Personality Traits That Predict Being Cheated On

[Untouchable_Fire]

For men... this study shows Agreeableness is a big one. Nice guys do finish last.

 

Predictors of Being Cheated On: For Men | Evolvify

 

 

For women... Openness to experience. It seems the artsy type of girl gets cheated on a lot. Most likely because they are dating the artsy type of guy. Proof that weird girls finish last.

 

Predictors of Being Cheated On: For Women | Evolvify

[SmileFace]

So some how cheating is the fault of the person who is getting cheated on?

[Titanwolf]

So some how cheating is the fault of the person who is getting cheated on?

This x1000. I mean really, the nerve of trying to find fault with the person who was betrayed. Traitors are traitors, regardless of who they're with.

[ThaWholigan]

Controversially, there are things that some people do that actually pushes their partner to cheat funnily enough, and that partner, depending on their propensity to cheat, they act accordingly, or simply freeze up and become sexless.

 

This, however, simplifies it too much. Sometimes it depends on the dynamics of the relationship not being handled in a way that benefits both parties.

[Untouchable_Fire]

So some how cheating is the fault of the person who is getting cheated on?

 

Like it or not... some people are more likely to be cheated on than others. These things are not completely random.

 

Nothing wrong with looking into what personality traits may effect this.

[SmileFace]

Like it or not... some people are more likely to be cheated on than others. These things are not completely random.

 

Nothing wrong with looking into what personality traits may effect this.

 

I wasn't disagreeing - just wanted to make sure I understood it fully.

[carhill]

When I leave my front door unlocked, I'm more likely to get burglarized than if it's locked. If I leave it unlocked, am I at fault for the burglary? Nope. The burglar is. My actions had consequences with that particular subset of humans.

 

Being a generally trusting and open person is a lot like leaving one's front door unlocked. If one is prepared to accept the consequences of such a perspective, then it can be healthy for them. Other people are still responsible for their actions, irrespective of the perspective of the trusting and open (agreeable) person.

 

I personally don't think gender matters in that regard. It's a human thing.

 

Don't know much about artsy girls and guys so won't comment on that.

[Anela]

A person that is a cheater looks for signs of cheating in her or his partner constantly and may in fact be able to prevent infidelity by being so attentive. For example philandering men and women tend to be extremely jealous.

 

A non-cheating person that is naturally trustworthy will often assume his or her partner is the same and not do anything preventive. Most of these folks cannot imagine infidelity. Since they cannot imagine infidelity is easy to cheat on them.

 

Sometimes the good guys finish last.

 

I don't see it this way. Although, I can be too trusting, and assume that once something's been talked about, the other person won't do anything that would cause extreme hurt. fears can be there for other reasons, like previous experiences, or just the environment you grow up in.

[KatZee]

So some how cheating is the fault of the person who is getting cheated on?

 

Oddly, and weirdly enough, yes. It is. Not ONLY their fault, per se, but even in regards to instances of cheating both people are at fault.

 

The cheater--- for obvious reasons.

The cheatee--- for non-obvious reasons. They may have contributed to the infidelity without even having been aware of it.

 

There's a book called "The 5 Love Languages." In it, it describes the five love languages that exist, and each person has their own language. The problem is that most people don't know how to understand their significant other's love language. They may not even understand their own.

 

For example, one person in the relationship may shower the other with affection and attention and they do this to them because that is what THEY need in order to feel love. So in essence they aren't really giving their partner what their partner needs, but giving their partner what they THINK they need.

 

If there is a serious lack of communication between these partners, one will start to feel resentment for not getting what they need from the relationship. So, they seek what they need elsewhere.

 

In other cases, the cheatee may no longer be appreciating their partner. Complacency, and getting too comfortable in a relationship is a perfect recipe for cheating. The cheater won't do it to intentionally hurt the cheatee, but will do it because he/she no longer feels appreciated, needed, wanted, or valued.

 

So BOTH parties do play their part in the act of cheating. Of course you'd think that instead of cheating people would sit down and have a conversation right? That's only in a perfect world.

[Titanwolf]

The cheatee--- for non-obvious reasons. They may have contributed to the infidelity without even having been aware of it.

I don't understand this reasoning. Why doesn't the traitor (or potential traitor) just leave the relationship?. The person being betrayed cannot be at fault, simply because it wasn't a choice they made. It was the decision of the partner and the partner alone. There is absolutely no excuse or rationalization for cheating what so ever. You.can.always.leave. Cheaters are spineless cowards.

[CptSaveAho]

I don't understand this reasoning. Why doesn't the traitor (or potential traitor) just leave the relationship?. The person being betrayed cannot be at fault, simply because it wasn't a choice they made. It was the decision of the partner and the partner alone. There is absolutely no excuse or rationalization for cheating what so ever. You.can.always.leave. Cheaters are spineless cowards.

 

You dont understand this because you don't see the signs that the relationship is over. You drag it on and on and on knowing its over. Look at the many posts here that say oh my god i cant believe my ex cheated on me but deep down you knew it was over. Most people when they see the relationship is over and they feel the emotional distance become CLINGY. They are cowards too, they can choose to walk away but dont. Usually a coward stays in a relationship with a coward and blames the coward for being a coward. Then when it ends, I cant believe that person cheated on me. They asked for it in essence. You're not going to leave so here, i cheated on you will you leave me alone now?

Edited September 17, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Titanwolf]

You dont understand this because you don't see the signs that the relationship is over. You drag it on and on and on knowing its over. Look at the many posts here that say oh my god i cant believe my ex cheated on me but deep down you knew it was over. Most people when they see the relationship is over and they feel the emotional distance become CLINGY. They are cowards too, they can choose to walk away but dont. Usually a coward stays in a relationship with a coward and blames the coward for being a coward. Then when it ends, I cant believe that person cheated on me. They asked for it in essence. You're not going to leave so here, i cheated on you will you leave me alone now?

 

That's a sadistic way of dealing with the situation. You're saying that the coward is afraid to leave, so they cheat to force their partner to leave? don't you see the paradox?. Why is the partner afraid to leave, but they're not afraid to have their partner leave? that makes no sense. The relationship isn't over, unless ONE person says it's over. All else to excuse cheating is a cop out.

[Anela]

You dont understand this because you don't see the signs that the relationship is over. You drag it on and on and on knowing its over. Look at the many posts here that say oh my god i cant believe my ex cheated on me but deep down you knew it was over. Most people when they see the relationship is over and they feel the emotional distance become CLINGY. They are cowards too, they can choose to walk away but dont. Usually a coward stays in a relationship with a coward and blames the coward for being a coward. Then when it ends, I cant believe that person cheated on me. They asked for it in essence. You're not going to leave so here, i cheated on you will you leave me alone now?

 

The cheater is a coward for not leaving. The cheater knows they want someone else, but doesn't have the guts to express that to their partner, for whatever reason.

[Titanwolf]

I think the sad reality is that, A) People get off on hurting people like this. It makes them feel powerful and desirable. For some, there's a sadistic element to it. Hurting someone that loves them, makes them feel good. B) They use the relationship they're currently in as fuel for their arousal to others. Their partner is there to give a sense of "I shouldn't be doing this, I have a BF/GF at home, but it feels so right"...I'm genuinely perplexed at people who deep down inside, think like this :/

 

I will graciously withdraw from this thread now. I don't like where this is heading.

Edited September 17, 2012 by Titanwolf

[nonexistent]

Cheating involves a lot of factors. Like mentioned above, it's not black and white. It could be that the cheater is only 95% content with his/her current relationship... needed the 5% from someone else. Maybe their current partner does not offer something that their former partner did. Possibly, their partner cheated on them so they wanted to get even. Or, they're greedy. Who knows. When I was the cheater, I cheated because I loved to have a lot of girls. I hated feeling alone... if I wanted company, she had better be there or else. So to solve the problem, I went with many girls. Girl #1, not avail? Call #2. Girl #2 not avail? Call #3, and so on. And of course I loved the attention. Now, did I intend to hurt anyone, not really. I was thinking more for myself. Every cheater is different. The end result is the same, but the reason why they did it is different all the time.

 

Also, as far as blaming the victim... my opinion is this: we all affect everyone around us. The closer you are to someone, the more influence you will be. If I'm a stranger to you, would you heed my advice as compared to being your best friend? If my wife is boring, it will take the better man of me to tell her for us to spice things up so we can continue our marriage. OR I can be the cold heartless man and just cheat on her. All in all, everyone is different. You can't paint everyone the same color.

[EasyHeart]

That article defines Agreeableness as "a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others."

 

In other words, they're trusting. So people who trust other people are more likely to be cheated on. Really? Color me shocked!!!

[SJC2008]

People cheat becasue they're cowards and would rather risk hurting their SO instead of telling them they're not meeting their physical/emotional needs. These are the majority of cheaters IMO. The rest have no impulse control/don't care.

[ascendotum]

Interesting. Looking at my friends & friends of friends, no doubt about it, the 'nice guy' type definitely got cheated on the most. When it came to the women, the girls who dated the artsy type of guy got cheated on, (would not call those type 'weird girls' though) but also girls who went for the popular/style over substance/big ego type guys. It is hard to wrap up all these woman with one personality trait. I guess you could say girls who were into the persona of the guy more than his true character.

 

Cheaters are spineless cowards.

I wouldn't call them all that. A few I knew were just self absorbsed/selfish pricks. They had a great girl at home, but when a pretty girl hit on them when they were out, they would just go for it, impulsive & ego driven. Then there are those in marriages that cheat, because the marriage has got stale or their partner does not make any effort anymore. You could say these fall more into the coward category.

[The Way I Am]

That article defines Agreeableness as "a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others."

 

In other words, they're trusting. So people who trust other people are more likely to be cheated on. Really? Color me shocked!!!

 

Yeah. Where's the study that shows compassionate and cooperative people are also more likely to be in a long term, healthy relationship while suspicious and antagonistic people are more likely to just get dumped?

[Woggle]

Yeah. Where's the study that shows compassionate and cooperative people are also more likely to be in a long term, healthy relationship while suspicious and antagonistic people are more likely to just get dumped?

 

In a perfect world that would be true but we live in a world where all too often the compassionate and cooperative get preyed upon and taken advantage of. It happens to both men and women too. We live in very dog eat dog kind of times and if people want to not get eaten they need to be aware.

[The Way I Am]

In a perfect world that would be true but we live in a world where all too often the compassionate and cooperative get preyed upon and taken advantage of. It happens to both men and women too. We live in very dog eat dog kind of times and if people want to not get eaten they need to be aware.

 

No, not only in a perfect world.

 

You can be aware that people do sh*tty things without being suspicious and antagonistic of the person you're dating. I'm aware my boyfriend could be out banging strippers every time I'm not around if he wanted to be. But I don't track what he's doing or make him report in. He could be texting and calling all kinds of girls behind my back. But I don't check his phone.

 

He's just not that type of person. If I thought for a second that he was, I wouldn't have dated him.

 

You have to learn how to tell scum from people with good character. Then only date the quality people.

 

If you don't trust your partner, what's the point? A healthy person will not stick around very long with an antagonistic and suspicious person. (Unless they're extremely enamored and have nearly inhuman levels of patience.) Two antagonistic and suspicious people will have a miserable relationship.

[Woggle]

No, not only in a perfect world.

 

You can be aware that people do sh*tty things without being suspicious and antagonistic of the person you're dating. I'm aware my boyfriend could be out banging strippers every time I'm not around if he wanted to be. But I don't track what he's doing or make him report in. He could be texting and calling all kinds of girls behind my back. But I don't check his phone.

 

He's just not that type of person. If I thought for a second that he was, I wouldn't have dated him.

 

You have to learn how to tell scum from people with good character. Then only date the quality people.

 

If you don't trust your partner, what's the point? A healthy person will not stick around very long with an antagonistic and suspicious person. (Unless they're extremely enamored and have nearly inhuman levels of patience.) Two antagonistic and suspicious people will have a miserable relationship.

 

I agree but don't commit to a person until they prove themselves trustworthy

[utterer of lies]

For men... this study shows Agreeableness is a big one. Nice guys do finish last.

 

Predictors of Being Cheated On: For Men | Evolvify

 

 

For women... Openness to experience. It seems the artsy type of girl gets cheated on a lot. Most likely because they are dating the artsy type of guy. Proof that weird girls finish last.

 

Predictors of Being Cheated On: For Women | Evolvify

 

There seem to be some methodological flaws in the study - it doesn't seem very sound.

 

What they actually tested for is the knowledge of being cheated on.

 

Asking the study subjects "Have you ever been cheated on" is something very different from finding out if they have ever been cheated on.

[threebyfate]

U_F, blog entries that rely on results posted on another blog entry crunched by an amateur (where I can't even find this data on the amateur's blog site), that supposedly extracted data (which I can't find) from a third non-scientific mid-life crisis site.

 

Also, the two blogs linked are written in such a piss poor way, that one isn't certain who was purportedly Big Five tested, the cheated on spouse or the cheater, seen through the eyes of the betrayed spouse.

 

A nightmare.

Edited September 18, 2012 by threebyfate