Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Hey all, i was in a relationship with a girl for about 6 or 7 months and she decided she wants to break up. She told me that she wants me to give her space and that she doesnt know what she wants. I also have to say that i have the best boyfriend in the world to her and she mentioned that every time i was around her. She said she is doing this because she really does love and care for me but while she has a lot of things going on in her life she doesnt want to keep me stringing along. I was devastated by all of this and told her that i will give her all the space in the world. Also i believe that this could have been my fault because i used to smother her and also nag her to hang out rather then hang out with her friends. I also have to add that she is 19 and I am 23 so maybe some immaturity can be in play here. We also got along great and while we had some stupid fights, we always made up and loved each other. I do believe that she is a little confused to whether or not she wants a serious relationship or not and that might be a reason she is doing this. Whenever i was with her we were perfect and it seemed that when we are apart is when she overthinks things and that is what killed it. I know we both have such strong feelings for each other and i told her that i will be here when you want to talk and i will give you all the space you need. I didnt text or call at all the first two days but she called and texted me, and the first text all she said was i love you. What do i from here? Do i wait for to contact me again and is this a good sign that maybe she realizes that shes making a huge mistake? I also am considering writing her a letter with all of my feelings and giving it her when we meet to discuss everything soon. Any suggestions are really helpful because i am so confused by all of this.
OnceInLove92 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Just wait for her man. It sounds like she needs some time to think alone. She probably noticed that things started to get to the next level, and for some people, commitment can be a big scare to them. Did she have a previous long-term relationship that didn't end well? Give her some time. Tell her that you're giving her some space to think. Don't call or text her. Trust me. It'll be worth it in the end.
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 She has never been in a relationship before and you are probably right about the scare and everything in that nature. I have not made the first move to contact her at all, she has called and texted me some and told me she loved me as her first text to me...im not sure how i should feel about this, i love this girl with all my heart and even though it kills me, i must give her all the space in the world and hopefully she realized what she has lost in me.
OnceInLove92 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 If she tells you that she's confused, then that's exactly it, she's confused. She needs time to think if things are worth it. Give her two weeks of no contact, then see where things are at that point. These type of breaks can actually be VERY healthy, as it gives both people some time to reflect on the relationship.
Scirok Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I had to chime in on this one I got chills reading your story we have the same exact story ages amount of time dating etc my ex also said she was confused and needed space cause she was confused I made the horrible decision of texting her last night after a week of no contact and got cold responses and now I feel more down then ever. Stay NC its the right thing to do unless she makes it very clear she ****ed up I wish I could take my own advice
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah i think she wants to be with me but she needs time to analyze all of her things in her life. Her family loves me and i get along with all of them and her friends and dont want to lose this girl at all. Even if she texts and calls me, what do i do? Because i also want her to miss me and realize that we have this special connection. I kind of feel a little empty inside with her not being around but also i want to stay strong and not push her away by being to clingy and nagging. Also when you say healthy, how?
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Its crazy that you are going through the same thing as me. I planned on not having contact with her until she was ready for me but she contacted me. Thats what makes me confused as all hell right now! I mean if she wants space why would you text me saying i love you after you broke up with me?
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Any other advice from anyone?
Chi townD Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 She's very young and this is her first real relationship. She's probably having a case of the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). Look it up here and read it. You'll probably see a lot of signs that match up to your current situation.
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Pretty sure that she doesnt have that because i know and so does she that i am the best guy she can be with. Thats what makes me crazy about all of this, she knows I am the right guy. I was always there for her and everytime she needed something, I helped her out in every single way possible. and we are perfect for each other, i just cant get back in this relationship if shes not going to change. I still have tremendous feelings for this girl and I'm sure she has feelings for me too. She texts me and calls since we broke up and thats what keeps making me confused? Like why did she break up with me and keep calling me? I thought she wanted space and to be alone? You cant have it both ways..i am so confused
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Any other advice from anyone? don't do this. don't do the "well all the advice that is spot on is great, and I appreciate it, but what I'm really looking for is for someone to tell me the thing that I want to hear so that I can feel justified going out and hopping on the rollercoaster of self-sabatoge for the next few months" don't do this. you don't need "other" advice did you do what CTD encouraged? did you search out GIGS here on the site and read up? Edited September 18, 2012 by Mike_d
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 She doesnt want to be with another guy, she said that it has nothing to do with me because i am perfect for her. I know people may say all girls say this to guys to ease the pain but honestly with her i know that in my heart and hers we are great together. Why would she be calling and texting me when she broke up with me? Like why?
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 She doesnt want to be with another guy, she said that it has nothing to do with me because i am perfect for her. and that makes total sense as to why she needs space right now and doesn't want to be with you Why would she be calling and texting me when she broke up with me? Like why? words vs actions. you can be in as much denial as you want here, but a woman who really wants to be with you will. she will break down doors and kick asses to make it so. are you hearing words, and are you seeing actions? are they congruent? if not then the actions are your truths know these are not the things you want to hear, but you are here asking for advice...
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 did you do what CTD encouraged? did you search out GIGS here on the site and read up? you didn't note if you'd done this or not
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah man you are def right about all of that, i mean if shes still texting me, then it has to mean she still cares right? Or am i just in denial here? I mean a part of me just wants her to come back and realize shes wrong but another part is saying if she continues to be the same person just end it. Like what would you do in this situation?
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah man you are def right about all of that, i mean if shes still texting me, then it has to mean she still cares right? thats the old "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you" thing. it happens. happened to me Or am i just in denial here? yes, seems like it, but sometimes it takes awhile to get past the shock, took me quite awhile. just comes down to how willing you are to get really honest with yourself. I mean a part of me just wants her to come back and realize shes wrong but another part is saying if she continues to be the same person just end it. thats a good realization Like what would you do in this situation?hard cold dark NC, give her room to miss you, so that you don't make a fool of yourself, so that you can work on yourself, so that you can heal, so that you can start to move towards getting out of the pain, so that you can start on acceptance of your situation. its best for her too. and I'd keep posting here
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 you didn't note if you'd done this or not Yes, and after reading it I can kind of see where this comes into play, but not totally convinced this is what happening. For all i know im in denial again on this...
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah man your helping alot, honestly. And let me just state that I am not the who is initiating contact here, she is doing all of it. Thats why im confused lol, im healing fine, im going out with my friends and keeping busy. Only time im home is too sleep or watch a baseball game. I just wish that she'll realize that she will never get anyone better then me. It has to be hard on her because her parents adore me and are not happy that she did this to me. Im hoping she comes back sooner rather then later because i will not wait around forver and while im not going to try to go with girls right away out of a chance she changed her mind, im not going to sit by my phone waiting and waiting..
colombiana28 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I just wish that she'll realize that she will never get anyone better then me. god i'd be soooooo turned off if my boyfriend said this to me.
Author Confused6969 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 god i'd be soooooo turned off if my boyfriend said this to me. Ive never said this her, in fact its the other way around. She says this to me all the time...thats why i believe she in fact will realize she will hopefully come back to me.
Author Confused6969 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 So she called me last night and we talked for a hour about our whole situation. She basically told me that she wants to be together but without the title for awhile..She said that this is what she wants and she does not want to see other people. I basically told her that while i am fine with this for now, i obviously want to be your boyfriend eventually. She obviously is not ready for commitment because of her age and i understand that but her wanting to stay with me and not go after other people is a positive sign right? Ive been going crazy all night and day about this. Any advice on the new situation is appreciated.
Mike_d Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Any advice on the new situation is appreciated. this isn't a "new" situation. it's a new conversation about the same topic with the same result is all. you have someone that doesn't want to be with you. the same advice that you don't want to hear/take still applies, now and in the future. so now you're just going to sit back and wait?? put your life on hold? c'mon... you are so desperately grasping at any meager straw you can get. what are you going to do when you find out she's been dating a new guy?
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