Change Yourself To Be Attractive?

[xxoo]

And I focus on the things I have, and be grateful, and then feel guilty and miserable. Maybe I am a robot, and just don't *get" gratitude. I am neither religious or spiritual, and gratitude seems to have an innately spiritual component.

 

So how about suggesting something that I've stated several times I don't get and doesn't work for me, we could try something else, and not just judge me because I don't function in the same way?

 

I'm not judging you. I'm being persistent and trying to help--very different!

[ThaWholigan]

Yeeeeeah, I don't think you ever get to question my illogical assumptions again, if you even entertain for more than minutes that whole theory. You SHOULD believe "cold hard facts" that are scientifically viable. And it is scientifically proven that vaccines does not lead to autism. Period. End of story.

 

No wonder people don't buy my evidence. You guys are skeptical of everything and anything even when it's directly in your face. No wonder I have such a hard time here.

 

That's why you will always fail to be honest. I can admit that bullsh*t entertains me occasionally, I've had that debate about autism with people for years, I've even switched sides more than a few times. Yet you can't even entertain a farfetched theory that could ACTUALLY HELP YOU.

 

There is something else going on with you that you can't see. And you refuse to see it. And the way you are talking, you will never see it.

 

If I suck, then at least I can get sympathy, and stop being blamed/yelled at/judged for it. It'd be so, so wonderful to just be able to say "Guys don't like me" without IMMEDIATELY being pelted with demands for me to prove it, or how I'm wrong, or how to fix it. Sometimes, I just want to be able to say "Goddamnit, I hate the cards I was dealt" and be done.

 

Then what's the point of even posting in your threads? We might as well just come in and go "life's not fair" and that's the end. You get to bitch for eons about how crap your life is, and nobody says anything, how convenient. Fair enough then. I will simply put you on ignore and leave it at that.

 

But it'd also be nice to have support in giving up. I've asked for advice on this forum before on how to give up on dating/relationships, and posters always treat it like a giant joke. If people believed me that I suck, that it's pointless to try, then they could actually give me concrete advice on how to rid myself of a desire for the things I desperately want.

 

You can never rid yourself of your desires though. The only way is to kill yourself, and nobody wants you to do that. The reason why people tell you that you don't suck, is because the only reason you suck is because you believe you suck, and the sucky people in your life that you call friends treat you like you suck, and tell you that you suck. That's the only reason why. And if you can't see that, then you are the biggest f*cking idiot ever.

 

You learn to live with your desires, or you learn to be more positive. If you don't want to do that (you think it's delusional, which is retarded), then nobody can help you - other than say "there, there" when you want to bitch about life.

[verhrzn]

I'm not judging you. I'm being persistent and trying to help--very different!

 

If I'm telling you it doesn't work for me, why do you then keep insisting it will work for me?...

[ThaWholigan]

If I'm telling you it doesn't work for me, why do you then keep insisting it will work for me?...

 

Because nothing else will.

[verhrzn]

That's why you will always fail to be honest. I can admit that bullsh*t entertains me occasionally, I've had that debate about autism with people for years, I've even switched sides more than a few times. Yet you can't even entertain a farfetched theory that could ACTUALLY HELP YOU.

 

There is something else going on with you that you can't see. And you refuse to see it. And the way you are talking, you will never see it.

 

This is absolute nonsense. So because I don't entertain crackpot, disproven theories, it means I'm somehow broken?? What???

 

 

Then what's the point of even posting in your threads? We might as well just come in and go "life's not fair" and that's the end. You get to bitch for eons about how crap your life is, and nobody says anything, how convenient. Fair enough then. I will simply put you on ignore and leave it at that.

 

You can never rid yourself of your desires though. The only way is to kill yourself, and nobody wants you to do that. The reason why people tell you that you don't suck, is because the only reason you suck is because you believe you suck, and the sucky people in your life that you call friends treat you like you suck, and tell you that you suck. That's the only reason why. And if you can't see that, then you are the biggest f*cking idiot ever.

 

You learn to live with your desires, or you learn to be more positive. If you don't want to do that (you think it's delusional, which is retarded), then nobody can help you - other than say "there, there" when you want to bitch about life.

 

And what's so wrong with sympathy? What's so wrong with somebody, JUST OCCASIONALLY, saying "there there"? Why is it so wrong that I want someone to recognize that sometimes, a LOT of times, that my life sucks.

 

So.... you think I'm a big idiot, and are going to put me on ignore, but would suddenly care if I died? Yeah....

[KungFuJoe]

You can't change your personality. Impossible.

 

You can change little nuances, but at your core, who you are, is unchangable.

 

For instance, if you're an introvert, nothing short of an act of God will make you a full fledged extrovert. You might learn to be more comfortable in social situations but you're never, ever going to be the life of the party.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you are incapable of gratitude, then it's probably no wonder that people don't like you very much and that you are always miserable.

 

Personally, I have no time for people who aren't aware of the many gifts we all have. By "we all" I am talking about those of us with the faculties to be sitting on computers with the Internet with the leisure and know-how to even be able to sit on our asses posting about frivolous subjects such as "I am so ugly," and "how can I date a girl with at least a C cup bra size," and "how can I get the married guy to ditch his wife for me."

 

I'm well aware that the world is overflowing with people who don't have any of these privileges and whose problems are more along the lines of "how can I get food today." A lot of them can even experience the feeling of gratitude.

 

I'm also well aware that we can be profoundly unhappy despite all of our privileges, but even then, the humility to experience gratitude can be present.

[ThaWholigan]

This is absolute nonsense. So because I don't entertain crackpot, disproven theories, it means I'm somehow broken?? What???

 

You're proving my point. There's no grey area with you. It's either this, or that. It's not about the crackpot theories.

 

Let me clarify myself better:

 

You need to be more positive. Simple. I've said it before, I'm saying it again. There's nothing wrong with identifying what's wrong with the way you are, but if you cannot find anything remotely redeeming about yourself, you are definitely broken. That is a serious, serious problem. If you think me entertaining "crackpot" theories is a problem, then seeing yourself as a sucky person with no redeeming qualities is a VERY BIG PROBLEM.

 

And the even bigger problem, is that any possible way that you can be helped, is dismissed as illogical, or unhelpful. So we are in a rock and a hard place here. We have this person, who is having these problems, wants help, but can't be helped.

 

 

And what's so wrong with sympathy? What's so wrong with somebody, JUST OCCASIONALLY, saying "there there"? Why is it so wrong that I want someone to recognize that sometimes, a LOT of times, that my life sucks.

 

Sympathy will not help you. Do you want to live your life thinking you suck, or do you want to change your life so that it doesn't suck?

If that's what you want though - fine. Whatever.

 

So.... you think I'm a big idiot, and are going to put me on ignore, but would suddenly care if I died? Yeah....

 

I have compassion for people who behave like idiots, unfortunately. Check my post history - I can't help it.

[KungFuJoe]

Op,

 

Since you insist on continuing to make futile threads about how hopeless you are, I will continue to post the same thing in each one.

 

You need some therapy. You have deep seeded issues. You are also stubborn and close minded which makes for a horrible combination.

 

If you don't get help, you will be here, making new threads, until you are old, grey, and alone...except for your cats. You will have plenty of cats.

[verhrzn]

And yet another thread where it's a pile-on about how much I suck, but I apparently shouldn't think I suck. Even though pretty much all the posters in this thread think I do.

 

What the f*ck ever. Just f*cking close the thread.

[xxoo]

If I'm telling you it doesn't work for me, why do you then keep insisting it will work for me?...

 

I'm optimistic!

[denise_xo]

I have literally never come across anyone who sounds as ungrateful, childish and spoiled as you do. The fact that you are incapable of appreciating absolutely anything in your life, and on top of that try to sell it off as an 'objective fact', is just beyond surreal. I have seen your photo and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you looks - I would definitely rate you better looking than myself. Your attitude, however, leaves a lot to be desired and if you're going to work on anything to improve yourself, I would start there.

[verhrzn]

I have literally never come across anyone who sounds as ungrateful, childish and spoiled as you do. The fact that you are incapable of appreciating absolutely anything in your life, and on top of that try to sell it off as an 'objective fact', is just beyond surreal. I have seen your photo and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you looks - I would definitely rate you better looking than myself. Your attitude, however, leaves a lot to be desired and if you're going to work on anything to improve yourself, I would start there.

 

Translation: Man I think who you are is really sucky and awful and terrible.... but you should have a better attitude about people hating you and thinking you suck and awful!

 

God, do you people really NOT SEE THIS.

[denise_xo]

Translation: Man I think who you are is really sucky and awful and terrible.... but you should have a better attitude about people hating you and thinking you suck and awful!

 

God, do you people really NOT SEE THIS.

 

Translation: distorting posts so I can go on about how terrible and doomed I am. Sorry, but it doesn't fly.

[verhrzn]

Translation: distorting posts so I can go on about how terrible and doomed I am. Sorry, but it doesn't fly.

 

Yeah, whyever would I think that a poster calling me selfish, childish and delusional ("well you look better than ME so you don't have a right to your experiences of guys telling you you're ugly!") was essentially saying I kind of suck? Whereever would I get THAT impression?

[Lonely Ronin]

Um, you just said my personality would work with any classification of guy, and then contradicted yourself by saying it wouldn't work with nerds. So what exactly are you trying to say??

 

Re-read what I said.

Technically you personality will work with any classification of guy. However, my personal experiences tell me you are far less likely to find a geek that meshes well with your personality.

 

It would be ignorant to assume that no geek will mesh with you, as I don't know every geek on the planet. However I know a lot of geeks, and i know you wouldn't mesh with them. Thus in my opinion the probability of you meeting a geek you mesh with is low. I would say low enough that it would be a fruitless effort with you current state of being.

 

 

Because it sounds like what you're saying is, the same guys who would be even vaguely interested in dating you, don't have the personality to date you. And the guys who would have a personality to date you, don't want to date you.

 

Which means that you're confirming what I've been saying all along, in that I am not attractive to anyone.... and thus should I change everything about myself.

 

there you go with the extremes again.....

 

Yes & No

 

What I'm saying is that IMO the guys you want to date don't have a personality that will mesh with yours, and the ones that do have a personality that will tolerate yours are guys you don't want (the guys that you have dated previously).

 

Again I want to shake the **** out of you some times. No one says you have to "change everything". What everyone says it you probably need to change some stuff to make yourself more appealing to a broader audience. Hell you might even find you enjoy life more if you change some. No one knows what you will have to change and how much you will have to change.

 

For example I find the fact that you are constantly running at 100% combativeness, very irritating and off putting. Would it kill you to dial that back to 85%, or is that to significant a change for you?

[Lonely Ronin]

Yeah, whyever would I think that a poster calling me selfish, childish and delusional ("well you look better than ME so you don't have a right to your experiences of guys telling you you're ugly!") was essentially saying I kind of suck? Whereever would I get THAT impression?

 

What she is saying, is that you are not learning and growing from your experiences.

[xxoo]

V, the fact that you do not understand gratitude speaks volumes. I'm not judging you, but I'm pointing out that there is a fundamental difference between you and the people you are trying to have relationships with--and I doubt this is the only one. There are some things that are "wired" differently about you that is greatly affecting your ability to forge relationships and socialize successfully.

 

This is the problem, not your appearance, or your personality.

 

If you wish to improve your social skills, you will probably need to get evaluated by a medical professional, and go from there.

[kaylan]

Read the OP, realized it was the same ole topic...had nothing to really say as I knew how this thread would turn out.

[verhrzn]

V, the fact that you do not understand gratitude speaks volumes. I'm not judging you, but I'm pointing out that there is a fundamental difference between you and the people you are trying to have relationships with--and I doubt this is the only one. There are some things that are "wired" differently about you that is greatly affecting your ability to forge relationships and socialize successfully.

 

This is the problem, not your appearance, or your personality.

 

If you wish to improve your social skills, you will probably need to get evaluated by a medical professional, and go from there.

 

I HAVE been evaluated by a medical professional. No therapist I've ever been to labeled me autistic.

 

Yeah, it isn't my apperance or my personality... just my social skills and how my brain is wired! Which is totally different from my personality somehow...

 

How This Forum Sees You:

"It's not what you look like, it's what INSIDE of you that he can't stand. If you ever want to <date>, you just need to change all of.... this."

"But you just gestured to all of me..."

[xxoo]

I HAVE been evaluated by a medical professional. No therapist I've ever been to labeled me autistic.

 

Yeah, it isn't my apperance or my personality... just my social skills and how my brain is wired! Which is totally different from my personality somehow...

 

It is different. If you can not relate well with people, they can't see who you are inside.

 

I've asked you this before: what do you enjoy on a daily basis?

[verhrzn]

It is different. If you can not relate well with people, they can't see who you are inside.

 

I've asked you this before: what do you enjoy on a daily basis?

 

Reading, sewing, taking baths with a book, taking a walk with an audio book, playing video games. Why?

[xxoo]

Reading, sewing, taking baths with a book, taking a walk with an audio book, playing video games. Why?

 

Because before, you've responded with "nothing", which speaks to your state of mind. I'm glad to hear you are enjoying things these days

[soccerrprp]

Reading, sewing, taking baths with a book, taking a walk with an audio book, playing video games. Why?

 

Interesting, all typically anti-social activities. All of these things involve solitude in some manner, so likely your personality is what is stopping you from maintaining relationships?

 

Are you openly communicative with dates? Do you try to bring out or engage in conversation and maintain it?

[verhrzn]

Interesting, all typically anti-social activities. All of these things involve solitude in some manner, so likely your personality is what is stopping you from maintaining relationships?

 

Are you openly communicative with dates? Do you try to bring out or engage in conversation and maintain it?

 

Well, yes, but I don't get the dates to begin with...