Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I guess I want the ex to see me doing well etc. I don't want her back as she ****ed me over but it would be nice for her to see me pop up and think hmmm he's in good shape or he got that promotion etc... The problem is I blocked her on fb for NC reasons and I can't handle seeing pictures of her and her new bf. Guess I just want her to see the new man she walked away from....call it an ego boost but I'm also dating a stunning girl whilst her bf has a nose like a fire alarm. 1
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I guess I want the ex to see me doing well etc. I don't want her back as she ****ed me over but it would be nice for her to see me pop up and think hmmm he's in good shape or he got that promotion etc... The problem is I blocked her on fb for NC reasons and I can't handle seeing pictures of her and her new bf. Guess I just want her to see the new man she walked away from....call it an ego boost but I'm also dating a stunning girl whilst her bf has a nose like a fire alarm. haha sameold! may i ask, did you block/delete her because you couldnt handle seeing those pics or did you do it before all that happened. i think the answer to your question is yes and no. as in, if they are with no one new, then yeah they probably would check you up and to see what you were up to, if they are already with someone new, i highly doubt it. they are probably happy and dont really think back :/
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 haha sameold! may i ask, did you block/delete her because you couldnt handle seeing those pics or did you do it before all that happened. i think the answer to your question is yes and no. as in, if they are with no one new, then yeah they probably would check you up and to see what you were up to, if they are already with someone new, i highly doubt it. they are probably happy and dont really think back :/ We all have our problems dude! I live the NC life and am moving on, I will always get set-backs though, this one came about when I moved out the flat for a variety of reasons. Yeh I blocked her before all this, she is with the guy who was messaging her before we split. I kind of want to show her what she's lost now, not so I can get her back but just so it makes her see...hence thread title. We were together in a good relationship for 4 years so to an extent she will care no matter how happy she is in her honeymoon period.
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Well in that case, 4 years is very long and no one can erase that amount of time. So think you will be in luck there, but your'll have no way of knowing. if it doesn't last with the new guy then your more than likely hit home with her even more so at her seeing your new life especially if you haven't blocked her now
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 The problem is I did block her as i knew i wouldn't be able to handle seeing her updates and future bfs. I knew she would get with this guy, she can't stay single, she is weak and would have got with anyone if they had showed her the attention and worked at her workplace. Do you think she will learn/see stuff through the grapevine even though I have her blocked? Having her blocked is still a must as unblocking her would look weak I guess, would it? I know in many ways I shouldn't care but her tactic of coping has always been to dimiss the BU and almost pretend it never happened. She even banned her own family from discussing me...well I don't want her to get away so easily...I think.
soccerrprp Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 You got the ultimate payback, don't cheapen it by being vindictive. You got a better looking girl, you're in better shape, you got the promotion...you're right where you want to be right now, so don't detract from doing your utmost to keep this relationship smoldering and going...not worth thinking about your ex and giving her more attention than she deserves.
blue_jay_bird Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I guess I want the ex to see me doing well etc. I don't want her back as she ****ed me over but it would be nice for her to see me pop up and think hmmm he's in good shape or he got that promotion etc... The problem is I blocked her on fb for NC reasons and I can't handle seeing pictures of her and her new bf. Guess I just want her to see the new man she walked away from....call it an ego boost but I'm also dating a stunning girl whilst her bf has a nose like a fire alarm. I alway think if you still care what she thinks it's to soon. I know you don't want her back, but you still care what she thinks of you. You want to rub it in her face saying, your a idiot. But when she doesn't want you back, your ego boost will back fire. Thus, she still has power over you. To be in that state of complete indifference is only way you can rub it in her face.
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 I'm dating this other girl but we have agreed to take it really slow as she is afraid of another relationship going wrong. Re the ex she had hurt me so much but I genuinely am grieving fit the person she was before. I'll never forgive her. So do I ever unblock her? I don't think I'll ever be completely indifferent, I guess one day I hope she does think to herself Tht she ****ed up. She started laying the emotional foundations of this relationship before she ended it out the blue, I Cnt forgive her for her disgusting behaviour.
Calico Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 As long as you care what she thinks or does, or how she'd feel if you did X or Y, you haven't let her go yet and you're not over her. NC is for the dumpee, to heal. It's not to punish the dumper, get them back or make it easier or harder for them. 1
threebyfate Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 What's stopping you from unblocking her? I don't blame you. It's called being human.
oracle Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Guess I just want her to see the new man she walked away from....call it an ego boost but I'm also dating a stunning girl whilst her bf has a nose like a fire alarm. Do your new GF a favor and let it go. Else be single for a while and just keep it to loose hookups before you jump into something u aren't ready for. You aren't over her... She doesn't care about the new you.. the new you is nothing more than an automatic response to try to win her back. She has something new. And you won't be going back to her cause you know better (hopefully) history just repeats itself.
Floored Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Re the ex she had hurt me so much but I genuinely am grieving fit the person she was before. I'll never forgive her. So do I ever unblock her? I don't think I'll ever be completely indifferent, I guess one day I hope she does think to herself Tht she ****ed up. She started laying the emotional foundations of this relationship before she ended it out the blue, I Cnt forgive her for her disgusting behaviour. Ah Sameold, man of my signature, probably because so much of your situation, and emotional response to it, resonated with mine. This quote, I'm almost certain I've used these exact words myself somewhere in the forums, as my ex left me in a pile of rubbish after four years too. It's hard, I know, especially after going good all week, then triggering something that cascades into a set-back; the majority of you knows she's a **** person and that you are logically better off, but there's the tiny holdout in your head that remembers how things were and who she was when she was with you, and it's hard to process that in light of who she turned into. I blocked my ex and most of her family within hours, I knew I couldn't handle any of those statuses or new pictures, so I had to cut/ block ties; I knew how it ended was final, so I wasn't just drama-blocking. I'm glad I did, as it's been hard enough with the small amount I do find out. Ponder why you want her to see your profile, what good will that do you in the end? To make her feel jealous, make her feel *something* for you? And then what? Do you really want her to contact you; would you ever get back together with her? Be completely honest with yourself- if you're anything like me, the way she left was inhuman and not worth ever revisiting or repairing, as the wounds are too deep, and it's just better left alone. You have a new woman now, by all your standards much better. Showing her off to your new ex seems like a fast track to lose her (she'll know you're still not over her), your dignity, and a lot of the progress you've made emotionally since the break. Yeah, you can make her jealous, but the end result is not worth losing everything you've managed to put back together. The root of why you want your ex to see you again is a natural want to incite jealousy in those that hurt us; move beyond that to the results and see that it isn't worth it. The sum of what I'm trying to say is that you need to quarantine and exterminate these emotions before they slip out and ruin the new thing you have going. To answer your question though- if she wanted to see your FB profile, she'd see it. Did you block all mutual friends as well? Are you so sure that she hasn't had any slumber parties and not seen you through one of their profiles? It's not worth mulling over, but there you have it. I too hope for the day where she realizes what a horrible mistake she made, because that will be the day that our entire relationship is finally validated by her; it's strange. I hope that I can reach a place where I'm past it all completely- no holdouts or setbacks- before she does realize it; I know today, I'd have a grand, evil time with it. Even though I feel over her, I'd still like to share some of the pain. Edited September 18, 2012 by Floored
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 The problem is I did block her as i knew i wouldn't be able to handle seeing her updates and future bfs. I knew she would get with this guy, she can't stay single, she is weak and would have got with anyone if they had showed her the attention and worked at her workplace. Do you think she will learn/see stuff through the grapevine even though I have her blocked? Having her blocked is still a must as unblocking her would look weak I guess, would it? I know in many ways I shouldn't care but her tactic of coping has always been to dimiss the BU and almost pretend it never happened. She even banned her own family from discussing me...well I don't want her to get away so easily...I think. i agree with floored. given your situation and how it ended, i wouldnt bother to add her just incase she will look at your profile. even if she did, she probably wouldn't send you a message.. then how would you feel? i think it really is best to leave her be, you shouldn't care what she thinks in all honesty. she isnt worth you lifting a finger mate.
flitzanu Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 all of this is also presuming your ex gives a crap at all to look. women can be notorious for erasing people from their lives and moving forward, she may never worry about checking your fb profile again. so no, don't bother giving her the opportunity.
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Thank you everyone, Floored- we are so similar, I know exactly what you mean. We had an awesome ltr that just fell apart and so no matter the pain I can't but help remembering how good it was. I won't unblock her, I guess I do want her to feel something but I guess the truth is I'll never know. She lived through all the good times too and I don't think you just forget 4 years. Her new bf booked a surprise holiday for her birthday and she changed her status to excited and tagged then at the airport, just seems so superficial in this honeymoon period
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 TI guess I do want her to feel something but I guess the truth is that it doesn't matter what she thinks anymore fixed that for ya...
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Thing is you are right mike because even if she started contacting I would never take her back. What a messed up scenario where I am so disgusted with her I can never forgive yet I remember what we had for 4 great years and can't let it go
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I had 16 years invested, so I know what you speak of. acceptance is key here to staring to move forward, work on forgiving yourself too
Author Sameold Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Sucks man. How do you mean forgive yourself? I guess part of me thinks about things I could have done better but genuinely I was good to her, fun, had my own friends etc and she knew how much I loved her. By forgiving myself do you just mean I shud stop blaming me.
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