Glenda Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Please help. I am desperate to get my husband to understand what his spending is doing to us. We are going backwards faster than ever before. He thinks $20 here and $30 there are nothing and dont add up. We have an overdraft on our bank account and have always only used this for emergencies and drawn on very rarely and no more than $100. However my hubby has the thinking that it is our money and the bank doesn't care and it's ok we will catch up eventually. However, we are now drawing on almost the whole overdraft and his wages don't even bring it back to $100 credit over the limit. It makes me sick. He usually has lots of overtime this time of year however this year, his industry is in a lull and he is happy just to keep his job. If he loses this we don't even have anything in the bank other than an overdraft that is maxed out. I have tried and tried to explain this to him and he shrugs it off. If we can't survive a week on his wage and pull on the overdraft - there is only about $80 left on it. What happens when his wage doesn't cover it. I have tried to get him to sit with me and see the accounts = doesn't want to. I have said he can pay the bills and manage the money and let me know what i can or cant spend instead of the other way around but he won't do that either. I set up a ledger so he could see what has to come out the account on any week in direct debits - doesn't want to know and won't look. Without having that overdraft as a back up which is what it was for - we are stuffed. I cant make him see this. He smokes but tells me he is giving up and a packet lasts him 3 weeks - not sure if this is true or not as he usually lies about it. He drinks a cask of wine a week - and no matter what our financial situation, he does'nt care and considers these two items as necessities. I go without so many things, i hardly drink anymore - not because i don't want to but because i feel guilty spending the money on it when i know there is other things that need paying. I am at my wits end and beyond angry at him. how do i make him see. Please help.
LadyGrey Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Do you work outside of the home? Please help. I am desperate to get my husband to understand what his spending is doing to us. We are going backwards faster than ever before. He thinks $20 here and $30 there are nothing and dont add up. We have an overdraft on our bank account and have always only used this for emergencies and drawn on very rarely and no more than $100. However my hubby has the thinking that it is our money and the bank doesn't care and it's ok we will catch up eventually. However, we are now drawing on almost the whole overdraft and his wages don't even bring it back to $100 credit over the limit. It makes me sick. He usually has lots of overtime this time of year however this year, his industry is in a lull and he is happy just to keep his job. If he loses this we don't even have anything in the bank other than an overdraft that is maxed out. I have tried and tried to explain this to him and he shrugs it off. If we can't survive a week on his wage and pull on the overdraft - there is only about $80 left on it. What happens when his wage doesn't cover it. I have tried to get him to sit with me and see the accounts = doesn't want to. I have said he can pay the bills and manage the money and let me know what i can or cant spend instead of the other way around but he won't do that either. I set up a ledger so he could see what has to come out the account on any week in direct debits - doesn't want to know and won't look. Without having that overdraft as a back up which is what it was for - we are stuffed. I cant make him see this. He smokes but tells me he is giving up and a packet lasts him 3 weeks - not sure if this is true or not as he usually lies about it. He drinks a cask of wine a week - and no matter what our financial situation, he does'nt care and considers these two items as necessities. I go without so many things, i hardly drink anymore - not because i don't want to but because i feel guilty spending the money on it when i know there is other things that need paying. I am at my wits end and beyond angry at him. how do i make him see. Please help.
Author Glenda Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah i work full time. I milk cows and work every amount of overtime i can get. At present i work monday to Friday - about 10 hours a day with a few hours inbetween which i use to feed our stock, prep dinner ect. then back to work and i work every second weekend right through to try and meet the bills.
pie2 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I'm sorry...your situation seems SO stressful. I like Dave Ramsey. If you're interested, try the Total Money Makeover. http://www.daveramsey.com/store/Books/dave-s-bestsellers/cBOOKS-cDaveBooks-p1.html. Other than that, try a written budget at the beginning of the month, and stick to it. Sit down with your H (make sure he's rested, well-fed, relaxed, etc.), and calculate how much you need to spend in all areas (rent, food, transport, utilities, etc) for the month. Then, take out the cash you need, and keep it in an envelope for each of the abovementioned areas. Maybe your H could have an envelope for things he likes to spend on (cigs, wine, etc). When the cash runs out...he can't buy anymore until next month's money is in. It sounds controlling, but I think it's a good way to learn to control spending habits. I hope he can get on board, and realize the freedom that comes with financial stability. Best of luck.
LadyGrey Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Yeah i work full time. I milk cows and work every amount of overtime i can get. At present i work monday to Friday - about 10 hours a day with a few hours inbetween which i use to feed our stock, prep dinner ect. then back to work and i work every second weekend right through to try and meet the bills. Your husband is very irresponsible. How long have you been married? Has he always been this way? Maybe you need to think seriously about separating your finances. Maybe you need to think about if this is intolerable or not? Should it be a dealbreaker?
Lauriebell82 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 If he cant control his spending then you need to tell him that you will give him money every week to spend (like an allowance) and you will handle the bills. Unfortunately, incompatibility in regards to finances usually leads to serious marital problems and often divorce. Would he be open to counseling?
Author Glenda Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 We have sorted out so many things and seem to be moving forward in the right direction. He's not keen on councilors but does see his doctor regulary and prefers to talk to him. He had some serious anger issues and seems to be dealing with those and improved alot. He suffers from depression and anxiety issues. The depression has been around for about almost 2 yrs and he is on medication for that. The anxiety issues started once he found his daughter which he hadn't been able to find for 20 years. But then she started playing games with his head abit and that really messed him up. However he told her what he wanted, what he could offer her and left the decision up to her. Got a text last night to say she was happy to meet him but wanted nothing more to do with him that her mother was all she needed ect. That is her choice but she was pretty nasty about it and had another anxiety attack last night. Took about 2 hours to calm him and dose him on valium and get him into bed. So couldn't really talk about money issues last night. If i have a break down about it all and have a day where i am not coping - all i get from him is "come back to reality - we are living on the overdraft and so be it - the would doesn't revolve around you and your "woes me". But for him - it's ok because he has depression and anxiety. Why can't i have a moment or a day just because i am not on medication? I liked the envelope suggestion - think i might sit down and try and work out those and give that system a try - thanks so much for the suggestion. The money issues are not a dealbreaker for my marriage. It is something i need to try and resolve with my husband - not walk away. We have been together for almost 12 years and married for almost 2 of those. I love this man and for all his issues - he does seek help and loves me very much in return. But there are going to be days where i just don't cope with it all like anyone else i guess. Thanks so much for everyones advice - i really do appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and help me with them.
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