not-a-drive-by Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Maybe I am just abnormal but if I love you? I don't give a dayum what my friends think. If they don't like you or find you exciting enough? Well that is their issue and not mine. What matters to me is if I am happy with you. With me happiness isn't anything you can buy. I would much rather you shower me with love and laughter than diamonds. I am just as happy watching tv with the man I love as I am watching a concert. Love, to me, isn't where you are or what you have....it is who you are with and if you are with the right person it doesn't matter what you do. My opinion only..... I am with you on that. I loved him for him. My friends probably didn't think much of him because he never graduated from uni or finished any tertiary education. I don't care what they think. He has other qualities that they don't see. I was happy spending weekends with him staying at home, and passing time together. I didn't need to be showered with gifts or be taken out on trips every weekend, to the movies or shopping. I don't mind doing things over and over again. It doesn't get boring, because I love him. I enjoy the time we spend together. It doesn't need to be "fun". ****ing hell, I miss him.
LostOne1 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I read so many stories on here and they all sound the same. Typical good guy with nothing really wrong with him losing the "love of his life". Women need excitement. Not all the time but every once in a while they need something to grab onto. To tell their friends about. To feel like she means something. Think about it she is probably constantly bombarded with her friends and coworkers telling them of travels and restaurants and fun filled evenings. Meanwhile she thinks she has you home and she is only going to go home and have dinner and watch reality tv till you both fall asleep. Maybe roll over and hump each other for a few minutes to "get it over with" Then you get dumped. And since your a great guy you can't understand why. You beg and cry and guilt them to giving you one last try. Then you have a day together and what happens? you had another day at home, doing nothing. To you your connecting and talking it out. To her she is thinking this guy is never going to change. He's a dud! Meanwhile she has male "friends" telling them things like "if I was your man I would (fill in the blank)" So she starts feeling a little excitement, a what if... Days go by and they start to look at you as the reason their life is so boring. You are the obstacle standing in her way of excitement. You turn from this great love of hers to literally the reason her life sucks so bad. She's dying inside. I am the same guy. I made the same mistakes. All the times she asked "lets go out tonight" but I was tired or lazy or whatever so I would always say "some other time". I felt my breakup coming and I kept telling myself "im tired tomorrow I will do something nice for her". She dumped me and now is with a guy that is taking her around the world. Can I blame her? NO! Did I blame her? Yes! Point is all I had to do is take her out once in a while or bring flowers or get her a just because card. Maybe once in a while book a bed and breakfast. Or go on a trip. Now looking back I would have given anything to be able to do something sweet for her. But she is someone elses now. If you are a guy and happen to get a second chance or a date or anything. Make it memorable and exciting. It doesn't matter what it is but it had better be something she can go tell her friends about!! I wish I did this man! like you said! I used to make her feel so special, and then I got lazy and stopped... and then it was a matter of time till she went off past her limit. It's a lesson I learned and I don't know if she will give me another chance ever.. but if she does, then I know for next time. If not with her, then with the next girl.
Calico Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I partly agree and I partly disagree, but another thought I had is this: Why is it the guys who have to do these things? In my previous relationship, I frequently felt like the entertainer. The guy who thought of what to do, made suggestions, offered ideas, initiated conversations topics, etc. while she "consumed" and waited for me to come up with things to do. When I didn't (couldn't) keep that up after over three years, she found the apparently missing excitement elsewhere, without even properly communicating that she was unhappy. So, why is it the men who have to run the show, get the flowers and the cards? I prefer my relationships to be partnerships, and that means I want them to be equal. If it's my sole responsibility to keep my partner entertained and content, then that's not really very even. It's more like a job than mutual love.
skydiveaddict Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 If you are a guy and happen to get a second chance or a date or anything. Make it memorable and exciting. It doesn't matter what it is but it had better be something she can go tell her friends about!! That won't matter. Once she is done with you, you are cooked, no matter what you do.
g450 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I partly agree and I partly disagree, but another thought I had is this: Why is it the guys who have to do these things? In my previous relationship, I frequently felt like the entertainer. The guy who thought of what to do, made suggestions, offered ideas, initiated conversations topics, etc. while she "consumed" and waited for me to come up with things to do. When I didn't (couldn't) keep that up after over three years, she found the apparently missing excitement elsewhere, without even properly communicating that she was unhappy. So, why is it the men who have to run the show, get the flowers and the cards? I prefer my relationships to be partnerships, and that means I want them to be equal. If it's my sole responsibility to keep my partner entertained and content, then that's not really very even. It's more like a job than mutual love. From the sound of it you were really not in a marriage. You were simply babysitting a grown adult. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 (edited) I partly agree and I partly disagree, but another thought I had is this: Why is it the guys who have to do these things? In my previous relationship, I frequently felt like the entertainer. The guy who thought of what to do, made suggestions, offered ideas, initiated conversations topics, etc. while she "consumed" and waited for me to come up with things to do. When I didn't (couldn't) keep that up after over three years, she found the apparently missing excitement elsewhere, without even properly communicating that she was unhappy. So, why is it the men who have to run the show, get the flowers and the cards? I prefer my relationships to be partnerships, and that means I want them to be equal. If it's my sole responsibility to keep my partner entertained and content, then that's not really very even. It's more like a job than mutual love. Well, Calico, here's my theory about this: usually it's men who are expected to do this stuff (suggesting places to go, etc.) because it's men who are usually less flexible, at least from my (limited) experience. The reason *I* did not suggest much to my bf, is that any time that I DID suggest something, he would say he was not feeling up to it, and that he'd rather stay in and watch TV, etc. I doubt a woman would say such a thing every time a guy suggested that they do something together. At least I never did. Even when I wasn't feeling very excited by the things he suggested, I was always open to trying it out. At some point, I was just scared of annoying him by suggesting stuff that he might not be willing to do. So I dropped it. He did say he liked me to "lead" sometimes, but every time I did it, he would turn me down, or get annoyed by my "constantly wanting to do stuff". So I didn't understand how to find the right balance. It's like "damned if you do, damned if you don't". And honestly, for me, it was preferable not to "do" it than to "do" it and end up being told that I was too "demanding." The fact that I didn't demand anything at all, then made him treat me like a weakling and maybe lose respect for me, but I just didn't understand how I could've prevented that, really. I was between a rock and a hard place. I don't know if it's the same for other people, but in my case, that was the reason. He then told me that he felt pressured every time we met up, because he felt like he had to entertain me. But really, I was NOT asking him to do ANYTHING. We just sat at home and watched TV. And yet he said he felt pressured even THEN. Honestly, I really think there was no way for me to manage such a situation. I did the best I could. He was just one of those people who can never let you know what they really want. Maybe he didn't know either. Maybe he was just playing this game on purpose, to then find an excuse not to continue the relationship. I don't really know. But how can you deal with someone who won't take up any of your suggestions, EVER, and then when you stop suggesting, tell you that he feels pressured about having to entertain you? The thing is, my suggestions were not unreasonable ones either. I mean, it's not like I demanded something huge of him. I suggested that we go to the old part of town, which he has not seen, since he is new to the city (I've been there numerous times, so it's not like I really gave a damn about going there; I just wanted us to spend time together other than sitting in bed watching TV, and for him to see something new in town, especially that he kept saying that he found my city to be "boring"). Or take the subway and go somewhere, or go for a ride around town in his car, stuff like that. The whole time that he was here on his multiple business trips, we only spent time in the four/five blocks of streets around his hotel... Edited September 26, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
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