Should I tell my ex how I feel?

[tgugdevil]

I was in a relationship with this girl for last 5 months. Things started really well and we enjoyed every moment we spent together. She always made me feel wonderful whenever I was around her and vice-versa. From the start I was honest to her about everything and told her about my past relationship as well on the very first date when I met her over dinner.

 

The past relationship that I had lasted for 4 years but ended on a very bad note as the girl I was in a relationship with back then cheated on me. She parted ways with me and I accepted that no matter how hard it was for me and although she tried to come back into my life a year after that, I couldn't accept her anymore. I was absolutely devastated and it took me almost 5 years to be able to think about being in a relationship again.

 

So coming back to this girl I was in a relationship with. About a month back, when we were dining, she wanted to know why I parted ways with my ex girlfriend and wanted to talk to her. I was very uncomfortable for obvious reasons to let her talk to my ex girlfriend. I reacted very badly and was lost for words. I told her that I cannot make her happy at the cost of somebody else's unhappiness. It's unfair to my ex and it's unethical as well. She felt that I was lying to her and was intentionally hiding something. I gave her my ex gf's cell no but I did not know that the no. was inactive as I was not in touch with her for long. She called her that number but the call did not go through. That made her suspicious even more. Things went downhill from there and we parted ways a couple of weeks back because she could not get herself to trust me.

 

I tried everything I could to get her back. I even reached out to my friends with whom I have not spoken in last 3-4 years to get my ex gf's active cell no so that I can assure this woman that I was not lying. By the time I retrieved my ex's no, she had already made up her mind and started distancing herself from me. She started shying away from conversations or meetings. I even met her closest friends and explained them the situation I have run into and how helpless and miserable I felt every second. They tried their best but to no avail. She came to know that I met them and that made her more mad at me. Finally we decided to part ways.

 

I was not able to tell her what I was going through and how much she meant to me. I still love her so much. I never lied to her and I had the best intentions going into this relationship. On the day we parted ways, I wanted to say whatever was in my mind but I could not as it was not the time as she was completely obtuse to listen to whatever I had to say. I am on NC for last 3 weeks and after I have given sufficient time for NC I have thought of writing a letter to her to express my feelings. I don't want to be rude and nasty but I want to make it evident that she has taken me for granted. Should I go ahead and write a letter to her or should I let her be? Or is there a chance that she will realize her mistake?

Edited September 17, 2012 by tgugdevil
Incomplete Title name

[patrick27]

Current gf contacting and chatting with ex-gf is awwwkwaaard! It happened to me once and I reached a point of not talking to the current gf over it.

 

I think if you contact her at this point, you may be pushing her away even more. Seems she needs time to reflect on what it means to contact the ex and how that impacts her relationship status. If you haven't done anything to cause suspicion then she's probably dealing with unresolved trust issues from the past. Not good baggage to carry around to another relationship.

[hinatticus]

This chick seems weird. Trying to contact your ex?!? Wtf?!?!? Who does that? I'm speechless.

[Xestenz]

Yeah, this isn't a job interview where they check references!

[Mike_d]

You've got bigger issues with this new one than the disconnected number. You have huge trust issues to deal with. Good luck to you, you'll need it.

[tgugdevil]

Part of me says that I call her up or write to her and give her a piece of my mind (the nasty way but that lacks dignity and class) while another part of me tells me to ignore her completely and let her sort her own issues. My heart says to talk to her, to keep it neutral but make her realize that her cavalier attitude of "My way or the highway" does not work to build relationships and trust (dagger dipped in a sugar syrup). May be my feelings are too strong at this point and so my thoughts are going haywire. I want to be careful as I do not want to feed her ego anymore.

[Mike_d]

If its an option for you I'd let this go, she did you a solid by putting her cards around insecurity and trust on the table early and cut you loose. what she wants isn't reasonable, I'd have to assume that some part of you knows that down deep.

 

Maybe look into what is really driving you to want to somehow throw a breadcrumb out to her? sting of rejection?

[tgugdevil]

Yeah. I think so. Sting of rejection, hurt pride, hurt feelings and obviously the fond memories before the thunderbolt

 

The sad part is that she claims to be very practical but what I have realized in the end is that she is naive and oblivious of the fact that there exists a world outside what her mind perceives and there's equal degree of truth in it. I guess ignoring her is the best thing I can do. That way I don't lose my self-esteem anymore. At times I feel that it's my fault that I have allowed her to use me as a doormat.

[Dblock10]

Part of me says that I call her up or write to her and give her a piece of my mind (the nasty way but that lacks dignity and class) while another part of me tells me to ignore her completely and let her sort her own issues. My heart says to talk to her, to keep it neutral but make her realize that her cavalier attitude of "My way or the highway" does not work to build relationships and trust (dagger dipped in a sugar syrup). May be my feelings are too strong at this point and so my thoughts are going haywire. I want to be careful as I do not want to feed her ego anymore.

 

leave her to it, she sounds nuts lol. iv'e never been with a girl who would do that.. totally odd.

 

think you deserve better mate

[tgugdevil]

Yeah I guess so. Contacting her will only boost her ego but somehow I am feeling the urge to tell her that she has insulted me and she has been very insensitive and unreasonable.

[Dblock10]

doing so will only boost that even more for her, knowing it effects you so much.

 

if you feel you must do it. then do it. might be the last nail in the coffin so you know to leave it after that.

 

i personally wouldn't. but then tbh in the past i have really layed into ex's and felt 1000% better after. 6 months later not so great and wish i could in someways still talk to them lol. but then ultimately, getting rid of rubbish people is a good thing

[tgugdevil]

Well mate. These were my parting words. "Thanks for making it easy for me. I think it was handled well. I am walking away with the memories of the wonderful times we had. No hard feelings from my side. Wish you a good life and good luck."

 

She said a lot of hurtful things though that evening calling me desperate, frustrated and a liar. I also got very upset and told her that she doesn't have the guts or the spine to listen to the truth, hates to be proven wrong and thinks that she is the centre of the universe.

[Dblock10]

Well mate. These were my parting words. "Thanks for making it easy for me. I think it was handled well. I am walking away with the memories of the wonderful times we had. No hard feelings from my side. Wish you a good life and good luck."

 

She said a lot of hurtful things though that evening calling me desperate, frustrated and a liar. I also got very upset and told her that she doesn't have the guts or the spine to listen to the truth, hates to be proven wrong and thinks that she is the centre of the universe.

 

so you had an argument basically? oh well! next!

[tgugdevil]

It wasn't an argument as such. She was doing most of the talking. Of all places she chose a coffee shop to part ways. Obviously with other people around, I was conscious not to make it a spectacle.

[tgugdevil]

Well I have some update that I want to share with the forum members! I have been on NC for last 3 months. About 2 weeks back, I accidentally found out that she blocked me on FB as her comments on my pics were blurred. I had deleted her from my list of friends way before, I think a week before we parted ways. Is she doing this to create a false sense of power or is she pretending to be indifferent whereas in reality she isn't?

[cavalier99]

Hmmmm.

 

No idea. But doest really matter. Who cares is our attitude!

 

She should be crawling back to you after the BS she pulled and you should be kicking her to the curb for her unjust accusations.

 

She sounds pretty insecure and messed up. Good riddance. The question is how are you doing!

[tgugdevil]

Well I met her yesterday. Had to as I needed to be at peace with my inner self for the way she treated me. I tried calling her a week before. She did not pick up. Texted her, she didn't reply. I decided I have had enough. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. Told her everything about the way she has hurt me without being aggressive and that I have been able to take the negatives and make myself stronger than before. Everything she did was to create a false sense of power. I knew that she had a day off from work today but lied to my face and told me that she has to get back to work and it was getting quite late. When I told her that I knew she was on her weekly off, the look on her face was just of sheer shock and dismay. "How did he know?" Anyways, I wished her well in the end but also let her know that what she has done was spinelessly selfish and the emotional abuse and the insults that she hurled at me only amounts to assassination of my character. I told her that I always wished that one day she would open up to me and tell me everything and inspite of knowing everything about what she has done and why, I gathered enough courage to come and talk to you face to face. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling so much better for all along I was chasing a hollow and emotionally unavailable person. I have clarity now.

Edited December 12, 2012 by tgugdevil

[Sugarkane]

I don't get it why was sge even asking about exes on the first date? That is usually a huge no no. But ive also been asked this on a first date and answered the truth we weren't compatiable/ it just didn't work out.

[Darren From England]

I would just write the letter to her, if you Love her what have you got to lose?

She does not sound like a compete b**ch to me

I am in a similar position, I was dumped by text ( sms )

Moaned at in the same Text for ringing her Auntie when she was asleep

I accepted the break up, then over the course of the following 5 weeks myself and all my Family was blocked on her Facebook, also she changed her Mobile number, she still owes me £200.00 for the phone she dumped me off

she had moved away when all this happened, what hurts is that I treated her like a Princess, I then sent her a letter through the post ( Recorded )

And it was signed for in a false name, needless to say I never got a reply :/

But you might? what have you go to lose? you have noting so have nothing to lose, keep your chin up mate

Best Wishes

[Chico333]

Sounds like she is doing it to show a sense of power as you put it. Try and find a new person to focus your attention on otherwise this girl is going to drive you crazy wanting to get back at her.

[tgugdevil]

I told her everything about my past and clarified all I could. If she cannot trust me, does that mean she will trust what my ex has to say about me without even knowing her? No matter how much it hurts, I feel she was looking for excuses or is just nuts. Either way the monkey is off my back.

[Sugarkane]

This sounds like far too much drama after one date? She doesn't sound ready enough.

[todreaminblue]

I was in a relationship with this girl for last 5 months. Things started really well and we enjoyed every moment we spent together. She always made me feel wonderful whenever I was around her and vice-versa. From the start I was honest to her about everything and told her about my past relationship as well on the very first date when I met her over dinner.

 

The past relationship that I had lasted for 4 years but ended on a very bad note as the girl I was in a relationship with back then cheated on me. She parted ways with me and I accepted that no matter how hard it was for me and although she tried to come back into my life a year after that, I couldn't accept her anymore. I was absolutely devastated and it took me almost 5 years to be able to think about being in a relationship again.

 

So coming back to this girl I was in a relationship with. About a month back, when we were dining, she wanted to know why I parted ways with my ex girlfriend and wanted to talk to her. I was very uncomfortable for obvious reasons to let her talk to my ex girlfriend. I reacted very badly and was lost for words. I told her that I cannot make her happy at the cost of somebody else's unhappiness. It's unfair to my ex and it's unethical as well. She felt that I was lying to her and was intentionally hiding something. I gave her my ex gf's cell no but I did not know that the no. was inactive as I was not in touch with her for long. She called her that number but the call did not go through. That made her suspicious even more. Things went downhill from there and we parted ways a couple of weeks back because she could not get herself to trust me.

 

I tried everything I could to get her back. I even reached out to my friends with whom I have not spoken in last 3-4 years to get my ex gf's active cell no so that I can assure this woman that I was not lying. By the time I retrieved my ex's no, she had already made up her mind and started distancing herself from me. She started shying away from conversations or meetings. I even met her closest friends and explained them the situation I have run into and how helpless and miserable I felt every second. They tried their best but to no avail. She came to know that I met them and that made her more mad at me. Finally we decided to part ways.

 

I was not able to tell her what I was going through and how much she meant to me. I still love her so much. I never lied to her and I had the best intentions going into this relationship. On the day we parted ways, I wanted to say whatever was in my mind but I could not as it was not the time as she was completely obtuse to listen to whatever I had to say. I am on NC for last 3 weeks and after I have given sufficient time for NC I have thought of writing a letter to her to express my feelings. I don't want to be rude and nasty but I want to make it evident that she has taken me for granted. Should I go ahead and write a letter to her or should I let her be? Or is there a chance that she will realize her mistake?

 

 

trust was the issue here....i woudl not ask to speak to an exes ex.....because that ex is not part of a future together its a past that had nothing to do with the present....so she already didnt trust you....she was looking for ways not to trust you.....I am in contact with my ex ...i have girls to him....so i would understand if i had a boyfriend he may become insecure....i would get them to talk some day.....i am not a jealous person normally unless it is flaunted i become insecure....i am relaxed in a relationship because i expect the person i am with to hodl the same values as me...i make mistakes in this area....smilin...but i cant change the way i am....and i woudl hope that th eguy i am with was able to trust me the same way i ill implicitly trust him until he proves me wrong...always innocent until proven beyond a shadow of a doubt...they are guilty....i dont push the ex factor...i would already know the guy i was with.she wasn tright for you and she didnt give you a chance not at all really thats not fair....and to me soemone who is highly jealous is that way because he or she are not trustworthy themselves that makes them more insecure going into a relationship they are basing others actions on their own....or they have been really messed up in a relationship.... could be either.......deb

[tgugdevil]

I am focusing on myself now. It's hard and nerve-rattling at time but I guess whatever happens in life happens for the better. Learning to evolve past the break up is indeed priceless. I will come out stronger.

[Darren From England]

"Indifference" = not bothered? so why would anyone BLOCK anyone else off Facebook if they are not bothered?

This to me is contradictory to the very meaning of "Indifference"

If they don't care then in my opinion they should feel no need to block anyone

My Ex blocked me & all my Family off Facebook

 

 

indifference - definition of indifference by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.

 

1. the fact or state of being indifferent; lack of care or concern