irc333 Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Memorable compliments are always nice. Once a guy told me I had nice eyebrows and another said I had sexy knees. I really appreciated both of these compliments because I felt like they were paying attention to details and seeing more of me than most men do. That's because men are running out of body parts to compliment on, so they start complimenting parts on a woman's body they could really care less about to win favor. I imagine in the beginning it was compliments about T & A and Leggs, etc then men discovered women were getting tired of this, so they went to eyes and smile...then discovered this was getting old. So they're start complimenting them on their eyes and smile, hair, etc (anything ABOVE the neck)....eventually even women got tired of that. So now men are getting desperate and picking parts of the body that are insignificant. Like "I think you have a cute knuckles, I especially like the knuckle where you crack it the least. Eventually men will start complimenting women on not so favorable things like zits and pimples. "My what a cute pimple and the end of your nose you have there!!" 1
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 "My what a cute pimple and the end of your nose you have there!!" I'll have to try that one and report back. Well, maybe not.
stillafool Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 OP, just stop complimenting her. Since she's aware of how she looks and now knows you think she is beautiful, don't say it anymore. 1
Els Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I agree with the others on how many women would love to hear compliments on other aspects of their being, or how you could express appreciation of those aspects in different ways. But it doesn't change the fact that in this case, her response is rather... strange. Especially when you haven't known her for all that long. It comes across as arrogant, whereas if she had genuinely wanted to be appreciated for more than her looks, she could confide such in you in a less offensive manner. I've received certain compliments a lot in my life before (not my looks though, ha), and it has never once struck me to respond as she did. It's the most basic of manners - when someone says something nice to you, you don't dump cold water all over it. Just my opinion. 1
ChatroomHero Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I agree with the others on how many women would love to hear compliments on other aspects of their being, or how you could express appreciation of those aspects in different ways. But it doesn't change the fact that in this case, her response is rather... strange. Especially when you haven't known her for all that long. It comes across as arrogant, whereas if she had genuinely wanted to be appreciated for more than her looks, she could confide such in you in a less offensive manner. I agree. Next time she says that just tell her sorry, you'll save the compliments for a couple of years when she gets older and guys stop noticing her and she is on the verge of a breakdown.
BetheButterfly Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 (quotes in the title are paraphrased for succinctness) I'm dating someone who speaks her mind, and she's quite a looker. In all sincerity I tell her that I'm enjoying our date activity and that I think she looks great. I don't think she doubted that I meant it, but I was a little taken aback when she said that that's what everyone says. I've dated people before who had trouble accepting a compliment because they didn't believe it (for example they didn't think they were good looking), but I don't think I've come across this one before - it's hard to compliment her because she's "heard it all before". I don't think she's particularly arrogant about being good looking, but perhaps bored of being told about it. Maybe I should just shut up and enjoy the fact that someone who is pleasing to the eye wants to spend time with me (and speak up in other areas), but I wonder if anyone else has dealt with this and how you went about it? Meanwhile I'm filing this under 'nice problems to have'. My husband is drop-dead gorgeous (in my opinon) and when I tell him so, he says, "I know" with a heart-stopping grin. He likes to tease and has an awesome sense of humor! He greatly enjoyed the Pirate of Caribbean where Johnny Depp quipped "As do I" when a pirate lady confessed to him her love for him. My hubby has since answered my "I love you" with "As do I" on occasion, though he also tells me he loves me everyday too. I wouldn't sweat the "nice problem" you have... honesty is fine. It's also cute in a way, especially when you know the handsome or beautiful person is a caring individual with a sense of humor. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 She sounds pretty vain to me... She probably isn't all that and should be knocked down a few notches
Els Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 My husband is drop-dead gorgeous (in my opinon) and when I tell him so, he says, "I know" with a heart-stopping grin. Oh, I definitely agree that it's different if said in a joking/grinning manner. My bf does this, too. I was under the assumption from the OP that it wasn't said in that way. I could be wrong. 1
BetheButterfly Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Oh, I definitely agree that it's different if said in a joking/grinning manner. My bf does this, too. I was under the assumption from the OP that it wasn't said in that way. I could be wrong. I don't know concerning the OP's lady. Some people can look dead serious when they joke. My husband can sometimes and when we first were getting to know each other, that confused me a bit. I'm a very literal person, but after getting to know him, I know he's not vain but rather has a wry sense of humor. As for a beautiful girl confessing that she has been complimented before, that just shows honesty in my opinion. Once a guy told me "Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful hair?" I said yes, cause I hear it all the time. With that, I wasn't joking... I was just being truthful. It didn't occur to me to not tell the truth. 1
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Oh, I definitely agree that it's different if said in a joking/grinning manner. My bf does this, too. I was under the assumption from the OP that it wasn't said in that way. I could be wrong. I didn't feel that she was being arrogant, but I haven't figured out her sense of humour yet. She's said a few things that were delivered dead-pan (I thought) that I mistook for serious comments that (with about 2 more seconds thought) were intended as jokes. Not helped by the fact that English isn't her first language and I only know 3 words of hers.
The Way I Am Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I don’t think people realize how much attractive girl has to deal with being valued based on how she looks while other aspects are ignored or overshadowed. I’d much rather be complimented for something other than how I look. I've heard plenty of compliments about my looks and my intelligence. I know I'm smart, and I know I'm pretty. I've never felt the need to respond to a well-intentioned compliment with a douchey "I know" or "that's what everyone says". That kind of response seems really inconsiderate to me. I'd be watchful for other inconsiderate actions. oaks, I don't see why you should bend over backward to give her the "right kind" of compliment. I didn't feel that she was being arrogant, but I haven't figured out her sense of humour yet. Since you didn't feel the compliment was appreciated, if she was going for humor, she still needs to work on her delivery.
Art_Critic Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 to onock her down a few pegs but at this stage it may seem too transparent Yeah.. knocking a girl you are dating down a few pegs is just the right thing to do... If the girl has any self esteem knocking her down a few pegs will get you kicked to the curb as it is a form of manipulation and can be seen as abusive depending on the pegs you knock her from. It sounds to me that the OP's girl doesn't really believe deep in her heart the things all the guys keep saying to her so when he says them it falls on deaf ears so to speak.. I'd bet that the last time she believed them some guy hurt her so her protection mechanism is to put a false face on and just say yeah... I don't think things will change until the OP breaks down her wall and really gets to her... The best he can hope for is she doesn't equate his compliments in a bad way.. 5
carhill Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I didn't feel that she was being arrogant, but I haven't figured out her sense of humour yet. She's said a few things that were delivered dead-pan (I thought) that I mistook for serious comments that (with about 2 more seconds thought) were intended as jokes. Not helped by the fact that English isn't her first language and I only know 3 words of hers. With ESL issues, my advice is to watch actions and interpret words in the most liberal and positive light. Cultural and language differences are one area where an open mind is helpful. How long have you been dating and how many dates?
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 oaks, I don't see why you should bend over backward to give her the "right kind" of compliment. Yes, fair point. Since you didn't feel the compliment was appreciated, if she was going for humor, she still needs to work on her delivery. Definitely. Winning each other over still has some way to go... in both directions. While I do appreciate her looks (which is why offered a compliment about them) I'm going to need more than that for anything approaching a relationship. Generally I find hot girls are hot, but smart girls are hotter. Need more time with her to figure out how smart she is.
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 With ESL issues, my advice is to watch actions and interpret words in the most liberal and positive light. Cultural and language differences are one area where an open mind is helpful. Yes. Good point. Thanks. How long have you been dating and how many dates? Less than 2 weeks. 3 dates.
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 She sounds pretty vain to me... She probably isn't all that and should be knocked down a few notches I'm fairly sure I initially contacted her on a dating site because she had a nice picture... so it's a little early for me to be calling her vain. You might be right, but I don't think it's the first course of action!
carhill Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Oh, early times. No worries. Enjoy. I recall similar issues when dating internationally. Benefit of the doubt with regards to communication styles nearly always worked out positively. That said, watch actions. This helps differentiate, exclusive of language, someone with genuine interest in you from someone who likes that you like her/are attracted to her/compliment her. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Sorry to spoil the AFC convention here but remind me again why we're complimenting girls who react that way? Wholigan, complimenting her on things she never gets complimented on, so then she feels she's perfect in areas she wasn't even aware of??? Come on man! I think it's kind of sad if a person modifies their own behavior because of fear of being perceived as an "AFC." If you want to compliment someone I think you should do it. If the person takes compliments in an ungraceful way, I think it would be wise to pay attention to this quality. Also, that it's smart to be aware that originality IS a good quality, and that letting a person know that you appreciate some of their less blatant attractive attributes is good. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 She sounds pretty vain to me... She probably isn't all that and should be knocked down a few notches No, she shouldn't. If she's vain and you don't like that, then you might not like HER. Where are you people coming from with this idea that it's somehow the business of a person to "knock down" somebody they are dating? That is kind of off base. If you're in a relationship, including friendship, with somebody whose ego appears to be getting out of control, then talking with them about it would seem appropriate. But dating is supposed to be about getting to know a person. If you don't like what you are finding out, move on. It's not your job or your place to be "knocking them down." Sheesh. 3
The Way I Am Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 oaks, next time you feel like giving her a compliment, go ahead and do it. If she reacts the same way, ask her if your compliments bother her. And if so, find out from her why or why she responds the way she does. It could be that she's inconsiderate, she doesn't like people commenting on her looks, or that she just doesn't know the culturally acceptable way to respond to a compliment. 4
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 oaks, next time you feel like giving her a compliment, go ahead and do it. If she reacts the same way, ask her if your compliments bother her. And if so, find out from her why or why she responds the way she does. It could be that she's inconsiderate, she doesn't like people commenting on her looks, or that she just doesn't know the culturally acceptable way to respond to a compliment. Thanks. That's an interesting way of looking at it.
eleanorhurting Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I have said the "I know" thing before but like TA mentioned before, I do it in a saucy funny kind of way. I would not reply that way to someone i just met or just started dating but with my friends I do it if I am feeling extra hot that day. Hey what can I say I'm sexy and I know it 2
Author oaks Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Hey what can I say I'm sexy and I know it Sounds good!
Els Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 No, she shouldn't. If she's vain and you don't like that, then you might not like HER. Where are you people coming from with this idea that it's somehow the business of a person to "knock down" somebody they are dating? That is kind of off base. If you're in a relationship, including friendship, with somebody whose ego appears to be getting out of control, then talking with them about it would seem appropriate. But dating is supposed to be about getting to know a person. If you don't like what you are finding out, move on. It's not your job or your place to be "knocking them down." Sheesh. Completely agreed. I find it amusing that so many responses went the 'knock her down' route. Sounds petty and high-schoolish to me, 'taking that stuck-up girl down a few pegs', y'know. With ESL issues, my advice is to watch actions and interpret words in the most liberal and positive light. Cultural and language differences are one area where an open mind is helpful. Seconded. I guess you could let it pass and keep on as you are, if you really like her, until you get a firmer grasp of their sense of humor. I personally would have second thoughts about someone who responds to compliments the way she does UNLESS it was done in humor, but hey, that's just me. 1
Author oaks Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Seconded. I guess you could let it pass and keep on as you are, if you really like her, until you get a firmer grasp of their sense of humor. I personally would have second thoughts about someone who responds to compliments the way she does UNLESS it was done in humor, but hey, that's just me. I think she was more graceful in accepting other compliments, so I'm going to be generous and assume that I just failed to spot the humour in her reply. Moving on... I couldn't decide if she was being evasive or coy about being unable to schedule another date. She wasn't even pretending to be busy... just avoiding answering the question. (Reading between the lines: I'm guessing she's seeing others. Good for her! I'm not looking for advice on that as I know how multi-dating threads turn out here!) Anyway, another date is now agreed... so I'll see how it goes. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. 1
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