TheKey Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Surely there must be another way other then the "No Contact Rule" or being a total whimp trying to get your ex back only to realize they loose more interest in you when you do that... Has anyone tried anything ells that worked for them?
blue_jay_bird Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Yeah, you can be friends with them. Always wait for their call, wait for a sign, and deal with the day to day pain of seeing/talking to the person you love well knowing they don't want you. NC, trust us.
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) Surely there must be another way other then the "No Contact Rule" or being a total whimp trying to get your ex back only to realize they loose more interest in you when you do that... Has anyone tried anything ells that worked for them? this is exactly what i am trying to find out. the problem with asking on a break up forum seems to be that everyone is hurting and so its hard to get a positive vibe on it. however, i dont think anyone should be a whimp and try and get anyone to be with you. no one should be forced or manipulated into loving or being with someone. its a mutual decision that you both want. also if its causing you pain to be in contact then sure, it isn't the right thing to do. simple. i guess nc will help you to force the other person out of your life and then you can build a new one quicker, this i agree with. i dont know i'm probably totally wrong. i'm probably in denial and ill change my point of view in a months time. like for me, i want to let go but i dont want to feel like the only way to do so is by deleting from my life. if that really is the only way then ill have to do it. Edited September 17, 2012 by Dblock10
lovehurts82 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 this is exactly what i am trying to find out. the problem with asking on a break up forum seems to be that everyone is hurting and so its hard to get a positive vibe on it. i dont know i'm probably totally wrong. i'm probably in denial and ill change my point of view in a months time. like for me, i want to let go but i dont want to feel like the only way to do so is by deleting from my life. if that really is the only way then ill have to do it. It's pretty easy to see what alternatives you have. You just need to weigh the possible outcomes and consequences. Either you: A: Keep them in your life: -You still have the constant reminders of them and your past together. -You still are only second best.. AT best, and you get to be reminded of this when you see them with someone else, or hear them talking about someone else. -You tend to STILL hang in there and hope and dream and hang on to the idea that they're going to come back around to you. -You don't tend to focus on bettering yourself for the future. -or- B: You take them out of the equation.. AT LEAST temporarily and can focus on yourself -The constant reminders of the failed relationship are gone. -You don't have to be hurt by seeing them with someone else or hearing about THEM moving on. -You can spend time and energy focusing on yourself and bettering your own life.. bettering your chances of finding someone worth your time and better suited for a relationship with you. -You can find out who you really are and what you really want. NC is most definitely the way to go and much less painful for you in the long run. It will let you heal more quickly and be able to move past the painful breakup without having constant reminders of that person and longing for and trying to get them back. No one is saying you can't possibly be friends with your ex in the future, but it's generally best for you to be able to get your own mind straightened out and spend some time focusing on yourself. The goal isn't to cut them out of your life forever and ever, it's to let yourself heal. I had to think of it as taking a time out for a while to let my broken heart heal, because it killed me to think of losing not only my fiance and lover, but my best friend. I know personally, I HAD to do NC.. and it /wasn't/ at all because I hate my ex or don't want the friendship. I still at times long to just call him up and just chat on the phone, but I also know that my heart isn't ready for that yet. It still hurts to think that 2 months from now, I was supposed to be marrying my best friend.. and a week after we broke up, he's already engaged to someone else. But, I feel better today having taken the time for myself. I have since moved back out on my own, gotten a new, better-paying job working 1st shift, and have started going out with my new friends from work. There is definitely something to be said about taking a timeout to yourself for a while until you have time to heal a bit. 5
Mike_d Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 like for me, i want to let go but i dont want to feel like the only way to do so is by deleting from my life. if that really is the only way then ill have to do it. lol, classic DBlock stuff. I'm really not going out of my way to out you on all this stuff, and I don't have any sort of agenda against you, but it just jumps off the screen from you -- and this is beyond retarded. /thread hijack
bluefairy812 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 It's pretty easy to see what alternatives you have. You just need to weigh the possible outcomes and consequences. Either you: A: Keep them in your life: -You still have the constant reminders of them and your past together. -You still are only second best.. AT best, and you get to be reminded of this when you see them with someone else, or hear them talking about someone else. -You tend to STILL hang in there and hope and dream and hang on to the idea that they're going to come back around to you. -You don't tend to focus on bettering yourself for the future. -or- B: You take them out of the equation.. AT LEAST temporarily and can focus on yourself -The constant reminders of the failed relationship are gone. -You don't have to be hurt by seeing them with someone else or hearing about THEM moving on. -You can spend time and energy focusing on yourself and bettering your own life.. bettering your chances of finding someone worth your time and better suited for a relationship with you. -You can find out who you really are and what you really want. NC is most definitely the way to go and much less painful for you in the long run. It will let you heal more quickly and be able to move past the painful breakup without having constant reminders of that person and longing for and trying to get them back. No one is saying you can't possibly be friends with your ex in the future, but it's generally best for you to be able to get your own mind straightened out and spend some time focusing on yourself. The goal isn't to cut them out of your life forever and ever, it's to let yourself heal. I had to think of it as taking a time out for a while to let my broken heart heal, because it killed me to think of losing not only my fiance and lover, but my best friend. I know personally, I HAD to do NC.. and it /wasn't/ at all because I hate my ex or don't want the friendship. I still at times long to just call him up and just chat on the phone, but I also know that my heart isn't ready for that yet. It still hurts to think that 2 months from now, I was supposed to be marrying my best friend.. and a week after we broke up, he's already engaged to someone else. But, I feel better today having taken the time for myself. I have since moved back out on my own, gotten a new, better-paying job working 1st shift, and have started going out with my new friends from work. There is definitely something to be said about taking a timeout to yourself for a while until you have time to heal a bit. you are a brave person. your story defenitly gave me hope. i'm sorry that this happened to you, but this is a wonderful example of healing and moving forward. life threw a curveball at you, and you hit it like a champ. good for you, i hope things continue being better.
bluefairy812 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Surely there must be another way other then the "No Contact Rule" or being a total whimp trying to get your ex back only to realize they loose more interest in you when you do that... Has anyone tried anything ells that worked for them? i tried the friends thing... and no contact. i can tell you from experience, NC is the way to go. unless you are completely over and ready to see your ex with someone else, by all means, be friends. I couldn't do it and still can't. YOU are important here, your sanity and happiness depends on healing properly. NC is your best bet.
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 lol, classic DBlock stuff. I'm really not going out of my way to out you on all this stuff, and I don't have any sort of agenda against you, but it just jumps off the screen from you -- and this is beyond retarded. /thread hijack your probably right lol! lovehurts82. given me inspiration there tbh
flitzanu Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Surely there must be another way other then the "No Contact Rule" or being a total whimp trying to get your ex back only to realize they loose more interest in you when you do that... Has anyone tried anything ells that worked for them? "no contact" isn't a way to get someone back. it's a way to move on with your life. believing it is anything else is the reason you're frustrated that it "ISN'T WORKING".
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