LK30 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 You know I've tried lots of different ways of getting a date, having been single for two years. I've not even had a date this year ! I've been speed dating...no joy. Online dating...no joy, even giving a girl my number on a night out and...no joy (reply). A girl at work I adored has now left my team (admittedly she's engaged but she's the nearest I've come to thinking 'god you're the one'). I feel like the batsman in cricket who just can't get off 0 and gets frustrated, or the soccer player who misses very penalty, or the baseball player who swings and misses every single time. And as time goes by I feel like I'm in quick sand as my confidence starts to crumble, and the effort to try feels like I'm climbing up a steeper and steeper hill. If I wasn't making any attempts at all I could understand, but surely this isn't natural. I can't believe it's this difficult to just meet a nice lady who wants to love me! :-(
Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Work on yourself physically and mentally. You sound depserate for a date, that's a recipie for failure. Be a bit aloof, don't label situations. Take the time to speak to a women when the time is right, there will be a time. Don't rish in with arrogance. Be yourself and wait for the opportunity.
Mr Scorpio Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 If I wasn't making any attempts at all I could understand, but surely this isn't natural. I can't believe it's this difficult to just meet a nice lady who wants to love me! :-( Perhaps not "natural", but also not that uncommon. I know several people who have been single for a year or two or five with zero dates in that time frame.
Calico Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I've never met a woman when I was looking for one. Without exception, all my relationship partners showed up when I didn't expect one and had become comfortable being on my own. It's probably because when you're genuinely not looking, you are more relaxed and act more naturally. There's much to appreciate about single life.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 You know I've tried lots of different ways of getting a date, having been single for two years. I've not even had a date this year ! I've been speed dating...no joy. Online dating...no joy, even giving a girl my number on a night out and...no joy (reply). A girl at work I adored has now left my team (admittedly she's engaged but she's the nearest I've come to thinking 'god you're the one'). I feel like the batsman in cricket who just can't get off 0 and gets frustrated, or the soccer player who misses very penalty, or the baseball player who swings and misses every single time. And as time goes by I feel like I'm in quick sand as my confidence starts to crumble, and the effort to try feels like I'm climbing up a steeper and steeper hill. If I wasn't making any attempts at all I could understand, but surely this isn't natural. I can't believe it's this difficult to just meet a nice lady who wants to love me! :-( I totally know the feeling. Been going to pubs for 2 years now, without much success. Until I met my now-ex (who is from England, btw ) at the pub I usually go to. Pure coincidence. At that point I had given up on finding someone, and was sitting at the bar, having a drink by myself, and getting some work done. His co-worker started a conversation with me, and then I got introduced to my ex. The rest was history. It was my first seirous relationship, so it's not like I knew my way around and knew the right things to say or do.. I broke up with him 3 days ago, and right now it feels depressing to think about starting from 0, because it took 2 years for someone to talk to me at the pub... and right now it feels so far-fetched and unbelievable that something like that will ever happen again. I am emotionally readying myself for a good 5-6 years of being single, I guess.
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 You know I've tried lots of different ways of getting a date, having been single for two years. I've not even had a date this year ! I've been speed dating...no joy. Online dating...no joy, even giving a girl my number on a night out and...no joy (reply). A girl at work I adored has now left my team (admittedly she's engaged but she's the nearest I've come to thinking 'god you're the one'). I feel like the batsman in cricket who just can't get off 0 and gets frustrated, or the soccer player who misses very penalty, or the baseball player who swings and misses every single time. And as time goes by I feel like I'm in quick sand as my confidence starts to crumble, and the effort to try feels like I'm climbing up a steeper and steeper hill. If I wasn't making any attempts at all I could understand, but surely this isn't natural. I can't believe it's this difficult to just meet a nice lady who wants to love me! :-( I don think you are ready to date.I havent dated in a long time either thought about dating and realised that is putting pressure on me to conform to a dating situation dont think i am ready to.Doesn't upset me when i get rejected at all.....now that is a lie...it does it disappoints me.....i am going through a bit at the moment i know what my heart feel is not the same as rationality....i am not going to go after a date.....i don't think that i should have to.......thats where conforming comes in, societies expectations that women should make the first move and it shouldn't be left up to the men.....that is stuffed i dont agree i am standing by what i conform to.At the moment i am about to conform my home life......to what i believe my home life should be later i will see how i feel and if there is any change and after that......who knows....i have things to do that make me happy dating isnt one of them spending time with friends who care about me sorting out my home life and beating the blues....kicking the blues ass...through exercise and faith...at the moment it is wreaking havoc on my ass and if one day a guy has enough nerve to ask me on a date i would accept.....i will get out more and meet people not online dating not speed dating but just meeting......thats my solution......deb
Author LK30 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not meaning to sound sexist but here in SE England it feels like many women call the shots. Places like bars and clubs are outnumbered by men, and you never get women approaching men which is a shame, so the pressure's on the man (and risk of rejection!). I also think women are more dynamic in appearance and can use make up, have more variety in the clothes they wear etc to attract men, but we just go as we are and can't hide our blemishes! Pretty girls have everyone after them, and the reality is there's no skill or talent being physically attractive (unless you pay for lots of botox etc!) people are born that way and have the luxury of just being attractive every day. It all seems to be about looks and if you're not up to scratch then everything's a struggle!
Charlotted29 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not meaning to sound sexist but here in SE England it feels like many women call the shots. Yeah... I don't think so. I'm from SE England, and it appears many men are scared of commitment,lie,and are just out to have a good time. Women far out number the men around here, and there are only a small majority of men who are half decent, or they are taken! We women have to really fight to find the good ones. Men call the shots, all women want to be loved and have a boyfriend, but at the end of the day it is the guy who makes the decision whether they will commit or not. 1
chuzzbug Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Give the movie "Swingers" a watch. If you've seen it, watch it again. There's a lot of wisdom in there.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Yeah... I don't think so. I'm from SE England, and it appears many men are scared of commitment,lie,and are just out to have a good time. Women far out number the men around here, and there are only a small majority of men who are half decent, or they are taken! We women have to really fight to find the good ones. Men call the shots, all women want to be loved and have a boyfriend, but at the end of the day it is the guy who makes the decision whether they will commit or not. Totally agreed. My ex was like this, and ironically, he was from S.E England also. At first he was alright, and gradually it became clear that he was just using me for fun, didn't want any responsibilities or anything like that. And any time I made clear my expectations, he would threaten to break up with me. He kept telling me he didn't want a relationship that wasn't fun and games. At first I was overanalyzing it, and thought he wanted a relationship, but then realized that he was being very explicit and honest. That a committed relationship wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to lose his total independence.
Author LK30 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) Interesting responses everyone - especially the girls who think it's the guys who are the hard work! Clearly I need to meet you!!! I never got the theory about someone coming along when you least expect it because that never happens with jobs etc! Perhaps it's just not meant to be. I really just want someone to spend some time with as there's so much fun stuff you can do and I'd love that feeling of someone feeling that I'm special again. I've just had the house to myself for 2 weeks and what a wasted opportunity. I think I'll be writing on this site for many years to come - so I'll be making sure it doesn't go bust!! I really need to change who I am asap as it's just not working out for me! Edited September 19, 2012 by LK30
Sugarkane Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Yeah... I don't think so. I'm from SE England, and it appears many men are scared of commitment,lie,and are just out to have a good time. Women far out number the men around here, and there are only a small majority of men who are half decent, or they are taken! We women have to really fight to find the good ones. Men call the shots, all women want to be loved and have a boyfriend, but at the end of the day it is the guy who makes the decision whether they will commit or not. Completely agree and it's difficult to work out whether guys are being honest or not. So many of them completely lie.
Sugarkane Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I also think it's difficult to find someone in bars, clubs because from my experience they're only after one thing.
fallenheart Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 There's much to appreciate about single life. Oh yeah. Being single is so awesome. I know I love watching movies and television by myself. And when something funny or interesting happens I turn next to me to comment on it....OOOPS! Nobody there! And eating is better too. Why enjoy a nice evening out at a restaurant, talking about the day's or week's events, when you could just sit at a tiny little table all alone and just shovel the food into your face with no distractions? Sex? Whatever. Just masturbate constantly trying to fill that void. Isn't it better than having a partner? Same with sleeping...why SHARE your bed with someone that makes you feel safe, comfortable, and loved when you could be getting ALL the blankets to yourself?? Being single is where it's at!
Mr Scorpio Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) Oh yeah. Being single is so awesome. I know I love watching movies and television by myself. And when something funny or interesting happens I turn next to me to comment on it....OOOPS! Nobody there! You know what else is awesome? Rejecting an invite to play poker with old friends because it was a spur of the moment invite and you have to drive home to spend the evening with the SO. Or, having to leave a party early because the SO is bored. Or being stuck on the couch watching [insert crappy show you don't like] because the SO loves it. Or having to worry about who the SO is friending on FB and who they are getting hit-on by at work. Edited September 21, 2012 by Mr Scorpio 1
GLDheart Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Oh yeah. Being single is so awesome. I know I love watching movies and television by myself. And when something funny or interesting happens I turn next to me to comment on it....OOOPS! Nobody there! And eating is better too. Why enjoy a nice evening out at a restaurant, talking about the day's or week's events, when you could just sit at a tiny little table all alone and just shovel the food into your face with no distractions? Sex? Whatever. Just masturbate constantly trying to fill that void. Isn't it better than having a partner? Same with sleeping...why SHARE your bed with someone that makes you feel safe, comfortable, and loved when you could be getting ALL the blankets to yourself?? Being single is where it's at! This cracked me up. I seriously laughed out loud. I don't have to agree with your stance, but I can definately appreciate the humor.
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