LittlePrince Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Objectively, my mum looks amazing at 46 (no incest), Yeah who would even have the time in this workaday world?
Anela Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) Until we turn 38, when we suddenly become drunken slatterns who throw drinks and vile invectives upon men who don't believe we are 22. Life is so unfair! So, I have another seven months, to take advantage of my looks. I'd better get busy... You can take my word for it, even though I'm sure you won't. I am old. I was a very attractive young woman. I NEVER "hit the wall" and think about how good I had it, beyond the old cliche of "youth is wasted on the young," which I believe is a fact and true equally for men and women. This is the way I've been feeling - only compounded by my not seeing certain things when I wish I had. I feel like I wasted so much time. I DO feel some stress around my looks, but that's because I don't have that much relationship experience, and it feels like I keep getting reminders that I'm running out of time - or that I shouldn't even be dated, because I've reached a certain age without so much experience under my belt. I had my heart broken two years ago, by someone who really did their best to make me crazy, and it affected me badly. One thing I've noticed is how many women look back at themselves in their teens and twenties, and realize that people weren't lying to them when they told them how good they looked. I may not have been Adriana Lima, but I attracted a lot of horrible attention, just like a lot of other young women. The leering didn't make me feel good then, and it doesn't now. If I throw drinks at anyone, it'll be the ones who reckon I should now be desperate enough to take them home with me. I'm sad that anyone thinks my value might only be in my looks and reproductive years. Edited September 19, 2012 by Anela
Emilia Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Honestly, physical attractiveness is no different from any other characteristic of either gender. Have you ever watched Millionaire Matchmaker...? Half these guys are social retards, and some of them have the audacity to openly feel entitled to a hot wife based solely on their affluence. I think it has more to do with the individual than it does an entire gender or age group. It's just that the bad apples tend to create a perception of the rest of the population...its human nature to point at the extreme case and generalize from that. As it relates specifically to physical looks, there's no doubt that people's looks degrade over time. However, most people of either gender will develop characteristics in other areas to, for lack of a better term, "make up" for that degradation. However, there are a fair number of individuals, both male and female, who coast on their looks for so long that they fail to develop their personalities. For them, there simply wasn't any need to, based on their particular set of values and priorities. If good looks got them sex, and sex gave them happiness, then they'd need nothing beyond maintaining their physical appearance. But I believe these folks are the exception rather than the rule. For the majority of folks other there, you'll see much more balanced individuals... Probably the fairest summary on the thread. Which is why this post is not getting any attention 1
LittlePrince Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Have you ever watched Millionaire Matchmaker...? Half these guys are social retards, and some of them have the audacity to openly feel entitled to a hot wife based solely on their affluence. Half the clientele had difficulty in their social life but weren't socially retarded. Like irl the ones with difficulty regarding women are usually not that far gone. They are just not the gregarious, life of the party type women prefer. The other half were already getting hot women but they needed a wife to shut their friends up. The latter were the ones who felt entitled but it had nothing to do with being rich. Many were self made and being entitled was just something apart of their personality. It may have helped them make their money.
Bristolius Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Blah blah blah ... I can't even read this, let alone take it seriously. It's a shame anyone worries about this point of view.
LittlePrince Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I can't even read this, let alone take it seriously. It's a shame anyone worries about this point of view. It is silly people care about the views of others which could effect them when we all live in separate vacuum sealed tupperware. Can't you hear the thhhhp?
Author jakelongot Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Wow! I am surprised to have had the feedback this thread has gotten so far. A lot of good stuff going on here. That being said, I think I am having trouble putting into words exactly what I'm trying to get at... Do you ever read posts on this board where a guy comes on and says i'm lonely and miserable? No girl likes him and he tries to do this and that and nothing works? Then you see a woman post something like, "oh all you need to do is be yourself and be confident. Girls are looking for so and so...you can do it!" Meanwhile that same girl is probably being hit on everywhere she goes or never has to worry about a date because there is always going to be another guy that is looking to take her out? It is that girl that i'm wondering if she takes her attractiveness for granted? Maybe that is society or the media's or men's fault, but I'm sure she still enjoys the attention. She will never know what it is like not to be desired. She knows that because of her attractiveness she will not have to worry about the absence of desirability/love and popularity/attention...two areas many of us struggle with. Average looking men (and women I suppose) are fighting the love and popularity battle every day. For them, it is not a god given right, you need to work for it...it is always something that will require thought or effort and you are always conscious of. Are these attractive women living in a fantasy land? If they had to fight for attention like the rest of us would they be able to survive?
Author jakelongot Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) This isn't exactly on the same course as where the discussion started, but certainly on the fringe and helps to illustrate the point. Norah Vincent wrote a book called "Self Made Man". The gist of the experience is that she is a woman that spent a year dressed in drag infiltrating male culture. Here is synopsis: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/22/books/review/22kamp.html?_r=0 What I found intriguing is that there is a section on dating and it is very revealing. Here is a page dedicated to some of the insights she has throughout. You can read some of the excerpts here: http://familyscholars.org/2010/09/24/self-made-man-love-dating/ Great quote from her: "Dating women as a man was a lesson in female power, and it made me, of all things, into a momentary misogynist… I disliked their superiority, their accusatory smiles, their entitlement to choose or dash me with a finger-tip, an execution so lazy, so effortless, it made the defeats and even the successes unbearably humiliating. Typical male power feels by comparison like a blunt instrument, its salvos and field strategies laughably remedial next to the damage a woman can do with a single cutting word: no. I saw how rejection might get twisted beyond recognition in the mind of a discarded male where misogyny and ultimately rape may be a vicious attempt to take what cannot be taken because it has not been bestowed. Sometimes women seem so superior when you see them through the eyes of an ordinary man that now, looking back on that feeling as a female, the very idea of [heterosexual sex], suddenly seems as absurdly out of scale and ineffectual as a pygmy poking his finger at the moon. …we women have far more power than we know, and because of it, even with our fears, our parries and our wits about us, we are in even more danger than we know or dare contemplate." Edited September 19, 2012 by jakelongot
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Do you ever read posts on this board where a guy comes on and says i'm lonely and miserable? No girl likes him and he tries to do this and that and nothing works? Then you see a woman post something like, "oh all you need to do is be yourself and be confident. Girls are looking for so and so...you can do it!" Meanwhile that same girl is probably being hit on everywhere she goes or never has to worry about a date because there is always going to be another guy that is looking to take her out? That is probably true, but a popular and desirable guy is likely to come along and give the same pep talk to the moaning lonely fellow. And, that does not make it bad advice. I think most of us realize that feeling like a loser is a self perpetuating condition and that somehow, someway, a person is going to have to jump out of that mindset in order to have a happier social life. It is that girl that i'm wondering if she takes her attractiveness for granted? Maybe that is society or the media's or men's fault, but I'm sure she still enjoys the attention. She will never know what it is like not to be desired. She knows that because of her attractiveness she will not have to worry about the absence of desirability/love and popularity/attention...two areas many of us struggle with. What you are completely leaving out here is the TRUE FACT that, regardless of what you guys seem to think, there are loads of women who do NOT experience life and dating this way. Sure, very attractive people will tend to take their attractiveness for granted. Sheesh, I am remembering the "popular guys" in high school. I don't think they were troubled for a moment by a thought that they might not have a date that weekend. Meanwhile, lots of us, boys and girls alike, were just floundering and struggling, wondering if we would EVER get a date. Are these attractive women living in a fantasy land? If they had to fight for attention like the rest of us would they be able to survive? Well, once again I will say that making this about gender decreases your chance of having a decent conversation about it. I will concede that traditionally, it has been accepted that for a woman, being very attractive is "enough," while most super attractive men are still conditioned to develop other aspects of themselves and to not think that someone is likely to scoop them up and take material care of them. Those times are supposed to have changed. I certainly don't subscribe to that notion, and my 25 year old daughter has never considered for a single moment in her life that someone is going to pay her way because she has giant boobs, or whatever. But reading LoveShack, I have to realize that a LOT of you, especially men, still believe that a woman has her looks and youth and when that is gone, there is nothing left for her. She "hits the wall." And then, you're like "hahaha." The bottom line is this: if a person fails to develop themselves and goes through life relying on being pretty, handsome and / or hot alone, they are probably NOT going to survive very well. Because attractiveness is a tiny piece of a whole person. And youth is a very small window of a full lifetime. 3
Author jakelongot Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 Sure, very attractive people will tend to take their attractiveness for granted. Sheesh, I am remembering the "popular guys" in high school. I don't think they were troubled for a moment by a thought that they might not have a date that weekend. Meanwhile, lots of us, boys and girls alike, were just floundering and struggling, wondering if we would EVER get a date. I can agree with you there. Maybe not so much exclusive to attractive women...can be both men and women Those times are supposed to have changed. I certainly don't subscribe to that notion, and my 25 year old daughter has never considered for a single moment in her life that someone is going to pay her way because she has giant boobs, or whatever. But reading LoveShack, I have to realize that a LOT of you, especially men, still believe that a woman has her looks and youth and when that is gone, there is nothing left for her. She "hits the wall." And then, you're like "hahaha." The second part I don't get. Never said women hit a wall and become unattractive at an ycertain age. That somehow got added to this conversation, but I don't know how? Kinda like a game of telephone...by the time you get to the 5th page often times the OP is lost
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 The second part I don't get. Never said women hit a wall and become unattractive at an ycertain age. That somehow got added to this conversation, but I don't know how? Kinda like a game of telephone...by the time you get to the 5th page often times the OP is lost I know you didn't say it, but it certainly became a major point in this conversation.
insertnamehere Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Are these attractive women living in a fantasy land? If they had to fight for attention like the rest of us would they be able to survive? So, to be clear, whether folks like my answer or not, it at least cut to the core of what you are asking. Just sayin here, folk . . . I don't think "fantasy world" is a correct assessment. After all, if you can get the goods, it ain't a fantasy at all. As for the fighting for attention part, frankly, that's what attractive women face as they cross a certain age. That's exacerbated by the fact that men are generally able to date down-age more in our society than women are. So, a woman in her late 30s isn't just fending off her equals, she's also up against younger women competing for a fairly limited pool of men, especially is she judges herself to be worthy of a financially stable, attractive man with fewer issues.
insertnamehere Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Never said women hit a wall and become unattractive at an ycertain age. That somehow got added to this conversation, but I don't know how? Kinda like a game of telephone...by the time you get to the 5th page often times the OP is lost That was me. And the point was that you can filter behavior in a before-and-after manner to evaluate how attractive women respond to the loss of attention.
Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Most women I know who are happily married have married men that most would consider... ummm... not quite as attractive as their wives. Attractive, yes, but not on the same level as their wife. They are happily married, probably because their husbands were looking for something attractive that is nice to look at and the women were looking for a good, stable, loving relationship. I don't think gender should have been injected in to this. This is about people and their issues. I don't even think this should be that people who are "super attractive" have this issue. My best friend used to be a model and she is married to a pudgy, slightly balding, helicopter mechanic. She married him when she was 18 because she fell in love with him. They have been together over 20 years. He is good to her and loves her like no other and vice versa.
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