Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Me and the LTR GF of 4 years are over and have been since May but this weekend has knocked the stuffing out of me. Basically I hear through the letting agent she is abroad as they were chasing her and couldn't contact her and today a friend confirms she is away on holiday with her bf for a "suprise birthday treat". This is the same guy who ultimately was around during when we broke up, she works with him. I found messages between them on her fb account that were crossing the line... I kind of already knew this and thankfully I ripped her to shreds for being a cowardish cheat at the end (although she continued to say that wasn't the case a plead innocence). So yeh, I don't want her back but I am struggling to accept that she has moved on so quickly. It feels like GIGS...he works with her and he lives close to work. All their friends are also young people who started at work the same time as them... I guess even though I don't want her it feels hard hearing through friends she is talking about how excited she is for holiday and tagging him in at the airport. She was never like this before...I dunno.
winstonsdreams Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 we all have bad days hang in there, you know ignorance really is bliss. you don't want to know what she is doing, and quite frankly it doesn't matter. stay on the path of NC, keep moving forward you can do it. we are all in this together, just focus on you and be grateful she is not a part of your life anymore.
Author Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Undergrad romance, first big girl job? Yeh basically we got together in last year of uni, spent 2 years working for same company but then we both got on quite high profile grad schemes. We moved halfway between them which meant a big commute each but whilst I was focused on making us work she seemed to become obsessed with the company and anyone in it, it is no wonder she is now with this guy who also works there as she barely has any friends outside of that organisation or the town she moved to... Like I say I seriously don't want her back, to do this to me...the hurt has nearly killed me. However, is this stuff common? Do they regret it? We were together for 4 years, we were happy. It just seems like all of a sudden she thought she was the dogs bollocks and decided to sack me off along with everything else outside that job and get her whole new life, bf, friends within that grad scheme. Hi Winston, I am in NC but like I say unfortunately the letting agent alerted me to her being abraod, I knew she would be with him but I wanted confirmation. I just thank god I literally let her hang herself when we split, I'm so glad I let her have it and caught her out. She didn't cheat but she was setting up things with this guy ready for when we ended. Disgusting bitch.
Balzac Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Sorry for your misery. Final query- is her grad program a male dominated one?
Author Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yes it is male dominated, does this all sound similar? The guy she is with now isn't even attractive...he's just there. It makes me laugh it's like it was over the moment she signed that contract looking back. The place consumed her whole life and now all the people make her life one way or another. It's a sad life when you need everything from your place of work.
Balzac Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Familiar but I have not drunk from that particular cup. It's not you. She may have used you as her emotional support/undergrad husband. Not sure if she's brilliant but needy or if you "helped" her get through undergrad. Right now I'd say she is not able to function as an independent operator. Learning to play with the big boys can be rough for some young women. They toughen up, eschew relationships in favor of hooking up, competition w cohort is full on. I'm not sure about GIGS but other LS people can offer you feedback. What I am sure about is that you know all that you need to. Seeking the documented answers to why is not fruitful. You seem to be a UK guy, educated in US? Keep talkin here.
Author Sameold Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Yeh I am from the UK, educated at a UK Uni. We only got together in our final year but we spent a few years working at smaller companies. As we both got on these schemes she really did seem to change, especially as she got to know people. The new guy she is seeing isn't even good looking, it literally feels like she is with him because he works at the same place and lives near where she has moved to. Basically he was convienient and fitted with her new work life whereas simply I didn't. I really don't understand it.........
Author Sameold Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 They toughen up, eschew relationships in favor of hooking up, competition w cohort is full on. She did totally change 6 months in to the scheme. I found myself coming home and she wouldn't ask about my day, she would open her laptop and just became obsessed with her job and all the people there. The thing is she is now in a relationship with the new guy already, they were friends before so it just seems like she went from a serious adult relationship with me to almost a uni like one with this guy. It almost seems unbelievable she could do this. I don't understand how 4 years of a good r/s can be replaced by some little idiot on a grad scheme...it isn't real life, it is literally like uni again with everyone living in shared accomodation etc. He has taken her on holiday too after a short period together. It is just odd, though I know ultimately I guessed she just decided to give up on a r/s that required work and went to some guy at work that gave her attention and had location etc in common. I don't want her back but it is hurting hearing through friends how she is changing her fb status to being excited for holiday etc and tagging them both at airport. She never even used to be anything like that....do you think she is likely to realise what she lost or is this literally the new permanent her? Like I say I don't want her back but I find it hard to see how she has moved on so easily...or is this in itself a sign of being unable to be single.
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