tir3d Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Suspect wife has thing for a player online two states away Discovered evidence on her cell phone they are in love Sept.4th WW says she's no longer in-love and been unhappy for years I expose the A to her family, friends and OM (single) father Sept 9th Saw legal consultation, house 12 year old son, she smokes pot lawyer sees a slam dunk case WW says we can we co-exist under the same roof in separate parts of the house, and there's no chance of R I don't know what to do: A) Stay while she continues contact with OM talking on cellphone and playstation and 180 B) Request/force she leave, chances are she won't leave easy After exposure she's written off her mother and sister as unsupportive, WW gave me an email printout she sent her mom saying she was dead to her. How can I force a drug test? How can the WW be made to leave? I've documented and journaled as much as possible in terms of photos and cell phone logs, photos of receipts, dropping my son off at school, and on. The window on a drugtest is closing. Do I pay the retainer fee and have the lawyer file? She has a consultation with a lawyer next month. I feel time is getting dire. Thanks for any help
Yasuandio Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) An undercover cop never shows his badge. But you're not an undercover cop, obviously. OK. All this drama happened very recently - and you went balistic in lowering the boom - and now you're scrambling to collect proof. How long have you been married? Maybe this cellphone this is just an emotional affair that you could get past - or at least try to get past. I wanna know, what was your hurry? You rushed it so fast that you could'nt even collect the dirt. Dude. This is just my gut instincts reflected here, but I have to ask you: Did you want a divorce before this event even happened? Do you still love her? Do you want to try and save your marriage? First of all, you cannot force people to take drug tests, it has to be their choice. What are you thinking? Not to mention, all the questions this raises about YOU! Obviously you live in the same dwelling, someone is going to ask you if you were aware of the pot smoking. When were you aware of it? What did you do about it? Did you try to get treatment for your wife? Did you notify law enforement? What about your child - was he exposed to the illigal substance? Was she high when she drove him to school? How could you let that happen? That's my initial take. Just some angles for you and your "slam dunk" attorney to consider. Yas Edited September 16, 2012 by Yasuandio 1
Balzac Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Welcome to LS. I take it you are in the US? I've never heard slam dunk regarding a divorce/custody filing. Do you reside in a no fault state? Why do you feel she should vacate the family home? Temporary custody and residence in family home are the first issues brought forward. I get that you're angry but you've not provided enough info to help LS folks respond effectively. Care to share a few more details?
Author tir3d Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yes, a no-fault state. The EA started in Jan. We've been married 15 years. There seems to be no lifting the fog. I'm worried for my son and my safety, she keeps a gun with her all the time and recently stated she's self medicating with meds from her friend. She continually plays the PS3 with her lover and did so just this afternoon infront of me and my son. I sent an expose letter to her friends last week and now thinking of running down the OM's facebook friend list and sending one to them also. I can't endure any more heartache, she's exhibiting all the signs of a mid life crisis and I'm torn between moving on or staying in a loveless M.
Author tir3d Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 I 42 her 45, OM 36. Torn as to should I continue being a doormat or stand firm and deal with her possibly filing for divorce? I'm also undecided to expose to the OM facebook friends, he's single.
Yasuandio Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Why are you doing things to irratate a person that you are afraid of? Are you afraid of her, since she caries a firearm? Has she always carried a firearm? You sound really nervous, scared, and impulsive. Is there more here to the story? Do you still love her?
Author tir3d Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Why are you doing things to irratate a person that you are afraid of? Are you afraid of her, since she caries a firearm? Has she always carried a firearm? You sound really nervous, scared, and impulsive. Is there more here to the story? Do you still love her? Still love her yes. I've been punched by her in the past and she has threatened to do it again. Impulsive, no. I've been living with this and suspicion of it for the past 9 months.
Yasuandio Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Do you feel like you can try to reach out to her? The drug and dope is likely screwing with her perceptions. Can you offer to help her - for real? Stop with the "exposing," it is just making you look like the enemy in her drugged induced state. What do you think?
Author tir3d Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Do you feel like you can try to reach out to her? The drug and dope is likely screwing with her perceptions. Can you offer to help her - for real? Stop with the "exposing," it is just making you look like the enemy in her drugged induced state. What do you think? She's made the wall too high now for me to reach her. The one achilles heal in all this is the OM brother, it's the only thing that get's under the OM's skin and if he knew that his brother is destroying a family he can influence him to stop the A. When the OM breaks the WW heart there is a chance for reality. I'm out of options at this point, besides enduring this torment any longer.
Yasuandio Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 This kind of relationship never lasts. It is not worth all the anamosity you are causing with you "exposures." It is only a drug induced silly game on an MP3 player - not reality. Can you not give it time to fizzle out?
Author tir3d Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 This kind of relationship never lasts. It is not worth all the anamosity you are causing with you "exposures." It is only a drug induced silly game on an MP3 player - not reality. Can you not give it time to fizzle out? It's escalated to cell phone texting and nude pics, with plans for the WW to move out there with him. She has emotionally detached.
Yasuandio Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) So, she is willing to leave her son, husband and life behind for this game-boy? Oh, dear. You know what I'd recommend in this case? I'd assist her, in every way possible, in packing her bags for the trip, and wishing her a Bon Voyage. This solves the moving out of the house issue. You must be clever though (once she vacates, you may be able to file temporary orders to prevent her from returning - until the divorce matter is settled). As well, tape record such convos, and don't show your badge, this time. Just because you support her "dream" to live with game-boy, does not mean you have given up on the marriage. Just because she shacks up with "game-boy" a few months, does not mean her feelings are lost for you (recall, she is doped up, and misusing prescription medication, she cannot think straight). Just because you file a divorce does not mean you have to get a divorce. Happily agree, as Homer Mcdonald would say. Edited September 17, 2012 by Yasuandio
Owl Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I'm going to disagree with Yas on this...(respectfully, of course!). Your story sounds very similar to what I went through several years ago. Your wife is in an emotional affair...which is currently escalating, and will continue to do so until it's stopped. So your steps of exposure make sense from that angle...but...I'd have to ask the question of WHY? Why are you trying to reconcile with this woman? Pot smoking? Physical abuse? There doesn't sound like a solid foundation to rebuild a marriage from to me. At this point, I think your best bet IS divorce...to protect both you and your son from her. As far as the drug test...ask your lawyer if there's any legal way to force one...if not...there's nothing YOU can do to make it happen. Your best plan at this point is to stick to whatever your lawyer tells you to do in order to win custody and support from her. Not only is reconciliation unlikely...it just doesn't seem viable with this kind of mentality.
GuyInLimbo Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Yes, a no-fault state. The EA started in Jan. We've been married 15 years. There seems to be no lifting the fog. I'm worried for my son and my safety, she keeps a gun with her all the time and recently stated she's self medicating with meds from her friend. She continually plays the PS3 with her lover and did so just this afternoon infront of me and my son. I sent an expose letter to her friends last week and now thinking of running down the OM's facebook friend list and sending one to them also. I can't endure any more heartache, she's exhibiting all the signs of a mid life crisis and I'm torn between moving on or staying in a loveless M. Ok.....what?? Why the hell are you doing all this? It's incredibly immature and not good for anyone. Your marriage problems are NOT your friends' business or whatever. Bad move, dude. Bad move.
Gunny376 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 As far as the drug test...ask your lawyer if there's any legal way to force one...if not...there's nothing YOU can do to make it happen. No but a court can order it as part of custody hearing. The so-called "Hair Drug" test will cost more than a simple urine or saliva test, but its deadly accurate (to within <.0001) It a spectrographic analysis ran on a spectrometer. You simply ash down the hair sample, then mix it with a chemical binder, place in a carbon crucible in a 600 degree furnance, it forms a ball which is then diluted in acid, brought to a simmer on a hot plate for thirty minutes, which is then cooled, then filtered into a chemist flask, brought to solution with distilled water and than ran on the spectrograph which has been 'certified" as accurate for the chemical elements your looking for. As I said + or - accurate to within <.0001. If she's done illegal drugs within the last six years? It'll come up all day long and ill refutable. All you need is her hair and some way of proving its her hair. (From a hair brush with a witness to such) Hair Follicle Drug Test FAQs...Drug Testing Information# Once you've the drug results? You've got grounds to have her removed from the premises. With a court order and the help of some sherriff's deputies!
Yasuandio Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) Drug tests don't usually use hair folicles from your scalp. (At least that's what I learned from Judge Judy). You know - I don't think my plan is so different from Owl. The basic concept is same: get her out (but - - the easy way), then, she has effectively abandoned child and home. Immediately file the divorce - while ball is in your court and she's away on doped up honeymoon. I really like the idea of getting the abusive behavior on the record with the police. However, you must very careful that it doesn't backfire - what I mean is, you don't want to be the one that gets arrested. Also, ya gotta make sure you both don't get arrested. Perhaps talk to the police in advance about your problem, and get some advice. A video cam, serveillance cams, nanny cams, digital tape recorder -- all relitively inexpensive now. I just had some vidio cams installed in the front yard. They are directly configured to my computer. Easy, breezy. Make darn sure you have not consumed any alchohol (and it always good if she has, especially with a cocktail of weed). If you can get her locked up for domestic abuse, (which you absolutely SHOULD NOT have to endure incidently), the drug test could be ordered at her arraignment hearing if you appear and explain curcumstances to the judge or magestrate. How do you like that idea? The devil is in the details sir. Preparation for the next abusive event is everything. Yas Edited September 19, 2012 by Yasuandio 1
Chi townD Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Personally, in my opinion, you need to invest in a VAR (voice activated recorder) and keep it on you at all times. She's in a massive fog and she's bat sh*t crazy. If she hits you again, call the cops (hope she has a good right hook and leaves a mark) You can get her out of the house and immediately file and order of protection for you and the kid. If it was my household....that PS3 would mysteriously end up broken. 2
Yasuandio Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 No matter how ticked off you are, don't break anything. She'll just use it to show you are violent. Play nice-nice, make everything cozy - while nanny-cam is rolling.
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 No matter how ticked off you are, don't break anything. She'll just use it to show you are violent. Play nice-nice, make everything cozy - while nanny-cam is rolling. You're right, no violence. But spilling a glass of water over the thing......OPPS!!!! Accidents happen!!!!
Owl Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Or just call and cancel the internet. If the internet bill is in your name or even in a joint account...call and have it cancelled. She can have the PS3..it's just less fun without the ability to connect it to her 'buddies'.
Recommended Posts