ForeverAlone1991 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 So me and my ex significant other broke up a couple days ago because he seemed to be taking leaps and bounds in the wrong direction in our relationship. We had been together and living together for a year and a half and it was rocky at first I helped him get off drugs. Then things got better and we were so happy. Then after our 1 year things started going down hill. We were working a lot, he was in school, we would fight about how he never takes me out, About how we were moving soon and needed to find a place, how he deserved a better paying job and that he needed to clean the house more. We started growing apart and when our lease ended he decided he thought it was the best idea for our relationship to have us live separately until we figured out our issues which he said a lot of them had to do with him personally but I know I had mine is well. I've always had an issue with trust and for some reason he would always get himself into situations where he would end up staying out all night and give me crazy excuses as to why and I couldn't imagine or even want to believe that he was cheating on me. I would say you guess is as good as mine. Either way I never felt like I could trust him but I was so madly in love with him. I could of seen myself living the rest of my life with him because he had told me he had wanted to be with me forever at one time and I thought we were both under the impression that something like that would take work considering we were relatively young (I'm 21 he is 27) Anyways, we moved out and I asked him two things which were that I knew we weren't going to get to see each other even half as much as we used too because we were both so busy with work school and everything else that I just wanted him to call me or answer my call on my lunch break and before I went to bed. I thought this was understandable because it was a huge change for me. I wanted so badly to live with him and he so badly thought we both needed to work on ourselves. But I wouldn't give up because I loved him. I tried to keep us together but I would just become infuriated by the fact that I woke up at 5am, took lunch at 12 and he still wouldn't be up. I'd call him a couple hours later and he would never pick up before he was on his way to work. Then since he worked as a server and was always busy working I would never get to talk to him since I always fall asleep before he got off. I had been texting him and telling him to call me after he got off. I woke up at 2 in the morning and he still hadn't called for the 1000th time. I had finally had it (this is just a brief summary leading up to our break up I don't even want to get into how much of a failure my 21st birthday party was) So I called him and asked him why he didn't call and he told me because he just didn't want too so I told him I couldn't do this anymore. He didn't seem to care and hung up. We hadn't talked since. I had promised myself that this time I wasn't going to be the one to fix it. That If this relationship was worth having he would call and try and fix things. So we haven't spoke in a couple days. Which has happened a thousand times before. I tried to go out and do things for myself today that would make me happy like go down to the seattle pike place market and buy gourmet popcorn and watching all the boats in the harbor. I felt so good. But then I had to break NC because he still has some of my stuff and owes me money. I knew talking to him would hurt. He didn't say anything about the dissolution of our relationship. He seemed irritated just to be on the phone with me. I asked him some questions of about when we could meet up to get my stuff then I hung up. I didn't start crying but it killed me inside. What makes it worse is that I'm going to have to see him again. && the worst part is I will never get that call. Something in my gut tells me that this time it is really really over. I have never felt like this in our relationship before and he has never been so cold. It kills me to think about it. I want to call him so bad. But I know I can't. I want to get over feeling this way. I'd rather be sad for awhile then spend the rest of my life trying to win his affection, waiting for him to call me, wanting him to love me etc. But it hurts because I love him so much. I don't see this getting better ANY time soon. But I'm trying to hang in there.
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 addict behavior is tough, have you looked into AlAnon to help ground you a bit within the midst of his actions? just because he isn't using doesn't make him "not an addict". he is just an addict who may not be using. even if you are not going to be seeing him again you still have the impact of drugs and alcohol in your life now, sometimes (self included) we become a magnet for these kind of things. hang in there, keep posting
lovehurts82 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Hun-Hang in there. I can empathize with you and see a lot of my former relationship here in your words. Is there someone else who can get your things for you? And you are right when you say you aren't going to be the one to fix things. A relationship is NOT one sided and problems in a relationship can't be fixed just by one person. Perhaps they can be bandaided, but they'll still continue to fester until there's another explosion. Keep taking time for yourself. If you don't absolutely HAVE to have the things from him, then I would just cut your losses and do your best to try and move on. It sounds like perhaps (as it was in my own relationahip) your breakup had been coming for a while, and probably why he's so cold now. Know that you're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. Cry when you need to, laugh when you can, and keep your mind busy so you don't beat yourself up over the loss of your relationship. If you need to talk or even just to vent, message here. I'm sure someone can lend an ear. Also, if he's a former addict, I would suggest looking into an Alanon group and perhaps getting involved there. Regardless of whether or not an addict is actively using, they still have behaviors and such that affect the lives of those around them, and perhaps they can help you to understand and be able to heal. Best wishes and hang in there. It DOES get better. Edited September 18, 2012 by lovehurts82 2
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 You tried hard OP, that is forever in your credit and it's commendable. You do not seem at all to "blame" him and you take responsibility for your actions and that too is commendable. We all make choices and if an addict decides that you are not worth the hassle (to their addiction) then you have to let go. No choice. It hurts like hell, but you need to take care of you right now. You have needs too and they should be respected and honoured. If you need to grieve and get it out we are here to listen. Happiness does not just happen, it does not come from another, it comes from within. Internal satisfaction is worth seeking. Your days will get better, day by day. A slow progression. Just read anyone's past history here. A broken heart is a natural condition.
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