Fiance of 7 years leaves for my "best friend"

[OnceInLove92]

I'm pretty sure this has happened to at least one person in these forums, so I need some input. Bear with me, however, because this is gonna be a LONG one. I'll try my best to keep it as short as possible.

 

My fiance of 7 years has left me for my best friend. At the end of July of this year, she broke up with me, telling me that "we just aren't meant for each other", leaving me confused, sad, and full of questions. Just out of the blue.

 

The next day, I call her up and ask her exactly why she broke things off. At first, she started by saying that I "treated her like an old car", "I was always bored around her", and that there isn't any spark anymore. After talking for another hour or so with her, I find out she left me for someone else. I ask her who it was, but she told me that I'll find out later. I felt completely replaced and hopeless. We fight for a little bit, and I end the call in anger.

 

The next day, she texts me:

 

Her: "He treats me like a princess! I'm so happy "

Me: "Is this supposed to make me feel good? How do you think that makes me feel?"

Her: "Well I'm happy. Don't you want me to be happy?"

 

I don't think I responded after that. This of course, left me feeling like **** even more.

 

She calls me up that night, and we talk, and I tell her how I was feeling. She told me that she had lost her love for me, and that "I lost my love for her a long time ago". She says all of this like she had gotten over me so quickly, with no remorse, and like I should be ok with her decision. I cry and cry like a little baby, and the sadness quickly turns into anger, as she was acting like she didn't really care about me, although she told me that she called me because she cares about me. She then continued to tell me mean and ugly stuff, like he was so much better than I am, and that they connect so well and that they're on the same wavelength and all that bullcrap.

 

As I continue to talk to her, I finally shake out the truth from her: She broke up with me to be with MY best friend.

 

When I found out, a couple days later I told my "best friend" to meet me at my house so we could talk. I told him that I was NOT ok with what he was doing, and that he cannot continue to see her if he wants to be my friend. He told me that "I think she's the one for me" and "we have such an awesome time together" and yada yada bullcrap that I thought was just completely immature. Why is it immature, you might say? My ex is his first girlfriend. Ever. I told him that it was just blind love, and that it's natural to feel that way when you connect with someone. But then I told him again, "I'm not ok with this."

 

I told him that he cannot see or talk to her again, if he wants to be my friend. He agreed.

 

But then, a couple days later, I find out that he's STILL seeing her. I told him off after that.

 

I was completely crushed, devistated. I began to wonder what I could have done to avoid it. I had done everything for this girl. When she was upset, I would go to her house and comfort her. When she told me things like "you're not showing enough affection", (which i was told that ALOT before we broke up), I would tell her so many nice things about her. ****, one night when she was upset, I drove over there and did probably the weirdest thing possible: I got naked, made a bunch of notes of why I love her, and taped them all around my body. (haha) When she was sick, I would make her soup and talk with her. When she needed something done like putting together a desk or driving to IKEA to pick up a piece of furniture, I was more than willing to do it. But all of that.... was not enough.

 

I felt like nothing ever was enough.

 

So lets go back in time for a little bit. When we started dating 7 years ago, we were of course infatuated with eachother. We would see eachother every day, talk on the phone for hours every night, had lots of sex, the whole 9 yards. However, as a couple years go by, I begin to settle. Because of course, that infatuation was turning into true love. I don't think she could accept this. I think she stayed in that infatuation stage, which was beginning to get a little frustrating. She would write me notes all the time, text me all the time, ask me what im doing and where I was. Then she began to look at it like I didn't care, like SHE was doing all of the work in the relationship. If she shows affection, then she expects that I show it 100 times more. But because I didn't, she began to get mad at me.

 

I have proposed to this girl TWICE. The first time, I will admit, I was not ready.... However, she kind of pressured me into it. She told me that if I didn't show that I wanted to take the relationship to the next level, then she would break things off. So I choked, and on our anniversary (which was about 2 weeks later), I proposed to her. She knew I felt pressured.

 

However, I bought myself some more time, and proposed to her while we were at vacation. This time, I felt it, and I've never felt better. We drew each other notes in the sand of how we felt about each other, and eventually I got on one knee and popped the question. She says yes this time.

 

But then, a couple months down the road, she tells me out of the blue that she didn't feel the proposal, and that I didn't give it my "all". I was mortified. I told her that I did it from the bottom of my heart. But it wasn't good enough. We broke up for a week, but then got back together.

 

Then comes her birthday of this year. I was broke and out of a job. I was thinking about what to get her for her birthday that wouldn't cost much. Then I thought of it last minute: I'll make her a video. So I did. I stayed up literally all night, the night before her birthday. I was finally finished by 7am, fell into bed, only to wake up at 4pm by a phone call from my fiance to see where I was. I told her that I had slept in, and she was so sad. She thought I forgot about her or something. I quickly rush to her house, only to see her in tears. I appologize to her several times, and showed her what I had created for her. She appeared to cry from happy tears. Only to find out that she still thought her birthday was the worst birthday ever.

 

I think I began to lose my soul at this point. Nothing I ever did pleased her. I will admit, I began to withdrawl from her, began to get bored around her. Because no matter what I did, I couldn't please her.

 

So a couple months down the road, thats when she breaks up with me for my best friend, which leaves us right where I'm at right now.

 

Her and my (ex) best friend are, without a doubt, in the honeymoon stage. They are obsessed with eachother. They saw each other every day from dusk till dawn. Went to so many places. Took so many pictures together. Instagram can prove that. I would look at that **** every day, when I decided that it just hurt me even more. So I've blocked her from facebook, instagram, twitter, everything.

 

I've been in no contact with her for a month. She would call me once every week to "see how I was doing" because she "cared about me" Then that's when I told her I don't want to talk to her, so I can heal.

 

I'm not gonna lie, this past month and a half has been brutal for me. Around the time when we broke up, I was ****ED up. Because I still loved her. And I still do. But she told me that she doesn't anymore. Our anniversary is coming up, September 24th. It would have been our 7th year together.

 

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading all of this. I know I basically wrote a novel, but I feel like I could write so much more. But I've got a few questions for all of you.

 

I'd like to know your input on all of this. Do you think she'll soon realize that she just let go a great person? Do you think she still loves me, even though she says she doesn't? Do you think she'll try to talk to me on our anniversary, and if I should talk to her then? I just need some honest advice on what I should do. Do you think she'll come crawling back to me? Should I have hope, hoping that she can't stand not being with me? Or should I just let go? I just need some honest advice on what I should do, and what you think about all of this.

[bluefairy812]

wow wow wow wow wow. where should i start?

 

you sound like such a sweetheart. there are not many guys like you out there. i'm so sorry this happened to you.. i'm really sorry to say this, but it looks like she was seeing your best friend for a while. the problem with dumpers is that they move on while in the relationship.. which is why she caught you off guard. she has been over the relationship for a while. she COMPLETELY and UTTERLY betrayed your trust.. and your so called best friend? Who needs enemies at that point? PLEASE stay NC and stay away from this girl. She was very selfish to not try and work things out with a wonderful man like you. She took the easy route and decided to be with your best friend. It most likely will not last. Sounds like she is never pleased anyway. Please do yourself a favor and move on, because ANY girl would give anything to have a guy like you. She's a heartless person for doing this. And for even contacting you?! She's ridding her guilt. Block her completely and disappear. Move on and go out with your friends, date a few girls and have some time alone. Before you know it, you will be a stronger new YOU. You are way better than her. DO NOT have hope. Remember that past behavior is an indicator of future behavior! YOU ARE NO ONES SECOND OPTION! she does not deserve you. trust me, don't have hope. it is just an illusion. live in the present and listen to your head, not your heart.

Edited September 18, 2012 by bluefairy812

[CptSaveAho]

Honest advice

 

#1 Kick her to the curb

#2 Kick him to the curb

#3 Dont ever talk to either one of them again

 

Their relationship is going to be pure rainbows and butterflies. Your ex best friend is going to be living a nightmare for however long she is with him. Your ex is a lying piece of crap. She has no concept of what happiness is. I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy.

 

While you wont understand this for a long time, you are better off 1000x fold without either one of them in your life.

[OnceInLove92]

Hey, thanks a lot bluefairy! It really means a LOT. Yeah, I've definitely kept away from her, blocked her from everything, and blocked MYSELF from her stuff, just so I can't tempt myself into looking at her and her new "love". Here's that video that I made for her, btw if you ever wonder.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3PcWovlXzs

[skydiveaddict]

Do you think she'll soon realize that she just let go a great person?

 

No

Do you think she still loves me, even though she says she doesn't?

No

Do you think she'll try to talk to me on our anniversary, and if I should talk to her then?

No

I just need some honest advice on what I should do, and what you think about all of this.

 

Let her go. You can't change how she feels.

[bluefairy812]

Hey, thanks a lot bluefairy! It really means a LOT. Yeah, I've definitely kept away from her, blocked her from everything, and blocked MYSELF from her stuff, just so I can't tempt myself into looking at her and her new "love". Here's that video that I made for her, btw if you ever wonder.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3PcWovlXzs

 

this made me cry. i would seriously die if my bf made this for me. its so sweet. i'm sorry...

 

move on please. any girl would go love this. theres a million of them out there. one will appreciate and love you for who you are and not leave you high and dry like she did.

[sweetheart5381]

This one hurts to read.

 

Clearly, after 7 yrs there is a lot of stuff to deal with. It seems to me that you really didn't want to be with her in the first few yrs and she accepted it, still stayed and eventually internalized it and eventually felt undesired. (Jmo, I did the same)

 

She essentially caved on her own boundaries and it became regret over time.

 

It's common to reach out to others if you feel unwanted/unappreciated by your spouse, especially if you know in the back of your mind that they felt that they were pushed into a relationship and don't really want it in the first place.

 

The best thing friend, well that's a novel in itself.

 

An aweful situation, I feel for you.

 

She may regret it, she may not, no telling.

 

If she feels more loved by you than him, she may come back. If not... well... that's life.

[Mike_d]

this girl is garbage, total garbage. she's done you a solid by removing herself from your life and not getting married to you. there is no way you'll see it now but you've been handed a huge golden parachute, you are free, seriously, congrats.

 

it'll suck for awhile but stay with it, it *will* get better, there are so many women out there that will kill for what you are willing to put of yourself into the relationship, you'll do fine.

 

your "friend"? f*ck him. revenge is dish best served cold, wait for it...

[todreaminblue]

I'm pretty sure this has happened to at least one person in these forums, so I need some input. Bear with me, however, because this is gonna be a LONG one. I'll try my best to keep it as short as possible.

 

My fiance of 7 years has left me for my best friend. At the end of July of this year, she broke up with me, telling me that "we just aren't meant for each other", leaving me confused, sad, and full of questions. Just out of the blue.

 

The next day, I call her up and ask her exactly why she broke things off. At first, she started by saying that I "treated her like an old car", "I was always bored around her", and that there isn't any spark anymore. After talking for another hour or so with her, I find out she left me for someone else. I ask her who it was, but she told me that I'll find out later. I felt completely replaced and hopeless. We fight for a little bit, and I end the call in anger.

 

The next day, she texts me:

 

Her: "He treats me like a princess! I'm so happy "

Me: "Is this supposed to make me feel good? How do you think that makes me feel?"

Her: "Well I'm happy. Don't you want me to be happy?"

 

I don't think I responded after that. This of course, left me feeling like **** even more.

 

She calls me up that night, and we talk, and I tell her how I was feeling. She told me that she had lost her love for me, and that "I lost my love for her a long time ago". She says all of this like she had gotten over me so quickly, with no remorse, and like I should be ok with her decision. I cry and cry like a little baby, and the sadness quickly turns into anger, as she was acting like she didn't really care about me, although she told me that she called me because she cares about me. She then continued to tell me mean and ugly stuff, like he was so much better than I am, and that they connect so well and that they're on the same wavelength and all that bullcrap.

 

As I continue to talk to her, I finally shake out the truth from her: She broke up with me to be with MY best friend.

 

When I found out, a couple days later I told my "best friend" to meet me at my house so we could talk. I told him that I was NOT ok with what he was doing, and that he cannot continue to see her if he wants to be my friend. He told me that "I think she's the one for me" and "we have such an awesome time together" and yada yada bullcrap that I thought was just completely immature. Why is it immature, you might say? My ex is his first girlfriend. Ever. I told him that it was just blind love, and that it's natural to feel that way when you connect with someone. But then I told him again, "I'm not ok with this."

 

I told him that he cannot see or talk to her again, if he wants to be my friend. He agreed.

 

But then, a couple days later, I find out that he's STILL seeing her. I told him off after that.

 

I was completely crushed, devistated. I began to wonder what I could have done to avoid it. I had done everything for this girl. When she was upset, I would go to her house and comfort her. When she told me things like "you're not showing enough affection", (which i was told that ALOT before we broke up), I would tell her so many nice things about her. ****, one night when she was upset, I drove over there and did probably the weirdest thing possible: I got naked, made a bunch of notes of why I love her, and taped them all around my body. (haha) When she was sick, I would make her soup and talk with her. When she needed something done like putting together a desk or driving to IKEA to pick up a piece of furniture, I was more than willing to do it. But all of that.... was not enough.

 

I felt like nothing ever was enough.

 

So lets go back in time for a little bit. When we started dating 7 years ago, we were of course infatuated with eachother. We would see eachother every day, talk on the phone for hours every night, had lots of sex, the whole 9 yards. However, as a couple years go by, I begin to settle. Because of course, that infatuation was turning into true love. I don't think she could accept this. I think she stayed in that infatuation stage, which was beginning to get a little frustrating. She would write me notes all the time, text me all the time, ask me what im doing and where I was. Then she began to look at it like I didn't care, like SHE was doing all of the work in the relationship. If she shows affection, then she expects that I show it 100 times more. But because I didn't, she began to get mad at me.

 

I have proposed to this girl TWICE. The first time, I will admit, I was not ready.... However, she kind of pressured me into it. She told me that if I didn't show that I wanted to take the relationship to the next level, then she would break things off. So I choked, and on our anniversary (which was about 2 weeks later), I proposed to her. She knew I felt pressured.

 

However, I bought myself some more time, and proposed to her while we were at vacation. This time, I felt it, and I've never felt better. We drew each other notes in the sand of how we felt about each other, and eventually I got on one knee and popped the question. She says yes this time.

 

But then, a couple months down the road, she tells me out of the blue that she didn't feel the proposal, and that I didn't give it my "all". I was mortified. I told her that I did it from the bottom of my heart. But it wasn't good enough. We broke up for a week, but then got back together.

 

Then comes her birthday of this year. I was broke and out of a job. I was thinking about what to get her for her birthday that wouldn't cost much. Then I thought of it last minute: I'll make her a video. So I did. I stayed up literally all night, the night before her birthday. I was finally finished by 7am, fell into bed, only to wake up at 4pm by a phone call from my fiance to see where I was. I told her that I had slept in, and she was so sad. She thought I forgot about her or something. I quickly rush to her house, only to see her in tears. I appologize to her several times, and showed her what I had created for her. She appeared to cry from happy tears. Only to find out that she still thought her birthday was the worst birthday ever.

 

I think I began to lose my soul at this point. Nothing I ever did pleased her. I will admit, I began to withdrawl from her, began to get bored around her. Because no matter what I did, I couldn't please her.

 

So a couple months down the road, thats when she breaks up with me for my best friend, which leaves us right where I'm at right now.

 

Her and my (ex) best friend are, without a doubt, in the honeymoon stage. They are obsessed with eachother. They saw each other every day from dusk till dawn. Went to so many places. Took so many pictures together. Instagram can prove that. I would look at that **** every day, when I decided that it just hurt me even more. So I've blocked her from facebook, instagram, twitter, everything.

 

I've been in no contact with her for a month. She would call me once every week to "see how I was doing" because she "cared about me" Then that's when I told her I don't want to talk to her, so I can heal.

 

I'm not gonna lie, this past month and a half has been brutal for me. Around the time when we broke up, I was ****ED up. Because I still loved her. And I still do. But she told me that she doesn't anymore. Our anniversary is coming up, September 24th. It would have been our 7th year together.

 

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading all of this. I know I basically wrote a novel, but I feel like I could write so much more. But I've got a few questions for all of you.

 

I'd like to know your input on all of this. Do you think she'll soon realize that she just let go a great person? Do you think she still loves me, even though she says she doesn't? Do you think she'll try to talk to me on our anniversary, and if I should talk to her then? I just need some honest advice on what I should do. Do you think she'll come crawling back to me? Should I have hope, hoping that she can't stand not being with me? Or should I just let go? I just need some honest advice on what I should do, and what you think about all of this.

 

 

 

The girl wasn't right for you its a shame because you seem like a nice guy a shame for her but not for you.The honeymoon period can go on fro as little as six months or even less.The long haul is the enduring part.I dont think you shoudl hold out hope fro her.Once a girl says she doesn't love you and she has moved on you need to too its damaging to stay or hope a relationship will retu5rn if that has been said....I am a bit of a backwards thinking person...i enjoy the comfortable part more than the honeymoon part......because the comfortable part with full trust is what i crave to be in is where i thrive.I become more open sexually as i get to know a person that is a long term partner.I relax i have fun and i spoil them so i am like you i spoil partners in many ways......i get to know more about them the honey moon period is exciting....but i am naturally shy the more i am in a relationship the less shy i am.......that means i am long term....haven't been with someone i trust implicitly yet i hold hope for that to occur....so you area long term guy this girl wasn't .....different strokes for different folks....you need to find your matching paddle and go for it.....not a row boat dinghy paddle a proper deep sea expedition paddle.....lol.....good luck and best wishes......wish me luck too...i found a paddle who doesn't like my boat going to hold out for the paddle to change his mind...or i am goat raising on some mountain somewhere with sixty cats..i can lend you a cat.....maybe a goat...deb

[OnceInLove92]

Good luck man! And thanks for replying!

 

****, thank you ALL for replying. It's nice to hear support from people you don't even know. It really gives me hope for humanity (not trying to be dramatic or anything lol)

[sweetheart5381]

this girl is garbage, total garbage. she's done you a solid by removing herself from your life and not getting married to you. there is no way you'll see it now but you've been handed a huge golden parachute, you are free, seriously, congrats.

 

it'll suck for awhile but stay with it, it *will* get better, there are so many women out there that will kill for what you are willing to put of yourself into the relationship, you'll do fine.

 

your "friend"? f*ck him. revenge is dish best served cold, wait for it...

 

Honestly, there is no good comes from revenge... there really is no such thing. Lots of folks would say I am exacting revenge on my ex (I am seeing his "best" friend), but I am not. My ex proved who he is, cold and nasty, a using mother'f and proved what he wanted from me... his best friend knew it all along but was so loyal to the friendship he did not have the heart to tell me what my ex really thought of me.

 

I have been seeing my ex's best friend for a few months now. My ex cut me loose, ditched me when another woman he deemed to be "better, status-wise" showed interest. Didn't last long, she dumped his ass, lol. His best friend and I have been getting closer and he and I are more compatible, we understand each other and also understand the ex too.

 

Forget revenge... moving on is far better.

[todreaminblue]

Good luck man! And thanks for replying!

 

****, thank you ALL for replying. It's nice to hear support from people you don't even know. It really gives me hope for humanity (not trying to be dramatic or anything lol)

 

 

well if being dramatic makes you laugh or LOL BE THAT.....good luck.......smiles atcha......deb

[Mike_d]

Forget revenge... moving on is far better.

 

oh, I didn't mean anything other than his 'friends' moment will come with this girl where he'll realize that he's holding a bag of smoke, nothing inside. and he'll have to own this one for the rest of his life, screwing his friend over. all he has to do is wait for it, it'll happen... in the meanwhile, upgrade and onward and upward.

 

you don't ever ever break the primary guy rule - you never date your buddies ex, no matter what. bro's before ho's, just like chicks before dicks. friends are more valuable in the long run, you eff your friend it'll only eff you in the end.

[Calico]

Well, there's the other side. What can the girl do if her feelings change? Stay with you just because? Somehow stop loving your friend? Something similar happened to me, so I know how you feel, and I did want my ex to stay too, but at the end of the day there is nothing you can do to make someone love you.

[Mint Sauce]

OIL92,

 

I too am in a very similar boat: 6yrs together, cheated on me with -and left me for- a good friend of mine (fortunately not my best friend, but fairly close). This happened early July.

 

I agree with many things said above: she probably checked out during the past months, without telling you (first unforgivable error), then started an emotional affair (EA, 2nd error), then the physical affair (PA, 3rd error), and when she was convinced there was a future for her and your friend, she dropped the bomb.

 

I also recognize the ruthless behaviour of the couple post-BU. That does help to just be angry with them. No mixed emotions towards my former friend: just pure anger. I think it's part of the haze of their honeymoon phase. At least that's an idea that makes it all a bit bearable to me...

 

It's tough to realize that you've been mistaken in someone for so many years, but I agree that it seems best to cut your losses at this point.

 

But the pain and disappointment are massive, no way around that.

 

Hang in there, and don't idealize her. She may have had many nice traits, but there's a nasty bitch/slut in there as well. We deserve better. Same goes for the friend, even if it's his first relationship: ff he knows empathy, he wouldn't have done this to you.

 

I guess you're still young, so don't worry. Take your time, and something better will come along. At least that's what I tell myself

[AlexDP]

Well, there's the other side. What can the girl do if her feelings change? Stay with you just because? Somehow stop loving your friend? Something similar happened to me, so I know how you feel, and I did want my ex to stay too, but at the end of the day there is nothing you can do to make someone love you.

 

Feelings change? Please. Feelings change all the time if you think infatuation is true love. This girl is immature and garbage. If you've been with someone for 7 years and you don't love that person, something is very very wrong with you.

[Mint Sauce]

^^^^^ This indeed!

 

But it's still shocking that someone can be in a long-term relationship and still confound love with being in love.

 

After 6 yrs ltr, my ex said "I fell out of love with you". FFS, I "fell out of love" with her 3 years earlier, but true love replaced that!

[Calico]

Feelings change? Please. Feelings change all the time if you think infatuation is true love. This girl is immature and garbage. If you've been with someone for 7 years and you don't love that person, something is very very wrong with you.

 

After how many months and years are you no longer allowed to fall out of love with someone, and have to stay with a specific person for the rest of your life, unless they give you permission to love someone else?

 

I'm sorry, but this kind of possessive ownership thinking is something that doesn't have anything to do with love. I was left after nearly four years, and cheated on before that, and yet I still want(ed) her back, so I know damn well what it is like to still love someone who no longer loves you. But I would never take away or limit her right to decide who she wants to be with, because she is her own person and not my property.

 

That girl is neither immature nor "garbage" for falling out of love after seven years. Immature for handling it the way she did? Possibly. But if you can't accept that the feelings of your partner may change, you should stay far away from relationships. Perhaps get a dog instead?

[Mint Sauce]

After how many months and years are you no longer allowed to fall out of love with someone, and have to stay with a specific person for the rest of your life, unless they give you permission to love someone else?

If you really attached, then imo there's no way to ever stop loving that person. These girls who left us, the way they did, they probably never really attached because they have some deep issues.

Before all this mess I'm in now, I was married (10yrs together, then divorced, now at 4yrs NC/LC mark). We went our separate ways, we both love someone new, but when we meet, it's clear that we still love each other. I'm glad to have that experience, because otherwise the current situation would leave me very bitter.

 

Look at it this way: could you ever fully stop loving your parents (assuming you did as a kid)? To the point of total indifference? I really can't imagine that.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Mint Sauce

[AlexDP]

After how many months and years are you no longer allowed to fall out of love with someone, and have to stay with a specific person for the rest of your life, unless they give you permission to love someone else?

 

I'm sorry, but this kind of possessive ownership thinking is something that doesn't have anything to do with love. I was left after nearly four years, and cheated on before that, and yet I still want(ed) her back, so I know damn well what it is like to still love someone who no longer loves you. But I would never take away or limit her right to decide who she wants to be with, because she is her own person and not my property.

 

That girl is neither immature nor "garbage" for falling out of love after seven years. Immature for handling it the way she did? Possibly. But if you can't accept that the feelings of your partner may change, you should stay far away from relationships. Perhaps get a dog instead?

 

It's not normal to stop loving a person like that after 7 years. If you're a psychologically healthy individual it does not happen like that. And you don't run off with his best friend. Something is clearly wrong if you do. And sure, she decides what she does. She's still a deranged psycho.

 

If you're with a person for SEVEN YEARS and you stop loving him in an instant, you're messed up. And I don't know why you're so intent on approving her behaviour when in all fairness it's just sick.

[Calico]

If you're with a person for SEVEN YEARS and you stop loving him in an instant, you're messed up. And I don't know why you're so intent on approving her behaviour when in all fairness it's just sick.

 

I don't "approve" of it, I just accept it as something that I don't feel is unnatural. I doubt she stopped loving him in an instant. In my relationship, the girl had slowly detached over the course of 3-6 months, before and during the affair she had. When I learned of it and that she was no longer in love with me (she still loved me, so it's the same as Mint described -- she never said to me she doesn't love me, just that she is no longer in love and doesn't want to stay together), it was a shock for me and at first I couldn't really understand how that had happened so quickly. But it didn't happen quickly, it was a process that took place over time (I had no clue -- in retrospect I see the signs, but that's easily done).

 

I think the same may have happened here. She fell out of love, developed feelings for the friend, didn't know how to end it, didn't know if she wanted that, and ended up in a confused position (that part is arguably immature). When she walked out, she had pretty much detached already and had made a decision. I'd be surprised if it was really a spontaneous, sudden event. Does it suck? Absolutely. But you can't make someone stay with you if they no feel "that way".

[Mint Sauce]

I see your point Cal(Ex)iCo (is that in fact the pun in your username?), but I still find the way they walked out on us fishy. This single-sided detachment, without informing the other party, I think that's beyond immature. I was immature when I got divorced, but just basic empathy with the person I love, even if no longer "in love", meant I could not just abandon that relationship in such a brutal way. I had to give her/us a chance to work on our issues. We tried and failed, and then decided to go our own ways.

 

Leaving for a friend, it just reeks of issues to me.

[OnceInLove92]

Honestly, she DOES have a lot of issues. Such as not growing up with her dad, and feeling like she was a mistake, living with a mean grandmother and semi-psychotic mother. This is what has probably shaped her as today: very needy and getting whatever she wants. It's not HER fault she's this way, but I've told her before that she's a very hurt person and counseling might help. Of course, with her stubbornness, she never saw anything wrong with herself. So now that I think of it, I'm kind of glad she's out of my life! There was never anything I could do.... and now my ex friend has to deal with it.

[Floored]

I think Calico is playing devil's advocate for the someone falling out of love after seven years, whereas the rest are pulling for the fact that love would never let it go down the way it happened. I'll agree with Calico that sometimes people just aren't meant to be and sharing that deeper love connection may not come, but in this case, OP's ex couldn't even treat him like a decent person. Love has many forms and shapes, but not a single one of them happened to be on OP's ex's heart in the end.

 

OP- holy crap. Worthless girl and even worse best friend. You will grow and realize just how immature they are being here, and take some small consolation in the fact that this relationship and the way it was formed has no decency in its foundation; there's no undoing that. They are two immature people who just so happened to both damage you. I don't even know if I have the right words to lend you. It sucks, and it's going to get worse for a while, but the thing to remember is what's been said a few times already- a lot of women would adore having you around.

[Mcnulty]

WTF!!! He is so much better than you and you should be happy for her??? What a bitch! Kick her out of your life for ever along with the cheap git who claimed to be your best friend!

 

Same thing happened to me, my friend deleted me off FB, she blocked me then I got told they were in a relationship...they annopunced it on lovely FB,ha!"

 

Ultimate betrayal time, so what did i do? I kept my dignity and tried to hold onto the little sanity i had left by blocking him, talking to neither of them again and going NC from the day I heard of the gutless betrayal....that simple, self preservation is one of the natural instincts we have...you should have told them both to f-ck off instantly.