AD1980 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I think one of my problems i have with attractign and approachign women is probably related to how sensitivei am at times and how badly i want to be liked/accepted,i get so nervous that a women is gonna think im a creep or annoying but goign up to her Do you think wantign to be likes accepted alot can be a bad thing? Im sometiems way too parnaoid about saying or doing the wrong thing evne in front of friends.. I also get way too sensitive and over crtical of myself where if one of my good friends are talking to each other and start to hang out with each other more then myself i start thinking im a bore that people dont like to be aroudn me for long periods etc How do u stop caring so much or overanalyzing peoples actions and the need to be wanted accepted? isnt that a basic human need?
jobaba Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I think one of my problems i have with attractign and approachign women is probably related to how sensitivei am at times and how badly i want to be liked/accepted,i get so nervous that a women is gonna think im a creep or annoying but goign up to her Do you think wantign to be likes accepted alot can be a bad thing? Im sometiems way too parnaoid about saying or doing the wrong thing evne in front of friends.. I also get way too sensitive and over crtical of myself where if one of my good friends are talking to each other and start to hang out with each other more then myself i start thinking im a bore that people dont like to be aroudn me for long periods etc How do u stop caring so much or overanalyzing peoples actions and the need to be wanted accepted? isnt that a basic human need? Another chicken and egg question, really. If women had been attracted to you from an earlier age, you wouldn't need validation or really care much what people thought of you because you'd always have had the admiration of women.
ThaWholigan Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Yes. Absolutely. It's one thing to be liked/accepted, but the more you crave it and are desperate for people to like you or accept you, the less likely people will. They will see it as a weakness, or lack of backbone or self-will. Everybody wants to be accepted, but you need to accept yourself first. Learn to relax, learn not to be so sensitive and criticize yourself too much. Learn to be more objective about things. If you start to relax about things and think less negatively, you will find that more positive things will start to happen to you . I have struggled with ALL of those things you mentioned. It took a long time, improving myself to the point I'm at now, and I still have a long way to go. It sometimes rears it's head every now and then. But you accept it, deal with it effectively, and still stay positive.
Author AD1980 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Another chicken and egg question, really. If women had been attracted to you from an earlier age, you wouldn't need validation or really care much what people thought of you because you'd always have had the admiration of women. I think its true..Even just being friends with women i get sensitive and feel rejection.. like my boys wife for example im fairly close to her shes kind of like a sister to me we text once in awhile she makes me feel good because i feel like i can connect with a women and talk to one so why shouldnt i be able to get a single one eventually and get over my fear of women in general? Recently my malr friend got divorced and hes a chick magnet so im always kind of jealous with him because when he goes out he gets female attention and i dont..anyway now that hes divorced hes become closer with my friends wife and i feel like shes ignored me and talks to him a lot more and talks about what a great guy he is and how women love him.. Obviously neither of us are tryign to hit on our friends wife my point is to me it feels like once again my friends trumping me hes not only better looking not but more charming and engaging then me where evne taken women find him more appealing to be around..
Author AD1980 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Yes. Absolutely. It's one thing to be liked/accepted, but the more you crave it and are desperate for people to like you or accept you, the less likely people will. They will see it as a weakness, or lack of backbone or self-will. Everybody wants to be accepted, but you need to accept yourself first. Learn to relax, learn not to be so sensitive and criticize yourself too much. Learn to be more objective about things. If you start to relax about things and think less negatively, you will find that more positive things will start to happen to you . I have struggled with ALL of those things you mentioned. It took a long time, improving myself to the point I'm at now, and I still have a long way to go. It sometimes rears it's head every now and then. But you accept it, deal with it effectively, and still stay positive. Thanks..i know its not logical but its hard to get rid of a mindset that you ae born with.. I know my friends love me but sometimes i feel left out or not wanted even though i know its probably not true..I think my lack of attracting women has made me more sensitive in general because my friends are the people who accept me for who iam and love me so i get extra paranoid if i feel one is mad at me or not calling or texting me as much.. I always feel like maybe im a bore or not good enough if i dont hear from them when i know its probably not the truth
ThaWholigan Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Thanks..i know its not logical but its hard to get rid of a mindset that you ae born with.. I know my friends love me but sometimes i feel left out or not wanted even though i know its probably not true..I think my lack of attracting women has made me more sensitive in general because my friends are the people who accept me for who iam and love me so i get extra paranoid if i feel one is mad at me or not calling or texting me as much.. I always feel like maybe im a bore or not good enough if i dont hear from them when i know its probably not the truth Well, you aren't necessarily "born" into a mindset, but experiences can cloud it if you aren't aware. I understand you though. I can't tell you exactly how to start relaxing and being less paranoid and sensitive, but the information to help you is out there. You have to believe in yourself and you will start to have more positivity about yourself and your life when you do. It will be a long road, but you should also never be afraid to ask for help. That's one of the main things that I had a problem with myself. Ask for advice, ask for help. Be specific, try to point out what things you wish to change about yourself, and see how you can redirect that energy into something positive. It can really happen for you, if you believe it and apply yourself to changing how you react to things in life .
SteveC80 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I think its true..Even just being friends with women i get sensitive and feel rejection.. like my boys wife for example im fairly close to her shes kind of like a sister to me we text once in awhile she makes me feel good because i feel like i can connect with a women and talk to one so why shouldnt i be able to get a single one eventually and get over my fear of women in general? Recently my malr friend got divorced and hes a chick magnet so im always kind of jealous with him because when he goes out he gets female attention and i dont..anyway now that hes divorced hes become closer with my friends wife and i feel like shes ignored me and talks to him a lot more and talks about what a great guy he is and how women love him.. Obviously neither of us are tryign to hit on our friends wife my point is to me it feels like once again my friends trumping me hes not only better looking not but more charming and engaging then me where evne taken women find him more appealing to be around.. If you're friend is really good looking and your friends wife all of a sudden being buddy buddy with him chances are she will eventually try to bang him ive seen that many times which is why shes probably much more interested in you then him even in friendship
Author AD1980 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) If you're friend is really good looking and your friends wife all of a sudden being buddy buddy with him chances are she will eventually try to bang him ive seen that many times which is why shes probably much more interested in you then him even in friendship thats a little harsh.. I know my friends wife she wouldnt do that.I think most people are matrure enough to where they can have good looking friends of the opposite sex and still be loyal to their partner Edited September 18, 2012 by AD1980 1
xxoo Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 How do u stop caring so much or overanalyzing peoples actions and the need to be wanted accepted? isnt that a basic human need? Recognize when you are wanted and accepted, among friends. Accept yourself! When you feel accepted among friends, and you genuinely like and accept yourself (warts and all), it may matter less to you what a random woman thinks. Also, don't equate sexual attraction with acceptance.
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