AnchorGurl Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now and things are going very well. He hasn't given me any reasons to doubt him and he treats me like a princess. The only problem is he has this friend that is extremely trashy and disturbing to me. As soon as we met she wrote me a long message on facebook about how I should date him and how amazing he is. She then added me on facebook and posts extremely erotic pictures of herself all the time. It makes me sick. After several of these gross pictures of herself I finally had a talk with my boyfriend and told him I just didn't feel comfortable with him being friends with her. He said that was fine and he would stop talking to her. Last Friday I posted a picture of him on his facebook and she commented on it. For some reason I decided to ask him if he was talking to her and he said no--not for months. For some reason I kept asking and I finally said "when was the last time you talked to her"? He said that she texted him on Sunday night with something football related and he responded back so he didn't have to get in a long involved conversation with her. He told me I really need to trust him but I still feel as though he lied to me about talking to her. He said he didn't consider one little text talking when he has completely cut her out of his life. He promised he would not talk to her again and said he deleted her number that very day. As much as I want to trust him it's hard though. I have been burned in the past and it's very tough for me to trust people. How can I know for sure he is telling me the truth? Everything else is great between us but I'm scared to get closer to a man who might burn me in the end.
TopCat22 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I understand your trust issues, but from your story you seem to be a little paranoid. He agreed to cut her out of his life for you and save for 1 text message it doesn't sound like he's been in contact with her. You have a choice: 1) take him at his word and believe he loves you and has no interest in this girl 2) don't believe him and end things with him I'd say that unless you have something a little more concrete to suggest he's lying to you and seeing her still, then you need to trust him. Otherise your own insecurities are going to destory this relationship. Don't let past hurts ruin your future.
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 this is your issue, not his. you need to work on trusting others, if not him then then next on, and if not that one, then the next one. lather rinse repeat
Author AnchorGurl Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 I think you are both right. I really need to work on my insecurities but it's very hard when the "trashy friend" ended up being the one your boyfriend cheated on you with in a past relationship. I shouldn't compare and my boyfriend really is wonderful but --it's hard to get over being burned that bad
Drseussgrrl Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I have often found that when people act jealous about a particular person, without any grounds, it often plants a seed that didn't exist before. In turn it sometimes becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. "Well she already thinks I'm going to sleep with Trashy Chick, might as well..." There is nothing sexier than a confident, secure woman and honey you don't compete with other women. So stop putting yourself in that position. This other chick isn't even a blip on your radar - she's insignificant to your relationship. Got it?
TopCat22 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Hold on, your ex cheated on you with this same girl? She is bad news then. I dont really think you have a choice but to work on your own issues. I can understand why you have them but if you start displaying this type of behaviour in front of your current bf he will soon get tired of it and resent you. Don't let this girl ruin what you have. Be the bigger person, trust your bf and don't look back.
Author AnchorGurl Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 No--this is a completely different girl and fresh relationship. No correlation at all. My current boyfriend doesn't even hang out with this girl but they did in the past ..never dated as far as he tells me..it's just disturbing to me how clearly trashy she is...but I like Dr.Suess girl's response. I need to learn to trust him
flitzanu Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 maybe he should dump you for calling his friends "trashy" just because you don't agree with their behavior, instead of him having to give up his friends because you're jealous and insecure. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 maybe he should dump you for calling his friends "trashy" just because you don't agree with their behavior, instead of him having to give up his friends because you're jealous and insecure. Agreed. Trashy is quite subjective and highly judgmental of a person you don't really seem to know. A woman in revealing clothing who acts suggestive may simply be expressing her sexuality. That doesn't mean she is of weak moral character or is a threat to you in anyway. That's her choice and you have no right to judge or accuse her of any wrongdoing imo. If you force your bf to avoid her because of your issues with trust and insecurity he will lose respect for you, simply because you don't respect him or his ability to make prudent decisions with other girls.
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now and things are going very well. He hasn't given me any reasons to doubt him and he treats me like a princess. The only problem is he has this friend that is extremely trashy and disturbing to me. As soon as we met she wrote me a long message on facebook about how I should date him and how amazing he is. She then added me on facebook and posts extremely erotic pictures of herself all the time. It makes me sick. After several of these gross pictures of herself I finally had a talk with my boyfriend and told him I just didn't feel comfortable with him being friends with her. He said that was fine and he would stop talking to her. Last Friday I posted a picture of him on his facebook and she commented on it. For some reason I decided to ask him if he was talking to her and he said no--not for months. For some reason I kept asking and I finally said "when was the last time you talked to her"? He said that she texted him on Sunday night with something football related and he responded back so he didn't have to get in a long involved conversation with her. He told me I really need to trust him but I still feel as though he lied to me about talking to her. He said he didn't consider one little text talking when he has completely cut her out of his life. He promised he would not talk to her again and said he deleted her number that very day. As much as I want to trust him it's hard though. I have been burned in the past and it's very tough for me to trust people. How can I know for sure he is telling me the truth? Everything else is great between us but I'm scared to get closer to a man who might burn me in the end. How can I know for sure he is telling me the truth? Everything else is great between us EVERYTHING IS GREAT BETWEEN US......your words See what you wrote below for your answer you know the answer already you have written it yourself. You have been burned in the past but not by the guy you are with now.If he can trust you you can trust him and if you need him to trust you, conclusion, you need to trust him.....other wise you are in for unnecessary heartache remember what you said about the way he treats you next time you are insecure dont concentrate on how you dont trust him but that you need to trust him for the relationship to work.If you constantly have these insecurities you might need some counselling to develop strategies to deal with your insecurities before you put them onto him and ruin a good thing......good luck....be trusting and have hope.....deb He hasn't given me any reasons to doubt him and he treats me like a princess. this is number one to say as a strategy to deal with insecure thoughts.....
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