Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I met a guy and had sex with him on our third date. Everything is good, we see each other regularly on weekends. Last night, he said something like "maybe we should have waited to have sex..I want to do it right".I was confused cause before we did it we discussed if that's what we both wanted and we both agreed we were ready. Anyway, he's a great guy and treats me well. I met his bestfriend, we all hang out together. This guy had 5 previous relationships in the past but only slept with three of them. Hes a type of guy that don't sleep around. Before we had sex for the first time, he was indecisive if he wanted to do it or not. Then finally he said I want you so bad and asked me if I was ready, I said yes and I asked him he replied saying he's 100% sure. I know he's inexperience. The sex was alright, not bad. A couple of times he couldn't cum. I'm not sure if he was nervous or he was not concentrating. I know hes so attracted to me and hes into me. Im just puzzled cause im used to guys pushing for sex. Not to sound like im stroking my ego but Im an attractive girl. I get alot of compliments about the way i look, my face and body. This guy is not bad either. My questions are: Why wont a guy have sex with a girl he's attracted to if he had sex with her already before? Any ideas why he had problem cumming? Would you stay with someone you like and treat you right but sex is not so good? We're both in our 30s. Thanks.
C-V-L Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Only time guys don't want to sleep with girls is cause they are hung up or still in love with another girl.
carhill Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 My first response is there may be someone else in the picture, either an ex or another dating partner, if he is having non-exclusive sexual relations with women. If his thoughts are wandering, that could explain his difficulty with orgasm and/or wanting to cool things off sexually
Author Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Only time guys don't want to sleep with girls is cause they are hung up or still in love with another girl. His last relationship was two years ago. We slept together before but it seems like he wants to have sex but hes controlling himself. The first time we did it he finished so quick.
carhill Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Next response would be to ask him directly. If one can have sex with another, one can talk about sex with another. The horse's mouth is the best place to find the horse's truth 1
Author Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 My first response is there may be someone else in the picture, either an ex or another dating partner, if he is having non-exclusive sexual relations with women. If his thoughts are wandering, that could explain his difficulty with orgasm and/or wanting to cool things off sexually He's not seeing anyone else. He said he only dates one girl at a time and he's only seeing me. He said he wished we waited longer to have sex. He asked me if I was on pill. He said it always freaks him out to ave sex with someone. I think he's scared to get someone pregnant. I think that's maybe why he's not focus on enjoying sex so much. I dont know if it has something to do with his past. I think I'm gonna ask him.
ChemFemme Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 So the guy is in his 30's and not very sexually experienced? Do you think he has the impression that you are? If so, maybe that's bothering him. He could also see sex as being too "serious" and is not sure if he's ready to get serious with you yet.
Author Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 So the guy is in his 30's and not very sexually experienced? Do you think he has the impression that you are? If so, maybe that's bothering him. He could also see sex as being too "serious" and is not sure if he's ready to get serious with you yet. Maybe that's why. Accirding to him he only had sex with 3 girls all ex gfs. Im the fourth girl. I only had sex with three guys all my life, 2 ex bfs. But I was with guys who were experienced so I learned alot from them. He asked me how many ex bfs I had and I told him I had two. I remember when we were gonna do it the first time he thought about it a few times. We were in the midde of doing it and we would stop. It happened a few times until we finally decided were ready to do it. I know I make him excited and I know he's having a hard time controlling it. He said he feels this connection with me and he's very comfortable around me. He has a sister and he said he was protective of her. The sister just got married this year.
Jamesblame Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Guys have certain hang ups. It's possible that he used to sleep around a lot when younger, or he was abused as a kid, or he has a fear of getting someone pregnant, and he was afraid that you'd keep an accident. Or maybe he just isn't feeling you as much. There's a lot of reasons a guy would not want sex. He sounds inexperienced and moral. Maybe it just goes against his moral code. This would do it as well.
Art_Critic Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 He asked me if I was on pill. He said it always freaks him out to ave sex with someone. I think he's scared to get someone pregnant. I think that's maybe why he's not focus on enjoying sex so much. I dont know if it has something to do with his past. I think I'm gonna ask him. Are you having unprotected sex ? If yes then trust may be an issue and maybe he doesn't trust you enough for him to deposit his seed. I personally fall into the he is seeing someone else or he wants to say he isn't having sex with anyone so he can get her category... JMO...
kaylan Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 If hes a guy whos more relationship oriented and doesnt simply do hookups often, it could be that he wants to keep things from getting complicated to fast by sex. There are just as many guys as there are women who will get super attached to a girl they like after sex. It can make situations really dicey, especially if you end up figuring out that you and the girl arent really compatible when it comes to a relationship. Ive had that happens and it sucks when you really like someone, have already had sex, but know theres not a future there. Thats just one possibility. Sex just speeds some things up sometimes...and he also may be worried that you get too attached too quickly, even though he likes you. Its hard to say...just ask him. Sex really changes the dynamic of any relationship, so some people get a little uncomfy if it happens to quickly for them. Depending on the girl, Id sometimes bug out myself, especially if I painted up situations in my head of what the perfect route to go would be. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 My boyfriend is also in his thirties and when I met him he told me he wad inexperienced and he didn't believe in sex outside of a relationship. He had no problem with kissing me but he'd never forced the issue of sex. It was only after we got together I found out he was great in bed. Not all men are about hookups and sex, eve though it's prevalent I society. There are stilk men who value having intimacy with a partner ad opposed to sleeeping around.
Ami1uwant Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Why wont a guy have sex with a girl he's attracted to if he had sex with her already before? Any ideas why he had problem cumming? Would you stay with someone you like and treat you right but sex is not so good? We're both in our 30s. Thanks. Dont know enough about him. maybe he feels he only sleeps with her when he feels this is a LTR and not some fling. Is he religious in any way? As other have said...its very possible he wasnt ready for that yet because of the timeline with his last relationship ending and you two starting. Unlike what some others have said...I dont think its an active gf he just broke up with or has been sleeping with. It could be something more that has to do with being ready to date again.
Author Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Guys have certain hang ups. It's possible that he used to sleep around a lot when younger, or he was abused as a kid, or he has a fear of getting someone pregnant, and he was afraid that you'd keep an accident. Or maybe he just isn't feeling you as much. There's a lot of reasons a guy would not want sex. He sounds inexperienced and moral. Maybe it just goes against his moral code. This would do it as well. According to him he didn't have sex with all his ex so I don't tink he's the type of guy who sleeps around. I know he's feeling me cause likes to be next to me and he likes to touch me a lot. I think he's scared to get me pregnant and maybe he's not into sex outside of a relationship.
Author Immissme Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I know he's into me. Hes been doing things to make me happy. He spends his weekend time with me. Everytime weve hung out he always picked me up and dropped me off. I drive but I like that he picks me up. Its about 30 minutes drive each way. He calls me asks me to hang out before planning something with his friends. He took me to his bestfriends house. He invited me to hang out with his other buddies but I refused to go cause I'm not ready to meet bunch of his friends yet. He invited me to go with him to another state for for a week for his coming business trip. He opens up with me about his family.
yongyong Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Typical answer She doesn't want to have sex with me - you pervert, wait till she feels comfortable He doesn't want to have sex with me - he is gay Personally I don't understand why a straight guy would turn down a sex opportunity. Maybe he is bit weird about sex? (many guys in my culture think they shouldn't bang her to 'Protect' her) Maybe he doesn't have sex drive? Maybe he is comfortable around you but doesn't see you as sexual object? (no physical attraction)
kaylan Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) Last I checked no one in this thread seriously called the guy gay. Read the thread fully next time instead of throwing around "typical" generalizations. And theres plenty of reasons for a guy to turn down a sex opportunity. At least there are reasons for smart men who dont solely think with their penis. Edited September 17, 2012 by kaylan
yongyong Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 He already banged her Anyways, we all know women want to have sex by their terms (there was a thread about this) The proof is in OPs statement. By declining for sex, he didn't get a respect like 'oh he doesn't look at me as a piece of meat, how nice..' Instead she is thinking he is not interested in her. To have sex with American woman, you have to play with her Ego well. By trying to have sex when she is not ready, you can lose her. By not having sex when she is ready, you can also lose her. When first scenario happens, it's no big deal. Every guy has done that. When second scenario happens, you will feel like a total dumb ass. Last I checked no one in this thread seriously called the guy gay. Read the thread fully next time instead of throwing around "typical" generalizations. And theres plenty of reasons for a guy to turn down a sex opportunity. At least there are reasons for smart men who dont solely think with their penis.
ascendotum Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 He might be hung up over another girl, but I doubt he has another woman. If you are compelled to cheat you do it for the sex not to hold hands and walk in the park. I was going to suggest he has a low libido maybe, but does not sound for sure here either as you say he has a hard time controlling his excitment. I don't get it, if he has a hard time controlling his excitment, then how the hell does such a guy not cum. I found it weird when you said he would stop things in the middle of sex + 'He said it always freaks him out to have sex with someone.' lol. This last part is where you should have have interogated him a little more as to what the freak out is about. It could be he's paranoid about getting a woman pregnant. I also thought you might have asked him why he did not have sex with 2 of his exes....thats a little unconventional. It doesn't sound like he's hung up because he cums premeture, instead he cannot cum at all. He might have an endo/urology problem of some sort that is effecting his libido OR he has a major mental distraction. Has he actually shot his load with you?
Author Immissme Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 He might be hung up over another girl, but I doubt he has another woman. If you are compelled to cheat you do it for the sex not to hold hands and walk in the park. I was going to suggest he has a low libido maybe, but does not sound for sure here either as you say he has a hard time controlling his excitment. I don't get it, if he has a hard time controlling his excitment, then how the hell does such a guy not cum. I found it weird when you said he would stop things in the middle of sex + 'He said it always freaks him out to have sex with someone.' lol. This last part is where you should have have interogated him a little more as to what the freak out is about. It could be he's paranoid about getting a woman pregnant. I also thought you might have asked him why he did not have sex with 2 of his exes....thats a little unconventional. It doesn't sound like he's hung up because he cums premeture, instead he cannot cum at all. He might have an endo/urology problem of some sort that is effecting his libido OR he has a major mental distraction. Has he actually shot his load with you? The 2 ex gfs he didn't have sex with was because they were young and both were not ready to do it according to him. About the freaking out, I think it's about getting someone pregnant cause he asked me if I was on birth control pills during the same conversation. We had sex only three times. He has cum before..quick. The last two he couldn't cum. One time maybe cause he was drinking. The other time was in the morning waking up. All the three times we had done it were initiated by him. I don't think it's about not being attracted to me. I'm sure he is. I've never been with a guy who never would want to have sex with me. That's why I'm surprise about this one. Last night, he was controlling to have sex even I could tell he was so excited. We just cuddled. We didn't even kiss and I didn't push cause I know he was trying very hard to not make it lead to having sex. When we're ere at his friends house, he was ver affectionate. He put his arms around me, kiss my hair, hold my hand. He's friends liked me. They all asked if I have a twin sister.
El Brujo Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Hmm... maybe it's possible the guy found out sex is (gasp!!!) overrated??? After all, if it's supposed to make you a happier person, cure cancer, and all that junk, wouldn't you feel a wee bit let down if sex didn't live up to its promise?
The Way I Am Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Last night, he said something like "maybe we should have waited to have sex..I want to do it right". I agree with carhill. Ask him what he meant by it. My initial impression is that he takes sex seriously and realizes that sex too early can get in the way of a healthy relationship. He likes you and doesn't want to mess up the relationship. He may not have been 100% sure when he agreed to have sex. Or his horniness convinced him he was sure, but he later realized he wasn't and is worried the relationship won't last because you had sex too soon. If that is the reason, you've probably got a pretty great guy on your hands. Would you stay with someone you like and treat you right but sex is not so good?It's probably easier to work with a guy who treats you right on his sexual techniques than it is to get a guy who blows your mind in bed to treat you right when he's not doing so.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Two words. Performance anxiety. He is thrilled that he is touching you, wants you and wants to please and impress you. If he isn't experienced then it actually makes this condition worse. Premature ejaculation is very, very embarrassing for a man and many will do whatever it takes to avoid it, including having sex at times. He can't cum because he is doing his best to prolong the moment. My understanding is if a man holds off too long on getting off, it gets much harder. It's psychological. Imo, he clearly respects you deeply... and definitely wants you.
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Hmm... maybe it's possible the guy found out sex is (gasp!!!) overrated??? After all, if it's supposed to make you a happier person, cure cancer, and all that junk, wouldn't you feel a wee bit let down if sex didn't live up to its promise? Are you kidding me? No way is good sex overrated. Maybe you're just doing it wrong? Heck i've been told the thing she enjoyed the most about the relationship was fooling around. But I will say, cuddling, making out etc is almost as fun as sex. But hands down the best thing in a relationship is waking up next to them and looking into their eyes while just laying there, no better feeling in the world.
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