T.O.gurl Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) I've worked with this guy for a few years now. I've always been attracted to him(and I know he's attracted to me too), we flirt a lot. However, he's always had a girlfriend so nothing has ever really happened between us. A few months ago he and his girlfriend of 2 years broke up. The flirting between us has intensified since then, but we've been friends so long that I think both of us are afraid to make a move. We've been exchanging flirty messages, but come to find out he's been doing the same thing with another girl we work with. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but I find it funny that when she leaves him a flirty message on facebook or something, I feel the need to leave one. When I leave one or he leaves one for me, she suddenly leaves him one. She'll leave him a message saying she misses him or can't wait to see him, and he'll tell her he misses her too. Then, he'll leave me one that says I always put him in the best mood or something, how happy I make him etc. Is he playing us? Is this how guys normally operate when they flirt? I mean, he does realize I can see what he posts to her and she can see what he posts for me, right? Edited September 16, 2012 by T.O.gurl
Butterflying Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Its so complicated! In previous eras, flirting was restricted to courting (dating in our world today). If a person flirted with you it meant they were interested in courting you. Now, people do it for so many other reasons. You never know how to respond to it. I say never take flirting seriously. This particular guy hasn't specifically told you he wants to "date" you or whatever. That means he'd only joking. You should be alarmed he's behaving the exact same way with another woman. Chances are, you'll end up competing with her & other women if you actually do date him.
NoMagicBullet Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) Chances are, you'll end up competing with her & other women if you actually do date him. Indeed. Actually, T.O.gurl, you are already "flirt" competing with this other woman for a guy who is clearly on the rebound. As for him, he is surely getting a huge ego boost after a breakup to have not one, but two women flirting with him! I'm sure he is well aware that you can see each other's posts. That probably makes it all the more delicious -- that both of you are openly competing for his attention. It's nice for him that you've helped his self-esteem this way, but is it so nice for you? It seems he's keeping his options open for the moment, which is to be expected for someone in post-breakup mode. But when he does decide to try for more than flirting with one (or maybe both) of you, do you really want that person to be you? The woman he chooses will be the official rebound girl, and things likely won't work out. My personal experiences: I almost became the rebound girl to a guy who was dating again, too soon, after a breakup; he chose to exclusively date someone else, and about a year later, I heard from a mutal acquaintance how she thought he was "The One" and he didn't. They broke up eventually. Another rebounding guy I knew, in a situation not too different from yours, turned out to only be looking for sex, and after he got me in bed, he went on to check out his options with his other female "friends". What I've learned from this: It doesn't matter if you get the guy at first or not, because sooner or later, rebound guy will move on. In the long run, it hurts less and wastes less of your time if you aren't the first one they're with after a break-up. Possible exception would be a guy who took the time to be alone for a while after the break-up and let himself heal, but I've seen very few guys actually do this. My advice to you: If you don't enjoy this flirting competition, if it's not bringing out the best in you as a person, then stop doing it. Be clear with yourself on what you want with this guy, and be willing to step back from him if he can't give you what you want. Edit: Sorry to go on about the rebound aspect, but it seems to be a factor in the current situation and will influence how things play out. Edited September 17, 2012 by NoMagicBullet addition
Recommended Posts