Attraction to men who treat me like crap..

[amaysngrace]

No you know what? You aren't slutty or mean or any of those bad things you're thinking. I think you're maybe just doing it to not feel different.

 

You really shouldn't compare yourself to anybody else because everybody's different and nobody is perfect. If you're going to compare yourself at all think about your positives and the ways that make you special and unique.

 

I know it sounds hard to do, to not get down on yourself, but if you are doing that you need to stop it. As soon as a bad thought about yourself pops into your head you have to realize what you're doing and make yourself stop. Okay?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

No you know what? You aren't slutty or mean or any of those bad things you're thinking. I think you're maybe just doing it to not feel different.

 

You really shouldn't compare yourself to anybody else because everybody's different and nobody is perfect. If you're going to compare yourself at all think about your positives and the ways that make you special and unique.

 

I know it sounds hard to do, to not get down on yourself, but if you are doing that you need to stop it. As soon as a bad thought about yourself pops into your head you have to realize what you're doing and make yourself stop. Okay?

 

I am definitely trying. I'm going to try to focus more on working out and improving my walking and stuff too because then I can feel better about myself

[amaysngrace]

Do you ever write down your thoughts in a journal? I use to have really bad self-esteem and that helped me a lot.

 

Every time I thought a bad thing about myself I'd write it down and then I would challenge that belief I held about myself. Chances are you tell yourself bad things all the time and you do it so frequently that you aren't even aware of it.

 

I've noticed some:

 

No man will ever want me because I'm not perfect

Men only want perfect pretty girls

If I didn't have this life would be perfect

 

and they are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head. But regardless they aren't true. Not one of those statements you tell yourself are true.

 

You need to stop your negative self-talk and see yourself as more than just a body.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Do you ever write down your thoughts in a journal? I use to have really bad self-esteem and that helped me a lot.

 

Every time I thought a bad thing about myself I'd write it down and then I would challenge that belief I held about myself. Chances are you tell yourself bad things all the time and you do it so frequently that you aren't even aware of it.

 

I've noticed some:

 

No man will ever want me because I'm not perfect

Men only want perfect pretty girls

If I didn't have this life would be perfect

 

and they are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head. But regardless they aren't true. Not one of those statements you tell yourself are true.

 

You need to stop your negative self-talk and see yourself as more than just a body.

 

I have never kept a journal, but it is a good idea.

[amaysngrace]

I hardly ever used a fancy journal, just a notebook.

 

I think you should also check out online support groups. I've used them too and it helped me to not feel so alone.

[CopingGal]

ImperfectionisBeauty, I see myself in you. I'm attactive to very insensitive men but I'm very sensitive. I see them as misunderstood and I feel good when I reach their heart. I feel special, like no one else can reach their soft-side but me.

 

I thought all I needed was a man I was attracted to that liked me. But it's not true. It's taken a lot of therapy and reading self help books for me to arrive at this point. Mutual attraction and mutual romantic feelings is NOT enough to have a relationship with a man.

 

There are many questions you should ask yourself when getting to know a man:

 

-Is he good to me?

-Is is basically honest?

-Does he respect me?

-Are his morals similar to mine?

-Is he kind to pets?

-Is he generous with his time?

-Does he have strength of character?

 

All of these things are imporant. That guy you met on POF is a complete a$$. So what if you had sex before. It's none of this guy's business. He sounds like an insane bastard.

 

Leave the men that treat you badly alone. Take care of you.

 

And as far as insensitive men go...I leave them alone now. I need someone nice and sensitive, not someone who's going to make me feel like crap.

[Minka333]

I think it's because you have low self-esteem. Women like that will put up with all sorts of crap. They might have been abused in the past and got used to all the drama that it sort of becomes an addiction.

 

You may have had unresolved issues in the past that's been deeply embedded in your consciousness. No healthy minded woman would put up with abuse. You need to work on your fears and needs not by being validated by any man. Start within.

[CopingGal]

Sometimes you don't even realize you are abused until you get out. There's so many lies, so many excuses, so much manipulation. I didn't really know I was until I got out. But I had started to suspect it. I should have gotten out when I first suspected it.