turned off by my virginity, even though I have experience in other stuff. The guy before him I liked a little less and told him I was a virgin when I was drunk and he got turned off as well. (These men are in their late 20's...) Am I really that abnormal? Will I ever find someone? With the next guy I really like, will I have to lie in order to get him to commit to me? Just as a note, Im not looking for a husband and I dont see virginity as this huge prize that will change my life forever. Im a bit conflicted...I dont want to waste it on a guy thats a huge jerk but does bother me that I am a virgin because I have thought about just losing it to the next guy I go on a few dates with that seems nice. I probably could do that if I wanted, I get hit on alot
ThaWholigan Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I will be turning 25 in 2 months and I didnt date until I turned 23. (I had a "boyfriend" when I was a sophomore in highschool for 3 months but I dont really count that- I wasnt in love and we never did more than kiss). Thats because from around ages 19-22.5 I was very ill with leukemia. I was in and out of the hospital for 2 years and the other 2 years I was at home but was super ill. When I wasnt in the hospital, I was focused on getting my education. I got an associates degree while ill and finished college a year and a half ago because I doubled up on credits. Right now, I am in an intensive year and half graduate program that ends this coming spring. While ill I didnt really think too much about getting a boyfriend, other than a guy friend I had a brief crush on. However, within the past year or so I started dating. I have dated probably around 6 guys, each lasting around 1-3 months and it never progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend. I have no issues doing everything but sex outside of a relationship so Im not a prude-I have given probably about 8 guys head and have had them touched me. However, I want to save the actual intercourse for a boyfriend or at least someone who I think could turn into one. The last guy I dated I really liked and was the first I wanted to be committed to, but he was turned off by my virginity, even though I have experience in other stuff. The guy before him I liked a little less and told him I was a virgin when I was drunk and he got turned off as well. (These men are in their late 20's...) Am I really that abnormal? Will I ever find someone? With the next guy I really like, will I have to lie in order to get him to commit to me? Just as a note, Im not looking for a husband and I dont see virginity as this huge prize that will change my life forever. Im a bit conflicted...I dont want to waste it on a guy thats a huge jerk but does bother me that I am a virgin because I have thought about just losing it to the next guy I go on a few dates with that seems nice. I probably could do that if I wanted, I get hit on alot First of all, it is good to know that you are doing well after your illness . Anyway, you're not abnormal. From someone who only lost his virginity less than a month before his 24th, I understand your concerns. Besides, anybody who had been through what you have would be in a similar position. So I think you should look forward with some optimism about your dating life. Some guys would be turned off admittedly, yes. But I am confident you will find someone, and it would probably be better for you if you didn't lie about your virginity. I would say to relax about the virginity, and perhaps be mindful about what kind of guy you want to lose it to. 4
irin Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 no your fine stop, listening to society theres nothing wrong with. whether you become sexually active or not, doesnt change anything youll still be the same person.
ThingsAreComplicated Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 It seems that you are not "abnormal" as you have a solid view on the topic and don't overrate the fact that you are a virgin (or even see it as a "gift" or some other nonsense). Don't rush it. If you find someone who is really worth your attention he WILL understand it and have the patience to get you going (literally).
NoMoreJerks Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) I lost my virginity 3 months ago, and I am 29.. It depends on the guy you meet. Some men might take it as a sign of weakness because they know that you will get attached to them, and therefore use that to their advantage and constantly manipulate you. My ex seemed to be doing that, subtly. I did not lie to him about it, when we were about to have sex. I couldn't have had, because I knew it was going to be painful, and it was, and it took us 3 days to actually finally do it. He was understanding and wasn't turned off. I told him just as I was kissing him and undressing him. I told him wait, and then I told him I was embarassed about something that I needed to tell him. He said, what is it? I said, I've never done it.. Edited September 18, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Author TiredSpinster1 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 At your age you'll probably have to find a fellow virgin because most guys your age who are experienced know the agony of a stage 12 clinger. Or you could find yourself a virgin hunter, I have a buddy who enjoys it thoroughly. I am not a clingy person. It is not in my personality. I have several friends who many people of this board would consider sluts, and they have clung to guys who theyve just fooled around with because they liked them alot and that is their personality. When I lose it to a guy, Im not going to become obsessed with him but these comments are the SOLE REASON why Im afraid to lose it.
ThaWholigan Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I am not a clingy person. It is not in my personality. I have several friends who many people of this board would consider sluts, and they have clung to guys who theyve just fooled around with because they liked them alot and that is their personality. When I lose it to a guy, Im not going to become obsessed with him but these comments are the SOLE REASON why Im afraid to lose it. Ignore that poster, he is deliberately inflammatory. 2
turt Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 If they leave you over it, your probably better off without them. I doubt you'd have a successful relationship with them regardless of what you do at this point. Also, they won't commit if you lie to them. If they really like you, they should take you as you are.
ThaWholigan Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Where am I being inflammatory? Have you ever been with a virgin? No, but I was a virgin - and I wasn't clingy. I know quite a few girls who weren't clingy after losing their virginity. Do not discourage the poor girl, or insinuate that she will be this super clingy person. Not every person clings after their first time. It's insulting to imply that.
ThaWholigan Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Not everyone dies after falling from a third story balcony, most do. Im just telling her what guys are thinking, correctly so most of the time. No, you're being a dick. As usual .
Author TiredSpinster1 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Not everyone dies after falling from a third story balcony, most do. Im just telling her what guys are thinking, correctly so most of the time. One of the guys I rejected told me girls get attached easily from physical stuff. When I told him Ive never had sex, but have had oral sex with several guys he said "it is the same thing." I said "oh so oral sex makes girls attached as well?" he said "yeah" I fooled around with him that night and gave him oral sex. 3 days later I said I didnt want to see him anymore because I didnt like him enough to keep going, our chemistry wasnt great, but that he was a nice guy that would make a girl happy someday. Im almost 25 and Ive had plenty of time to observe couples and opposite sex interaction around me. Perhaps Im just more rational than all the girls you have had sex with Edited September 18, 2012 by shakethehobbitt
Author TiredSpinster1 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 It doesn't count if it's a nice guy, nice guys universally repulse women so they're the obvious exception. You may very well be an exception, but every girl thinks she is. And then she starts blowing up your phone. You overgeneralize everything. The 2nd guy I rejected was most definitely not a nice guy. He actually had the same attitude as you as I can tell from your other posts. The guy I said I liked alot and wanted to commit was definitely a nice guy. I never heard anybody call him something bad and he was the most respectful man Ive come across. It wasnt an act- all his friends and his boss told me "he is such a nice guy"
jordjones Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Personally, I think if you are doing everything-but and you are 25 yo, you should continue to save it for someone special. I'm a guy, and it would probably make me work harder for you.
SJC2008 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) You overgeneralize everything. The 2nd guy I rejected was most definitely not a nice guy. He actually had the same attitude as you as I can tell from your other posts. The guy I said I liked alot and wanted to commit was definitely a nice guy. I never heard anybody call him something bad and he was the most respectful man Ive come across. It wasnt an act- all his friends and his boss told me "he is such a nice guy" Don't waste your time battling this poster. You have to options: 1) Wait until you meet a guy who is ok with it. They are out there, just may take a little while to find one. 2) Get a didlo, loosen yourself up down there and don't bring it up and there you go. (Sorry for being vulger but we are on the topic) Edited September 18, 2012 by SJC2008 eidt
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I lost my virginity at 21 just out of sheer desperation and I totally threw it away I wish I wouldn't have.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Well, I *was* kinda infatuated and acting pretty clingy with the guy (my ex) to whom I lost my virginity. But then again, that might not be because I was a virgin per se, it could've been because it was also my first relationship as well. Do I regret losing my virginity to someone who became my ex? No, not really. It was getting me too depressed to think that I was a 29-year-old virgin, and I wasn't a virgin for so long because I wanted to, out of religious conviction, etc. I just never got hit on by men, and never really made the effort to find someone either, be it for ONS or a LTR... It started getting me very depressed especially in the past 3 years. I started having a sort of a very early mid-life crisis thing, whereby I felt like if I didn't lose my virginity ASAP I would remain a virgin for the rest of my life. It wasn't at all about "standing out" (none of my friends knew I was a virgin and I acted really confident, so they wouldn't have felt I was desperate or anything). It was more about wanting to experience that, and wanting to cuddle up with a man after sex, and feeling that warmth and feeling of being "loved" (even if it wasn't real love and they were fooling you). Edited September 18, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) I will be turning 25 in 2 months and I didnt date until I turned 23. (I had a "boyfriend" when I was a sophomore in highschool for 3 months but I dont really count that- I wasnt in love and we never did more than kiss). Thats because from around ages 19-22.5 I was very ill with leukemia. I was in and out of the hospital for 2 years and the other 2 years I was at home but was super ill. When I wasnt in the hospital, I was focused on getting my education. I got an associates degree while ill and finished college a year and a half ago because I doubled up on credits. Right now, I am in an intensive year and half graduate program that ends this coming spring. While ill I didnt really think too much about getting a boyfriend, other than a guy friend I had a brief crush on. However, within the past year or so I started dating. I have dated probably around 6 guys, each lasting around 1-3 months and it never progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend. I have no issues doing everything but sex outside of a relationship so Im not a prude-I have given probably about 8 guys head and have had them touched me. However, I want to save the actual intercourse for a boyfriend or at least someone who I think could turn into one. The last guy I dated I really liked and was the first I wanted to be committed to, but he was turned off by my virginity, even though I have experience in other stuff. The guy before him I liked a little less and told him I was a virgin when I was drunk and he got turned off as well. (These men are in their late 20's...) Am I really that abnormal? Will I ever find someone? With the next guy I really like, will I have to lie in order to get him to commit to me? Just as a note, Im not looking for a husband and I dont see virginity as this huge prize that will change my life forever. Im a bit conflicted...I dont want to waste it on a guy thats a huge jerk but does bother me that I am a virgin because I have thought about just losing it to the next guy I go on a few dates with that seems nice. I probably could do that if I wanted, I get hit on alot Dont lower yourself to give it to just any guy the guy who appreciates your status as a virgin and wants to get to know you first is what you really need and i would say want as well.I dont think you are abnormal put it this way it doesn't get any easier telling a guy how much experience you have either, some men automatically assume that you are easy and get actually pissed off if you dont give it to them when you have a past that is extensive there are dicks and it doesnt matter if you are a virgin or someone who has seen the world dicks will be dicks when it comes to sexual history and some men want sex.......the dicks who said no to you would expect it from me....see what i mean? A dick is a dick........they think with it they wan ta one nighter with fifty different positions starting with ankles around their neck, followed by up against a wall followed by etc they don't want to be gentle and considerate they want a mad one nighter where you prove your flexibility. Find a guy who uses his brain respects you for who you are and the fact you are selective should make them feel good not turned off....and if they come my way....ill make them feel small like they made you.......go for a good guy....you are a good person you deserve to be treated with respect and the passion you have when you do get to share it, save it for a good guy...who will be gentle and loving your first time......celebrate your virginity its special and you are in no way abnormal .....just selective....yay...lol......best wishes......deb Edited September 18, 2012 by todreaminblue
irin Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 One of the guys I rejected told me girls get attached easily from physical stuff. When I told him Ive never had sex, but have had oral sex with several guys he said "it is the same thing." I said "oh so oral sex makes girls attached as well?" he said "yeah" I fooled around with him that night and gave him oral sex. 3 days later I said I didnt want to see him anymore because I didnt like him enough to keep going, our chemistry wasnt great, but that he was a nice guy that would make a girl happy someday. Im almost 25 and Ive had plenty of time to observe couples and opposite sex interaction around me. Perhaps Im just more rational than all the girls you have had sex with why do keep suckin off random guys what the hell do you get out of this? if you think its going make them want you then you have the wrong idea.
SJC2008 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 they think with it they wan ta one nighter with fifty different positions starting with ankles around their neck, followed by up against a wall followed by etc they don't want to be gentle and considerate they want a mad one nighter where you prove your flexibility. Find a guy who uses his brain respects you for who you are and the fact you are selective should make them feel good not turned off....and if they come my way....ill make them feel small like they made you.......go for a good guy....you are a good person you deserve to be treated with respect and the passion you have when you do get to share it, save it for a good guy...who will be gentle and loving your first time......celebrate your virginity its special and you are in no way abnormal .....just selective....yay...lol......best wishes......deb This is a very good point. Some men will be turned off becasue they can't bang you like a porn star when they find out you're a V. Go for a good man who will handle the situation right.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 "Normal" is not normal. So don't even worry about that. You were ill with cancer and that's as strong a reason as any I can think of to not be out on the make. I knocked around with a few girls as I came of age but didn't want to encourage the one who was throwing herself at me. Then my family up and moved us to the burbs and I only had a half a year left in HS. The way the next few years played out did not get me where I wanted to be. So, suffice it to say I was a virgin into my early 20's. I know the feeling of wondering wtf? about sex and relationships. Don't sweat the past. No one is keeping score on you but you.
Titanwolf Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I feel like I should have all the answers for this topic...but I don't :/ OP, don't just give it away. Give it to a man whom you think is worthy.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 As everyone said just wait for the right guy who doesn't care that you're a virgin. I lost mine at 22 to a 35 year who had been married twice, so yes I know it's intimidating to tell them. I actually didn't tell her until a few weeks after, I just couldn't get the nerve to tell her before we did it, and honestly I kinda just forgot about it and had fun. It shouldn't be as bad for you having some experience, for me I had never went beyond kissing, and we had sex on the second date. Granted being a guy it's a lot easier to just not tell them until after. She actually didn't believe me at first because I got her off that night before I did (yes I do love to brag about that lol). You don't know their history though either, she hadn't had sex in 3 years, so she was almost as nervous as me. I could of lost it plenty of times to random girls at parties, I just didn't want to. I wanted to be at least in a relationship before it happened. Yes she's an ex now, but honestly I have no regrets at all. As far as being clingy, I was a bit when she dumped me, but it wasn't like sex changed it. And their is more pressure on a guy in that way. A friend of mine got dumped after he had sex for the first time with someone he was dating, and she told him straight out it was because he was bad in bed and was too small. So yea guys got it a bit worse. I would say the best time to tell them is in bed making out right before it's going to happen. No decent guy will be turned off by it. I am talking to a girl OLD right now who's 23 and i'm pretty sure she's a virgin who's never dated anyone and it doesn't really bother me. The only way it worries me is that i'm shy/quiet and it means i'm going to have to initiate everything. But it doesn't turn me off of them at all.
Jane2011 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I didn't cling when I lost my virginity at age 20. I agree that not all people do. I was attached to him to a degree, but no more or less than I was to future partners who I liked a lot.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I didn't cling when I lost my virginity at age 20. I agree that not all people do. I was attached to him to a degree, but no more or less than I was to future partners who I liked a lot. Ya that's just it. If anything it's being crazy about them. I will say though the first person who you're really crazy about, you're going to get a bit more clingy. Nothing to do with virginity though.
Recommended Posts