Blueman12 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 hi- i've posted one other thread but I want to more clearly explain my position: I dated this girl for only about 2 months, but it was incredibly intense from day one; we practically lived together. Everything was perfect, we went on trips, had the absolute best of times (completely mutually). However, I did know when we started dating she was 4-5 months out of a 3+ year relationship. In any case, he was texting her trying to get her back, and because of unforseen circumstances, she ended up seeing him to give him some of his belongings. This ended up being something we weathered, but then a week later, some traumatic experience in his life occured, and he reached out to her for help, and she let him stay with her for a night. The next day she told me we had to talk, and let me know he was moving back in to her place and that they were going to try and work things out. She said she was so sorry but this is what she had to do right now. She said we couldn't really talk for now because he had asked that of her since she didn't want him talking to those he was previously seeing while they were split. I was totally devasted, as I still am. now, I understand i was the rebound, etc., etc. I know everyone is going to say go NC and you don't want to be with her, etc. etc. Well, for the first 1.5 weeks i was lots of contact, unfortunately i begged and questioned her decision, etc. I have now been an excruciating week or so of NC. I don't know what to do; I really, really, really want her back, and I know all of you want to tell me why do I want to be with this person, etc...but I'm asking how I get her back, and what I should do...should I remain NC? Is that the only thing i can do?? please help, im so miserable....
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 the choice of her coming back isn't up to you. she-doesn't-want-you. you don't get her back. she left you within a week to move back with another guy, that doesn't happen when someone is into you. this girl isn't into you. yes, you should remain NC. know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear, but you already know it. schedule some professional help, reach out to friends, eat, sleep, do your best. it's going to really really suck for awhile. whine here if you need to, but DO NOT under any circumstances pick up the phone to call or text and do not email. Leave her alone. Hang in there, you can do it
Author Blueman12 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 just to play devil's advocate---what is the downside of making contact--why not?
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 put the shoe on the other foot, and pretend that she is your ex that you;ve wanted back for awhile but you started dating. you found another girl in the meanwhile, she is ok and you've settled in order to feel ok and not alone. you have a passionate couple of months when the one you really want, your ex, suddenly appears, has a problem and all you want to do is rush to her side to help her. you tell the girl that you are currently seeing that it isn;t working and you rush to your ex's side, she loves you, you love her. yet this ex of yours just won't go away, she keeps begging and pleading, and even after you've told her that it's just not something you want she just won't go away, and all you want to do is to be close to your ex that you love, get her naked, and bang her brains out, make her scream, but this other girl just won't go away. -- what part of what you have planned in the way of contact really has a chance to work do you think? and why are you negotiating so hard to be part of someones life that you'll accept this girl after she does this to you? she's been spreading her legs for her old boyfriend who, turns out, is who she really wanted. you'll accept any sort of scrap now? c'mon... this is hard, no question at all. brutally tough. but have some self respect. even if she does come back after all your begging and pleading what sort of respect do you think she'll have for you? is that really acting like the man that you think she wants?
skydiveaddict Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) You must force yourself to let her go. You can't change her, and the longer you try the more miserable you will be. Edited September 18, 2012 by skydiveaddict
Xestenz Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Blueman, I'm sorry that this happened to you, and know exactly what you are going through, for it just happened to me at the beginning of summer. Some might say that it was such a short relationship that you should be able to get over it quickly, but I would say that in my experience the length of time doesn't matter, just the intensity of feeling. I will tell you that it will get easier over time, as it has for me. Do I miss her? Yes! Do I wish things had turned out differently, and that she wanted to be with me? Absolutely! Is there anything to do but heal, move on, and enjoy my life? Nope. I know it hurts, but like me you have to realize that she was never really available to you, and no amount of pleading, plotting, or even NC or mind tricks will likely bring her back. I have learned a huge lesson on signs of rebound and being clear on my boundaries, and intend to never make the same mistake again. You will grow in this same way too. Best of luck!
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