Fitnerd Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 So I met this girl through a friend and surprisingly, I got her number (she didn't show any signs that she was interested). I sent the first text the next day and we start texting each other... this went on all day. She even asked me for my Skype info (we both don't have facebook) and so we continue our chat on skype. Today was basically the same... was going well (she even asked me how many gfs i had before, I thought that was a good sign) until she tells me she had a really nasty breakup 2 months ago (a 4 month relationship only but she was in love with the guy apparently, she broke it off as he was not initiating anything) and that she's not ready to "open up". Before going to sleep, she even said "It will be a long time before I find the right guy" and even "I hope you're not expecting anything from me". Honestly, I was surprised at this as the 1st day we were texting, she asked me out for coffee (the "date" is tomorow after noon). Then she goes on to say "sorry if I'm not being very cool but I'm not feeling very good". For me, it looks like I have absolutely NO chance with this girl but a friend of mine (a girl) keeps insisting that she will change her mind eventually. So I'm asking you guys (and girls) if I should still give it a try or just forget it and stay in the friendzone while looking elsewhere.
Brunettie Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 At least go for coffee and see what happens. She might see that you're a good guy and give it a shot.
oldshirt Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I agree with Brunette. I am older than most folks here and do not put a lot of faith and confidence in electronic communication (never mind that I'm saying this via computer LOL) Face to face communication always trumps electronic communications. always. You two may hit it off when you are face to face in the real world. You may instantly dislike each other too. But at least you gave it a fair chance to interact and get to know each other. Txting is not a fair chance. And in general don't be too put off by people's disclaimers. Men and women alike will often put out disclaimers to try to protect their dignity and to try to keep people from getting too high of expectations of them in the beginning. Women will try to put out disclaimers saying not to get high expectations of getting into their pants in the first 5 minutes and men will put disclaimers saying that they won't get into an exclusive serious relationship in the first 5 minutes. That's just how the game is played so just take that all with a grain of salt. Women will put out when they feel like which may be in 6 minutes or 6 weeks or 6 months or never. Men will commit when they feel like whether that is 6 minutes, 6 weeks or never. Either way they all feel the same urge to disclaim it when they are first starting to get to know someone.
cynic-al Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Go for the coffee, but she sounds pretty confused, you might not want to get involved - could end up badly for you.
Author Fitnerd Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Hmmm you guys have a point, I'll just see how it goes. I'll be sure to post an update here!
ScreamingTrees Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Give it a shot, as the other's have said.. But at the end of the day, if it doesn't fair too well, chalk it up as a loss, it has nothing to do with you, really. All you can do is see if you guys click, maybe she will be open to something.
phineas Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Go and meet her. Don't get the oneitis & if she doesn't want to meet again but wants to keep texting, cut her off. She will suck you dry & waste your time.
Author Fitnerd Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Well, date went fine, it's still mixed signals though, but she was teasing me a lot and by the end was even touching me a bit. She did ask when she wanted to see me again but I'm still confused as to whether I'm in the friendzone or not. Also, weirdly enough, she asked me if I still had feelings for my ex.
Author Fitnerd Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 She isn't emotionally available although she thinks she is. Avoid her like the plague. That's kinda true tbh...
Author Fitnerd Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Some women need that validation and ego stroking at the behest of others. Dont take it personally. I didn't but these days, I always seem to be finding taken or recently broken-up women... and it's pissing me off!
The Way I Am Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 If a guy told a girl, "I hope you're not expecting anything from me", and she stuck around hoping he'd change his mind, chances are good she'd end up getting used for sex. And it would be largely her own fault for sticking around even though she was told upfront not to expect anything. If you stick around, chances are good you'll be used as an emotional crutch. And you'll have mostly yourself to blame, because she told you the situation before you got involved.
suladas Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I think she phrased it wrong, but then again it's tough to tell how bad she's dealing with the break up still. The chance that you're with someone who's 100% over and done with their ex is pretty unlikely. Chances are there's going to be some feelings there, and a good chance people are going to be a bit cautious about opening up when they might still be hurting. It's been two months for me and i'm just getting back out there, and you can bet that i'm not going to open up to someone new that quick. It's just the way it is. But I also wouldn't go as far to say don't expect anything. Just that I use to open up really easily and got burned really bad, so i'm not going to let that happen again. I think the best way though to help get someone out of this is for YOU to open up to them, and make them feel at ease. If you really like her, i'd just talk to her about it and see exactly what the deal is. If she's still dealing with the break up, there's a good chance she's still going to have bad days. But at the same time, if she's starting to like you and spend time with you it should help a lot.
Author Fitnerd Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 If a guy told a girl, "I hope you're not expecting anything from me", and she stuck around hoping he'd change his mind, chances are good she'd end up getting used for sex. And it would be largely her own fault for sticking around even though she was told upfront not to expect anything. If you stick around, chances are good you'll be used as an emotional crutch. And you'll have mostly yourself to blame, because she told you the situation before you got involved. I 100% agree with you, I knew this from the beginning... I think she phrased it wrong, but then again it's tough to tell how bad she's dealing with the break up still. The chance that you're with someone who's 100% over and done with their ex is pretty unlikely. Chances are there's going to be some feelings there, and a good chance people are going to be a bit cautious about opening up when they might still be hurting. It's been two months for me and i'm just getting back out there, and you can bet that i'm not going to open up to someone new that quick. It's just the way it is. But I also wouldn't go as far to say don't expect anything. Just that I use to open up really easily and got burned really bad, so i'm not going to let that happen again. I think the best way though to help get someone out of this is for YOU to open up to them, and make them feel at ease. If you really like her, i'd just talk to her about it and see exactly what the deal is. If she's still dealing with the break up, there's a good chance she's still going to have bad days. But at the same time, if she's starting to like you and spend time with you it should help a lot. Yes it should help HER a lot, and it could go either way with me :/ 1
suladas Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I 100% agree with you, I knew this from the beginning... Yes it should help HER a lot, and it could go either way with me :/ Yes it's a risk, i'd definately try to talk to her about it and find out more. Maybe she's just still hurting but wants to move on and get attached to someone new but is scared of getting hurt again.
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