Scirok Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 So I made a post and got no answers should I respond to this "Hey do you want you sweatshirts" I responded with "Give them to ash or just throw them away" then she threw in what I think is breadcrumbs but I'm just nervious I hate this! "Ok I'm not gonna throw them I was jw if u wanted them" I didn't respond then she sent this "Just wanted to say I'm sorry that I was a bitch I know u don't care but I just wanted to tell u that.
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 if you really want to work on moving fwd then big breaths, don't respond, and do your best to occupy yourself, reminding yourself too that you have the emotional upper hand fwiw. if you want to toss breadcrumbs, go through what others here have done with 2nd chances (have not seen a successful one yet during my time on the site), and keep going for groundhog day then respond to her don't know your history off the top of my head, maybe post a link to your original post? I think after 53 posts here that you've made you prob have an idea of what the best thing to do is.
lovehurts82 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 My ex messaged me asking about my sweatshirt as well. I asked them to mail it and they said they would. That was almost 2 weeks ago by now, I think.. maybe a bit more, and he STILL hasn't sent it. For me, I'm pretty sure it was just an excuse for him to contact me.. and he probably will never send the damn thing. IMO, it's breadcrumbs. And if you don't want the sweatshirt enough that you told her to toss it or give it to someone, then there's no need to respond. Sounds to me like she's feeding you a hook to keep you on the line, especially adding in the "I know you don't care" line to make you feel guilty. Don't fall for it. There's no response necessary.
Chi townD Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 She wanted to ebb off her guilt. She feels guilty on the way she treated you and she looking to ebb off her guilt. Selfishly motivated...nothing more. Best to ignore it.
bluefairy812 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 please ignore it. you have the full control right now to do so. let her come to you. unless she begs you for mercy to be together again, responding is painful and pointless. see, when you respond, unfortunately you set an expectation. You expect for her to respond a certain way. and if she doesn't, or doesn't respond at all, your left feeling empty.it's the worse feeling and it sets you back from all the progress you have made. TRUST ME and leave her alone.
Author Scirok Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Wish I would have listened to my friends and waited a little Longer for posts and now I feel pathetic and a loser I did text her and I said "I know I promised you your space. I just been thinking about you alot in the last couple of days and I miss you and I hope school is going good " got an amazing heartfelt "It's ok" Back then said "Sorry won't text you again just wanted you to know that..." then she said "Miss ya 2" then I said "Oo ok I'll keep giving you your space I guess : /" then I got the most confused part keep in mind it's Monday Ill txt u this weekend ok I'm going to bed" I said ok she said night I said night Someone take my phone from me I'm a ****ing dumbass why can't I listen to people and the worst part is this isn't my first break up that ended like this and I played the same breadcrumb game why can't I Learn and she said she was goin to bed went on instangram 3 hours later she was commenting on some kids picture with no shirt on giving her his number I honeslty hate myself
skydiveaddict Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 She wanted to ebb off her guilt. She feels guilty on the way she treated you and she looking to ebb off her guilt. Selfishly motivated...nothing more. Best to ignore it. Well said. She doesn't give a **** about your sweatshirts. Don't fall for it.
Calico Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Someone take my phone from me I'm a ****ing dumbass why can't I listen to people and the worst part is this isn't my first break up that ended like this and I played the same breadcrumb game why can't I Learn When you hurt yourself often enough, you'll probably eventually learn. There's little point in using NC unless you're willing to give up hope and move on. If you use NC before you're ready and then contact the person, you'll pretty much start from the beginning again. It does suck, yes, and sorry you're hurting. I've done that too. Now it's day 8 and it still hurts like nothing else, but there are times when it's a little better, and I move forward. Also, stop checking on what she's doing. It only causes pain, too. Edited September 18, 2012 by Calico
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 That sucks, it hurts. I did it about 4 times of no response before I gave up and realized it, the last time was almost 2 weeks ago and oddly enough I didn't really care that she didn't respond. She responsed to my first with "i'll think about it" and that kept me hoping for way to long. After that it seemed like something clicked in my head, I have lost the urge to contact her pretty much completely. Maybe it's seeing her and knowing she isn't happy and is lonely, that kinda makes me a bit happy I don't know. But what really helped me was telling myself to get back out there. Just talking to girls as much as possible anywhere. Joined a OLD to which helped a lot.
Author Scirok Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 I really should have listened to everyone I woke up this morning and feel like I'm on day 1 again I feel so alone and left with hope that she really wants to work it out like she said by we will talk on the weekend.... I know it's a lie and if she really wanted to talk she would make it a priority I'm in so much pain right now I know I shouldnt have texted her but the bad side of my head still drives me crazy with questions like if she really didn't care why would she say she misses me or even text me at all wow this hurts
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 if she really wanted to talk she would make it a priority this ^ it is going to be tough to turn off those looping audio tapes in your head that totally beat you up, but just try to keep in mind that they don't do anything to serve you. they are not the truth. they do not speak honestly. do your best to turn the volume down on them. I started to count from 1-10 in a very loud voice to get them to shut up, sometimes I had to repeat the process more than a "few" times to get it to take lol. It's ok, this comes with the territory. doesn't matter right now if this is day 1 or day 100, you still need to do the same things that get you through the day intact. figure out what these things are and do them, religiously, each day. journal writing to get **** out of your head and onto paper - written by hand, and not on the computer, read 20 minutes of a self help book that speaks to you, topics on self-esteem are usually good during this time. run, exercise. surround yourself with friends. try to eat, and have food prepared ahead of time. punishing yourself via eating is really common, like the tapes not eating doesn't serve you. post here and try to help others to get your mind off yourself. whatever, just do it. make life real simple for awhile. it's ok, as totally abnormal as this time feels this is normal and it sucks, big time, but just eat this elephant in small bites. just get thru the next few hours, then repeat. 1
k100danny Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I think there can be a certain empowering feeling in responding but only if done a certain way. The first time my ex contact me after i went full NC with blocking ect on social network sites was 6 weeks later. contacting me about still having my watch and saying she was going to send it (something i asked her to do upon break up and she said she would but didnt) I was very short but not rude and just told her " thanks, if you can get it back asap that will be great. i will take your stuff to your friends" she tried to start a conversation after this by replying but again i shut it down saying basically well your stuff will be there if you need it, look after yourself. I felt powerful after this, no drama, no asking her questions just felt good to feel in control BUT She than contacted again telling me she was coing back for a few weeks (still not sent the ****ing watch) and she wanted to see me to give it to me, this kind of got her hooks back in and I'm a bit mad about that. I should have just said no i don't want to see you, no hard feelings but i have nothing to say and please leave my watch at a friends when you leave" But i didnt and it made it worse for about a week it was all i could think of, got some mind games going on and she said some stuff that wasnt appropriate, especially for someone who now has a boyfriend. anyway now im hoping she doesnt get in touch again while she is here, i have nothing to say and i have accepted things for the way they actually were. It is easy to tell yourself they do this because they care, getting in touch ect but that isnt the case. it's easy to tell yourself this because it's harmful to your ego if you admit that they dont care. but yes this sounds ust as the contact from my ex did as she is looking for a way to ease her guilt, guilt she shouldnt have as she had my blessing to leave and be happy and i never interferred once.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Exactly as said, they have to put in the effort. I fully believe it's ok to let them know ONCE how you feel and would like to try it again but after that, that's it, they would have to put in all the effort to try and make things work. I wouldn't even worry about how long it's been since you last contacted them, just tell yourself not to do it anymore. Maybe even delete her number to stop you? You could still write it down somewhere but get it out of your phone. I just look at the future to the day I can say i'm 100% over her and feel nothing. And maybe one day if she does want me back I can say no, i'm over you, you blew it. Thinking of that is really satisfying, even though i'm a long ways from that point. I will say though, not getting a response I know if I did, or even if she texted me now I would go crazy and it would take a LOT not to just spill my guts about how i'm still crazy about her. I mean when I see her I have no problem just not saying anything, but her initiating contact it would be tough. I've got a first date setup for this weekend, i'm so happy to finally be going out with someone else. I just hope it goes well and keeps my progress going, and doesn't backfire on my progress. And there's a thought in the back of my head that makes me wonder if i'm actually ready or not. Oh well can never be sure.
Author Scirok Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Thanks everyone for your input Im still feeling really down and stupid for not listening and texting her only to get cold answers and lies but I will learn eventually I guess but man this hurts it's like when your ex leaves they take a part of who you are and I find it hard for me to keep motivated in my hobbies etc cause all I try to do is think about her it's not healthy and I need to stop but on a brighter note good luck on your date! I wish I wasn't In such a flat spot in the social circle no girls around or really to meet and I try and avoid the bar scene for girls never works for me Thank again everyone
suladas Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Thanks everyone for your input Im still feeling really down and stupid for not listening and texting her only to get cold answers and lies but I will learn eventually I guess but man this hurts it's like when your ex leaves they take a part of who you are and I find it hard for me to keep motivated in my hobbies etc cause all I try to do is think about her it's not healthy and I need to stop but on a brighter note good luck on your date! I wish I wasn't In such a flat spot in the social circle no girls around or really to meet and I try and avoid the bar scene for girls never works for me Thank again everyone I was the same, just give it more time it gets better. A lot of days are still tough, I can't go more then a few hours without thinking about her. Ya seriously if you want to get back out there try OLD, I never thought much of it, I hate bars to and don't want to be setup by friends so it was a good choice. Been texting a new girl all night now and it takes my mind off the ex, because i'm thinking about the new girl instead.
esstea Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 So I made a post and got no answers should I respond to this "Hey do you want you sweatshirts" I responded with "Give them to ash or just throw them away" then she threw in what I think is breadcrumbs but I'm just nervious I hate this! "Ok I'm not gonna throw them I was jw if u wanted them" I didn't respond then she sent this "Just wanted to say I'm sorry that I was a bitch I know u don't care but I just wanted to tell u that. Ugh. No. Don't respond. Walk away with your pride my friend. F**k those breadcrumbs, give them to the birds. It sucks now but trust me I was there. My ex broke up with me yet still constantly wanted to talk to me for god knows why, but you honestly can't let someone mess with your feelings like that. A relationship didn't work for a reason. It took quite a bit of raging moments, slip ups, tears, epiphanies, and glasses of sangria to finally feel normal and happy again BUT.. I'm in a happy relationship now and I simply look back at my exes and laugh at how much they're missing out on. OHHHHH I forgot to mention, my ex wanted me back at one point. They always come back, trust me when I say that. Some might have too much pride to do anything about it, but they ALWAYS come back. It's really amazing how blind sighted we could be by our feelings but you can't let yourself lose sight of what you deserve.
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