Change Yourself To Be Attractive?

[Lonely Ronin]

Well, yes, but I don't get the dates to begin with...

 

Do you understand that having an anti-social personality effects you ability to get dates?

[verhrzn]

Do you understand that having an anti-social personality effects you ability to get dates?

 

YES. THUS THE ORIGINAL QUESTION.

 

If everything about a person makes them unattractive, then should you change your personality.

[xxoo]

YES. THUS THE ORIGINAL QUESTION.

 

If everything about a person makes them unattractive, then should you change your personality.

 

Not everything. Keep the core you, and work on changing the behaviors that prevent you from connecting with others effectively. Have a professional help you identify the things to work on.

[Lonely Ronin]

YES. THUS THE ORIGINAL QUESTION.

 

If everything about a person makes them unattractive, then should you change your personality.

 

If what's holding you back are personality traits that are considered by most to be negative ones, then yes you should work to fix them.

[verhrzn]

If what's holding you back are personality traits that are considered by most to be negative ones, then yes you should work to fix them.

 

So since my entire personality is seen as negative by most, you agree that I should change it? Am I understanding you correctly?

[verhrzn]

Not everything. Keep the core you, and work on changing the behaviors that prevent you from connecting with others effectively. Have a professional help you identify the things to work on.

 

Haven't I gone into my financials enough that I can't afford a professional? If I even understand what you mean by a "professional." Cause here's the thing... the therapists I've seen in the past have always been flummoxed. They say I don't come across badly at all, and they don't understand the social problems I have with people. I was with my last therapist for 6 or so months, and he never quite understood what it was that caused people to respond so negatively to me. Probably because it needs to be seen to be believed.

[Lonely Ronin]

So since my entire personality is seen as negative by most, you agree that I should change it? Am I understanding you correctly?

 

stop being so extreme and overly dramatic. You have some negative traits, they aren't car parts that can be pulled out and replaced at the drop of a hat. First you need to understand & accept that some of your personality traits are limiting you. The you need to comprehend that they are interrelated, and that minor tweaks to them can cause substantial changes.

 

A car is a perfect analogy, Minor tweaks to a carburetor (old school), could take a car from a barely running to purring like a kitten.

[Lonely Ronin]

If I even understand what you mean by a "professional." Cause here's the thing... the therapists I've seen in the past have always been flummoxed.

 

I'm pretty sure she means you need to see a Psychiatrist. Therapists are better at helping you through a problem once the problem is known, Psychiatrist are the ones that figure out what the problem is. A good Therapist would send you to see a Psychiatrist after a few sessions if the issue wasn't readily apparent to them. Therapist are an industry that barely related to medicine, it's not even that had to become one in some states if memory serves.

[Janesays]

So since my entire personality is seen as negative by most, you agree that I should change it? Am I understanding you correctly?

 

 

If I were you, yes. Change the majority of your personality. A good rough estimate is about 98%. The only thing I don't understand in this thread are the people who say you should keep your 'core self.' I'd ditch that too. After all, your core self is still spoiled, self obsessed and just an inherently ugly person. And trust me, baby, I'm not talking about your physical appearance.

 

And if you refuse to change, then YES I think you should give up and embrace being alone. Only because not very many people deserve to have your current personality inflicted on them. Why should an innocent third party spend the rest if their lives being BEAT DOWN by your warped and self pitying outlook on life?

 

Happy now? There's a 100% honest answer from someone. Going to ignore it and cry some more? Or are you going to get to changing?

[verhrzn]

If I were you, yes. Change the majority of your personality. A good rough estimate is about 98%. The only thing I don't understand in this thread are the people who say you should keep your 'core self.' I'd ditch that too. After all, your core self is still spoiled, self obsessed and just an inherently ugly person. And trust me, baby, I'm not talking about your physical appearance.

 

And if you refuse to change, then YES I think you should give up and embrace being alone. Only because not very many people deserve to have your current personality inflicted on them. Why should an innocent third party spend the rest if their lives being BEAT DOWN by your warped and self pitying outlook on life?

 

Happy now? There's a 100% honest answer from someone. Going to ignore it and cry some more? Or are you going to get to changing?

 

Nope, not ignoring. I'll give up and embrace being alone since it seems the most logical conclusion. Anyone have good tips on how to go about doing that?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Have you noticed that several people have remarked upon how SPOILED you are? How about working on eliminating that trait. I'm sure you'll be better off without it.

[Janesays]

Nope, not ignoring. I'll give up and embrace being alone since it seems the most logical conclusion. Anyone have good tips on how to go about doing that?

 

Hmm. How about every time you start to feel lonely, you remind yourself that the kindest, most loving thing you can do for the man of your dreams is stay the hell out of his life?

 

I also think you should become an artist. It doesn't matter what kind. It doesn't matter if you suck. If all you can afford is a pencil, draw stick figures. Art will keep you alone, keep your focus on yourself instead of the outside world, trick you into thinking you have a higher purpose, and give you an outlet to spew all your inner bile.

 

I actually think you'd make a great feminist. Not the she-devil 'all men suck' kind. But more of the 'society should quit judging a woman's value by how she looks' kind. Write some feminist essays that are well rounded and are ahead of your time. Even if no one reads them until your dead, you way just inspire people in some way a la Sylvia Plath.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Janesays

[verhrzn]

So is it low self-esteem when posters tell me I'm spoiled, selfish, and deserve to be cut out from the world? Do you people finally get it now?

 

Tell ya what, Jane, I'll kill myself just for you. Wouldn't want to inflict myself on the world.

[Janesays]

So is it low self-esteem when posters tell me I'm spoiled, selfish, and deserve to be cut out from the world? Do you people finally get it now?

 

Tell ya what, Jane, I'll kill myself just for you. Wouldn't want to inflict myself on the world.

 

Nah, if you kill yourself, some poor sap is going to have to come clean you up.

 

Look, I met your requirements in this thread. I was 100% honest, I told you what you seemed to want to hear, and I even gave you constructive specific instructions on how to accomplish what you asked in such a way that makes your life a bit more altruistic as opposed to a complete waste. And you respond with snide sarcasm.

 

And you wonder why no one likes you.

[verhrzn]

Nah, if you kill yourself, some poor sap is going to have to come clean you up.

 

Look, I met your requirements in this thread. I was 100% honest, I told you what you seemed to want to hear, and I even gave you constructive specific instructions on how to accomplish what you asked in such a way that makes your life a bit more altruistic as opposed to a complete waste. And you respond with snide sarcasm.

 

And you wonder why no one likes you.

 

No. There was no sarcasm. That was also genuine. I already know why no one likes me. But other posters label it negativity and low self-esteem. It is obviously not, as you have illustrated.

[todreaminblue]

So explain to me when dating gets fun can we skip all this crap and find some fun about dating.....im goign to start a thread about that and i bet no one answers cause it aint fun..all i see is peoples opinions on other peoples opinions with no real help being given in regards to issues felt or regards a respect for others peoples thoughts on themselves....every body has issues on this board...yes or no......simple question why are we here........why are we posting.....why does it matter what someone else thinks......i dont know..... does anyone

 

its all about interpersonal relationships in a caring community that's what the blurb says on the front page......all of us need a forum on how to be part of caring interpersonal community site i think.....going to find one....ill post a link......do i know how to do that????....hmmm there must be another site on posting links correctly.....it will take me a while ....ill get back to you.....deb

[Janesays]

No. There was no sarcasm. That was also genuine. I already know why no one likes me. But other posters label it negativity and low self-esteem. It is obviously not, as you have illustrated.

 

 

Well then, listen to my advice, which wasn't suicide by the way. Go draw, write, and contribute to society in a more indirect way. I'd be interested in reading some of your feminist essays, for sure. And there's nothing like starting a movement to get the blood pumping. Honestly, you'd probably be happier with the pained, troubled, self sacrificing life selflessly given for the greater good than you would be with the boring humdrum cog in the wheel family life anyway. Ever think of that? Maybe your value isn't on how you relate to the world in a social way. Maybe your value lies in your IDEAS and how you choose to express them.

[Anela]

If I were you, yes. Change the majority of your personality. A good rough estimate is about 98%. The only thing I don't understand in this thread are the people who say you should keep your 'core self.' I'd ditch that too. After all, your core self is still spoiled, self obsessed and just an inherently ugly person. And trust me, baby, I'm not talking about your physical appearance.

 

And if you refuse to change, then YES I think you should give up and embrace being alone. Only because not very many people deserve to have your current personality inflicted on them. Why should an innocent third party spend the rest if their lives being BEAT DOWN by your warped and self pitying outlook on life?

 

Happy now? There's a 100% honest answer from someone. Going to ignore it and cry some more? Or are you going to get to changing?

 

That's really harsh.

 

I also think you should become an artist. It doesn't matter what kind. It doesn't matter if you suck. If all you can afford is a pencil, draw stick figures. Art will keep you alone, keep your focus on yourself instead of the outside world, trick you into thinking you have a higher purpose, and give you an outlet to spew all your inner bile.

 

I don't remember her ever talking about looking for her purpose in being here, only what she wishes she had. She needs to talk it out, you don't need to read it.

[skydiveaddict]

If it's the difference between changing absolutely everything about you, or being single forever, which would you choose?

 

I would change everything. As a matter of fact I did just that. You can do it too.

[Anela]

Well then, listen to my advice, which wasn't suicide by the way. Go draw, write, and contribute to society in a more indirect way. I'd be interested in reading some of your feminist essays, for sure. And there's nothing like starting a movement to get the blood pumping. Honestly, you'd probably be happier with the pained, troubled, self sacrificing life selflessly given for the greater good than you would be with the boring humdrum cog in the wheel family life anyway. Ever think of that? Maybe your value isn't on how you relate to the world in a social way. Maybe your value lies in your IDEAS and how you choose to express them.

 

I would be interested in reading them, too.

[Janesays]

That's really harsh.

 

Yea, for you. Have ANY of you been reading her threads? She doesn't WANT candy coatings and rainbows. She WANTS harsh. She doesn't understand 100% honesty UNLESS it's harsh and blunt. When I was young, I used to be the same way.

 

So I've been doing what she wants....giving her realistic advice to accomplish what she wants: the ability to embrace being alone. Everyone wants to act like a persons only value to this world is based on whether or not they find true love. Can you understand that if a person like V, who is aware enough to understand that EVEN WHEN SHE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP, she is incapable of happiness? I mean, imagine if you had no hands and someone told you playing piano was the ONLY way to be happy. I'd bet it'd be pretty daunting.

 

So I'm suggesting that since love and relationships seem to make V miserable and since she has zero desire to change herself in such a way to attract societies definition of happiness, that she should step outside the box and find value in herself elsewhere.

 

Or, we can all just sit around and argue in circles some more, I suppose.

[Lonely Ronin]

Yea, for you. Have ANY of you been reading her threads? She doesn't WANT candy coatings and rainbows. She WANTS harsh. She doesn't understand 100% honesty UNLESS it's harsh and blunt.

I do kind of agree with this, but your response went beyond harsh at least in my eyes.

 

 

Can you understand that if a person like V, who is aware enough to understand that EVEN WHEN SHE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP, she is incapable of happiness? I mean, imagine if you had no hands and someone told you playing piano was the ONLY way to be happy. I'd bet it'd be pretty daunting.

 

So I'm suggesting that since love and relationships seem to make V miserable and since she has zero desire to change herself in such a way to attract societies definition of happiness, that she should step outside the box and find value in herself elsewhere.

 

Or, we can all just sit around and argue in circles some more, I suppose.

 

based on her own posts, she was capable of happiness as a child, and perhaps was for a little while dating her current boyfriend the first time around. What I see in V is a woman who do to life experiences has become anti social, argumentative, combative, & disconsolate.

 

It's up to her to decide if she is Ok with these traits. If she doesn't want to address them, then yes she start learning how to live a solitary life. If however she wants to change them in the hope of improving her quality of life, then she needs to be prepared for the long journey ahead. I'm talking get a part time evening job so she can pay for doctors visits and what not prepared. Prepared to deal with being slapped in the face with truths that she doesn't want to think about.

[TheBigQuestion]

V,

 

Name a few real-life situations, whether they involved dating or general social interaction, in which you received negative feedback. In other words, tell me some of the things you've done that you remember that led your friends, boyfriends, or perfect strangers label you as "annoying," "intense," etc. If you are not willing to share in the thread, feel free to PM me. As someone who has somewhat learned how to strongly monitor his social behaviors due to being an awkward, blunt, and stammering ninny by nature, I might be able to help you. I've read most of this thread but I've decided to not be my snarky, cantankerous self for a day.

 

I do not think you need to change your core personality. What you need to do is learn how to understand social dynamics. Once you get your body language, pace of speech, intonation, understand and ACCEPT what is and is not appropriate conversation for a given range of social environments, dealing with other human beings socially is actually far more predictable than you could imagine.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Also, changing behavior is not the same thing as changing ones "core personality." Changing negative, dead end behavior is only a positive move - not because it will make a person "more attractive."

[utterer of lies]

No. There was no sarcasm. That was also genuine. I already know why no one likes me. But other posters label it negativity and low self-esteem. It is obviously not, as you have illustrated.

 

A new V thread with no new content at all.

 

Amazing. I'm never quite sure if it's a rerun or simply season 12+.