Anyone know how to stop a s**t relationship from the past ruin an amazing one?!

[unhappybunny09]

I posted on here a while back and it helped so much, I'm going to make an effort to try and be more help (if I can) to others on here too looking for advice from

Now on..

Anyway I'm actually a happy (happier) bunny now. I had a unhealthy relationship (on and off, cheating, drug use, emotional bullying and eventually physical violence which is why I left him, finally!!!) and after a while being happily single I just bumped into a guy (wasnt looking lol its always the way isn't it?!) and he's complete opposite. Kind, level headed, caring, has helped me out whenever I need, non judgemental. But I'm struggling. After nearly two years with my new OH (and over 3 since break up from previous not-so-great) I still have bouts of insecurity, anxiety, and sometimes paranoia that he's not the amazing guy I think he is and that he's lying/ cheating or secretly holds the horrible sexist nasty views that my ex used to enlighten me with (usually while drunk etc)

Sorry for the long post but please someone help me- has anyone found a similar experience and how did you / do you get control of yourself and learn to un-learn all that stuff from the past? How do you get back to being trusting and chilled out and optimistic like you were before?

That's what I want to be again, my current OH deserves better sometimes x

[soccerrprp]

Take it slow and be attentive to how he behaves in every social, private situation. Make certain that his demeanor and actions are consistent. Tell him, when you are comfortable, about your past relationship and why you are hesitant or cautious.

 

I was in a relationship with a woman who appreciated how consistent I was. She eventually trusted me, but as dating is, that relationship didn't work out and we continue to be "friends."

 

Anyway, just be perceptive and attentive. Guys start off nice and sometimes become lemons as you may know. Good luck.

[todreaminblue]

I posted on here a while back and it helped so much, I'm going to make an effort to try and be more help (if I can) to others on here too looking for advice from

Now on..

Anyway I'm actually a happy (happier) bunny now. I had a unhealthy relationship (on and off, cheating, drug use, emotional bullying and eventually physical violence which is why I left him, finally!!!) and after a while being happily single I just bumped into a guy (wasnt looking lol its always the way isn't it?!) and he's complete opposite. Kind, level headed, caring, has helped me out whenever I need, non judgemental. But I'm struggling. After nearly two years with my new OH (and over 3 since break up from previous not-so-great) I still have bouts of insecurity, anxiety, and sometimes paranoia that he's not the amazing guy I think he is and that he's lying/ cheating or secretly holds the horrible sexist nasty views that my ex used to enlighten me with (usually while drunk etc)

Sorry for the long post but please someone help me- has anyone found a similar experience and how did you / do you get control of yourself and learn to un-learn all that stuff from the past? How do you get back to being trusting and chilled out and optimistic like you were before?

That's what I want to be again, my current OH deserves better sometimes x

 

 

You cant un learn something....unless you go ect....even then it comes back......you have to go into a new relationship with this in mind....

 

 

think "this is unique just because i met a dick doesnt mean my oh is a dick or ever will be a dick"....he is kind caring understanding he has done this and this and this and this and this and he said that and this concentrate on what is good in your relationship i mean everything that is good have hope in your heart and take it easy on yourself if you feel insecure let him know you feel a bit bad so he isn't confused explain to him why but then when you do that he will feel you are comparing.....and that isnt fair....so try th epostiive route but explain to him you are feeling a bit unsure dont go into details unless he asks....

.....let your past go.....or you can never be in the here and now....you wont forget it.....forgive yourself and forgive the person who treated you badly and have fun......repeat needed....have fun have hope......be free to be yourself good or bad....do not concentrate on what you perceive may or may never come to pass....have trust until he proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you cant trust him remember innocent until proven untrustworthy, give him a chance to make your life one that will be filled with happy and hopeful memories....best wishes .......hope that your insecurities turn to a happy future with your oh.....deb

[Liz2012]

See issues as baggage - so actually as suitcases or bags that you CARRY outside of yourself but not inside of yourself. Sometimes you can't deny they are there but what you can do is not make them a part of you but see them as something you carry along with you up the ladder of life. And yes, you really can't make him suffer for things OTHER people did to you, the fact you know it means you'll do ok. Keep processing what happened but keep it separate from you and your relationship.