ascendotum Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 He has cum before..quick. The last two he couldn't cum. So its from one extreme to the other. Weird. Sounds like libido is quite variable. I wonder if its the PE that is causing him anxiety over sex. If I have come too quick with a girl, I don't roll over, I keep going so as to not to disappoint her. If this happens next time, give him a little time to recover then push for another session. From your point of view him not shooting his load should not be a major issue as long as he maintains a boner and does not go flacid, otherwise then its a different story. If this is happening to him a number of times, he could be getting a complex over it which is making him avoid sex.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 The 2 ex gfs he didn't have sex with was because they were young and both were not ready to do it according to him. About the freaking out, I think it's about getting someone pregnant cause he asked me if I was on birth control pills during the same conversation. We had sex only three times. He has cum before..quick. The last two he couldn't cum. One time maybe cause he was drinking. The other time was in the morning waking up. All the three times we had done it were initiated by him. I don't think it's about not being attracted to me. I'm sure he is. I've never been with a guy who never would want to have sex with me. That's why I'm surprise about this one. Last night, he was controlling to have sex even I could tell he was so excited. We just cuddled. We didn't even kiss and I didn't push cause I know he was trying very hard to not make it lead to having sex. When we're ere at his friends house, he was ver affectionate. He put his arms around me, kiss my hair, hold my hand. He's friends liked me. They all asked if I have a twin sister. I must say, it can be really really weird what happens with guys. I've been a minute man a few times, but oddly enough it's never been the first time with a girl, it's just at a random time, and has even happened in the second round which is really odd. Then there is times when it takes forever like 40 mins and really focusing on certain positions that make it go quicker. It's nothing to do with the girl, alcohol or anything, I can't explain it to be honest. It's just like sometimes if a girl barely touches me and I pitch a tent, other times we can be making out forever before there's anything. The thing that shocks me though is how many guys can only go once. But all guys are going to be different, and it's not going to always be the same.
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Two words. Performance anxiety. He is thrilled that he is touching you, wants you and wants to please and impress you. If he isn't experienced then it actually makes this condition worse. Premature ejaculation is very, very embarrassing for a man and many will do whatever it takes to avoid it, including having sex at times. He can't cum because he is doing his best to prolong the moment. My understanding is if a man holds off too long on getting off, it gets much harder. It's psychological. Imo, he clearly respects you deeply... and definitely wants you. Maybe it's the anxiety. I remember him saying sorry a few times while we're having sex. Things like when his penis slipped out, he said sorry. I think maybe he's focus more on not disappointing me rather than enjoying the sex. I think I should do something to make him feel more relax next time. If I take the lead and do the work to remove the pressure on him, would that help?
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Should I wait for him to initiate sex or should I initiate? I'm not sure if he's embarrass about what happened ( he cum too quick and not cumming). I'm thinking of initiating and just let him enjoy it while I take the lead maybe he will feel at ease and be not too focus on the act.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Should I wait for him to initiate sex or should I initiate? I'm not sure if he's embarrass about what happened ( he cum too quick and not cumming). I'm thinking of initiating and just let him enjoy it while I take the lead maybe he will feel at ease and be not too focus on the act. Definitely initiate it, that's so hot when a women does it.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 He seems to have some kind of "hang up". If he's over 30 and obsessing about it being done "right" I can only suspect he has some kind of religious guilt/repression thing going on. Aside from that him not cumming is not something to get too worried about if you've only had sex once. I'd guess that he's probably inhibited about it and probably putting pressure on himself. He may feel he has to cum according to some prescribed order and maybe he's not too cool at speaking up about what he needs or asserting himself differently if that's what it takes. I have had experiences where the girl wanted to "make me cum" but she just didn't get it right. I don't have a problem taking over and finishing and just accepting that we'll "grow" together and it will get better when she learns me. But some chicks think "what's the big deal? You just jerk it and voila". Well not necessarily so. Some get bummed and take it personal. It shouldn't be like that. Everyone needs to be accommodating to their partner and expect to learn their rhythms and "spots". It's not mechanical. Relax and give it a few more shots and see if things improve.
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Definitely initiate it, that's so hot when a women does it. I have no problem initiating if that won't turn him off. I don't want him to think I'm too aggressive. He's a bit shy but I think I can help him to open up more. I think he doesn't want to dissapoint me that the act of sex is giving him anxiety. He said sorry a few times while were doing it for small things like when his penis slipped out or when he had to stop fix the condom. When he cum too quick he said sorry too. I think he's focus more on how he performs rather than enjoying the sex itself. I'm thinking if I take control next time. He doesn't have to worry about anything but just enjoy the ride while I do the work. Maybe it will also make him more comfortable since the pressure is not on him. But I'm not sure if it will turn him off or make him think I'm too experienced or more experience than him or If it will make him feel he has to do better.
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 He seems to have some kind of "hang up". If he's over 30 and obsessing about it being done "right" I can only suspect he has some kind of religious guilt/repression thing going on. Aside from that him not cumming is not something to get too worried about if you've only had sex once. I'd guess that he's probably inhibited about it and probably putting pressure on himself. He may feel he has to cum according to some prescribed order and maybe he's not too cool at speaking up about what he needs or asserting himself differently if that's what it takes. I have had experiences where the girl wanted to "make me cum" but she just didn't get it right. I don't have a problem taking over and finishing and just accepting that we'll "grow" together and it will get better when she learns me. But some chicks think "what's the big deal? You just jerk it and voila". Well not necessarily so. Some get bummed and take it personal. It shouldn't be like that. Everyone needs to be accommodating to their partner and expect to learn their rhythms and "spots". It's not mechanical. Relax and give it a few more shots and see if things improve. I'm not worried about him not cumming or cumming too quick. I know it takes time to get acquainted to what will do it for a person. I'm more worried about him avoiding sex and not enjoying it. Im willing to be patient till he overcomes whats bothering him. I don't want him to put too much pressure on himself that it gives him too much anxiety, which maybe why he's avoiding it.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I have no problem initiating if that won't turn him off. I don't want him to think I'm too aggressive. He's a bit shy but I think I can help him to open up more. I think he doesn't want to dissapoint me that the act of sex is giving him anxiety. He said sorry a few times while were doing it for small things like when his penis slipped out or when he had to stop fix the condom. When he cum too quick he said sorry too. I think he's focus more on how he performs rather than enjoying the sex itself. I'm thinking if I take control next time. He doesn't have to worry about anything but just enjoy the ride while I do the work. Maybe it will also make him more comfortable since the pressure is not on him. But I'm not sure if it will turn him off or make him think I'm too experienced or more experience than him or If it will make him feel he has to do better. You initiating it should help to show him that you want it, despite the first few times not being great. Saying sorry and stuff he's definitely feeling self conscious about his performance. You don't have to do all the work I mean i'm sure you want to switch it up, but starting off that way should help. You should be able to gauge his confidence though. Even just a simple "you want to go on top for a bit" when you're switching positions or something is what I did, because my ex hated being on top, she was extremely self conscious and never comfortable being on top, which sucked because it was one of my favorite positions.
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 You initiating it should help to show him that you want it, despite the first few times not being great. Saying sorry and stuff he's definitely feeling self conscious about his performance. You don't have to do all the work I mean i'm sure you want to switch it up, but starting off that way should help. You should be able to gauge his confidence though. Even just a simple "you want to go on top for a bit" when you're switching positions or something is what I did, because my ex hated being on top, she was extremely self conscious and never comfortable being on top, which sucked because it was one of my favorite positions. Initiate even when he said he wished we waited longer? Thats what he said the other night that he wished we have waited longer. Could be because of the sex not being great the first few times. I know he's avoiding sex maybe he's worried the next one wouldn't be great either.
The Way I Am Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Instead of continuing to guess about his motivations and feelings and doing things that could make the situation worse at the advice of people who've never met him, why don't you ask the guy?
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Initiate even when he said he wished we waited longer? Thats what he said the other night that he wished we have waited longer. Could be because of the sex not being great the first few times. I know he's avoiding sex maybe he's worried the next one wouldn't be great either. Have you guys discussed what turns you on, what turns you off, your desires. Has he hinted about what really turns him on? How do you feel about it and have you been open about your desires as well? Do you know what he really desires about you? I would suggest using what you know about his likes and dislikes and playing on them (or avoiding them). Do so subtly, nothing overt... just let him know that you have no expectations other than to excite him for an evening. Great sex is 95% mental, 5% physical.
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