Friends partner caught sexting girl

[Leigh 87]

If he was in love he wouldn't have done it in the first place.

 

 

In most cases this would be true, but this guy 100% believes he is in love with this girl.

 

Who are we to say otherwise? I just do not know how I can 100% prove that ALL men who are in love are not capable of doing this.

[LittlePrince]

I think what this poster is saying is how do you know that this guy intended to even meet the girls he spoke to? What if there are some guys out there who actually do these terrible things while still loving their girlfriend

 

I once loved a girl as much as I could but I fVked up. I had a thing for sending dirty texts to girls. I have been with many women and know what love is. It is possible to really love a girl and like sexy talks with others.

It doesn't matter whether he meets up with these girls or not. He has engaged in behavior of a sexually interested nature with other women making his great love no more than another FWB. His love is not of the kind or to the degree required for maintaining a relationship.

[oaks]

Who are we to say otherwise? I just do not know how I can 100% prove that ALL men who are in love are not capable of doing this.

 

You may have set yourself up for failure if you're going to try to "100% prove" anything about "ALL men who are in love".

 

As for the main topic, sexting should be followed by nexting. Not acceptable to be sexting others when in a relationship.

[Bridgey]

I guess what I am trying to ask you ' all is: Do ALL men do these sort of things to girls because they are not into them and do not truly love them ( and therefore feel like talking dirty to other girls).

 

 

OR..

 

Are there rare accurances where the guy DOES truly love the girl, but is simply a selfish loser who just wantes to " talk" and only " talk" with new girls, to get that thrill of being sexy with a new person albiet without the physical sex.

 

 

 

 

 

My own parter was able to have sex with hookers, where as most men cannot do that with a girl they trul love; my partner acts and claims to love me VERY much, so I wonder if it is really that black and white

 

Even if he does truly love her with all his heart, the girl deserves better than that. She deserves to be with a guy who wont go behind her back and sext with random women. This guy either needs to decide that other women are completely off the market while he is in a committed relationship, or find a girl who is ok with having a more open relationship. If his gf had said sexting girls was ok, then no harm done, but obviously she was very hurt when she found out, so it definitely was NOT ok.

 

They should stay broken up in my opinion. He did a very hurtful thing, and she deserves better.

[KungFuJoe]

The guy is weak, immature, and, frankly, doesn't know what the hell he wants.

 

She should stay far far away.

[Leigh 87]

They tried living apart but they just missed each other way too much. They have had breakups before and it this time it just feels way too big for them to handle.

He is convinced it was totally inocent and that he really, really loves her.

Kungfujoe - he genuinely gets offended when bring up the idea that he may just be very attached and that it is not actual love... he yelled at me lol. He said he know's what love is and loves her incredibly.

 

..He is a bit of an @ss with some areas of his life, so it is very possible in my mind that he could do this to even women he seriously loves.

And that is all I think I care about for her - if he is really in love with her and f*cked up, why would two people who are seriously in love live apart if it is the real deal? You know, the sort of love I feel my partner and I have, where we are dsperately miserable without the other.

[Leigh 87]

Anyway is it bad that I am just as concerned about him as I am about her?

 

..He is acting extremely love sick. I know what the real deal is here, and this guy is: not a crier, and him crying over her is the first time I have heard or seen him cry in about years....and he has never felt this upset over a girl, this is a whole new thing for him.

He is a mess and will not accept the relationship is over, he just does not think it is possible that they will never be together again - it is still too painful for him to process.

On the other hand, she is going very well; she is heartbroken, but saying things like " I will always love him and he will always be so special to me, but I will one day just look back at him with a warm happiness of what we had"

 

I have been out with this guy before when he is single vs seeing a girl. He has never been inclined to cheat on anyone yet, nor has he ever acted in love with any girl besides this one ( who is now my new friend and who I do not wan tto give bad advice too:mad:)

 

SO far I have told her to leave him/stay away, and not talk to him because as soon as they talk, she is over at his house hugging him while he begs her to believe how much he loves her.

I think they will end up together because I cannot see him moving on frm this girl, thelove appears to be legit... it will be HER that moves on LONG before him.

Whats more is that he is never desperate when it comes to girls, when they do not sout out loud they are interested, he just lets them be, so as to not be desperate. He is so carefull with showing too much interest and NEVEr stiked me as a guy who falls in love easily, so it shocked me how much he ended up "loving" this girl.

 

 

..She is so kind and compassionate, I really wish her well:( She is always on the verge of crying since this broke:(

[KungFuJoe]

It makes no difference what HE thinks.

 

SHE should move on.

 

Looks like she already has so it's all good.

[Leigh 87]

It makes no difference what HE thinks.

 

SHE should move on.

 

Looks like she already has so it's all good.

 

 

 

 

I am as confused as the girl is, hence why I have taken such a special interest to her problem...

My own partner had sex with hookers ( albiet I let him) when 98% of men who are truly in love would not be able to do that.....

I believed my partner when he said he loved me, evben though his actions with the hookers showed otherwise..

 

So I guess I feel irresponsible telling this women ANY advice I may have, because my heart believes my own partner when he days he loves me, when he head is saying " hell no, no guy in love would do that"

...I believe what the guy says, because he sounds like he believes he loves her! just like my own partner 110% acts in real life, like he is so adoring of me

[Mme. Chaucer]

This situation is not worth all of these endless words.

 

He behaved in a way that to me would show me that he was not a man I would want to remain involved with.

 

It is not all about whether he is truly in love, or if he would have screwed those girls, or this, or that, or the other thing. It is about whether his girlfriend feels that the behavior is acceptable to her in the context of their relationship.

[Leigh 87]

This situation is not worth all of these endless words.

 

He behaved in a way that to me would show me that he was not a man I would want to remain involved with.

 

It is not all about whether he is truly in love, or if he would have screwed those girls, or this, or that, or the other thing. It is about whether his girlfriend feels that the behavior is acceptable to her in the context of their relationship.

 

 

 

 

The whole concept of love confuses me!

 

I just want to know if this sort of behaviour is always indicative that the guy is not in love with the girl.

I am fascinated about what men who are truly in love VS men who are not in love, are capable of...

Look, most people here would say : "guys in love would not do these very obvious signs of disrespect"

..................... my advice to people was always " he is not in love with you if he cheated" or vise versa.... But after knowing this guy, who I firmy do believe loves this girl..... I am just SO confused!

 

I am questioning if I even know what love is? Given my own parnter saw hookers, when every one ELSE says " Leigh, as if he would do that if you were the right girl for him".

[LittlePrince]

My own partner had sex with hookers ( albiet I let him) when 98% of men who are truly in love would not be able to do that.....

That just means his love is even more special. After he was done with the hookers he still came back to you with his special love unlike 98% of men. Where did you find this prince? Lowered Expectations?

[LittlePrince]

It is about whether his girlfriend feels that the behavior is acceptable to her in the context of their relationship.

I am having a hard time finding any context that this behavior would be acceptable in.

[Mme. Chaucer]

The whole concept of love confuses me!

 

I just want to know if this sort of behaviour is always indicative that the guy is not in love with the girl.

I am fascinated about what men who are truly in love VS men who are not in love, are capable of...

 

The guy could very well be "in love" with the girl. So what? His "love" is crap, if he thinks it's fine to sext strangers and try to hide it from her. She needs a guy who knows how to love a lot better than that, if you ask me.

 

Lots of people "love" another person and still treat them like garbage.

 

And projecting this stupid drama of another couple onto yourself and Andrew is not good.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I am having a hard time finding any context that this behavior would be acceptable in.

 

Well, same here - but evidently Leigh thinks there is material here to discuss. I don't.

[LittlePrince]

And projecting this stupid drama of another couple onto yourself and Andrew is not good.

Yeah when her guy did much worse even if she consented to the hookers.

[Leigh 87]

That just means his love is even more special. After he was done with the hookers he still came back to you with his special love unlike 98% of men. Where did you find this prince? Lowered Expectations?

 

 

 

 

No. I do not bother with guys unless they are really into me. Obviously, he acts like he adores me and is crazily in love with me. Otherwise, I would not stay with a guy who did not act like he really loved me on a daily basis.

 

I do not have low expectations. I expect and require a guy to be madly in love with me.

 

Otherwise, they are just a FWB. I am not co dependant, and date guys just for the sake of having " someone":sick:

[Leigh 87]

Yeah when her guy did much worse even if she consented to the hookers.

 

 

But how do you know that he would have behaved different to the right girl?

 

We met under very strange circumstances, I took ages to get to know me, and I thought it was the best thing for him to settle into a life of totaol monogomy at age 24. He was not a guy is thought was ready for it.

 

Really, he gets outraged when people question his love for me.

 

Like my friends ex, my own sort of " partner" does believe he truly loves me.

 

Who are you to know otherwise? That is the question.

[Leigh 87]

Well, same here - but evidently Leigh thinks there is material here to discuss. I don't.

 

 

 

But I still do not understand love. When SO many people act like " if a guy loves you, he will not be able to do this this and this....."

 

You have no idea how confused I am. When two guys so far have made me believe that they adore and totally love their partnes, then go and exhibit behaviour that shows the exact opposite...

[Trimmer]

He really did not even stop to think about the "other" girls feelings.... He was there for himself... He says he could not give a sh*t about any of them...

Awww, I feel so much better about him now. He seems much sweeter and more cuddly than I thought at first.

 

In most cases this would be true, but this guy 100% believes he is in love with this girl.

 

Who are we to say otherwise? I just do not know how I can 100% prove that ALL men who are in love are not capable of doing this.

Oh man, I need a degree in mathematics to diagram out the logic of that statement.

 

..He is a bit of an @ss with some areas of his life, so it is very possible in my mind that he could do this to even women he seriously loves.

And that is all I think I care about for her - if he is really in love with her and f*cked up, why would two people who are seriously in love live apart if it is the real deal?

So are you saying: thank goodness, he's enough of an ass that he may have done this to a woman he truly loved? Is that the reasoning on which you are hanging your hopes for a continued healthy relationship for them?

 

Anyway is it bad that I am just as concerned about him as I am about her?

Well, I think it puts you too close to the situation to render thoughtful, unbiased, objective advice. Alongside all those other obvious reasons.

 

I think they will end up together because I cannot see him moving on frm this girl, thelove appears to be legit... it will be HER that moves on LONG before him.

That may be her saving grace - if she bases her decision not on "how much does he luuuuurrve me?" but on "what behavior am I willing to accept from a partner?" then she may come out OK.

 

I am having a hard time finding any context that this behavior would be acceptable in.

Please, please: more Oprah taglines! You had me lol'ing!

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I told my husband, "I expect and require you to be madly in love with me," well … I don't think we would have ended up married.

 

You seem to be trying to compare your life with images from movies or teen novels.

 

People who have a depth of feeling for each other that we call LOVE, and who are mature enough to make sure that almost all of their behavior honors this LOVE, treat their LOVE and their partner with great care.

 

This has nothing to do with oral sex, how much making out, seeing hookers, sexting, etc, etc, etc.

 

Your sexting friend might love his girlfriend. It would be a very immature, selfish, superficial and callow love. Maybe when / if that guy grows up he will learn that this behavior is not a part of LOVE, but probably not. A lot of people do not grow and change. So his girlfriend probably has to accept truly barfy behavior, or dump his loserly ass.

 

I vote for the dumping. Unless her ability to love is on a similar level to his.

[Leigh 87]

If I told my husband, "I expect and require you to be madly in love with me," well … I don't think we would have ended up married.

 

You seem to be trying to compare your life with images from movies or teen novels.

 

People who have a depth of feeling for each other that we call LOVE, and who are mature enough to make sure that almost all of their behavior honors this LOVE, treat their LOVE and their partner with great care.

 

This has nothing to do with oral sex, how much making out, seeing hookers, sexting, etc, etc, etc.

 

Your sexting friend might love his girlfriend. It would be a very immature, selfish, superficial and callow love. Maybe when / if that guy grows up he will learn that this behavior is not a part of LOVE, but probably not. A lot of people do not grow and change. So his girlfriend probably has to accept truly barfy behavior, or dump his loserly ass.

 

I vote for the dumping. Unless her ability to love is on a similar level to his.

 

 

 

Your older than me (no offence intended!) and have a lot more experience in love and relationships. So, your knowledge is of great use to me.

 

I am a women who, although has self esteem issues, STILL believes a totally wonderful guy will love me. I think I am a girl who will attract a loving, genuine partner. I am prepared to forgive a guy as long as I know he truly loves me and has a huge desire to change to be with me.

Anything besides cheating I would forgive, meaninig dirty texts. If it were a one time offence, and he saw it as a no brainer to change his ways in order to have me.

 

Now, from what you said, I gather that: a guy can be IN love but not be mature enough to honour that love. Am I right?

OR is the " love" the immature d*ckiheads feel not as strong as the men with higher integrity?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I am prepared to forgive a guy as long as I know he truly loves me and has a huge desire to change to be with me.

 

Forgiveness would come from you. Or in this case, the girlfriend.

 

But you keep asking whether he could really love her or not. That would be about HIM.

 

Those are two separate things to think about.

 

Anything besides cheating I would forgive, meaninig dirty texts. If it were a one time offence, and he saw it as a no brainer to change his ways in order to have me.

 

That's BS. If he thought it was a "no brainer" he would not have been sneaky about doing it. Obviously he knew that his girlfriend would not be okay with it.

 

It's not just "dirty texts." It's where his mind was when he was doing it. Plus, as I have said before, it shows a huge boundary problem which I guarantee you will show up in more serious ways down the road if this pair continue.

 

His problem is that he got caught. He will probably just be more sneaky next time.

 

Now, from what you said, I gather that: a guy can be IN love but not be mature enough to honour that love. Am I right?

 

Yes.

 

OR is the " love" the immature d*ckiheads feel not as strong as the men with higher integrity?

 

Also yes. That's why immature people (or just young) don't stay in relationships as long as people who are mature.

[Leigh 87]

I am normally very good at reading people, and their intentions.

 

To me, unlike many other guys I know of, he IS just as in love with this girl, to the same extent as say, this other couple I know of; the guy is very much in love with his partner and is not the type of man that would sext other girls.

The former, immature guy, was into threesomes and like the whole idea of wild orgies. Just like Andrew was. Where as the other guy had no desire to explore those wild types of situations.

 

Who are we to say that the immature guy's love is not as strong as the other guys? To me, both men feel that they love their partner A LOT.

And lastly, I highly doubt he will re offend. Rather than being a serial cheater type, this guy just looked like he was bored.

 

.......I saw the guy online on his i phone once when I walk passed his work. He just looked so bored, and told me what he was doing, and that his love for ___ Insertname____ is all that matterd, because he was not really thinking about these girls or jerking off over them.

 

He said it was just something he did on his breaks from work. Aside from the thrill of chatting to anonymus women, there was nothing really to it. The guy is really basic/ and I do not even think he is capable of having alterior motives. No offence to him..... He just says what he thinks and alway has since I have known him.

 

She told me about it the next week. I am not that close with her so I did not feel it was my place to go " hey, we have not caught up in a couple of weeks, but I am sorry to say that your partner is chatting online to women"

I am just rarley wrong about people, especially guys.... I just tend to KNOW if they are not super in love or into their partner, and the ones who are not never stay together.

[LittlePrince]

I am normally very good at reading people, and their intentions.

Except for men you want or are similar to the one you are involved with.