Change Yourself To Be Attractive?

[oaks]

Haven't I gone into my financials enough that I can't afford a professional? If I even understand what you mean by a "professional." Cause here's the thing... the therapists I've seen in the past have always been flummoxed. They say I don't come across badly at all, and they don't understand the social problems I have with people. I was with my last therapist for 6 or so months, and he never quite understood what it was that caused people to respond so negatively to me. Probably because it needs to be seen to be believed.

 

Not really. You went through some well rehearsed excuses to justify not making any changes, to justify continuing to wallow in self pity.

 

Next time you have a session with a mental health worker, get them to read your threads like this one.

[oaks]

Nope, not ignoring. I'll give up and embrace being alone since it seems the most logical conclusion. Anyone have good tips on how to go about doing that?

 

You have to be alone to embrace it. One place to start would be dumping your boyfriend.

 

(you'll twist this into "everyone in this forum thinks my relationship is doomed" and "everyone thinks I should dump him/he should dump me", no doubt.)

[denise_xo]

Not really. You went through some well rehearsed excuses to justify not making any changes, to justify continuing to wallow in self pity.

 

Next time you have a session with a mental health worker, get them to read your threads like this one.

 

Quoted for emphasis. That would provide a very specific point of departure for some indepth, self work. If a particular therapist doesn't do anything meaningful for you after four consultations or so you need to change and try a new one rather than sticking with that person for a total of six months. However, no therapist will help unless you go into this with an open mind and a willingness to work on this rather than treating it as a 'I am right and no one else gets it' type of zero sum game. Like another poster said a few pages back, scaling down your combativeness from 100% to 85% would be a good, specific first step for making changes.

 

I have to say that like some other people on there, I have also wondered whether you have a mild form of autism or something similar.

[skydiveaddict]

the therapists I've seen in the past have always been flummoxed. They say I don't come across badly at all, and they don't understand the social problems I have with people.

 

Quit worrying about this useless crap. You hate your life right? Then do the opposite. Take risks you would never have taken, do exactly what you fear the most. Be the person you are most afraid of being.

 

You only get one shot in this life; make the most of it.

[Beausoleil]

V, Your skill at debate is astonishly good. Channeling that toward a worthy cause by writing is an excellent idea. If you're inclined toward research, it could fuel and support your ideas.

 

I've very much enjoyed this thread for its intelligent, thoughtful and insightful comments and suggestions.

[Leigh 87]

In regards to issues, I can name at least two that might be relevant:

 

- You seem to have low self-esteem

- You could have body dysmorphic disorder

 

I say this based on having read quite a few of your threads.

 

 

 

No no, I think she is just really messed up over the fact that she is not super hot, and therefore assumes that not being super hot = ugly.

Where as I am pretty average myself, but do not let it make me feel worthless or like I do not have the capacity to attract anyone.

I will expand this by saying: more attractive people tend to attract the most dates, however, plenty of average people like me have a spark about them that draws people to them.

 

I am pretty average albiet with a good body and nice hair when I put extensions in ( a 7/10 at my BEST with make up....... Yet I attract plenty of people even though I am pretty average. Because I am really passionate about life and the possibilities I have, which tends to draw people/men to me.

I find if you work out and have a fit body ( not thin but fit) and are positive and believe in yourself even if you don't have a fancy job, a lot of men will be drawn to kind hearted women, as long as they are passionate about life, and are proud of themselves and show it through being really confident about their style, and other things that makes them THEM.

 

I really hope V gets the message one day, that plenty of average looking women with normal jobs end up with guys who adore them, because they are kind, funny, and have things about them that are pleasant to be around.

[denise_xo]

So is it low self-esteem when posters tell me I'm spoiled, selfish, and deserve to be cut out from the world? Do you people finally get it now?

 

Tell ya what, Jane, I'll kill myself just for you. Wouldn't want to inflict myself on the world.

 

As usual you enter into catastrophical and absolutist thinking without any kind of nuance. Here are some of the compliments that I and many others have given you in all your threads:

 

You are good looking.

 

You are clearly very smart and intelligent.

 

In many ways you have very strong analytical skills.

 

You are excellent at writing.

 

You have a good sense of humour (when you allow that part of you to show).

 

But of course, it fits your narrative better to just ignore all that and claim that we all want you to die, or something ludicrous like that.

[oaks]

Yea, for you. Have ANY of you been reading her threads? She doesn't WANT candy coatings and rainbows. She WANTS harsh.

 

Yeah, but only so she can say "told you so. you all hate me. I knew it all along." or something along those lines.

[Emilia]

She is only posting these threads for attention. You are all wasting your time.

[denise_xo]

She is only posting these threads for attention.

 

I don't really think so. But I think she has some entrenched behavioural and thought patterns that make her threads go around in by now rather predictable circles.

[xxoo]

How about instead of changing yourself to be more attractive, simply work on making changes to be happier.

 

You'll probably need to changes some behaviors, habits, and thought processes.

[Leigh 87]

Oh and changing yourself to be more attractive does not mean you have to lose site of who you really are, and that guys only fall in love with something your not.

 

I am naturally pretty ugly, so I fixed my teeth and blababla you have heard it all before. White straight teeth, I got lean and fit, got natural/real hair extensions to I have great hair.

....I am not ugly anymore, so a whole lot more guys are attracted to me than if I was still ugly.

 

But I am still ME, and they can legit fall in LOVE with me for that. The fact who I am, how I act, and what I am about is enough to get a guy to fall seriusly in love with me, is enough for me.

[Emilia]

I don't really think so. But I think she has some entrenched behavioural and thought patterns that make her threads go around in by now rather predictable circles.

 

Perhaps. She is quite intelligent though so you would expect her to make more progress - even though I know thought disorders are more difficult to deal with

[ascendotum]

I don't really think so. But I think she has some entrenched behavioural and thought patterns that make her threads go around in by now rather predictable circles.

 

Yeh for sure.

V - A number of your thread turn out block busters over variations of similar issues and I don't read a lot of the posts, so this may have already been mentioned & covered >

* Have you asked your current bf his opinion on the question you posed in this thread and also what it is that attracted him to you and what there is about you that he thinks you could do to make your self more appealing? (this last one is a loaded question for a guy though)

* Have you ever tried any ADs?

* You have seen a therapist/s in the past, and don't have a lot of loose change to spend on prof. therapy....maybe you should give hypnosis CDs a shot or see a hypnotist to re-program negative traits you think you have. If you really think you are..annoying, too intense, have issues, then its in your interest to change your personality, but only if you think life will be better for you. This advice gets dished out to the hard-luck guys here often.

[William]

Closed for moderator review.