AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 as we all know, we are often portrayed as pathetic or low value humans bc we have participated in an affair as an "other". So, to inject some humanity back into the perceptions of us as others, let's share what we are most proud of in our lives. Our accomplishments, those things that we work towards and value. I will start 1. My education - it took years and years of determination and perseverance and hard work, and I am glad to be done, but so proud that I made it! With a 4.0 too! 2. My niece - even though my sister actually made her, she is my favorite kid in the whole world! Adorable and intelligent, and loves her Auntie, which swells my heart! 3. Surviving. Lol. Yep, just surviving. I have had some very tough obstacles thrown my way in this life, but here I am.. not perfect, and not unscathed, but here nonetheless! And pretty content with where I am and who I am. Always a work in progress 1
MissDVL Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 My independent life...despite the fact it may not be so great right now... I had a child at 19, moved out by myself at 20, have worked full time and not relied on benefits to support my lifestyle, I have 2 paying jobs and am a volunteer police officer, I am starting a degree in a few weeks to further my career.... Jesus, I think I've just realised why I'm so stressed!!!!!! 1
Sauron Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I am thankful for my OW and all of you. Hopefully not all sad, bitter hard luck stories. The few responses to my thread, OW that seek no change, were all by highly educated women, does that mean anything, no and maybe yes. I think highly educated women think different, are less prone to conventional wisdom and thinking. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 as we all know, we are often portrayed as pathetic or low value humans bc we have participated in an affair as an "other". So, to inject some humanity back into the perceptions of us as others, let's share what we are most proud of in our lives. Our accomplishments, those things that we work towards and value. I will start 1. My education - it took years and years of determination and perseverance and hard work, and I am glad to be done, but so proud that I made it! With a 4.0 too! 2. My niece - even though my sister actually made her, she is my favorite kid in the whole world! Adorable and intelligent, and loves her Auntie, which swells my heart! 3. Surviving. Lol. Yep, just surviving. I have had some very tough obstacles thrown my way in this life, but here I am.. not perfect, and not unscathed, but here nonetheless! And pretty content with where I am and who I am. Always a work in progress I'm not trying to start anything when I say this, nor am I trying to tear anyone down..but being a BS makes a person feel pathetic, under-valued, unlovable, and lower than dirt..so would it be fair to say that we are all human and we should all have the opportunity to post something positive? 2
ThatJustHappened Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Being an ow can make one feel that way too. Although some like Sauron see that as sub-par and inferior and dare I say uneducated. Truth is......that is the affect it had on me. I know, and that's exactly my point. We are all human and we all need some more positivity in our lives. 2
Ladydrib Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I'm not trying to start anything when I say this, nor am I trying to tear anyone down..but being a BS makes a person feel pathetic, under-valued, unlovable, and lower than dirt..so would it be fair to say that we are all human and we should all have the opportunity to post something positive? I don't find this post negative at all. I totally agree. We should all look for the positive. I've been on both sides. I think how it affects you is dependent on what you allow. As a betrayed spouse we are unknowingly participating in an open relationship. As an other woman, often we participate knowingly. Given this, the initial expectations of our men are different. Hard to dump a man that we've allowed to behave that way. We lose our power by accepting it to begin with. But as a betrayed spouse, for me, I had a full expectation that I was the only one. That made it easy for me to get out as soon as I found out. It was intensely painful, but I never felt stuck. It was also emotionally damaging to me, even to this day, even though I have no feelings for my ex husband. Even though the betrayal no longer hurts. It's as if when I found out, I lost my ability to have a healthy relationship. I did not know I had lost this until years later, looking at what I've become makes it clear. Anyway, as the other woman, yes, it's painful. Different kind of pain. In my case it's long term pain that I feel stuck in. Still trying to fight my way out. But this is where thinking positively helps us all. Remembering what we've done that is great. Appreciating and valuing ourselves. It's important to do that. And it's important to forgive ourselves. Not justifying. I'd like to think most of us who have ended up on either or both side are better equipped to guard against it ever happening again. I myself sometimes think I should never enter another relationship. I would like to believe that's possible. And I'll certainly try. But unfortunately we are human and wired for companionship. So the next best thing, if I do end up in a relationship, I will make better decisions, using the knowledge I've gained. 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I think most people know that ow's aren't subhuman. I can see creating a thread like this in the water cooler, but here, it does come across as trying to prove something. Why here? Nah, just a lot of negativity lately, so was hoping to help some of those others who are possibly more vulnerable remember that despite all the judgment, that they do have worth. Just trying to counter the judgment that seems to be so prevailing on this board recently. No ulterior motive, honest. And, I really liked the other thread that LFH started "Fun". I enjoyed it and it was a nice break from all the jabbing.
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Did you happen to see her accomplishment of being a survivor??? You are trying to tear her down. But guess what, you can't - because she is a survivor! This is not validation. It's picking oneself up and focusing on the positive. I think it's great and this sort of attitude has nothing what so ever to do with why affairs start. Go be negative somewhere else. Nag your husband or something. Can you report her thread please, as it violates the guidelines. I've put her on ignore, so I can't. Thanks... And yes, it was an effort to focus on the positives, as I know that sometimes we tend to be pretty hard on ourselves. Especially in an environment where there is harsh judgment. I really hoped it would just be a light thread in that we could build one another up. I have a special concern for some of the others (esp the lurkers) in that I don't want to see them devalued or harmed by some of the judgment... and wanted to remind them that even though we have made mistakes, we still have value.
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I am thankful for my OW and all of you. Hopefully not all sad, bitter hard luck stories. The few responses to my thread, OW that seek no change, were all by highly educated women, does that mean anything, no and maybe yes. I think highly educated women think different, are less prone to conventional wisdom and thinking. I enjoy your posts Sauron. I know you get flamed, but I can see why you are doing what you do. It's a very similar situation to the one I was in back when I was an OW. I get it. And, I do see some definite intelligence on this board. You seem to value it as I do. Intelligence has been a saving grace of mine throughout the years, and I am thankful daily that I was blessed with it. I can see your intelligence in your posts, and respect that tremendously. Along with your honesty in your responses, even though you know you will get flamed. Thank you for the participating in this thread, and I'm glad that you are appreciative of the love in your life.
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I don't find this post negative at all. I totally agree. We should all look for the positive. I've been on both sides. I think how it affects you is dependent on what you allow. As a betrayed spouse we are unknowingly participating in an open relationship. As an other woman, often we participate knowingly. Given this, the initial expectations of our men are different. Hard to dump a man that we've allowed to behave that way. We lose our power by accepting it to begin with. But as a betrayed spouse, for me, I had a full expectation that I was the only one. That made it easy for me to get out as soon as I found out. It was intensely painful, but I never felt stuck. It was also emotionally damaging to me, even to this day, even though I have no feelings for my ex husband. Even though the betrayal no longer hurts. It's as if when I found out, I lost my ability to have a healthy relationship. I did not know I had lost this until years later, looking at what I've become makes it clear. Anyway, as the other woman, yes, it's painful. Different kind of pain. In my case it's long term pain that I feel stuck in. Still trying to fight my way out. But this is where thinking positively helps us all. Remembering what we've done that is great. Appreciating and valuing ourselves. It's important to do that. And it's important to forgive ourselves. Not justifying. I'd like to think most of us who have ended up on either or both side are better equipped to guard against it ever happening again. I myself sometimes think I should never enter another relationship. I would like to believe that's possible. And I'll certainly try. But unfortunately we are human and wired for companionship. So the next best thing, if I do end up in a relationship, I will make better decisions, using the knowledge I've gained. THIS!!!!! Everything you said here. This is what I was attempting to do with the thread. And I didn't mean that only OWs could post, I just focused on that as this is the OW board, and that was my last label. I wasn't trying to exclude anyone, it was just focused towards the OWs. Like I said, I'm concerned about the others who are raw in their pain coming to this board and seeing the judgment and the venom. I don't want them to devalue themselves, or think that they are not worthy or valuable simply bc they have made certain decisions.
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Being an ow can make one feel that way too. Although some like Sauron see that as sub-par and inferior and dare I say uneducated. Truth is......that is the affect it had on me. I'm not sure that is what he was saying??? Maybe I misunderstood him?
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 My independent life...despite the fact it may not be so great right now... I had a child at 19, moved out by myself at 20, have worked full time and not relied on benefits to support my lifestyle, I have 2 paying jobs and am a volunteer police officer, I am starting a degree in a few weeks to further my career.... Jesus, I think I've just realised why I'm so stressed!!!!!! I didn't "like" this bc you are stressed... lol. I liked it bc you are strong. I can't imagine having to do everything in life as a single woman AND having a child. I know it's a lot of hard work, and blood, sweat, and tears. Kudos to you for making your own way, and setting such a great example for your child. 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Can someone please report Alice2012 in this thread if she is not on topic? I have her on ignore and would have to unblock her to do so, and would rather not. I appreciate it! Of course, if she IS on topic, leave it be (but I'm doubting that's the case... I could be wrong). Thanks!
ThatJustHappened Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I got a new job that I am ridiculously excited about!! I work in a particularly difficult field to break into and it's even worse right now with the economy being as bad as it is. I went to work for the company as a freelancer with a 2 week contract and they created a new position for me based on my performance. I start in 6 weeks. In the meantime..I'm bored at my current job (I'm not slacking..there is literally nothing for me to do) and probably stick around here a lot during weekdays. Woohoo! 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I got a new job that I am ridiculously excited about!! I work in a particularly difficult field to break into and it's even worse right now with the economy being as bad as it is. I went to work for the company as a freelancer with a 2 week contract and they created a new position for me based on my performance. I start in 6 weeks. In the meantime..I'm bored at my current job (I'm not slacking..there is literally nothing for me to do) and probably stick around here a lot during weekdays. Woohoo! Yay you! Especially impressive in this economy! You got skillz! 1
Author AnotherRound Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Intelligence or lack of, and/or educational degrees has little to do with what is really important in this life. What is more important to me and the measure of who someone is, is how they treat others. Integrity, honesty and treating others well are more important in my eyes than any "thing". Also true grace has little to do with intelligence. To me this is the true measure of success and who I strive to be. Different things are important to different people. When I say intelligence, I am not just speaking of academic intelligence... there are MANY types of intelligence in this world. Emotional Intelligence is also EXTREMELY important to me. I agree. Treating others well is also important. I think that integrity is relative. And honesty is also important. I often fall short on what and who I aspire to be in every human category. But, it's a matter of learning, and getting back up, and reminding myself that hey, we all make mistakes! I take my lessons with me, and am always trying to evolve as a person - into a better person. It's a process, that's for sure. But it is a journey that I've enjoyed, even the "bad" times were valuable and I appreciate the strength and perseverance I learned from those. Yes, we all value different things at different levels. That's to be expected.
Lilith Crane Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Intelligence or lack of, and/or educational degrees has little to do with what is really important in this life. What is more important to me and the measure of who someone is, is how they treat others. Integrity, honesty and treating others well are more important in my eyes than any "thing". Also true grace has little to do with intelligence. To me this is the true measure of success and who I strive to be. Hi LadyGrey! I am so glad you feel this way, because I am a FOW who definitely benefitted from your gentle nature. You helped me sort through my thoughts last year and I do appreciate it. That's why I am going to give you a big hug ((((LadyGrey)))) before I very respectfully disagree with a lot of what you have written in this thread! 1. I would like to see many more threads like these! I don't think it's gloating to celebrate each other's accomplishments. It's good to shift focus away from the affair situation. It makes you remember you have choices and abilities and prospects that don't involve waiting for some jerk to make a decision about whether or not to be with you. That goes for AP and BS alike. 2. I worked my butt off for my degrees and my career! I flat out refuse to apologize for my accomplishments. I EARNED them. It's my education that makes me self-sufficient and independent. That means I'll never have to stay in a horrible relationship because I am reliant on someone else. That's a huge blessing and I am grateful for it! No offense at all is meant by a thread like this. There are no hidden jabs in my post. Consider this... We all know what it is to wonder how the rest of the world can smile when things seem utterly hopeless. That's exactly why we should help each other celebrate when we find the light at the other end of the tunnel. Don't ever begrudge people their happiness for having moved on from an affair. Help them remember how much more they can be. Good posts AnotherRound and Ladydrib! Congrats on your new job ThatJustHappened! 1
SecretFlower Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I'm most proud of my work ethic and the friendships I've made and maintained over the years. 1
Lilith Crane Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Good ol' Lilith! Yes, I tap into her energy whenever I feel like lightening the mood a bit. She's so joyful and carefree. (ha, ha!) I really like her too. You are not hypersensitive. You're compassionate and that is something which is sorely lacking in the world today. Take good care of yourself and feel better soon (((LadyGrey))). 2
cocorico Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 The achievement I'm proudest of is overthrowing an unjust regime and building an empowered civil society based on fairness, respect and progressive ideals. 1
Recommended Posts