Am I completely insane?

[Dragonfly668]

Readers Digest version.. We have been together off an on for the past 20 years, 7 and a half years this run. I truly feel that he is my soulmate. He walked back into my life when I was married. I was always honest with my exhusband and told him that this one was the only one who could ever come between us.. I never thought it would happen, but of course it did. The first few years were great, we communicated, we had what I thought was a great relationship. Gradually he began to communicate less and less, he would bottle things because he was afraid how I would react. I kept telling him over and over that he could tell me anything, yet he was too afraid. He spiralled into a depression. When his frustrations would come to a head where he felt that he needed to talk, I would patiently listen, not reacting, trying to show him that, yes, I am true to my word. That my head wouldn't spin and flaming tentacles wouldn't pop out of my torso.

We've split up twice over the past 2 years, first time for a month, second for a week.

 

The last few weeks have been trying indeed, he's slowly cut me out of his 'social networking' life (fb, twitter, etc). Last week he wanted to talk.. On a gut feeling, I went by his house and all our pictures were down, he came over a little while later, I asked if we were breaking up, he said yes. Again, I didn't react, I didn't cry, I didn't fight. He said he will always love me, but we are both unhappy (I had told him it really would take communication to get back to where we were) and he just "wasn't feeling it anymore". He left and I immediately went into NC mode.

 

Yesterday he texted me asking how my weekend was, and wanted to know when he could bring my things over. I let him know that I had some things I wanted to get off my chest. He ended up bailing on me to bring my stuff over, but continued to text me last night and ended up coming over and we had sex.

 

I'm trying to go with the attitude it was what it was, but I did tell him that I still love him and want to be with him, and that I know he still loves me. I'm not sitting moping, I am moving forward with my life, but part of me isn't letting go of him so easily. I think being apart for awhile is a good thing, we both need to work on ourselves, but I do want us to eventually get back together, and I hope that our time apart will make our relationship stronger.

 

I found out last night he is still reading my tweets, even though he is no longer subscribed to me.

 

Am I handling this the best way?

[flitzanu]

best way meaning what?

 

begging and screaming won't help your cause, no. going "no contact" is for YOU, and doing it should not be any "reason" to think you're gonna win him back.